Teacher Jokes

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Teacher Appreciation Week Quotes & Jokes for the Last Day of School

More Teacher Jokes…

Lobster Pun: A lobster was crying because his teacher called him a lost claws.
Why were the lobsters scoring at the lowest end of the C?… That’s because they all dropped out of school.
Black Friday Jokes: Handed in an assignment late today, looks like my teacher is giving black Friday deals too… 50% off. (180 School Jokes & Teacher Jokes)
Why were the lobsters scoring at the lowest end of the C?… That’s because they all dropped out of school.
You know, I use to be a teacher, but found out I didn’t have enough class… (Labor Day Jokes)
How did the geography student drown?… His grades were below C-level.(Geography Jokes for Teachers)
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. ‘Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school’ ‘But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.’ ‘Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.’ ‘Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!’ ‘Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.’ ‘Give me two reasons why I should go to school.’ ‘Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Head teacher!’ (Teacher Jokes & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
Why are fish so smart?… They travel in schools! (Teacher Jokes & Travel Guest Blogs)
What’s a middle school teacher’s favorite nation?… Expla-nation. (World Geography & Social Studies Jokes)
Why did the middle school teacher draw on the window?… Because he wanted his lesson to be very clear! (Top 10 Teacher Jokes)
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower then what does the teacher come on?… The scholar ships. (Pilgrim Jokes)
Teacher: Everybody hand in your homework, please. Students: Teacher, it’s the first day of school. We didn’t have any homework. Teacher: That’s right, and that’s the last excuse for not doing your homework that I’ll accept for the rest of the year. (Back to School Jokes)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah who?… Noah more summer – it’s time for school! (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids & Jokes for the 1st Day of School)
Knock Knock… Who’s there!… B-4!… B-4 who?… B-4 you leave school, thank your teacher for a great year! (Jokes for the Last Day of School)
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water? Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Student: Yesterday you said it was H to O. (Chemistry Jokes & Mole Day Jokes)
Why did the teacher jump into the water?… She wanted to test the water! (Swimming Jokes for Kids)
Putin won the election with 76.6% of the vote. Funnily enough the exact same percent I gave myself when my teacher told us we could mark our own tests and I didn’t want to look suspicious. (Election Jokes)
I just asked my teacher what his favorite part about being a teacher is…He responded with June, July, and August. (180 School Jokes & June Jokes)
Why did the teacher dive into the ocean, lake, river, or pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Swimming Jokes / Teacher Jokes / 180 School Jokes / Ocean Jokes)
Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?… They’re both below C level! (Geography Jokes )
Why did the poultry farmer become a school teacher?… So he could grade his eggs. (Egg Jokes & Farming Jokes)
Teachers always seem happy on the first day of school. That’s because they’re getting paid to be there. We kids have to do it for free. (Back to School Jokes)
I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class. (Labor Day Jokes)
What object is king of the classroom?… The ruler! (Teacher Jokes)
A book never written: “The Last Day of School?” by Wendy Belring
What is the difference between a school teacher and a train?… The teacher says spit your gum out and the train says “chew chew chew.” (School Jokes & Gum Jokes)
Son: My teacher says I have to write more clearly. Mom: That’s a good idea. Son: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell. (Teacher Jokes)
Have you heard about the teacher who was cross-eyed?… She couldn’t control her pupils! (Biology Jokes)
What month gets the worst grades?… “D” cember! (December Jokes)
What kind of test do student moles like best?… Mole-tiple choice. (Mole Day Jokes)
What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…Watch the board and I’ll go through it again. (Ghost Jokes & Teacher Jokes)
What’s a middle school teacher’s favorite nation?… Expla-nation. (World Geography)
Teacher: “Who wrote: Oh say, can you see?” Student: “An eye doctor?” (Biology Jokes)
Teacher: Why are you late for class?… Student: Because of the sign on the road? Teacher: What sign? Student: School Ahead. Go slow!
Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object? Student: You are pretty. Teacher: What’s the direct object? Student: A good report card.
“Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?”… “Because he went down in History.” (Christmas Jokes)
Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: It’s may. Student: No, it’s January! (January Jokes for Teachers)
How is the alphabet different on Christmas from every other day?… There’s Noel! (Christmas Jokes)
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on?… The scholar ships. (Teacher Jokes)
Teacher: Define claustrophobia. Student: Fear of Santa Claus? (Psychology Jokes & Christmas Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Gladys… Gladys, who?… Gladys the last day of school — no homework ALL SUMMER! Summer Jokes
Teacher: “True or False? The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. Student: “False. It was written in ink.” (Teacher Jokes / Pennsylvania Jokes / American Revolution Jokes)
What kind of school do you go to if you’re an ice cream man?… Sundae school.
What kind of school do you go to if you’re a surfer?… Boarding school. (Top Surfing Jokes)
Teacher: Everybody hand in your homework, please. Students:Teacher, it’s the first day of school. We didn’t have any homework. Teacher: That’s right, and that’s the last excuse for not doing your homework that I’ll accept for the rest of the year. (Top Back To School Jokes)
Mother: How did you find school on the 1st day today? Daughter: I just got off the bus and there it was! (Top Back To School Jokes)
A book never written: “When Does School Start?” by Wendy Belrings. (Top Back To School Jokes)
Teacher: “If I gave you 2 tents and another 2 tents and another 2, how many would you have?” Student:“Seven.” Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two tents, and another two tents and another two, how many would you have?” Student:“Seven.” Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?” Student:“Six.” Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two tents, and another two tents and another two, how many would you have?” Student:“Seven!” Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!” Student: “Because I’ve already own a tent!” (Camping Jokes for Kids)
Teacher: What would happen if you took the school bus home? Student: The police would make you bring it back! (Top Back To School Jokes)
What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8 (ate) 9! (Top Math Jokes)
Did you hear about the kidnapping?… Probably not, he is still sleeping.
Why did the M&M go to school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie! (Top Halloween Jokes & Top Elementary School Jokes)
What flies around the kindergarten room at night?… The alpha-BAT. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z & Top Elementary School Jokes)
What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?… A high-pot-in-use. (Top Math Jokes of All-Time & Top Geography Jokes)
Constitution Day: Constitution Day Jokes: How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions!
Teacher: Please use the words “letter carrier” in a sentence. Student: Yes, ma’am. “My dad said that after seeing how many things my mom was bringing on vacation, he would rather letter carrier own luggage.”
National Talk Like a Pirate Day: What is a pirate’s favorite letter?…. Most people think it’s the ‘R’rrrr, but really it’s the ‘C’ they love. (26 lessons for the Letter of the Week / Top 10 Talk Like A Pirate Day Jokes / Top Pirate Jokes)
What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College. (2016 Presidential Election Jokes)
What do you find in an empty nose?…fingerprints! (Top Elementary School Jokes)
What reads and lives in an apple?… A bookworm. (Can Your Child Read Too Much? & 180 School Jokes)
What school subject is a witch good at?… Spelling. (Does Spelling REALLY matter?
Who are the happiest people at the football game?… The cheerleaders. (College Football Jokes)
What’s the mole’s favorite college football team?… The Florida State Semimoles (College Football Jokes & 101 Mole Day Jokes)
Why did the deer need braces?… He had buck teeth.
Why was the big hairy, two-headed monster top of the class in school?… Because two heads are better than one. (180 School Jokes & 365 School Jokes)
When is the best time to go to the dentist?… At tooth-hurty (2:30). (180 School Jokes & World Smile Day Jokes)
Where do farmers send their kids to grow?… Kinder-garden. (Top Elementary Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
What do farmers use to make crop circles?… A Protractor (Top Pi Day Jokes)
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?… Because he was out standing in his field! (Top Fall Jokes)
How much does Avogadro exaggerate?… He makes mountains out of mole hills. (Top Geography Jokes & 101 Mole Day Jokes)
Which state does the most laundry?… Washington. (Top 10 U.S. States Jokes)
What school subject is a witch good at?… Spelling. (Does Spelling REALLY matter?)
What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi (101 Pi Day Jokes)
October 23rd: 101 Mole Day Jokes (Top Science Jokes): What did one mole say to the other?… We make great chemistry together.
October 24th: United Nations Day Jokes: I Hague to tell you, we do not have too many United Nations Jokes. (World Geography Jokes & Top Geography Jokes)
National Chocolate Day: Chocolate Jokes: What did the M&M go to college?… Because he wanted to be a Smarty. (Top College Jokes)
National Cat Day: Top Cat Jokes: What is a cat’s favorite color?… Purrrple!
What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…Watch the board and I’ll go through it again. (Top Teacher Jokes & Top Halloween Jokes)
Where does a vampire keep his money?… In a blood bank. (Top Biology Jokes & Top Halloween Jokes)
October 31st: Top Halloween Jokes: The nurse walked into the busy doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, the invisible man is here.” The doctor replied, “Sorry, I can’t see him.”
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said… “How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.” (Grandparent Jokes)

Place

Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! There are 179 more jokes.
Why did the inches obey the yardstick?… He was their ruler!
What do you find in an empty nose?…fingerprints
Why are bananas good at gymnastics… They do great banana splits!
Why won’t the elephant use the computer?….He’s afraid of the mouse!
What do you call a sleeping cow?… a bulldozer!
What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?….Patty
What did the square say to the old circle?… Been around long?
What kind of hats do they where at the North Pole?….Ice Caps
What kind of snack do you have during a scary movie?…. I scream (ice cream)
What is a cat’s favorite dessert?….Pie a la meow’d!!!
Why is music like a fish?…. they both have scales!
What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?…. a walkie-talkie
What happens when you wear a snowsuit inside?…… It melts!
Did you hear about the dog at the flea circus? …He stole the show!
What does an envelope say when you lick it?…Nothing. It just shuts up.
How can you tell the ocean is friendly?…It waves!
Which are the stronger days of the week?…Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Which runs faster, hot or cold?…Hot. Everyone can catch a cold.
What did the flower say to the bike?…Petal!
Did people laugh when the lady fell on the ice?…No, but the ice cracked up.
Knock knockout?… Who is there?,,Daisy…Daisy who?…Daisy plays, nights he sleeps!
How do athletes stay cool during a game?…They sit near the fans!
What did the older chimney say to the younger chimney?…You’re too little to smoke!
What did the stamp say to the envelope?…Stick with me we’ll go places!
What do you call a cow with no legs?…Ground beef.
How do you make a tissue dance?…Put a little boogey in it!
What did the water say to the boat?…Nothing, it just waved.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?…They don’t have the guts.
Did you hear about the kidnapping?…Probably not, he is still sleeping.
How do small children travel?…In mini-vans
What has hands but does not clap….A clock!
How do you make an egg roll?….You push it.
What did the math book tell the pencil?….I have a lot of problems.
How do billboards talk?….Sign language!
What kind of chain is edible?….A food chain!
How do hens stay fit?….The “egg-ercise”
What kind of cat likes water?….an octopuss!
What did the bunny say on January 1st?….Hoppy new year!
What do a chicken and a band have in common?….They both have drum sticks!
Why did the tomato turn red?….It saw the salad dressing!
What did the grape do when it got stepped on?….It let out a little wine!
Where did the spaghetti go to dance?….The Meat Ball!
When is a door like a bottle?….When the door is ajar.
What is the best thing to put into a pie?….A fork!
What does a pig put on a cut?….Oinkment
What do call of people afraid of Santa Claus?….Claustrophobic
What did the father buffalo say to his son?….Bye son (bison)
What is a pilot’s favorite type of donut?….A plain (plane) donut!
Why is it so hot in a football stadium after a game?….All the fans have left!
Why is a lost Dalmatian easily found?….Because he is always spotted!
Did you hear the joke about the cookie?….It is crummy.
What is a cat’s favorite color?….PUUUUURple
Did you hear the joke about the construction project?….I’m still working on it!
Where do you put smart hot dogs?….On honor rolls!
What goes tick-tock, woof-woof?….A watchdog!
What did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date?….Shore.
How do you get a peanut to laugh?….you crack it up!
Why did the farmer bury all his money?….to make his soil rich!
Where can you find an ocean without water?….on a map!
Why do shoemakers go to heaven?….Because they have good soles!
What do you call it when a cat sues another cat? … A Claw suit.
Where do actors like to camp? ……The Hollywoods!
Why do fish swim in salt water?….Pepper makes them sneeze.
What is a robot’s favorite snack?….Computer chips!
What do you call a fish with two knees?….A two nee fish!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?….Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bay gulls (bagels)!
Why did the boy stare at the automobile’s radio?….He wanted to watch a car-tune.
When is a theater clumsy?….When the curtain falls.
Why was the annoying exterminator fired?….Because he bugged his boss.
How did the soldier fit his tank in his house?…It was a fish tank!
Why was the book in the hospital?…Because it hurt his spine.
What did the leaves name their sons?…Russell.
Why did the man throw a clock out the window?…He wanted time to fly.
What is a rapper’s favorite toy?…a yo – YO!
Have you heard of the singing group the three dwarves?…Probably not. They are not that big.
What has wheels and flies?…a garbage truck!
Where do cows go on dates?…MOOOOvies
Why was the trashcan sad?…He / she was dumped.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?…a Gummy bear
Why did the cookie cry?…He was feeling crumby.
Why did the computer go to the doctors?…It had a virus.
Why do birds fly south in the winter?…Because it’s too far to walk!
What is a snake’s favorite class?…Hissss-tory!
What do you call a cow with no feet?…Ground beef!
What kind of pants do ghosts wear?…Boo jeans!
What do prisoners use to call each other?…Cell phones.
What do you get from a pampered cow?…Spoiled milk.
What dog keeps the best time?…A watchdog.
What did the dentist give to the marching band?…A TUBA toothpaste
What did the bottle of dressing say to the person who opened the refrigerator door?…“SHUT THE DOOR!” I’m dressing!
What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?…Dam!
Why is a traffic light red?…You would be red too if you were changing in front of people all day.
What is a pirate’s favorite letter?…RRRRR
Why does the pirate wear camouflage underwear?… To hide his booty!
Did I tell you the joke about the ceiling?…Oh forget it. It’s over your head.
What room is a dead man most afraid of?…The living room!
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?…He had NO BODY to go with.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?…Nothing. He waved.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. But what do two WRIGHTS make?…A plane (Orville and Wilbur WRIGHT)!
Why was the strawberry sad?…His mother got into a JAM!
What do you call cheese that is not yours?…NACHO cheese!
When is the best time to go to the dentist?…2:30 (Tooth Hurty)!
What did one cannibal say to other after eating a clown?…Hey! Does this taste FUNNY to you?
What did one lamp say to the other lamp?…Hey! You turn me on!
Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?…The wedding ceremony wasn’t too good, but the reception was great!
What did the man say when he walked into the bar?…Ouch!
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?… He’s all right now.
Why do bagpipers walk when they play?…They’re trying to get away from the noise.
What does a skeleton order when he goes to a bar?…A beer and a mop.
Where do fish put their money?….. in a river bank!
What is the favorite TV show of fish?…Name that TUNA!
What did one penny say to the other penny?…Let’s get together and make some (sense) cents!
How much did it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears? … a buck an ear (a buccaneer)!
Why did the skeleton go to the piano store?…To buy some organs!
What section of the paper does a ghost always read?…the HORRORscopes
Why did the skeleton hold up the barbecue?…He needed a spare rib.
What did one eye say to the other eye?….Something between us smells!
What do you call a cow that walks on water?…Holy cow!
What is a witch’s favorite class?…Spelling
Why did the lettuce beat the carrot in a race?…Because it was a head!
What do you call a deer with no eyes?…No-Eye Deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes AND no legs…Still, no eyed deer!
What did zero (0) say to eight (8)?…Nice belt
Why is six afraid of seven?… Because 7 ATE 9
What do you get you drip a piano down a mineshaft?… A flat minor
What did one math book say to the other?…You think you’ve got problems.
What did one plate say to the other plate?…Lunch (dinner, or breakfast) is on me!
Where does Santa keep his money?…In a snow bank!
What did one wall say to the other?… Hey, let’s meet in the corner.
What is a knight’s favorite fish?… swordfish
Why are fish so smart?… They travel in schools!
What did the picture say to the wall?… I was framed!
Why do fish swim in salt water?… Pepper makes them sneeze.
What is a robot’s favorite snack? … Computer chips!
Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Daisy… Daisy who?… Daisy plays, nights he sleeps!
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? … A nervous wreck.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? … He wanted cold hard cash!
What is a construction workers favorite bird? … A crane!
If two is a pair and three is a crowd, what are four and five? … Nine!
Why did the turtle cross the road? … To get to the “Shell” (gas) stations!
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? … Because he’s always a little short.
Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Irish…Irish who? … Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
When does “B” come after “U”? … When you disturb its hive.
What is a frog’s favorite drink? … “croak – a – cola”
Have you heard the joke about the baseball? … It’ll leave you in stitches.
If April showers bring may flowers, what do mayflowers bring? … Pilgrims
What did one candle say to the other candle? … Are you going out tonight?
What did the blanket say to the bed? … Don’t worry. I got you covered.
Why did Silly Bill tip toe past the medicine cabinet? … He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
What is a pokemon’s favorite dance? … The hokey pokemon
What bird can write under water? … A ball-point “pen” quin
Have you heard the joke about the sidewalk? … It’ll crack you up!
Knock, knock…Who’s there?…Dwayne…Dwayne who? … Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwowning!
Why did the turkey cross the road? … To prove it wasn’t chicken.
Knock, knock…Who’s there?…No body… (Don’t say anything)!
What kind of witch likes the beach? … a SAND witch (sandwich)!
What do you get if you say “Tornado” ten times backward and forward? … A real tongue-twister!
Did you hear the one about the duck who robbed banks? … He was a safe quacker.
What kind of key does not open a lock? … a mon – KEY!
Why is your nose in the middle of your face? … Because it is the “scenter.” / Center!
How do you make a Venetian blind? … Poke him in the eye.
What do you call a bird that is sad? … A Blue Bird!
What do you call a fish with no I’s? … A Fssssssh!
Why did the baseball player get arrested? … Because he stole second base
What was the baby ant so confused? … Because all his uncles were ANTS!
Why was the dolphin so sad? … Because he had no PORPOISE in life!
What happened when the frog parked illegally? … It was TOAD!!
What always falls and never gets hurt?……..rain!
I heard they put a new wing on the school….That is true, but it still won’t fly.
What do astronauts have for dinner?…Launch meat!
What letters are not in the alphabet?…The ones in the mail.
Knock Knock!…Who’s there?…Cargo!…Cargo who?…CarGo Beep Beep!
What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears?… anything you want, it can’t hear you!
What is the only bow that you can’t tie?…Rainbow!
Knock Knock. Who’s there?…Dishes….Dishes who?…Dishes the police, come out with your hands up!!
What is the loudest state?… ILL-I-NOISE
Knock knock…who’s there?…little boy…little boy who?…little boy who can’t reach the doorbell!
Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?… to see a butterfly!
How was that Camping Trip?…Intense (in-tents)!
Why are Teddy Bears never hungry?…Because they are always stuffed!

November 2016

November Jokes / November Advertising Opportunities / November Hashtag of the Day

Top 10 Geography Week Jokes

What month should you never ask to the prom? NO – vember. (November Jokes & Clean Prom Jokes)
National Sandwich Day: What did the ghost eat for lunch?… A booloney sandwich! (Top Halloween Jokes & Top High School Jokes)
Why did the police officer go to the baseball game?… Someone stole second base!(Top World Series Jokes)
National Candy Day: What kind of bear has no teeth?… A gummy bear (National Candy Day Jokes)
Daylight Saving Time: What does a clock do when it’s hungry?… It goes back for seconds! (Top Sandwich Day Jokes & Top Day Lightsavings Jokes)
Daylight Saving Time: Why did the girl throw the clock out the window?… Because she wanted to see time fly. (Top Sandwich Day Jokes & Top Day Lightsavings Jokes)
Election Eve: Presidential Election Jokes (Electoral College: Highest to Lowest / Top Social Studies Jokes / Top 500 U.S. Jokes): What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College.
2016 Election Day Results: Presidential Election Jokes How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms. (Top George Washington Quotes)
Where did the General put his armies?… In his sleevies. (get it his sleeves)?
Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes: If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?… Pilgrims (The Mayflower Ship)
Veterans Day: Top Veterans Day Jokes: What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! (Top 40 4th of July Jokes & Top Arbor Day Jokes)
National Pizza Day: What’s the difference between a pizza & our pizza jokes?… Our pizza jokes can’t be topped!
National Pizza Day: Want to hear a joke about pizza?… Never mind, it’s too cheesy.
The Beaver Moon: Why couldn’t the astronaut book a room on the moon?… Because it was full! (Astronomy Jokes & Full Moon Jokes)
What sound does a turkey’s phone make?…Wing! Wing! (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes: What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?…Plymouth Rock!
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?… Their AGE! (Grandparents Day Jokes)
Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?…He was feeling crummy. (Top Christmas Jokes)

December 2016
December Jokes / December Advertising Opportunities / December Hashtag of the Day
Snow Day Jokes & Christmas Trivia

What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?… The letter “D”!
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?… Cold cash! (Top Winter Jokes & Top Christmas Jokes)
What is the difference between the alphabet and the Christmas alphabet?…The Christmas alphabet has no L (noel). (Does Spelling REALLY matter?)
If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?…Missile Toe. (Top Astronomy Jokes)
December 8th: National Brownie Day Jokes: How is a softball team like a brownie?… They both depend on a good batter! (Top Softball Jokes)
December 25th: Top Christmas Jokes: What is the difference between the alphabet and the Christmas alphabet?…The Christmas alphabet has no L (noel) (Christmas Trivia / 26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z/ Top Elementary School Jokes)
What did the triple jumper say to the track & field team on January 1st?… Hoppy New Year (365 Sports Jokes / Top Track & Field Jokes / School Jokes for New Year’s Eve)

January
January Jokes & Top Winter Jokes

January 1st: New Year’s Day Jokes: What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?…. Hoppy New Year! (Top Easter Jokes)
How do snowmen travel around?… By icicle! (Top Cycling Jokes)
Where the snowman does dances on?… A snow ball! (Top Winter Jokes)
National Spaghetti Day Jokes: What do you call a pasta that is sick?… Mac and sneeze. (Top Winter Jokes)
National Bird Day: What kind of math do Snowy Owls like?… Owlgebra! (101 Pi Day Jokes & Algebra Jokes)
What does Jack Frost like best about school?… Snow and tell. (Top Elementary School Jokes & Top Winter Jokes)
What flies around the kindergarten room at night?… The alpha-BAT. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z)
What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?… In the kindergarden. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z)
Why are fish so smart?… They live in schools! (180 School Jokes)
What is a snake’s favorite class?… Hissss-tory! (Great Lessons for Psychology and U.S. History)
What did mama cow say to baby cow?… It’s pasture bedtime. (Mother’s Day Jokes)
What did the square say to the old circle?… Been around long? (Top Math Jokes & 101 Pi Day Jokes)
Friday the 13th: What do get when you cross Jason Voorhees and a box of cherrios?… A cereal killer. (Top Cereal Day Jokes)
Why are bananas good at gymnastics… They do great banana splits! (Top Gymnastics Jokes)
What did the hat say to the tie?… “You hang around here…I’ll go on a head.” (Hat Day Jokes & Biology Jokes)
Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?… It’s mole-itically incorrect (101 Mole Day Jokes & Top Election Jokes)
3.14% of Sailors are PI rates! (Top Pirate Jokes)
What’s Winnie’s favorite bird?… Christopher Robin. (Winnie the Pooh Jokes & Winnie the Pooh Quotes)
Why aren’t there many jokes about popcorn?… Because they are corny. (National Popcorn Day)
What is the most popular college for inauguration?… The Electoral College. (Inauguration Day & Top College Jokes)
When did Anakin’s Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?… In the Sith Grade.(Top Star Wars Jokes & Top Elementary School Jokes)

Why are fish so smart?… They live in schools! (Top Elementary School Jokes)
What is a snake’s favorite class?… Hissss-tory! (Great Lessons for Psychology and U.S. History)
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?…. Idaho, Alaska! (Top 10 U.S. States Jokes & Top Geography Jokes)
What always sits in the corner but can move all round the world?… A stamp. (World Geography Jokes)

What do you call a slow skier?… A slopepoke! (Top Skiing Jokes)
Which runs faster, hot or cold?… Hot. Everyone can catch a cold. (180 School Jokes)
Did people laugh when the lady fell on the ice?… No, but the ice cracked up. (Top Winter Jokes)
How do you make a tissue dance?… Put a little boogey in it! (180 School Jokes)
Did you hear about the kidnapping?… Probably not, he is still sleeping. (180 School Jokes)
How do billboards talk?…. Sign language! (180 School Jokes)

February
February Jokes & Top Winter Jokes

The roundest knight at King Arthur’s was Sir Cumference… He ate too much Pi! (101 Pi Day Jokes)
February 2nd: Top Ground Hog Day Jokes: What do you call Punxsutawney Phil’s laundry?… Hogwash.
What is the snowman’s breakfast?… Frosted flakes! (Top Cereal Jokes)

Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?… They’re both below C level! (Top Geography Jokes)

Why did the M&M go to school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie! (Top Candy Jokes)
What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?… He has only one pupil. (Top Elementary School Jokes)
Why do magicians do so well in school?… They’re good at trick questions. (Top Elementary School Jokes)
Best school book never written: “The Best Subject in School” by Jim Class. (Top Elementary School Jokes)
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?… A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!” (Top Elementary School Jokes)
What kind of school do you go to if you’re a giant?… High school. (Top High School Jokes)
What’s the king of all school supplies?… The ruler. (Top Elementary School Jokes)
What school teaches you how to greet people?… “Hi” School. (Top High School Jokes)
What kind of school do you go to if you’re King Arthur?… Knight school. (Top Elementary School Jokes)
February 14th: Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes: Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?… Because you can really party hearty!

Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You said we had to do it without tables! (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)

Why did the student eat his homework?… Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake. (Top Elementary School Jokes)
What did the dentist give to the high school marching band?… A TUBA toothpaste. (Top Elementary School Jokes)
Why is a math book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.(Top Jokes for Math Teachers).
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance?… He didn’t have anybody to take. (any BODY) (Top Biology Jokes)
February 20th: President’s Day Jokes: What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
Why was the biology book in the hospital?… Because it hurt his spine. (Top Biology Jokes)
Why did the music teacher need a ladder?… To reach the high notes. (Top Elementary School Jokes)

PUPIL: “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?” TEACHER: “Of course not.” PUPIL: “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.” (Top Elementary School Jokes)

What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?… Expla-nation. (Top Elementary School Jokes)
Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded. (Top Grandparents Day Jokes)
Teacher: If I had ten apples in my right hand and nine in my left, what would I have?… Student: Huge hands! (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
What is a chalkboard’s favorite drink?… hot chalk-olate! (Top Chocolate Jokes)
Name a bus you can never enter?… A syllabus. (Top Elementary School Jokes)

March
Top Spring Jokes
IPractice Math is a great resource for parents and teachers! It offers learning topics in Algebra, Calculus, Decimals, Fractions, and Consumer Math. Teachers and independent learners can register. here to register.

What Dr. Seuss baseball book was never published?… “The Cat at Bat!” (Top Baseball Jokes)
March 2nd: Dr. Seuss Jokes: Why doesn’t the Grinch like knock knock jokes?… Because there’s always Whos there! (Top Christmas Jokes)
What is Sam-I-am’s middle name?… “I” (Dr. Seuss Jokes)
March 7th: National Pancake Day Jokes: Did you hear about the angry pancake?… He just flipped..
March 7th: National Cereal Day: Did you hear about Tony The Tiger’s murder?… Police suspect a cereal killer.
March 9th: National Meatball Day: Where did the spaghetti go to dance?… The meat ball!
101 Pi Day Jokes: What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi! (Top Math Jokes)
March 13th: National Napping Day Jokes: Did you hear about the kidnapping?…. He’s still sleeping!
March 14th: 101 Pi Day Jokes: 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates! (Top Pirate Jokes)
March 15th: Ides of March Jokes: Why did Julius Caesar by crayons?… He wanted to Mark Anthony!
March 17th: St. Patrick’s Day Jokes: Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
March 20th: (1st Day of Spring): If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?… Pilgrims! (Top Social Studies Jokes & Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)

May
Top Spring Jokes

May 4th: Top 10 Star Wars Jokes (May the 4th be with you!)
May 14th: Mothers’ Day Jokes & Top Quotes for Mothers
May 29th: Top Memorial Day Jokes

By Month

June

Summer Jokes for Kids
National Donut Day: Why did the baker stop making donuts?… He was fed up with the hole business! (Labor Day Jokes & Donut Jokes for Kids) #NationalDonutDay
National Trails Day: Did hear the mountain joke?… You won’t get over it! #NationalTrailsDay
Knock Knock… Who’s there!… B-4!… B-4 who?… B-4 you leave school, thank your teacher for a great year! (Write a Thank You Letter to A Teacher)
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World Oceans Day: What has no beginning, end or middle & touches every continent?… The Ocean. #WorldsOceansDay #WorldOceanDay
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A book never written: “The Last Day of School?” by Wendy Belring (Top K-12 Jokes)
Flag Day: How is a flag like Santa Claus?… They both hang out at the pole! (Christmas Jokes for Kids & Christmas Trivia)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Gladys… Gladys, who?… Gladys the last day of school — no homework ALL SUMMER! (Top Summer Jokes)
Summer Solstice Jokes: #SummerSolstice

July

What kind of school do you go to if you’re an ice cream man?… Sundae school.
What kind of school do you go to if you’re a surfer?… Boarding school. (Top Surfing Jokes)

August

August Jokes & Top Summer Jokes

Do you know what Betty Crocker cupcakes & a Little League World Series team have in common?… They both count on the batter! (August 24th: Waffle Day Jokes)
Did you hear the joke about the baseball?… It will leave you in stitches! (Top Little League Baseball Jokes)
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?…”Catch ya later!” (Top Little League Baseball Jokes)
Which baseball player holds water?…The pitcher. (Top Little League Baseball Jokes)
Why are some umpires fat?…They always clean their plate! (Top Little League Baseball Jokes)
Why are spiders good baseball players?… Because they know how to catch flies! (Top Little League Baseball Jokes)
Why are baseball games at night?… Because bats sleep during the day! (Bats at the Beach is a Great Summer Book! & Top Little League Baseball Jokes)

September Jokes / Top Fall Jokes / September Advertising

Teacher: Everybody hand in your homework, please. Students: Teacher, it’s the first day of school. We didn’t have any homework. Teacher: That’s right, and that’s the last excuse for not doing your homework that I’ll accept for the rest of the year. (Top Back To School Jokes)
Mother: How did you find school on the 1st day today? Daughter: I just got off the bus and there it was! (Top Back To School Jokes)
A book never written: “When Does School Start?” by Wendy Belrings. (Top Back To School Jokes)
Teacher: What would happen if you took the school bus home? Student: The police would make you bring it back! (Top Back To School Jokes)
Labor Day: Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?… It doesn’t work for me!(Top Labor Day Jokes)
Grandparents Day: Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma… Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Aunt. Aunt who?… Aunt you glad Grandma’s gone? (Grandparents Day Jokes)
Did you hear that some NFL football teams don’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together. (Top NFL Jokes)
What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8 (ate) 9! (Top Math Jokes)
What do you call a grandpa whale?… A hunch back whale! (Top Grandparents Day Jokes)
When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.” (Top Grandparents Day Jokes)
Did you hear about the kidnapping?… Probably not, he is still sleeping.
Why did the M&M go to school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!(Top Halloween Jokes & Top Elementary School Jokes)
What flies around the kindergarten room at night?… The alpha-BAT. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z & Top Elementary School Jokes)
What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?… A high-pot-in-use. (Top Math Jokes of All-Time & Top Geography Jokes)
Constitution Day: Constitution Day Jokes: How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions!
Top Fall Jokes: What did the tree say to autumn?… Leave me alone! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
National Cheeseburger Day: Did you hear about the hamburger patty who told funny jokes?… He was on a roll! (French Fry Jokes / Hot Dog Jokes)
National Talk Like a Pirate Day: What is a pirate’s favorite letter?…. Most people think it’s the ‘R’rrrr, but really it’s the ‘C’ they love. (26 lessons for the Letter of the Week / Top 10 Talk Like A Pirate Day Jokes / Top Pirate Jokes)
Where did the one legged pirate go for breakfast?… IHOP (Top 10 Talk Like A Pirate Day Jokes & Top Pirate Jokes)
Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?… To make up for his miserable summer. (Top Summer Jokes & Top Fall Jokes)
What did the tree say to autumn?… Leave me alone. (Top Fall Jokes)
How do you fix a broken pumpkin?… With a pumpkin patch. (Top Fall Jokes)
What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College. (2016 Presidential Election Jokes)
How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms. (2016 Presidential Election Jokes & George Washington Quotes)
Did you hear the joke about the baseball?… It will leave you in stitches! (101 Baseball Jokes)
What do you find in an empty nose?…fingerprints! (Top Elementary School Jokes)
What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a monster?… a double header! (Top Baseball Jokes: Page #1 Google Search)
What reads and lives in an apple?… A bookworm. (Can Your Child Read Too Much? & 180 School Jokes)
What school subject is a witch good at?… Spelling. (Does Spelling REALLY matter?)

October Jokes / October Advertising Opportunities / October Hashtags

Top Fall Jokes

Who are the happiest people at the football game?… The cheerleaders. (College Football Jokes)
How was Columbus’s ship like an avid shopper?… They’re both driven by sales! (Columbus Day Jokes)
What’s the mole’s favorite college football team?… The Florida State Semimoles (College Football Jokes & 101 Mole Day Jokes)
Why did the deer need braces?… He had buck teeth.
Why was the big hairy, two-headed monster top of the class in school?… Because two heads are better than one. (180 School Jokes & 365 School Jokes)
Why did the king go to the dentist?… To get a new crown! (Top Social Studies Jokes / 180 School Jokes / World Smile Day Jokes)
When is the best time to go to the dentist?… At tooth-hurty (2:30). (180 School Jokes & World Smile Day Jokes)
What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?… Straw-berries! (Top Fall Jokes)
Where do farmers send their kids to grow?… Kinder-garden. (Top Elementary Jokes & 180 School Jokes)
October 10th: Columbus Day: Columbus Day Jokes: Where did Columbus first land in America?… On his feet!
What do farmers use to make crop circles?… A Protractor (Top Pi Day Jokes)
October 12th: National Farmer’s Day: What new crop did the farmer plant?… Beets me!
What did the tree say to autumn?… Leave me alone. (Top Fall Jokes)
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?… Because he was out standing in his field! (Top Fall Jokes)
What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?… One takes the snap, the other takes a nap. (College Football Jokes & 101 Mole Day Jokes)
Did you hear the joke about the baseball?… It will leave you in stitches! (World Series Baseball Jokes)
How much does Avogadro exaggerate?… He makes mountains out of mole hills. (Top Geography Jokes & 101 Mole Day Jokes)
Which state does the most laundry?… Washington. (Top 10 U.S. States Jokes)
Why didn’t Dracula have any friends?…He was a pain in the neck! (Top Biology Jokes)
What school subject is a witch good at?… Spelling. (Does Spelling REALLY matter?)
What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a monster?… a double header! (Top Halloween Sports Jokes & Top Baseball Jokes: Page #1 Google Search)
What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi (101 Pi Day Jokes)
October 23rd: 101 Mole Day Jokes (Top Science Jokes): What did one mole say to the other?… We make great chemistry together.
October 24th: United Nations Day Jokes: I Hague to tell you, we do not have too many United Nations Jokes. (World Geography Jokes & Top Geography Jokes)
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?…”Catch ya later!” (World Series Baseball Jokes)
National Pumpkin Day: Top Pumpkin Jokes: What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?… A pumpkin patch. (Halloween Jokes)
National Chocolate Day: Chocolate Jokes: What did the M&M go to college?… Because he wanted to be a Smarty. (Top College Jokes)
National Cat Day: Top Cat Jokes: What is a cat’s favorite color?… Purrrple!
What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…Watch the board and I’ll go through it again. (Top Teacher Jokes & Top Halloween Jokes)
Where does a vampire keep his money?… In a blood bank. (Top Biology Jokes & Top Halloween Jokes)
October 31st: Top Halloween Jokes: The nurse walked into the busy doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, the invisible man is here.” The doctor replied, “Sorry, I can’t see him.”