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**Calculus Jokes: Top Calculus Jokes:**

**Pi Day Jokes (11)**

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- What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi!
- What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Moon Pi.
- What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?…Pi in the sky.
- Mathematician: “Pi r squared” Baker:” No! Pies are round, cakes are square!
- What do we get when we take the object and order the rim by the diameter?…Pi in the sky by and by.
- In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.
- What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?… Pi a’la mode.
- 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates!
- A
**mathematician**, a**physicist**, and an**engineer**are all given identical

rubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything they

want to measure it, and have all the time they need.**The mathematician**pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume.**The physicist**gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures.**And the engineer?**He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.

- What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi!
- What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Moon Pi.
- What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?…Pi in the sky.
**Mathematician:**“Pi r squared”**Baker:**” No! Pies are round, cakes are square!- What do we get when we take the object and order the rim by the diameter?…Pi in the sky by and by.
- The roundest knight at King Arthur’s was Sir Cumference… He ate too much Pi!
- What is the official animal of Pi Day?… the PI – thon!
- What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?… Pi a’la mode.
- 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates!
- A
**mathematician**, a**physicist**, and an**engineer**are all given identicalrubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything theywant to measure it, and have all the time they need.**The mathematician**pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume.**The physicist**gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures.**And the engineer?**He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.

**Math Riddles (14)**

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- Why should you never mention the number 288 in front of anyone?… Because it is too gross (2 x 144 – two gross).
- How is the moon like a dollar?… They both have 4 quarters.
- How can you add eight 8′s to get the number 1,000? (only using addition) A: 888 +88 +8 +8 +8 = 1,000
- How many eggs can you put in an empty basket? … Only one, after that the basket is not empty.
- Where can you buy a ruler that is 3 feet long?… At a yard sale
- When things go wrong, what can you always count on?… Your fingers.
- What coin doubles in value when half is deducted?… A half dollar.
- Why are diapers like 100 dollar bills?… They need to be changed.
- What goes up and never comes down?… Your Age
- Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches long?… Otherwise it would be a foot.
- Why do they never serve beer at a math party?… Because you can’t drink and derive…
- Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?… Because it had more cents.
- Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8(ate) 9
- What is a proof?… One-half percent of alcohol.

*Geometry Jokes (33)*

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- What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?… A high-pot-in-use
- What do you call a crushed angle?…. A Rectangle (wrecked angle)
- What did the baby tree say when it looked in a mirror?… Gee-Om-A-Tree.
- What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds?… A plane cheeseburger.
- Why did I divide sin by tan?… Just cos.
- What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?… A line.
- Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?… because it was over 90 degrees.
- What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?…
- Nothing! You know you can’t cross a scalar and a vector.
- What did the acorn say when he grew up?… Gee, I’m A Tree!
- Why does nobody talk to circles?… Because there is no point!
- What do you call an angle which is adorable?… acute angle
- What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?… Hexagon
- Who invented the Round Table?… Sir Cumference.
- Which triangles are the coldest?… Ice-sosceles triangles.
- What do people who whine a lot and 3 points have in common?… They are both coplaners
- How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie?… 3.142
- What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?… Geometry
- What do you call people who like tractors?… Protractors
- Why were the similar triangles weighing themselves?… They were finding their scale.
- Why won’t the circles invite the ellipses over for dinner?… They are too eccentric.
- Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?… They were right for each other.
- Why is a geometry book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
- Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter?… She covers the story from every angle.
- Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?… His parents wouldn’t cosine
- Where do circles, ellipses, hyperbolas and parabolas like to hang out in the summer?… Coney Island.
- Why didn’t the chicken cross to the other side of the inequality?… It couldn’t get past the boundary line.
- Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi
- Why was the parent function upset with its child?… It was stretched to its limit.
- What is a proof?.. One-half percent of alcohol.
- Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
- What did one geometry book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
- What do you call a broken record?… A Decca-gone

*Calculus Jokes (21)*

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- Why do they never serve beer at a math party?… Because you can’t drink and derive…
- Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it? It’s too cubed.
- What’s the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?… A natural log cabin!
- What is the first derivative of a cow?… Prime Rib!
- What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?… Zero. Why?
- Because all poles are in Eastern Europe!
- How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?… “I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…”
- What is polite and works for the phone company?… A deferential operator.
- Why was the parent function upset with its child?… It was stretched to its limit.
- Did you hear the joke about the statistician?… Probably
- What wild animal is good at calculus?… The tangent lion.
- Why is a calculus book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
- Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?… He was better at fitting curves than hitting them.
- Why was the function so bent out of shape?… It’s regression model was too tight a fit.
- What is the integral of log cabin d cabin?…Log Cabin + sea = houseboat.
- Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
- What did one calculus book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
- What’s yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?… Zorn’s Lemon.
- Why did the algebra students throw bottles of hand cream across the classroom?… They were investigating projectile lotion.
- What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra?… Elephant zebra sin theta.
- Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?… That’s the Law of Spline Demand.

**Algebra Jokes (22)**

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- Why was the student afraid of the y-intercept?… She thought she’d be stung by the b.
- Who invented algebra?… A Clever X-pert.
- What do you call mall friends who love math? alge “bros”
- Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?… It’s too cubed.
- What do you get when you cross an algebra class with the prom?… The quadratic formal.
- What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?… Nothing! You know you can’t cross a scalar and a vector.
- Why is an algebra book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
- Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
- What is purple and commutative?… An abelian grape
- What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?… A line.
- Why did the relation need a math tutor? … It failed the vertical-line test.
- How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?… By using a cod-ratic inequality.
- Why did the imaginary number turn red?… It ran out of i-drops.
- What does the little mermaid wear?… An algae-bra.
- How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation?… By completing the scare.
- What is a proof?… One-half percent of alcohol.
- What did algebra math book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
- What is the definition of a polar bear?… A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation
- Why did all the apples in the fruit bowl know each other?… They were core-relations.
- Why was the matrix arrested?… Illegal entry.
- What do you call a rodent with babies?… A quad-rat-ic parent.
- What do you get when you cross a linebacker with a computer geek?… A linear programmer.

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