Navy Jokes

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Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Navy jokes.
Navy captain: “Change your course, 10 degrees W” Seaman 1st Class: “Change yours 10 degrees E” Navy captain annoyed: “I’m a Navy captain. Change your course.” Seaman 1st Class: “You must change your course, sir.” Navy captain: “I’m an aircraft carrier..” Seaman 1st Class: “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
Navy jet pilot: This is it! We’re flying faster than the speed of sound! Copilot: What?
When I lost my rifle, the army charged me $255.99.. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Army soldiers can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the navy can fathom it.
Why do they actually prefer non-swimmers in the Navy?… They defend their ship with a lot more enthusiasm.
3.14% of Sailors are Pi Rates.
I wanted to join the Navy… But that ship has sailed… I’ll sea myself out.
What grades do you need to join the Navy?… 7 C’s.
A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the Navy. But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.
What is the only question on the entrance exam to the U.S. Navy?… “Oh say, can you sea?”
My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open… Which is probably why his submarine sank.
What did the sailor say to the other when they had a problem?… We are in the same boat.
The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men… They are sending them out to sea.
Why did the sailor join the gym?… To get in shipshape!
I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite… I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.
What’s a sailor’s favorite type of sandwich?… A sub-marine!
What’s a sailor’s favorite board game?… Battleship.
Why did the sailor go to school?… To improve his sea-minus to a sea-plus!
What’s a sailor’s favorite type of movie?… A sea-quel!
What did the Navy say to the coast guards?… “I’ll SEAL you later”
Why don’t naval shipyards have to pay taxes?… Because they are places of warship.
What did the Barbie factory do when it ran out of belly buttons?… They called the the navel reserve.
If Harrison Ford’s son were in the Navy, what would be his favorite city?… Indy-Annapolis.
Navy recruiter: “Do you know how to swim?” Recruit: “Why? Have you run out of ships?”
My grandfather was a baker in the Navy… He went in all buns glazing.
I became a chef after I left the navy… Some would say I am a seasoned veteran.
Which breed of dog is most common in the Navy?… The aircraft terrier.
Why was the Navy movie not permitted to be played in theaters?… Due to censor-ship.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me the highest rank in the Navy?
Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gusta join the Navy.
Did you know you can’t eat ice cream in the Navy?… Apparently you get arrested for desserting.
Why is there no Jedi navy?… Sailing is a path to the dockside.
Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the Navy?… The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!
Why do Navy sailors always carry a compass?,,, So they don’t get into pointless arguments.
Why don’t Navy officers ever play cards?… They’re afraid of being decked!
What’s a sailor’s least favorite type of music?… Heavy rock.
Why did the Navy sailor bring a pencil to sea?… To draw the line!
What’s a Navy cook’s favorite spice?… Sea-soning!
Why don’t sailors ever get lost?… They just follow the current!
Why do sailors never tell secrets on a ship?… The walls might list.
How does the Navy keep their ships so clean?… Lots of hullsome scrubbing.
What’s a sailor’s favorite dessert?… Sub-lime pie.
What’s a sailor’s favorite band?… Sub-lime
Why don’t submarines ever argue?… They keep it subtle.
What’s the Navy’s favorite exercise?… Planks Planks”
What do Navy sailors call a lazy fish?… slackerel slackerel.
Why did the crab join the Navy?… To become a navy-claw officer!
Why did the lobster join the Navy?… To become a navy-claw officer!
Why do sailors never play poker with squids?… They’re too good at hands.
What’s a sailor’s favorite type of humor?… Whale-y bad puns.
Why did the sailor keep a starfish as a pet?… For some stellar company.
Why did the Navy recruit take a ladder to training?… He wanted to climb the ranks.
What’s the Navy’s favorite sport?… Dive-ing.
Why don’t sailors ever fight during training?… They don’t want to rock the boat.
What’s the Navy’s favorite type of math?… Nautical algebra.
Why did the new recruit bring an anchor to the classroom?… He wanted to feel grounded.
What’s the Navy’s motto during tough training?… “Just keel it.”
An ice cream, a creme brulee, and a slice of cheesecake joined the Navy, but they abandoned their fellow sailors on their first deployment They are wanted for dessertion.
Why did the Navy captain bring a broom to the bridge?… To sweep the deck!
What’s a Navy captain’s favorite type of joke?… Something knot too complicated.
Why did the captain go to the barber?… To trim his sails.
What’s the captain’s least favorite food?… Leaky soup.
Why did the captain fail his cooking class?… He couldn’t stir the ship right!
What’s a captain’s favorite drink?… Anything on the rocks.
What’s the ocean’s favorite joke?… Something with depth!
Why did the ship never crash?… It had shore protection.
How do you measure a Navy ship’s happiness?… In nauti-cal smiles..
Why did the sailor love his new compass?… It gave him direction.
Why did the sailor stuff himself with ice cream?… He was a desserter.
Why don’t sailors get mad… They just go with the flow.
What’s a sailor’s favorite social media app?… Sea-gram.
Why don’t sailors gossip?… It’s all below deck.
What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time?… Absent without leaf.
What’s the Navy’s favorite type of bread?… Sub-marinewich.
How do sailors keep track of their tasks?.. They use a log!
What’s a sailor’s favorite meal?… Fish and ships.
Why do sailors always win at trivia?… They’re good at navigating tricky questions.
Why do sailors love word puzzles?… They’re good at crosswords—lots of anchors.
Why did the submarine join the Navy band?… It wanted to master the bass.
Why did the submarine go to therapy?… It had deep-seated issues.
Why did the submarine get a promotion?… It knew how to dive right into problems.
What’s the hardest part of being a sailor?… The current challenges.
Why did the sailor go broke?… He kept shelling out cash on vacations.
What do Navy officers use to write letters?… An anchor pen.
Why do Navy officers never tell jokes during meetings?… They don’t want to go overboard.
What do you call an officer with no sense of humor?… Admiral Serious.
Why do officers love sailor puns?…. Because they’re off the charts!
Why was the officer bad at painting?…. He kept going outside the lines!
What’s an officer’s favorite exercise?… The captain’s chair.
Why do officers love the ocean?… It’s their wave of life.
What’s a ship’s favorite movie genre?… Sea-quels.
Why did the ship take up meditation?… To stay centered.
What’s a ship’s favorite dance move?… The wave.
What’s a ship’s favorite thing to to at an athletic contest?… The wave.
What’s the best way to calm a rowdy ship?…Give it a stern talking-to.
What’s a Navy ship’s favorite drink?… Port wine!
A cool job that sounds lame: Building boats for the Navy… You’d be a subcontractor.
What does a Navy captain do during a LeapYear?… Jump ship.
Why is the depression rate so high for US sailors?… Because they have the Navy blues.
The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional supportdogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds… They will be subma-weiners.
Dad: You wanna join the Navy? You can’t even swim! Son: no one can fly in the Air Force either.
What do you get when you cross a sheep, a warship, and a father?… A fleece navy dad.
How does a Navy Captain convince his sailors to stop going the bathroom off the back of the boat?… He gives them a stern talking to.
Did you hear about the Super Bowl football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub?
What color are military submarines?… Deep navy.
I’m about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes… I have to take a course in anchor management.
I’ve never understood the Navy’s color being Navy blue… I thought they were the aqua-marines.
What so you call a snail on a ship?… a Snailer.
Why did the Navy send a submarine to art school?… They wanted it to learn how to draw a-buoys.
How does a Navy captain like to start a race?… Ready, set, navy-gate!
Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the beach?… He wanted to climb aboard the sand-bar.
What do you call a worried sailor?… A nervous wreck!
What do you call a Navy cook who’s also a magician?… A soupernatural!
Why did the ship refuse to wear a cologne?… It didn’t want to be too fragrant.
Why did the Navy officer use the stairs instead of the elevator?… He didn’t want to escalate the situation.
What type of jacket does a Navy officer wear?… A coat of arms!
What’s a sailor’s favorite type of music?… R and B, which stands for “Rum and Brandy”!
How do submarines stay in shape?… They do a lot of deep sea-kale!
Why did the navy ship go to school?… It wanted to learn how to make waves!
How do navy ships communicate?… They just give each other a wave!
How did the navy submarine propose to its partner?… “Let’s dive into marriage!”
What did the ocean say to the navy ship?… Nothing, it just waved.
Why did the navy officer wear 3D glasses to work?… He wanted to “sea” the depth of the situation!
What do you call a group of navy sailors singing together?… A sea-shanty choir!
Why did the navy sailor start a fruit stand on the ship?… He wanted to sell naval oranges!
How does a navy submarine call its friends?… Through its shell phone!
What did the ocean say to the navy ship when it passed by?… “Long time, no sea!”
My Granddad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray… He’s now classed as a seasoned veteran.
My neighbor is obsessed with Navy destroyers… He warships them.
What’s a rubber gasket on an aircraft carrier called?… A navy seal.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their boats?… So when they come back to port they can… Scandinavian.
I wanted to join the Navy Seals… But that ship has sailed… I’ll sea myself out.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about the Navy?
What do you call a Marine who joins the Navy?… A Sub-Marine.
What happens when you eat too many Navy beans?… You might end up with a dishonorable discharge.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Navy knock-knock joke?
Where does the Navy rank amongst the armed forces?… Submarines.
I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements. So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
My Papa was a World War 2 Navy veteran and he use to boast about how he saved 300+ sailors from dying from an excruciating death… He shot the cook.
In the French Navy, it’s considered unlucky to have the number 5 in a ship’s name… Because all of the ships with that number in their name… cinq.
When I was in the Navy, I was on the deck of a destroyer one day, and I saw the periscope of an enemy submarine surface nearby… So I whipped off my hat and dropped it over the periscope.
A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church when the pastor noticed him. “What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman. “All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked. The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.” The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?”
Where do U.S. Olympic horses shop?… Old Neigh-vy!
Did you know Navy ships run on commercial batteries?… They run on 7 C’s.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how to join the Navy?
What do you call a Navy Admiral who gambles, smokes, drinks, and does drugs?… A Vice Admiral.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how much money I will make if I join the Navy?
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me the different ranks of the Navy?
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe retire from the Navy?
What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition?… A navi-gator.
What do they call cleaners in the Navy?… Scrubmarines.
What do you call a group of musical sailors?… The anchor-estra!
Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.) And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having “Space Balls” from here on out.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?… Admiral Byrd!
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Navy knock knock jokes?
Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?… Because freedom rings!
The Russian Navy has announced that it’s commissioning glass-bottom warships… so they can keep an eye on the Russian Air Force.
What is a cow’s favorite holiday?… Moomorial day.
Why did the sailor join the navy?… Because he wanted to see the sea!
Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even.
What did Galaga aliens and WW2 Navy officers have in common?… Both came in WAVES.
What do you call a group of gravy boats on Thanksgiving?… A gravy Navy.
How do sailors communicate with one another?… They use their sea-phones!
What’s a sailor’s favorite type of music?… Nautical notes!
What do sailors use to style their hair?… Sea spray!
Why did the sailor favorite movie?… “Sea” biscuit!
What’s a sailor’s favorite type of pasta?… Seashell-eroni!
Why did the sailor become a gardener?… He wanted to “sea” some growth!
What do you call a navy member who loves math?… An Admiralgebra enthusiast!
What do you call a forgetful veteran sailor?… A sea-nile old salt.
What do you call a navy ship with a sense of humor?… A pun-dit class vessel!
Why do sailors make terrible DJs?… They always play the same sea shanties!
Why did the navy recruit join the vegetable garden?… He wanted to be a navy bean!
What do you call a military ship that’s great at knitting?… A frigate with fabulous stitches!
What do you call a well-dressed sailor?… A natty nautical!
Why is France’s navy one of the best in the world?… Because they have the power of french-ship.
Why did the sailor join a dating app?… He was looking for his “sole-mate!”
What was the dark blue sea lion mistaken for?… A Navy Seal.
How do navy chefs cook their meals?… With a depth charge of flavor!
What’s a sailor’s favorite dance move?… The anchor drop!
Why did the sailor go to art school?… To master the art of knot-tying.
What do you call a fashionable sailor?… A navy seal of approval.
Why did the sailor become a baker?… He wanted to make some “sea” biscuits!
Why did the sailor break up with his girlfriend?… She was too nauti-cal for him!
What do you call a sailor who plays the drums?… A maritime percussionist!
Why did the sailor go to therapy?… He had too many emotional “berths” to unload!
What do you call a ship that tells jokes?… A comedi-boat!
What do you call a navy ship full of cows?… A dairy frigate!
Why are sailors such great comedians?… They know the secret to a good punchline is all in the “buoyancy!”
What is a naval destroyer?… A hula hoop with a nail in it.
What’s a naval captain’s least favorite door on his ship?…The commode door.
How do navy personnel stay cool in the summer?… They have their own fleet of “FAN-tastic” ships!
What does NAVY stand for?… Never Again Volunteer Yourself.
Why do Navy SEALs fall backwards off of their boats?… Because if they fell forwards they’d still be on the boat!
What button does the Naval admiral press to launch the submarine torpedo?… The belly button.
ALL Branches
Army Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard soldiers can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the navy can fathom it.
What did the Navy say to the Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard?… “I’ll SEAL you later.”
I became a chef after I left the Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard.. Some would say I am a seasoned veteran.
The navy / Coast Guard is beginning to recruit blind men… They are sending them out to sea.
Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard?… The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!
A cool job that sounds lame: Building boats for the navy /Coast gaurd… You’d be a subcontractor.
Dad: You wanna join the navy? You can’t even swim! Son: no one can fly in the Air Force either.
I’m about to lose my job in the Navy Cost Guard unless I make some drastic changes… I have to take a course in anchor management.
What happens when you eat too many Navy Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard beans?… You might end up with a dishonorable discharge.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Navy knock-knock joke?
Did you know Navy Coast Guard ships run on commercial batteries?… They run on 7 C’s.
Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.) And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having “Space Balls” from here on out.
What did Galaga aliens and WW2 Navy Coast Guard officers have in common?… Both came in WAVES.
The Navy is useful, they provide the ride, the chow, and the entertainment. The Marines are better, they provide FREEDOM!
What do you call a dog who joins the Navy?… A subwoofer. dogs music
My Granddad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray… He’s now classed as a seasoned veteran.
My neighbor is obsessed with Navy destroyers… He warships them.
What’s a rubber gasket on an aircraft carrier called?… A navy seal.
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their boats?… So when they come back to port they can… Scandinavian.
I wanted to join the NavySeals… But that ship has sailed… I’ll sea myself out.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about the Navy?
What do you call a Marine who joins the Navy?… A Sub-Marine.
What happens when you eat too many Navy beans?… You might end up with a dishonorable discharge.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Navy knock-knock joke?
Where does the Navy rank amongst the armed forces?… Submarines.
I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements. So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
My Papa was a World War 2 Navy veteran and he use to boast about how he saved 300+ sailors from dying from an excruciating death… He shot the cook.
In the French Navy, it’s considered unlucky to have the number 5 in a ship’s name… Because all of the ships with that number in their name… cinq.
When I was in the Navy, I was on the deck of a destroyer one day, and I saw the periscope of an enemy submarine surface nearby… SoI whipped off my hat and dropped it over the periscope.
A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church when the pastor noticed him. “What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman. “All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked. The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.” The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?”
We love @OldNavy! Where do U.S. Olympic horses shop?… Old Neigh-vy!
Did you know Navy ships run on commercial batteries?… They run on 7 C’s.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how to join the Navy?
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how much money I will make if I join the Navy?
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me the different ranks of the Navy?
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe retire from the Navy?
What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition?… A navi-gator.
Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.) And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having “Space Balls” from here on out.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?… Admiral Byrd!
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Navy knock knock jokes?
Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?… Because freedom rings!
The Russian Navy has announced that it’s commissioning glass-bottom warships… so they can keep an eye on the Russian Air Force.
What is a cow’s favorite holiday?… Moomorial day.
Why did the sailor join the navy?… Because he wanted to see the sea!
Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even.

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