Massachusetts Jokes

by | May 31, 2018 | Latest News | 0 comments

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have wicked pissah Massachusetts jokes.
  2. Yes, I am from Massachusetts. No I’m not going to pahk the cah in Hahvahd yahd!
  3. If you’re wicked smaht… you’ll never get cahded at the packie! 
  4. 49 States “Please pass the remote” Massachusetts: “Gimme the Clickah!”
  5. If you’re wicked smaht… You go to Harvard!
  6. Massachusetts Movie Review of Wicked: “Wicked Pissah!” (Wizard of Oz Jokes)
  7. Pope Jokes: If you’re from Boston… You’ll know who the cahdnal is & how to take the T to JP.
  8. Boston Celtics Jokes: What famous Southern Rock anthem is the same as the Boston Celtics offense during the 1980s… Free Bird. (Massachusetts Jokes)
  9. Only in Massachusetts would there be a Dunkin Donuts next to a Dunkin Donuts.
  10. 49 States “In the Basement” Massachusetts: “Down Cellah!”
  11. Welcome to Massachusetts… Where the weather is made up and the seasons do not matter.
  12. Top 10 Lines From Norm Peterson: Coach:”What’s shaking, Norm?” Norm: “All four cheeks and a couple of chins.”
  13. What do you call a patriot who’s always on time?… A minute man.
  14. A team of scientists from MIT saw a statistic that said 80 percent of crow deaths in the state were because the crow had been hit by a truck. They decided to investigate why that was, and the results were pretty interesting. Crows often eat roadkill, so it wasn’t surprising that they were getting killed by trucks, but it was interesting that only trucks, not cars were hitting the crows. Something unique about crows is that one crow flys higher than all the other crows, who is known as the watch crow, who communicates with the others and warns them of danger. After studying the watch crow for a bit the scientists finally figured out why the trucks had been killing the crows. It turns out the watch crow could only say “caa” and not “truck”
  15. Who stole the heart of Massachusetts?… Nan took it. (Nantucket)
  16. An old Vermonter who lives right on the Massachusetts boundary has his land surveyed… After the survey was complete and the new map was made, it turned out that he had been living in Massachusetts all this time. “Good” said the old man. “I can’t take any more of those Vermont winters!”
  17. Pope Jokes: What is the Pope’s favorite state in America?… “Mass”achusetts.
  18. What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?…Plymouth Rock! (Thanksgiving Jokes)
  19. Pope Jokes: What is the Pope’s favorite college in America?… “Mass” Maritime.
  20. I’m not YELLING! I am from Massachusetts. I am just wicked loud!
  21. American Revolutionary War Jokes: The Boston Tea Party was a real brew-ha-ha!
  22. Boston Marathon Jokes: What is the worst US city to run a marathon?… Boston. It is the height of pollen season and it is in Mass “Achoo” setts.
  23. Don’t make me use my Boston accent!
  24. I fell in love with the foliage in Massachusetts… It really leaves a lasting impression!
  25. I’m never again donating a dime to any charity raising funds for finishing the Boston Marathon… They just take the money and run.
  26. Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources officer asked a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “and what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, fourteen paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years? Say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow!! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”
  27. Boston Celtics Jokes: 617 Day: The unofficial holiday of the Boston Celtics. (June 17th is the date the Celtics won the 2008 and 2024 NBA Titles.)
  28. Tourist: “Have you lived in Massachusetts all your life?” Local: “No, not yet.”
  29. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you name the Massachusetts holiday that coincides with the Boston Marathon? (Patriots Day)
  30. Boston Celtics Jokes: 1957, 1959, 1960, 1961, 1962, 1963, 1964, 1965, 1966, 1968, 1969, 1974, 1976, 1981, 1984, 1986, 2008, 2024... Banner years in Boston!
  31. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.” Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (4th of July Jokes)
  32. If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?… Pilgrims (The Mayflower Ship) (Thanksgiving Jokes)
  33. Boston Marathon Jokes: What is the #1 marathon for cardiologists?… The Boston Marathon. They love Heartbreak Hill.
  34. What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?…Liberty! (4th of July Jokes)
  35. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts. (4th of July Jokes)
  36. How do people in Boston vote?… Early and often!
  37. What did the Massachusetts flag say to the American flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
  38. Warning: Police are on the lookout for an overweight man who did not pay his entrance fee to the Boston Marathon… He is believed to be still on the run.
  39. How do you know you’re from Massachusetts?… When you believe using your car horn is an essential way of communication!
  40. Boston Marathon Jokes: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you believe in 2026 it will be the 130th Boston Marathon.
  41. I’m ‘wicked’ excited to explore Massachusetts!
  42. I told my friends I was going to Harvard, and they said, “That’s a smaaaaart move!”
  43. Boston Celtics Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the how many NBA titles the Celtics have won? (NBA Champions)
  44. Boston Marathon Jokes: 2025 Boston Marathon: Kenya believe Sharon Lokedi won her 1st Boston Marathon AND broke the course record by 2 minutes and 30 seconds.
  45. Do you want to hear a joke about the Boston Marathon?…. Never mind… I’ll never finish it.
  46. If you’re wicked smaht… You go to MIT!
  47. Fenway Park is a grand slam of a place to enjoy baseball!
  48. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Local: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.”
  49. Do you know what would be a great theme song for One Boston Day?… ONE by U2. Boston loves U2 and U2 loves Boston.
  50. I wanted to go fishing in Cape Cod… but I couldn’t find my reel motivation.
  51. I told my friend I was going to Cape Cod, and he said, “Seas the day!”
  52. Why did the Cape Cod crab never share its food?… Because it was a little shellfish!
  53. If you’re wicked smaht… You go to BC!
  54. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe the name the #1 college hockey regular season tournament held in Boston, Massachusetts?
  55. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe the name the 4 colleges that compete in #1 college hockey regular season tournament held in Boston, Massachusetts?
  56. I don’t win marathons because I’m lucky… I win because I take public transportation, just take like Rosie Ruiz.
  57. I told my friend I was going to the Charles River. They said, “Don’t get too tide up in the current events!”
  58. Why did the Boston tea party get out of hand?… Because everyone was just trying to brew up some fun!
  59. My local news station had a story about a string of killings at churches in Massachusetts. “Mass mass mass murders.” they said.
  60. I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, “I don’t know… reelection to the Senate?”
  61. Why did the scarecrow win an award in Massachusetts?… Because he was outstanding in his field!
  62. When autumn arrives… Massachusetts gets its “leaf” on!
  63. The apples in Massachusetts said they were a-peeling to everyone this fall!
  64. Autumn in Massachusetts is un-be-leaf-able with all the colors around!
  65. The Massachusetts corn was so sweet… it made my heart pop!
  66. At the Museum of Fine Arts, you’re bound to draw some inspiration from the exhibits!
  67. I love Massachusetts in the fall—it’s “berry” nice to see all the harvests!
  68. What did one Massachusetts leaf say to the other?… “I’m falling for you!”
  69. Massachusetts in autumn is like a fine wine… it just gets better with age!
  70. What’s a Massachusetts fisherman’s favorite type of music?… Anything with a wicked good bass line!
  71. Why did the Patriots fan bring a ladder to the game?… To reach new heights.
  72. What did the witch say at the Salem trials?… “I’m just here for the ‘spell’-binding stories!”
  73. Why did the Boston Red Sox bring a ladder to the game?… They wanted to reach new heights in the standings!
  74. The Berkshires are a peak experience for nature lovers!
  75. If you visit Plymouth Rock, just remember: it’s a solid foundation for American history!
  76. The Boston Marathon is a great event… but it really gets me running in circles!
  77. The hockey coach from Massachusetts told his team to stay focused, but they just kept getting “checked” out!
  78. The baseball player from Boston was always in a good mood… he had a real “batter” outlook on life!
  79. Why did the football player start a gardening business?… He wanted to “tackle” the competition!
  80. The Massachusetts golfer always wore a smile… he knew how to “putt” on a happy face!
  81. Why did the lacrosse player get a promotion?… He always “passed” the ball with flying colors!
  82. The tennis player from Massachusetts had a great sense of humor… she was always “serving” up laughs!
  83. What do you call a Massachusetts museum that’s always busy?… A “Plymouth” of activity!
  84. Why was the Bay State so good at telling stories?… Because it had a lot of “tales” from the Bay!
  85. I’m just ‘pasta’-tively in love with the Italian food around here!
  86. When I tried the baked beans… I knew I was in for a ‘bean’-anza of flavor!
  87. The local apples are ‘a-peeling’ and perfect for cider!
  88. This place serves up a ‘wicked’ good slice of pizza!
  89. The cranberry harvest is truly ‘berry’ impressive!
  90. Why did the Massachusetts farmer love history?… He enjoyed “cultivating” the past!
  91. What did the historian say about the Massachusetts bay?… “It’s a shore thing when it comes to rich history!”
  92. Don’t leaf me hanging… let’s explore the Foliage Trail!
  93. I’m feeling a little crabby… but a trip to Cape Cod will shell-evate my mood!
  94. I can’t bear the thought of missing out on a hike in the Berkshires!
  95. This weather is un-be-leaf-able… perfect for a day at Walden Pond!
  96. I’m feeling tree-mendously excited about our camping trip in the Berkshires!
  97. I wood love to see the autumn colors in the Pioneer Valley!
  98. It’s a shore thing that we’ll have a whale of a time at Martha’s Vineyard!
  99. I’m on cloud wine after a day of exploring the Blue Hills!
  100. If you think Boston baked beans are a little too sweet… you’re just not *bean* open-minded!
  101. The Cape Cod beaches are so beautiful… they really shore know how to impress!
  102. When visiting the Freedom Trail, remember to walk this way to history!
  103. The Boston Tea Party was quite the brew-ha-haof its time!
  104. The history teacher in Massachusetts always told the best tales, but they could get a little revolutionary!
  105. The art teacher in Massachusetts always said, “Draw your own conclusions, but don’t color outside the lines!”
  106. The USS Constitution is a ship-shape way to learn about naval history!
  107. The ocean at Cape Cod was feeling blue… but it made waves of laughter anyway.
  108. If you get lost in Salem, just witch your direction to the nearest landmark!
  109. The Bay State may be small, but it sure packs a punch with its rich history!
  110. Don’t clam up when you’re at the New England Aquarium… it’s a *fin-tastic* experience!
  111. The Boston Public Garden is a blooming good spot for a leisurely stroll!
  112. If the weather gets chilly, remember to layer up like a good Massachusetts winter!
  113. If you visit Martha’s Vineyard… you’re sure to have a vine-tastic time!
  114. The nature trails are so good, they ought to be illegal—let’s call them trail-blazing!
  115. I’m not lion when I say the wildlife in Massachusetts is paws-itively amazing!
  116. This is berry nice weather for a berry picking adventure in the North Shore!
  117. I told my friend I was going to the Berkshires for fall. He said, “That sounds like a mountain of fun!”
  118. I sea what you did there… planning a beach day at Nantucket!
  119. Why did the math book go to school in Massachusetts?… Because it had too many problems to solve!
  120. The chemistry teacher in Massachusetts had a great reaction to student questions… they always ignited curiosity!
  121. What did the Revolutionary leader say at the meeting?… “Let’s ‘concord’ our differences and move forward!”
  122. What’s a ghost’s favorite Massachusetts festival?… The Haunted Happenings in Salem — it’s to die for!
  123. Why do Massachusetts pumpkins always tell the best jokes?… Because they’re so gourd-geous!
  124. When the leaves fall in Massachusetts, they really know how to “leaf” it all behind!
  125. Why did the Massachusetts student take a ladder to music class?… They wanted to reach new high notes!
  126. The biology class in Massachusetts was so lively… it really had a cell-ebration going on!
  127. What do you call a well-informed Massachusetts resident?… A Mass-ive history buff!
  128. Why did the Boston tea party never run out of drinks?… Because they had plenty of “brew”-tality!
  129. How do you describe a Massachusetts historian?… Someone who always “Mass-ters” the subject!
  130. Why was the Minuteman always calm under pressure?… He knew how to take things one “minute” at a time!
  131. The Bostonian baker had a lot of dough… but he kneaded more time to rise!
  132. Why do Massachusetts students excel in science?… Because they always experiment with their learning!
  133. When the lobster started a band… it became a real rock-lobster!
  134. Why did the student bring a ladder to school in Massachusetts?… Because they wanted to go to high school!
  135. Why did the cranberry go to the festival?… Because it wanted to be a little berry special in Massachusetts!
  136. When the Massachusetts historian told a story… it was always a “wicked” interesting tale!
  137. Although the world is more accepting, I refuse to accept some races… That Boston Marathon is awful, with Heartbreak Hill and the New England weather.
  138. Boston Celtics Jokes: 2025 Playoffs: It is going to take a lot more than Magic (and a Jason Tatum wrist injury) for #7 Orlando to beat the #2 Celtics!
  139. If you’re wicked smaht… You go to BU!
  140. What has a mouth but cannot eat?…. Neponset River.
  141. Did you hear about the power outage at the UMass-Boston library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  142. The Boston Marathon is a run for your life… but the only thing I’m running for is a good time!
  143. When it comes to the Salem Witch Trials… you could say they really brewed up some spirited events!
  144. 2024 NBA Finals: What would the Sons of Liberty say after the Celtics won the 2004 NBA Championship?… “Huzzah Mazulla!”
  145. What do you call a bean that can’t stop telling jokes?… A pun-derful baked bean from Boston!
  146. During the Boston Tea Party… they really knew how to make a splash in the harbor!
  147. The Fall Foliage Festival is un-foliage-ably the best way to leaf summer behind!
  148. Why was the scarecrow invited to every Massachusetts event?… He was outstanding in his field of fun!
  149. The Plymouth Harvest Festival is a-maize-ing… it really knows how to ear up the fun!
  150. Why did the clam refuse to share its treasure?… Because it was a little shellfish!
  151. I asked the Massachusetts farmer how his crops were doing… and he said they were “berry” good!
  152. The local Boston artist was so passionate about his work… he couldn’t help but draw a crowd!
  153. The Cape Cod fisherman was always great at catching a big one – he really knew how to reel in the compliments!
  154. The Boston tea party was such a hit that it brewed up a lot of excitement!
  155. Did you hear about the basketball player from Massachusetts who always knew where he was going?… He had a great sense of “court” direction!
  156. Why did the swimmer from Cape Cod always take a towel to the pool?… He didn’t want to get “board” while waiting to dive in!
  157. The Massachusetts hockey player was such a great cook that he always knew how to “sauce” the game!
  158. Why are the Boston Celtics such great musicians?… They know how to “dribble” and “shoot” their way to the top of the charts!
  159. Boston Celtics Jokes: What Celtics Legend is most likely to pay for dinner?… John “I’ll” Havlicek.
  160. If you’re wicked smaht… You go to Northeastern!
  161. What music is blaring at the most difficult part of the Boston Marathon?… Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers at Heartbreak Hill. Stevie Nicks can be heard singing “Stop Dragging My Heart Around.” (Music Jokes)
  162. I visited a museum in Massachusetts and found it very art-iculate in its presentations!
  163. Why do Massachusetts drivers have trouble finding parking?… ‘Cause they can’t get past the “Pahk”ing stage!
  164. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?…The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
  165. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British. (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  166. How did American colonists’ dogs protest against England?… The Boston Flea Party. (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  167. What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler. (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  168. What’s it called when the Boston Symphony Orchestra does well?… A well-orchestrated performance!
  169. What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War?…Chicken Catch-a-Tory! (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  170. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?…Because the horse was too heavy to carry! (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  171. Why can fish measure distances so well?… Because they have their own scales.
  172. What rock do Massachusetts geologists play with the most?… Plymouth Rock.
  173. Did you hear about the power outage in the Boston library?… Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  174. What’s the capital of Massachusetts?… M.
  175. What do you call an ape from Massachusetts?… A Boston gorillier!
  176. What did the sea say to the South Shore?… Nothing, it just waved!
  177. Boston Celtics Jokes
  178. What do Larry Bird and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Top Geography Jokes)
  179. Did you hear about the map that was mugged?… It was rolled by the map librarian.
  180. How did the geography student drown?… His grades were below C-level. (Top Teacher Jokes)
  181. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Neponset river!
  182. What is a nautical chart’s best pitch?… The depth curve. (Top Baseball Jokes)
  183. Where do you find the Atlantic Ocean without water?… On a map! (Top Geography Jokes)
  184. What is the tallest building in the Massachusetts?… The Boston Public Library of course, it has the most stories!
  185. Where do Boston fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Charles River.
  186. Why does the Tom Brady know all the map symbols?… Because he’s a legend.
  187. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Massachusetts Turnpike!
  188. What projection is used to map the distribution Phillips Candy House chocolate?… The Bonne-Bonne (bon bon) projection. (Top Geography Jokes)
  189. What’s in the middle of the (Atlantic) ocean?… Letter E! (Top Geography Jokes)
  190. What do Bobby Orr and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Top Geography Jokes)
  191. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Boston. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in Boston! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  192. Why don’t you see penguins New England Aquarium in Great Britain?… Because they are afraid of Wales! (Top Geography Jokes)
  193. What is in the middle of Springfield?… The letter ‘G’! (Top Geography Jokes
  194. If a plane crashed on the border of Massachusetts and Connecticut, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Top Geography Jokes)
  195. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Merrimack River! (Top Geography Jokes)
  196. Cape Cod Jokes Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Cape Cod jokes.
  197. Why did the lobster blush?… Because it saw the bay and couldn’t clam down!
  198. When the black bear went to college, he became a real “bear-itone” in wildlife studies.
  199. The Massachusetts deer always felt “fawn-tastic” when roaming the woods.
  200. When the Massachusetts moose joined the band, they said he had great “antler” rhythm!
  201. The Massachusetts whale was always “whale-y” excited to swim in the Atlantic.
  202. What did the Cape Cod Canal say to the Bourne Bridge?… Nothing it waved!
  203. Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a Chatham Great White Shark for biting all his limbs off?… He didn’t have a leg to stand on!
  204. What is the best way to communicate with a fish on Cape Cod?… Drop it a line!
  205. Where do Cape Cod fish work?… The Offish!
  206. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?… Because they spend years at C! (Top Pirate Jokes)
  207. Why did the Cape Cod fisherman start doing drugs?… Pier pressure!
  208. Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship near Nantucket Sound?… All the sailors were marooned.
  209. Why don’t Island Creek Oysters give to charity?… Because they’re shellfish!
  210. What did one Cape Cod National Seashore wave say to the other wave?… Nothing. It just waved.
  211. Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?… Because they dropped out of school. (180 School Jokes)
  212. Which fish is the most famous in Cape Cod?… The star fish!
  213. What did the Cape Cod beach say to the wave?… “Long tide, no sea.”
  214. What did the Chatham shark plead in the murder case?…Not gill-ty!
  215. What is the strongest creature in Cape Cod Bay?… A mussel!
  216. Which bus crossed the Atlantic Ocean?… Christopher ColumBUS. (Columbus Day Jokes)
  217. What happens when you throw a green rock into the Cape Cod National Seashore?… It gets wet.
  218. What happens when you throw a red rock into the Cape Cod National Seashore?… It sinks to the bottom.
  219. What did Cinderella wear when she went swimming in the Cape Cod National Seashore?… Glass flippers.
  220. What did one tide pool say to the other tide pool?… Show me your mussels.
  221. What does a Cape Cod National Seashore mermaid wear to maths lessons?… An algae-bra. (Top Algebra Jokes & 101 Pi Day Jokes)
  222. Where does seaweed look for a job?… In the ‘Kelp-wanted’ ads.
  223. What lies of the coast of Cape Cod and twitches?… A nervous wreck.
  224. What happened to the Chatham shark that swallowed a bunch of keys?…It got lockjaw.
  225. Why does the Cape Cod National Seashore wear seashells?…Because she grew out of her B-shells!
  226. What do you call a big fish that makes you an offer you can’t refuse?…The Codfather.
  227. A Cod walks into a vegetarian restaurant and the waiter says, “Sorry, we don’t serve fish.”
  228. What puts the white lines on the Atlantic ocean?… An ocean liner.
  229. Why did the New England lobster blush?… Because the sea weed!
  230. Have you heard about the Boston restaurant that caters only to dolphins?… It only has 1 customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
  231. What has no beginning, end or middle & touches every continent?… The Atlantic Ocean. (World Oceans Day Jokes)
  232. Who is a Crayola crayon’s favorite NBA coach of all-time?… Red Auerbach. (Crayon Jokes)
  233. Who is the National Audubon Society‘s favorite NBA Player of all-time?… Larry Bird. (Bird Jokes)
  234. 2025 March March Madness Jokes: The Boston Celtics had TWO Big Threes… Xavier has the Three Musketeers.
  235. 2024... Another banner year in Boston!
  236. 2024 NBA Finals: June 17th, 2024: Boston Three Party. December 16, 1773: Boston Tea Party.
  237. 2024 NBA Finals: What is Derrick White’s favorite Christmas song?… All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. (Christmas Jokes)
  238. The Cambridge Science Festival is a blast… it really knows how to “cell-ibrate” discovery!
  239. Why do Massachusetts students love field trips?… They really know how to take learning to the next level!
  240. 2008 NBA Finals: Celtics fans to the Los Angeles Lakers… You can’t handle “The Truth.”
  241. 2024 NBA Finals: Derrick White was amazing… “You can’t handle the Tooth”
  242. What NBA team has the best floral arrangements?… The Boston Celtics. They play at the TD Garden. (Massachusetts Jokes) 
  243. 2024 NBA Finals: How was the Boston Celtics 2024 NBA Championship Parade?… Just ducky! Cue The Ducks (Duck Jokes)
  244. Who is the most honest player in the history of basketball?… Paul “The Truth” Pierce.
  245. Did you know the Celtics nutritionist does not recommend butter ever. His choice…. parkay.
  246. What Boston Celtic legend would make a great bartender?… Kristaps Porziņģis.
  247. 2024 NBA Finals: Boston Celtics: Hey Kyrie…. BYE rie!
  248. Who is the most musical Celtic of all-time?… DJ Johnson. (365 Music Jokes)
  249. 1981 NBA Champions: If Cedric Maxwell played in the NBA today… He would get a MAX contract!
  250. 2024 NBA Finals: Boston Celtics: To honor Red Auerbach, what Pink Floyd song did they play in the locker room while sipping champagne and celebrating?… Have a cigar. (365 Music Jokes)
  251. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the nickname of Larry Bird when he played for the Boston Celtics? (Massachusetts Jokes)
  252. 1986 NBA Champions: What was the favorite TV show of the 1986 Celtics?… The Waltons.
  253. What is Jason Tatum’s favorite Beach Boys song?…. Little Deuce Coupe. (365 Music Jokes)
  254. What is the official snake of the Boston Celtics?… The White Mamba. (Snake Jokes)
  255. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the name of the youngest coach to win an NBA Championship?… Bill Russell. (34)
  256. Did you hear the joke about Berkshire Mountains?… You won’t get over it. 
  257. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Massachusetts Turnpike! 
  258. Boston Marathon Jokes: 2025 Boston Marathon: Kenya believe Sharon Lokedi broke the Boston Marathon women’s course record by 2 minutes and 30 seconds.
  259. 2025 Boston Marathon: Kenya believe the top two women’s runners were from the SAME country?
  260. Boston Celtics Jokes: What kind of toothpaste does Derrick White use?… Crest 3D White.
  261. Boston Celtics Jokes: “I have two college degrees, four honorary doctorate degrees, and am in three Halls of Fame, and the only thing I know how to do is teach tall people how to put a ball in the hole.” Red Auerbach (Graduation Jokes)
  262. Boston Celtics Jokes: What is Red Auerbach’s favorite Pink Floyd song?… Have a cigar. (365 Music Jokes)
  263. Boston Marathon runners with bad footwear… suffer the agony of defeat.
  264. Boston Celtics Jokes: You know what is no joke?… The number of NBA titles the Boston Celtics have won. (NBA Basketball Jokes & NBA Champions)
  265. Boston Marathon Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Boston Marathon jokes.
  266. The colonists were brewing a revolution… one cup at a time.
  267. Why did the colonists throw the tea overboard?… They couldn’t handle the steep price!
  268. What is the #1 #hotel for runners of the Boston Marathon?… Heartbreak Hotel.
  269. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe the name two senators from Massachusetts?
  270. What’s the most popular tourist attraction in Massachusetts?… A Dunkin’ Donuts store
  271. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe the name governor from Massacusetts?
  272. A Boston Marathon book never written: “The Boston Marathon” by Will E. Makit.
  273. If the Boston Celtics were chasing the Boston Red Sox team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05)
  274. What do you get if you cross Paul Revere with a cheetah?… The fastest midnight ride!
  275. What does a MIT grad call a Harvard grad in 5 years?… Boss!
  276. Why do Massachusetts folks pour their beer into a mug?… Because it’s the only way to get a head on a Sam Adams!
  277. The history of Massachusetts is truly a ‘beacon’ to behold!
  278. What did Massachusetts see?… Same thing Arkansas.
  279. Why do Massachusetts golfers always carry around two pairs of pants?… In case he got a hole-in-one
  280. What’s the main difference between Harvard and Yale?… The spelling!
  281. Why do Massachusetts golfers always carry around two shirts?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  282. Why do Massachusetts golfers always carry around two pairs of socks?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  283. Why do Massachusetts love sunrises?… Because it means the world has one more day to see how great [state] is.
  284. If you’re looking for a good time in Massachusetts, just remember: it’s a bay-mazing place to be!
  285. I was going to tell you a joke about the Charles River… but it’s just too fluid for words!
  286. My friend loves to skate in Massachusetts, especially on the frozen ponds—it’s his ice-olated happy place!
  287. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the state flower of Massachusetts?
  288. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name he state bird of Massachusetts?
  289. Why did UMass disband its water polo team?… All the horses drowned.
  290. Why did the Bostonian go to study philosophy?… He wanted to know the “idea” behind an “idear!”
  291. Why do Massachusetts people make terrible bakers?… They always burn the Boston cream pies!
  292. Why did the scarecrow move to Massachusetts?… Because it wanted to be outstanding in its “field”… of dreams?
  293. Boston Celtics Jokes Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Boston Celtics basketball jokes.
  294. In Massachusetts, the ‘pahk’ the car is just the beginning of a great adventure!
  295. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse?… To warn Boston that the clam chowder was too hot!
  296. Why did the ghost relocate to Salem?… He wanted to get in touch with his inner witch!
  297. Why was the math book from Cambridge sad?… Because it had too many problems!
  298. Why don’t they have ice in Massachusetts’ bars?… Who needs ice when it’s snowing outside!
  299. Why was the computer cold in Massachusetts?… It left its Windows open!
  300. Why did the lobster refuse to share?… Because it was a little shellfish, just like our Boston seafood!
  301. When the witch tried to make her spell book more interesting… she added a little Salem spice!
  302. Did you hear about the Boston Marathon runner who always had a good sense of humor?… He knew how to make a quick punchline!
  303. Why did the cookie go to therapy?… Because he felt crummy after leaving Boston without eating a cannoli!
  304. When I visited Cape Cod… I found it to be quite the shore thing for a getaway!
  305. Why do people in Massachusetts always carry a pencil?… In case they need to draw a line at traffic in Boston!
  306. I asked a Massachusetts farmer how he grows such great apples, and he said, “It’s all in the cultivar!”
  307. Why do Massachusetts residents make great comedians?… Because they know how to deliver a punch from any angle!
  308. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you name the only brothers to win the Boston Marathon?
  309. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you name the first wheelchair division champion in the Boston Marathon?
  310. In Massachusetts, we don’t just have the Red Sox… we have a whole line-up of pun-derful players!
  311. Why did the Massachusetts baker have a great reputation?… Because he always kneaded the dough!
  312. What do you call a very small mother from Boston?… Minimum!
  313. 2024 Boston Marathon: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you believe the 2024 Boston Marathon Women’s finish?… Hellen Obiri battled until the end to beat Sharon Lokedi.
  314. I tried to start a band in Massachusetts, but it turns out we just couldn’t find the right groove in the Bay State!
  315. I asked my friend if he wanted to join the Boston Tea Party… but he said he was already steeped in work.
  316. When it comes to tea… the colonists really knew how to steep things up!
  317. I told my tea about the Boston Tea Party, and it said, “That’s steep!”
  318. The Boston Tea Party really steeped up the competition!
  319. When the British found out about the tea party, they said, “What a steep way to protest!”
  320. The tea leaves at the Boston Tea Party were all about that revolutionary blend!
  321. At the Boston Tea Party… everyone was steeped in rebellion!
  322. Massachusetts is a great place to find your ‘bay’ of happiness!
  323. When traveling through Massachusetts, I always ‘cape’ my expectations high!
  324. What happens when you miss a joke about Massachusetts?… You’re wicked “smaht”!
  325. What did the Massachusetts cranberry say to the blueberry?…. “You’re berry special to me!”
  326. Why do squirrels swim on their backs in the Charles River?… To stop their nuts from getting wet!
  327. Why did the Red Sox fan carry a ladder?… To get over the high walls of Fenway Park!
  328. What’s the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog and a Fenway Park hotdog?… You can buy a Yankee Stadium hotdog in October!
  330. Why is it easy to have a catch in Massachusetts? Because it’s really hard to drop the ball when you’re always wearing mittens!
  331. Why are there such hard spelling words in Massachusetts? With towns like Worcester, Leicester, and Haverhill, you need an A+ in spelling, trust us!
  332. How do you know spring has arrived in Massachusetts?… The rain gets warmer!
  333. What’s Massachusetts’ favorite national holiday?… Patriots’ Day, of course!
  334. Why don’t tornadoes hit Big Papi’s house?… They’re scared of Grand Slams!
  335. Why are there so many roundabouts in Massachusetts?… Because not even the roads can make up their mind!
  336. Why do Bostonians make terrible soccer players?… Because every time they get a corner, they open a Dunkin’ Donuts!
  337. Why did the Massachusetts lobster get a job?… Because it wanted to shell out some cash!
  338. Why do ducks fly over Massachusetts upside-down?… Because there’s nothing worth crapping on!
  339. What do you call a sophisticated person from Boston?… A rare species!
  340. What’s the difference between a Boston Terrier and a bench?… A bench can support a family of four!
  341. What do you get when you mix a Texan with a Bostonian?… A cowboy who complains about the weather!
  342. Why did the policeman go to the baseball game?… Because he heard someone had stolen a base!
  343. Why don’t Massachusetts people play hide and seek?… Because nobody will hide, they all want to seek!
  344. Why did the Bay Stater bring a ladder to the bar?… Because he heard the drinks were on the house!
  345. How do you make a Boston cocktail?… Mix two parts Sam Adams with one part Dunkin’ Donuts coffee!
  346. Why did the Bostonian bring his cat to the game?… He heard the Red Sox were playing catch!
  347. How do you know you’re a true Red Sox fan?… You think pinstripes are a fashion faux pas!
  348. Why did the Massachusetts resident go broke?… They invested all their money in chowder stocks!
  349. What did the cop say to the speeding Massachusetts driver?… “This isn’t the Boston Marathon!”
  350. Why is it called Massachusetts?… Because “Massive-two-hits” didn’t have the same ring to it!
  351. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 100 Massachusetts jokes?
  352. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 101 Massachusetts jokes?
  353. Why did the Bay Stater bring a ruler to bed…? He wanted to see how long he slept!
  356. Why did the Paul Revere statue refuse to move?… Because he was tired of galloping around!
  357. How do you get a Bostonian to shut up?… Put a Dunkin’ Donuts menu in front of them.
  358. What’s a Bostonian’s favorite instrument?… The “pahk”ing meter!
  360. What do penguins wear on their heads?… Ice caps. (Top Winter Jokes)
  361. What do you call a cat from Cape Cod?… A purrsimmon!
  363. 2008 NBA Finals: Who is the geography teacher’s favorite Celtics coach of all-time?… Doc Rivers. (Geography Jokes)
  364. How do the Boston Celtics feel about having a leprechaun as a mascot?… Lucky! (Leprechaun Jokes)
  365. Retired Celtics, like everyone, watch a lot of TV these days, NetFlix, Hulu, HBO… I don’t know why. They just never seem to pay for Showtime.
  366. 2024 NBA Finals: After Kyrie Irving stomped on the center court Celtics logo he was 0 – 13 against the Celtics… not so lucky I guess. (his 1st win was game #14.)
  367. 2024 NBA Finals: Boston Celtics: What Tom Petty song could Al Horford relate to when he became the NBA player with the most playoff games (186) before becoming an NBA Champion… The Waiting (is the hardest part) (365 Music Jokes)
  368. 2024 NBA Finals: Why was the Massachusetts State Police looking for Jaylen Brown and Jason Tatum?… They are “partners in crime.” (Police Jokes)
  369. 2024 Finals: Who is the 2024 NBA Finals Crayola MVP?…. Derrick White or Jaylen Brown. (Crayon Jokes)
  370. 2024 NBA Finals: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the names of the two youngest coaches to win an NBA Championship?… Bill Russell (34) and Joe Mazzulla (35).
  371. I know why the Boston Celtics picked the them of “Different Here” for the 2024 NBA Playoffs… They talk different. Just ask a Celtics’ fan to say “Park the car in Harvard Yard!” (Massachusetts Jokes)
  372. Why do the Celtics go to Miami?… To beat the heat. (Florida Jokes)
  373. 2024 NBA Finals: Boston Celtics: Can you believe the Celtics flew to Miami after winning the NBA Title?… I guess it is not THAT big a deal. There are at least 18 reasons to look the other way. (Florida Jokes)
  374. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the name of the only NBA player who won 2 NBA titles with different teams and it was his 1st year with each team?… Jrue Holiday. (2024 Boston Celtics & 2021 Milwaukee Bucks)
  375. 2024 NBA Finals: Boston Celtics: Final play of the season: June 21st Backdoor cut to the Seaport District for cornhole at Cisco Brewery.
  376. 2024 NBA Finals: What Jimmy Buffett song did the Celtics fan love to hear following the devastating defeat in Dallas (122-84) on Friday June 14th?… Come Monday. (365 Music Jokes) (The Celtics won their 18th NBA title on Monday June 17th.)
  377. What does Cedric Maxwell put on his Cornbread?… Not butter, parkay.
  378. What song do die hard Celtics refuse to listen to?… Bad Boys (the Theme of Cops) by Inner Circle. (365 Music Jokes)
  379. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the how many NBA titles Red Auerbach won as a coach of the Boston Celtics? (NBA Champion Coaches)
  380. What owner of the Boston Celtics do crayons adore?… Walter Brown. (Crayon Jokes)
  381. What is Dave Cowens’ favorite type of gum?… Big Red. (Gum Jokes)
  382. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the nickname of Shaquille O’Neal when he played for the Boston Celtics?
  383. USA Men’s Basketball 2024 Olympic Team: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the names of the 3 Celtics from the 2024 Championship team who played on the Olympic team in Paris?… Jason Tatum, Jrue Holiday, Derrick White.
  384. 1986 NBA Finals: What type of entertainment did the 1986 Celtics hate?… Any type of Magic show. (Magic Jokes)
  385. 2024 NBA Finals: Boston Celtics: Hey Kyrie, since we won that championship you promised us, we won’t chant “Kyrie Sucks” ever again… … Just (“Jason”) Kidding.
  386. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the how many NBA titles Red Auerbach won as a coach of the Boston Celtics? (NBA Champion Coaches)
  387. 2024 NBA Finals: Boston Celtics: We were really scared after the Game 4 blowout… Just (“Jason”) Kidding.
  388. Joe Mazulla took the Boston Celtics on a hike to climb a mountain during the layoff before the 2024 NBA Finals … He wanted them to have a higher basketball IQ. (NBA Basketball Jokes)
  389. 1981 NBA Finals: How did Cedric Maxwell celebrate his 1981 NBA Finals MVP trophy?… With his favorite side dish, Cornbread.
  390. 2024 NBA Finals: What is Boston Celtics least favorite American TV show?… Dallas. (Texas Jokes & Movie Jokes)
  391. Everyone was sad when Bill Walton passed on May 27th, 2024. Everyone except…. The Grateful Dead. (365 Music Jokes)
  392. What was the original Boston Celtics Big Three’s favorite TV show?… McHale’s Navy.
  394. 2024 NBA Finals: Where does Payton Prichard practice shooting?… Way downtown.
  395. What basketball player does the Royal Family love?… Isaiah Thomas, the King of the 4th. (King Jokes)
  396. Who would be a better Celtic car salesman?… Chris Ford of M.L. Carr. (Car Jokes)
  397. What former Boston Celtics basketball player would be a great spokesperson for National Taco Day?… Tacko Fall. (Basketball Jokes)
  398. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me Paul Pierce’s nickname? 
  399. Did you know Bill Russell had a HUGE growth spurt?… His family gave him a nickname… Russell Spouts. (Farming Jokes)
  400. Who is a dairy farmer’s favorite Celtic of all-time?… Dave “Cow” ens.
    (Cow Jokes)
  401. What former Boston Celtics basketball player would be a great spokesperson for Autumn in New England?… Tacko Fall. (Basketball Jokes)
  402. Who is a Native American’s favorite Celtic of all-time?… Robert “the Chief” Parish.
  403. 2024 NBA Finals: December 16, 1773: Boston Tea Party. June 17th, 2024: Boston Three Party. (American Revolution Jokes)
  404. 2024 NBA Finals: D White…. He can sure play D and shoot the 3.
  405. What a great honor to see the Celtics wear the tie-dye WALTON warm-ups in honor of basketball legend Bill Walton who passed on May 27th, 2024. Everyone was so happy…. Especially The Grateful Dead and all the Deadheads fans. (365 Music Jokes)
  406. 2024 NBA Finals All-Crayola Team: Boston Celtics: Jaylen Brown, Derrick White Dallas Mavericks Greg Brown III, Josh Green.
  407. What Pink Floyd song do the Celtics play when they win an NBA title in honor of is Red Auerbach?… Have a cigar. (365 Music Jokes)
  408. What is Cedric Maxwell’s favorite side dish?… Cornbread.
  409. Who is a Crayola crayon’s favorite NBA GM of all-time?… Red Auerbach. (Crayon Jokes)
  410. Who is a butcher’s favorite Celtic of all-time?… Dave “Cow” ens. (Cow Jokes)
  411. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the names and numbers for the retired jerseys for the Boston Celtics?
  412. The leaves fall in autumn in New England. Can you guess their favorite Celtic of all-time?…. Bill Russell. (Fall Jokes)
  413. Why did Payton Prichard get arrested?… He shot the ball. (Police Jokes)
  414. 2024 Finals: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the name of the first player born in Latvia to win an NBA Championship? (Kristaps Porzingis)
  415. 2024 NBA Finals: Boston Celtics: Hey Dallas, Great competitive series… Just (“Jason”) Kidding. (Celtics won with a Gentleman’s Sweep 4 – 1)
  416. What is Red Red Auerbach’s favorite type of gum?… Big Red. (Gum Jokes)
  417. What is Dave Cowens’ favorite type of gum?… Big Red. (Gum Jokes)
  418. 2024 NBA Finals: Boston Celtics: Jrue Holiday…. is a TRUE 2-Time NBA Champion.
  419. Boston Marathon Jokes Did you hear about the Boston Marathon runner who ran for three hours but only moved two feet?… He only had two feet!
  420. What do Boston Marathon runners do when they forget something?… They jog their memory.
  421. How do you know if someone ran the Boston Marathon?… Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!
  422. I didn’t run the Boston Marathon in 2018…. I didn’t run the Boston Marathon in 2019… I didn’t run the Boston Marathon in 2020. I’ve never run the Boston Marathon in my life. This is a running joke.
  423. I met a guy from the Middle East after the Boston Marathon. I asked him if he walked it. No, he said… Iran.
  424. I treat everyday like I’m running the Boston Marathon tomorrow… I rest, don’t run and load up on carbs.
  425. My friends won’t stop teasing me for giving up in the Boston Marathon after only 1 mile… I’ve become a running joke.
  426. I forgot my Boston Marathon joke…I need something to jog my memory!
  427. Did you hear about the Boston Marathon runner who was afraid of speed bumps on the road?… He’s slowly getting over it!
  428. Did you hear about the Boston Marathon runner who did the race barefoot?… She suffered the agony of de-feet!
  429. Training for the Boston Marathon is very big commitment… But it’s worth it in the long run!
  430. The cranberry farmer had a great sense of humor… he knew how to “juice” up the conversation!
  431. When it comes to dining out, I always ‘grill’ for a good time!
  432. How do Massachusetts kids stay so fit?… They’re always running to catch the wicked good ice cream truck!
  433. What did one Boston skyscraper say to the other?… “Stop looking down on me, we’re both just trying to reach new heights!”
  434. I told my friend I was going to a Massachusetts music festival, and he said, “That sounds wicked fun!”

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