Memorial Day Jokes

by | May 13, 2026 | Latest News, School Jokes

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  1. May Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Memorial Day jokes. 
  2. A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church. Pastor: “What are you looking at?” Boy: “All those names. Who are they?” Pastor: “They are the reason we have #MemorialDay. They are those who died in the service.” Boy: “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?”
  3. Soldiers in Heaven: Son: Don’t soldiers go to heaven? Mom: “Of course they do! Why do you ask? Son: So many soldiers have beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards. Mom: “Oh, that’s because most vets who go to Heaven get there by a close shave.” 
  4. Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?… Because freedom rings! 
  5. My great-grandfather fought with Napoleon, my grandfather fought with the French & my father fought with the Americans…. Your relatives couldn’t get along with anyone, could they?
  6. “Well,” snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the Seaman. “I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you’ll just be waiting for me to die so you can piss on my grave.” “Not me, Chief!” the Seaman replied. “Once I get out of the Navy, I’m never going to stand in line again!”
  7. What do army guys say when they forget Memorial Day?… Ah, shoot! 
  8. Which month do soldiers dread the most?… March.
  9. What is the difference between Veterans Day and Memorial Day?… Memorial Day remembers people who died in wars while Veterans Day honors those that survive. 
  10. Memorial Day 2020: Not a single person at those Memorial Day swim parties in Missouri was social distancing. They were packed in there, shoulder-to-shoulder, splashing around, making a… …second wave pool.
  11. Teacher: 250+ yrs ago, our 4 fathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War. Student: “They were strong, 4 men defeating an army!” 
  12. It’s going to be a hot Memorial Day Weekend… so our town’s ice store is having a liquidation sale. 
  13. Any tips / ideas on what to do for memorial day?… I forgot what to do.
  14. Fireworks Jokes: MemorialDay PSA: On one hand fireworks are a lot of fun. On the other hand I only have 2 fingers. 
  15. A nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about Memorial Day Weekend. “We live in a great country. We should be happy that we are all free.” A little boy came walking up to her. He stood with his hands on his hips & said. . . .“I’m not free. I’m 4.” 
  16. Navy Jokes: Navy captain: Change your course, 10 degrees W Light: Change yours 10 degrees E” Captain annoyed “I’m a Navy captain. Change your course.” “Seaman 1st Class. You must change your course, sir.” Captain “I’m an aircraft carrier..” Light final message: “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
  17. American Revolution Jokes: What was the most popular dance in 1776?… Indepen-dance. 
  18. What did the hamburger say to the hot dog on Memorial Day?… Let’s ketchup and relish this holiday! 
  19. What do ghosts serve on Memorial Day?… Grave-y Burgers!
  20. Geography Jokes: On Memorial Day, the teacher asked the students, ”Do you know why God created wars?” One student: To teach us, geography?
  21. What is Uncle Sam’s favorite Memorial Day snack?… Firecrackers. 
  22. I hope bad weather doesn’t ruin the Memorial Day plans… I didn’t make any.
  23. The only traffic I plan to encounter this Memorial Day weekend is on the internet. 
  24. Tea Jokes: What kind of tea did the American colonists want?… Liberty. 
  25. How many feet are in a yard?… It depends how many people have come to the Memorial Day cookout.
  26. Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.  Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.
  27. High School Reunion: At a 10-year high school reunion, a serviceman and a lawyer walk into the men’s room. After using the urinal, the serviceman zips up and heads for the door. The young lawyer while using the sink states, “Wow, had you gone to college maybe you would have learned to wash your hands!” 
  28. Tree Jokes: What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! 
  29. I hope it doesn’t rain on Memorial Day. Or else we’re going to have a lot of spare ribs. 
  30. What do army guys read on Memorial Day?… Magazine. 
  31. South Shore, MA: Memorial Day Parades: What march would you play at a jungle Memorial Day parade?… “Tarzan Stripes Forever!” 
  32. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?… The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
  33. What are the two main rules in the Army?… 1. The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1. 
  34. How did American colonists’ dogs protest against England?… The Boston Flea Party. 
  35. “If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.” Stephen Colbert 
  36. How much space do these Memorial Day jokes require?… A Gigglebyte. 
  37. The biggest honor I can bestow upon America this Memorial Day is not taking my shirt off. 
  38. In the military, how do you refer to children?… Infantry. 
  39. Why was the Memorial Day barbecue so lively?… Because the grill sergeant was in charge! 
  40. How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential Inauguration?…. In general terms.
  41. What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time?… Absent without leaf. 
  42. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?… Moomorial day. 
  43. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave. 
  44. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?…”Get in the boat, men!” 
  45. Did you hear about the artist in the Continental Army?… He was a Yankee doodler. 
  46. Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?… He’d heard that the best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup! 
  47. What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?… A seasoned veteran! 
  48. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Memorial Day? 
  49. If Harrison Ford’s son were in the Navy, what would be his favorite city?… Indy-Annapolis. 
  50. How is a bag of popcorn like an army?… It has lots of kernels. 
  51. Navy jet pilot: This is it! We’re flying faster than the speed of sound! Copilot: What? 
  52. Army soldiers can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the navy can fathom it.
  53. What was the name of the worm army?… The Apple Corps.
  54. What cat said, “The British are coming! The British are coming!”?… Paw Revere. 
  55. What grades do you need to join the Navy?… 7 C’s. 
  56. What color are military submarines?… Deep navy. 
  57. The 2012 film Lincoln is doing well in theaters… historically this has not been true. 
  58. British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July. When really the only thing that went overboard was their #tea.
  59. How much trash do you have to throw in the ocean to make a new country?… None, just some tea. 
  60. Why did the sailor join the navy?… Because he wanted to see the sea! 
  61. What did the Navy say to the coast guards?… “I’ll SEAL you later” 
  62. Did you know you can’t eat ice cream in the military?… Apparently you get arrested for desserting. 
  63. Teacher: “Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?” Student: “I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.” 
  64. Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette. 
  65. Why was the Navy movie not permitted to be played in theaters?… Due to censor-ship. 
  66. What was Thomas Jefferson’s favorite dessert?… Monti jello. 
  67. Who wins most of the medals for bravery in Burger Land?… The meatball heroes! 
  68. Why do we celebrate Memorial Day?… Because it’s the one day a year we can BBQ without feeling guilty! 
  69. Teacher: “True or False? The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. Student: “False. It was written in ink.” 
  70. What fruit do soldiers hate?… The Pommegranade. 
  71. What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?… John Hamcock! 
  72. What do you call an AWESOME American drawing by a child?… A Yankee Doodle Dandy! 
  73. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?… Tea-shirts.  
  74. Teacher: “Who wrote: Oh say, can you see?” Student: “An eye doctor?” 
  75. Did you hear about the tree who deserted the forest at the end of fall… He was absent without leaves! 
  76. What’s a ghost soldier’s favorite food on Memorial Day?… Boo-burgers.
  77. Do they have a 4th of July in England?… Of course. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th. 
  79. Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants?… Because they lived in colonies. 
  80. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Memorial Day knock-knock joke? 
  81. What’s the difference between a duck & George Washington?… One has a bill on his face; the other has his face on a bill! 
  82. Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even. 
  83. Why did the British cross the Atlantic?… To get to the other tide! 
  84. “Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”… “On the bottom!” 
  85. What did Paul Revere say at the end of his historic ride?… I’ve got to get a softer saddle! 
  86. What has four legs, a shiny nose, and fought for England?… Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer! 
  87. What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?… A bald beagle!. 
  88. What would you get if you crossed Washington’s home with nasty insects?… Mt. Vermin! 
  89. A little boy just couldn’t learn. One day his teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence. He didn’t know. For almost a week she asked him the same question every day, but still he couldn’t come up with the right answer. Finally, in desperation, she called the boy’s father to her office. “Your boy won’t tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence,” she complained. “Come here, son, and sit down,” the dad said to the boy. “Now if you signed that crazy thing, just admit it so we can get out of here!”
  90. If you want to avoid traffic this memorial day then avoid traveling on Memorial Day Weekend. 
  91. A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army… The octopus says no thanks I’m army enough as it is.
  92. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Memorial Day knock knock jokes? 
  93. Why didn’t Washington make a reservation to the restaurant on the moon?… Great food, no atmosphere! 
  94. What’s red, white and blue?… Our flag, of course. And a sad candy cane!  
  95. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?… Because the horse was too heavy to carry! 
  96. Did you hear about the Super Bowl player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub? 
  97. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?… It can’t sit down. 
  98. What is Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?… Firecrackers. 
  99. How do you memorialize the death of a planet?… You write an orbituary. 
  100. What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?… A fire cracker. 
  101. What’s big, cracked, and carries your luggage?… The Liberty Bellhop! 
  102. How do soldiers greet each other?… With a handshake! Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the Memorial Day parade?… To reach new heights! 
  103. What’s the difference between a soldier and a pirate?… One says “aye” and the other says “aye aye!”
  104. Why did the soldier sleep under a tank? …Because he wanted to be a tank-teddy bear!
  105. What do you get when you cross a soldier and a skunk?… An odoriferous combatant!
  106. Why did the soldier wear a striped shirt?… Because he wanted to blend in with his platoon!
  107. Why did the soldier take his bed to war?… So he could have a comfortable bunk!
  108. What did the soldier say to his sergeant when he found out they were going on a training exercise? “Sir, I thought you said we were going to an ice cream social!”
  109. What is red, white, blue, and yellow?… A star-spangled banana. 
  110. What’s red, white, blue and green?… A seasick Uncle Sam. 
  111. Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?… They’re both cracked. 
  112. What did Washington say as he crossed the Delaware?… ”Next time I’m going to reserve a seat!” 
  113. What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler. 
  114. Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks. 
  115. What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic turtle! 
  116. Why does Uncle Sam wear red, white and blue suspenders?… To hold up his pants. 
  117. What did the little firecracker say to the big firecracker?… Hi, Pop! 
  118. What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic pickle. 
  119. What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?… Yankee Poodle. 
  120. Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?… A duck family, Because it had a qwack in it! 
  121. Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?… At the chopping mall.
  122. What do you call someone who just got run over by a tank?… Crunchy. 
  123. Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree with his hatchet?… Because his mom wouldn’t let him use the chainsaw. 
  124. What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?… Dino-mite! 
  125. What would you get if you crossed an idiot with Yankee Doodle?… Yankee Doofus! 
  126. How is the American flag like Santa Claus?… They both hang out at the pole! 
  127. Teacher: “What do you know that has stars and stripes?” Student: “A movie about a zebra!” 
  128. What’s red, white, black and blue?… Uncle Sam falling down the stairs. 
  129. How was Christopher Columbus like ants?… They both established colonies. 
  130. Food, Family, Fourth of July, and Fireworks. The four best F words ever! (4th of July Jokes) Why did the British soldiers wear red coat?… So they could hide in the #tomatoes. 
  131. What’s red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?… A revolutionary warthog! 
  132. What kind of tea did the American colonists want?… Liberty. 
  133. “My brother swallowed a box of firecrackers.” Friend: “Is he all right now?”…. “I don’t know. I haven’t heard the last report.”
  134. What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?… A powdered wigwam! 
  135. What’s the favorite thing about Memorial Day for employees?… Saying to co-workers, “See you next Tuesday.”
  136. Why was the soldier thrown out of the cooking school? He cooked a grenade!
  137. Where did the General put his armies?… In his sleevies. (get it his sleeves)?
  138. What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?… Liberty!
  139. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  140. Teacher “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student “ Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” 
  141. Why didn’t the Confederate soldier want to go to the baseball game?… He heard the Yankees were playing. ? 
  142. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave. 
  143. Best War of 1812 Book Never Written:… “The Star- Spangled Banner” by Jose Kanusee. (Flag Day Jokes)
  144. Did you hear about the artist in the Continental Army?… He was a Yankee doodler.
  145. What kind of dive are infantry men best at?… Cannon-ball (101 Sports Jokes)
  146. Teacher: Johnny, what are the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner”?… Student:“Play ball”?
  147. What did one American flag say to the other flag?…..Nothing. It just waved!
  148. What did King George think of the American colonists?…He thought they were revolting!
  149. The tourist: ”Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?” 
  150. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?…The Americans licked the British. (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  151. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?…The Battle of Bonkers Hill. (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  152. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts. (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  153. What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War? … Chicken Catch-a-Tory! (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  154. What’s red, white and blue?… Our flag, of course. And a sad candy cane! (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  155. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?…Because the horse was too heavy to carry! (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)
  156. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?…”Get in the boat, men!”
  157. What ghost haunted King George III?… The spirit of ‘76!
  158. A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the Navy. But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.
  159. What do you call a really high ranking snack?… A popcorn colonel.
  160. Any tips or ideas on what to do for Memorial Day?… I forgot what to do.  
  161. Where did the General put his armies?… In his sleevies. 
  162. What did one American flag say to the other flag?… Nothing. It just waved!  
  163. Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?… Yeah, it cracked me up too! 
  164. Best War of 1812 Book Never Written:… “The Star- Spangled Banner” by Jose Kanusee. 
  165. What did the commander say to his troops?… March 4th! 
  166. The new backyard grill I got for Memorial Day weekend is actually assembled in America… The box of components are imported, but I had to put it together myself in my garage. 
  167. Teacher: What are the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner”?… Student:“Play ball”?   
  168. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?… The Americans licked the British. 
  169. Did you hear about the popcorn that joined the army?… They made him a kernel.
  170. This Memorial Day weekend, it is important to remember those who lost their battle to be swimsuit-ready by summer.  
  171. Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the Memorial Day parade?… To reach new heights! 
  172. Lots of people don’t have to work today. Which is why my motto is “Live every day like it’s Memorial Day.”
  173. What do you get when you drop a piano on an army officer?… A flat major. 
  174. Which day do Alzheimer’s patients forget?… Memorial Day. 
  175. What did King George think of the American colonists?… He thought they were revolting!
  177. Teacher: “How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country’s flag?” Student: “I guess they took a flag poll!” 
  178. Why don’t skeletons like Memorial Day?… They have no body to celebrate with!
  179. What do you get when you drop a piano on an army officer?… A flat major. (Piano Jokes)
  180. What did the flag say to the pole?… Nothing, it just waved!
  181. Why was the math book sad on Memorial Day?… It had too many problems.
  182. Why did the teacher go to the beach on Memorial Day?… To test the waters!
  183. Why was the strawberry so happy on Memorial Day?… It was berry excited for the barbecue!
  184. Why did the corn go to the Memorial Day parade?… It wanted to pop in and say hello!
  185. Why did the Memorial Day cake go to school?… It wanted to be a smart cookie!
  186. Why was the Memorial Day parade so slow?… It had a lot of marching orders!
  187. What did the Memorial Day cake say to the hamburger?… You look grilliant today!
  188. Memorial Day is a reminder that freedom isn’t free – but the hotdogs at the barbecue are!
  189. Why did the Memorial Day cake go to school?… It wanted to graduate with flying colors!
  190. Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the barbecue?… He wanted to raise the steaks!
  191. What did the patriotic bee say on Memorial Day?… “Hive a good one!”
  192. Why did the corn refuse to participate in the Memorial Day parade?… It was too husky!
  193. Which day do Alzheimer’s patients forget?… Memorial Day.
  194. What did the apple pie say to the ice cream on Memorial Day?… You complete me!
  195. Why did the bicycle fall over at the Memorial Day picnic?… It was two-tired!
  196. Why did the sun go to school on Memorial Day?… To get a little brighter!
  197. What’s a cat’s favorite Memorial Day activity?… A purr-ade!
  198. Why don’t we tell secrets at a Memorial Day picnic?… Because the potatoes have eyes, and the corn has ears!
  199. Why did the duck join the Memorial Day picnic?… He wanted to quack up the crowd!
  200. What’s a cow’s favorite Memorial Day activity?… Going to the moo-vies!
  201. What do you get when you cross a ghost with a patriotic holiday?… A star-spangled boo!
  202. Why don’t vampires like Memorial Day?… Too much at steak!
  203. What do you call a Memorial Day celebration on the beach?… A sand-tastic time!
  204. Why did the strawberry go to the Memorial Day dance?… It wanted to jam!
  205. What’s a frog’s favorite Memorial Day drink?… Croak-a-Cola!
  206. Why did the hamburger cross the road?… To ketchup with friends!
  207. Why was the computer cold at the Memorial Day picnic?… It left its Windows open!
  208. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours at a Memorial Day barbecue?… Nacho cheese!
  209. Why did the music teacher need a ladder on Memorial Day?… To reach the high notes!
  210. What’s a tree’s favorite drink on Memorial Day?… Root beer!
  211. Why did the bread go to the Memorial Day party?… It wanted to loaf around!
  212. Why did the crab refuse to share its picnic blanket on Memorial Day?… It was a little shellfish!
  213. Why did the banana bring sunscreen to the Memorial Day picnic?… To avoid peeling!
  214. What’s a sheep’s favorite game at the Memorial Day picnic?… Baa-dminton!
  215. Why did the lettuce win the Memorial Day race?… Because it was ahead!
  216. Why did the golfer bring extra pants to the Memorial Day cookout?… In case he got a hole in one!
  217. What do army guys say when they forget Memorial Day?… Ah, shoot!
  218. Why do volleyball players want to join the armed forces?… For the chance to gain some experience in the service. 
  219. Why don’t soldiers play hide and seek on Memorial Day?… Because good luck hiding when everyone’s off duty! 
  220. Why were the first Americans like ants?… They lived in colonies. 
  221. What did a patriot put on his dry skin?… Revo-lotion! 
  222. What was the Patriots favorite food in the Revolutionary War?… Chicken Catch-a-Tory! 
  223. There was a bad accident at the Air Force base… A #eep ran over a bag of popcorn and killed two kernels.
  224. Have you heard about the#karate champion who joined the military?… The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!
  225. An octopus went off to war… It’s a good thing that he was well-armed. 
  226. What month do all troops hate?… March. 
  227. What did Nala tell Simba after seeing a group of veterans parading towards them on Memorial Day?… You gotta Mufasa! 
  228. I wished everyone a Happy Memorial Day.. None of them responded
  229. Dad: You wanna join the #Navy? You can’t even swim! Son: no one can fly in the Air Force either.