May Jokes

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May 1st May Day Jokes: Did you hear Ted Danson AKA Sam “May Day” Malone is the spokesperson for May Day?
- May 1st, 2026 National School Principals’ Day: Principal Jokes: Dad Jokes: Son: Dad. Tomorrow is a small get-together at school. Dad: Small gathering? How small is it? Son: Only me…you…and the principal.
- May 1st, 2026 Flower Moon Jokes: Kentucky Derby Jokes: It makes sense for the Flower Moon to be on the same weekend as the Kentucky Derby… It is the “Run for the Roses.”
- May 1st, 2026 Full Moon Jokes: Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. When nobody laughed he would follow with, “Ah well. I guess you had to be there.”
May 2nd, 2026: Kentucky Derby Jokes The Kentucky Derby is very romantic. The horse hugs the rail, the jockey puts his arms around the horse, and you kiss your money goodbye.
Pilgrim Jokes: If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?… Pilgrims (The Mayflower Ship)
May 4th: May the 4th Be With You: What a great week! May is the best month! May 2nd is the Kentucky Derby. May the Fourth is Star Wars Day…. Cinco De Mayo and Revenge of the Sixth! All in the 1st week!
May 5th: Cinco De Mayo Jokes I was trying to think of a bad joke for Cinco De Mayo…. But all of mine are 5/5.
- May 5th: Revenge of the Fifth: How long has Anakin Skywalker been evil?… Since the Sith Grade.
- Top 10 May Jokes It’s funny how Cinco de Mayo always seems to fall on May 5.
Nurses Week May 6th – 12th 2006: Nursing Jokes: The nurse walked into the busy doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, the invisible man is here.” The doctor replied, “Sorry, I can’t see him.”
Pancake Jokes: What does May put on its pancakes?… May-ple syrup.
May 8th USPS Stamp Out Hunger Day: Mailman Jokes: I quit my new job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver. I looked at it and thought… “This isn’t for me.”
Spring Jokes: How can you tell when May is happy?… When there is a spring in its step.
May 10th Mother’s Day Jokes: Mother to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me!
- National Shrimp Day Shrimp Jokes: Oxymoron: Jumbo Shrimp.
May 11th Minnesota Jokes: Canada Jokes: In Minnesota they have a program for recovering Canadians… It’s called Eh Eh.
Which month is the most polite when asking questions?… The month of May.
May 13th Friday the 13th Jokes for May: If the Kentucky Derby ever was the day after Friday the 13th… What a night mare!
What is the shortest month of year?… May.
May 15th Endangered Species Day: Endangered Species Jokes: All joking aside, what should you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
- May 15th Chocolate Chip Day: My grandmother bakes chocolate chip cookies the fastest… It literally takes her nana-seconds.
May 16th, 2026 Preakness Stakes Jokes: Flower Jokes: What do you call the woman who always gets in a fight at the Preakness Stakes?… Black-Eyed Susan.
- May 16th, 2026 Armed Forces Day: Armed Forces Jokes: Navy captain: “Change your course, 10 degrees W” Seaman 1st Class: “Change yours 10 degrees E” Navy captain annoyed: “I’m a Navy captain. Change your course.” Seaman 1st Class: “You must change your course, sir.” Navy captain: “I’m an aircraft carrier..” Seaman 1st Class: “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
Spring Jokes: What did Spring say when it was in trouble?… May Day!
May Jokes: Mother May I… the unofficial playground game of the month of May.
Jokes for the Last Day of School: School Sign on the Last Day of School: Dear Parents, Tag your it! Love the Teachers.
May 20th, 2026 World Bee Day: Bee Jokes: What do you call a bee born in May?… May bee.
May 20th, 2026 International Tea Day: Tea Jokes: Nutcracker Jokes: What kind of tea should you drink when watching the Nutcracker?… Chai-kovsksy.
Prom Jokes: Social Studies Jokes: What does an APUSH student talk about during prom?… The good old days!
May 23rd, 2026 World Turtle Day: Turtle Jokes What do you get if cross a Turtle with a Giraffe?… A Turtle-Neck.
- Guest Blog: Tips on How to Shellebrate® World Turtle Day® on May 23
- The Sofa Cushion Challenge: A Fun Way to Make a Difference
May 24th, 2026: Indy 500 Jokes: What don’t Indianapolis 500 drivers eat before a big race?… In case they get indy-gestion.
May 25th, 2026 Memorial Day Jokes: Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?… Because freedom rings!
- Lacrosse Jokes: Maryland Jokes: You’re from Maryland?… Please tell me all you know about lacrosse and crabs.
New England Patriots Jokes: Drake Maye… The unofficial spokesperson for the month of May.
Flower Jokes: How does May keep its garden look so beautiful?… With a lot of thyme.
May 28th, 2026: National Hamburger Day: Hamburger Jokes: King Jokes: Can you name two burgers who are royalty?… Sir Loin and Burger King!
May 29th, 2026: Mt. Everest Day: What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?… A high-pot-in-use.
High School Graduation Jokes: High School is similar to College… To a degree.
May 31st, 2026 National Smile Day: Smile Jokes: What is the longest word in the English Dictionary?… Smiles because there is a mile between the first letter & the last.
- May 31st, 2026 Blue Moon Jokes:
May the 4th Be With You: How can you tell that Jedi’s like the month of May the most?… Because they always say, “May the Fourth be with you.”
Why is the month of May always so chaotic?… Because it brings with it plenty of May-hem.
Which cute mouse loves the spring?… Maysy.
What is a cow’s favorite May holiday?… Moo-ther’s Day.
Drake Maye… A great spokesperson for May!
Ann Michael Maye… would be a great spokesperson for the month of May!
Drake and Ann Michael Maye… would be a great spokespeople for the month of May!
Why are waterbeds so bouncy?… They’re filled with spring water.
Why is Yoda such a good gardener?… He has a green thumb.
What did the dirt say to the rain?… You’d better cut it out, or my name will be mud!
What did the flower say when he found out it was allergy season?… “You’ve got to be pollen my leg.”
Which month can’t make a decision?… MAY-be.
What do you call an incredibly lazy day in May?… A May-be later Day.
Why did the Jedi love the beginning of May?… A: Because they always say, “May the Fourth be with you.”
When is the best time to wash your Slinky?… During spring cleaning.
Why did the bird go to the flower shop?… It wanted to pick up some chicks!
What do gardeners wear on their legs?… Garden hose.
How can you tell the weather’s getting warmer?… There’s a spring in people’s steps.
What do you call an emergency in spring?… May Day.
Drake Maye… A great spokesperson for May Day!
What is a flower’s favorite kind of pickle?… A daffo-dill.
Why is the letter A like a flower?… Because a B comes after it!
How do you plant a kiss in spring?… With two lips.
When is it impossible to plant flowers?… When you haven’t botany.
What did the seed say to the flower?… OK, bloomer!
Why couldn’t the little flower ride a bike?… It didn’t have any petals.
How do brand-new spring flowers greet each other?… “Hey, bud!”
What happened when the man opened up his flower shop?/… Business was blooming.
What’s the best flower for a boy to give on Mother’s Day?… A son-flower.
Did you hear about the flower who went on a date with another flower?… It’s a budding romance.
How can you tell spring flowers are friendly?… They always have new buds.
Should I plant flowers in April?… May as well!
What type of flower do you plant in the dark?… A light bulb.
What’s the best way to create a bouncy pool?… By adding spring water!
Why did the farmer bury his money?… To make his soil rich.
Why was the bee mad … You’d be mad, too, if someone stole your honey and nectar.
Which state loves spring the most?… May-ne
What is May’s favorite generation?… Baby bloomers.
Who’s the most important person in a Spring wedding?… The MAYtron of honor.
What starts growing in the spring and then goes POP?… May-ze
What goes up when May rain comes down?… An umbrella.
Why don’t monkeys fall from the sky in May?… That happens during the Ape-ril showers!
What is May’s favorite beverage to drink when it is thirsty?… Spring water.
What is May’s favorite movie?… Singing in the Rain.
Which month can’t make a decision?… MAYbe.
Why do nurses go to art school?… In case they have to draw blood.
Why didn’t the gardener plant any flowers in May?… Because he had not botany.
Why is May always a chaotic month?… Because it brings with it plenty of May-hem.
What do you call a snowman in May?… A puddle.
What May flowers grow on faces?… Tulips (Two-lips).
Who conducts the spring orchestra?… May-stro.
What is May’s favorite condiment?… May-onnaise.
What month has the highest rank in the army?… May-jor May!
What is the shortest month of year?… May.
What is May’s favorite genre of music?… Heavy Petal!
Why are oak trees so forgiving?… Every May they “turn over a new leaf.”
What season is it when you are on a trampoline in May?… Spring-time.
Which crime-fighter likes May the most?… Robin.
What did May bring to the party?… Flowers.
Can February March?… No, but April May!
An employee asks his boss, “Can I have two weeks off for Christmas?” His boss replied, “It’s May…”, to which the employee responded, “Oh, sorry. May I have two weeks off for Christmas?”
A young gardener approached an older, more experienced gardener and asked him, “Should I plant flowers in April? The experienced gardener turns to the young gardener and said, “You May as well.”
Kentucky Jokes: I was surprised when a friend said he’ll work at KFC right after high school graduation.. Out of curiosity, I asked him why. All he said was, “It’s on my bucket list.”
Massachusetts Jokes: What is the Pope’s state in America?… “Mass”achusetts.
Pope Jokes: What is the Pope’s favorite college in America?… “Mass” Maritime.
Pope Jokes: Pope Leo XIV is a Chicago Cubs fan… He hates the Cardinals.
Mailman Jokes: What did the envelope say to the stamp?… Stick with me, and we’ll go places!
Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best May jokes.
2025 Preakness Stakes Jokes: Who is a an English teacher’s favorite race horse of all time?… Journalism.
A townie was looking for the May Day Fair, he stopped and asked a bystander. ‘Will this road take me to the May Day Fair?’ ‘Oh no,’ said Jethro. ‘You’ll have to go by yourself!’
What’s Up Norm? Top 10 Lines From Norm Peterson: Coach:”What’s shaking, Norm?” Norm: “All four cheeks and a couple of chins.”
Lacrosse Jokes: Why did the defensive lacrosse player cross the playground?… To get to the other slide.
101 Principal Jokes: I asked my elementary principal when her birthday was and she said March 1st… I have been marching for half an hour now, and she still hasn’t told me.
Navy Jokes: Navy captain: “Change your course, 10 degrees W” Seaman 1st Class: “Change yours 10 degrees E” Navy captain annoyed: “I’m a Navy captain. Change your course.” Seaman 1st Class: “You must change your course, sir.” Navy captain: “I’m an aircraft carrier..” Seaman 1st Class: “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
A woman was looking at the animal section at the May Fair when a scruffy man came running in the opposite direction. He stopped and asked the woman, ‘Have you seen a cartload of pigs go this way?’ ‘No’, said Jon, ‘Why did you fall off?’
I called to speak to my doctor and the receptionist asked “May I ask who’s calling?” I replied “Yes you may, go right ahead and ask”
Why are May jokes the best?… Because they SPRING out at you!y came walking up to her. He stood with his hands on his hips & said. . . .“I’m not free. I’m 4.”
High School Graduation Jokes: High School Graduation: where the tassel was worth the hassle!
Army Jokes: A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army… The octopus says no thanks I’m army enough as it is.
Graduation Jokes: Duke Basketball Jokes: Duke graduates have trouble spelling “Krzyzewski.” UNC graduates have trouble spelling “Smith.” (North Carolina Jokes & Grammar Jokes)
Prom Jokes: What did the band member use before going to the prom?… A tuba toothpaste!
What do April showers bring?… May Flowers.

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