College Jokes: Top Jokes for College Students

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  1. For one reason or another, a group of friends missed an exam in a class they
    all had together, they decided to tell the professor they’d been stranded with
    a flat tire. When they came in for the make-up exam they were handed out test
    booklets and when they opened the booklets the only question was “Which Tire?”
  2. Did you hear about the power outage at the college library?… Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  3. Do you know why the college football team should change its name to the “Opossums”?… Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
  4. Why do college students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  5. What do you call a good looking girl on my college’s campus?… A visitor.
  6. What do you call a good looking boy on my college’s campus?… A visitor.
  7. What do you call a genius at MSU?… A visitor.
  8. What do my college’s football team and pot have in common?… They both get smoked in bowls!
  9. What does the average student at one college get on his SAT?… Drool.
  10. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
  11. In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class.
    Ninety-seven percent responded that they did.
  12. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in colleges.
  13. College Student: “I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.”
  14. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
  15. College Dropout: “I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.”
  16. College Advice: When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Freshman vs. Seniors

Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.

Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.

Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.

Freshman: Calls the professor “Teacher.”
Senior: Calls the professor “Bob.”

Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior:

College Graduates:

  • A graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
  • A graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
  • A graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much it cost?”
  • A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”

 

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