St. Patrick’s Day Jokes: Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes

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  1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
  2. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
  3. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
  4. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
  5. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
  6. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
  7. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
  8. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
  9. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
  10. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
  11. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
  12. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
  13. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
  14. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
  15. Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
  16. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
  17. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus!
  18. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
  19. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock.
  20. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
  21. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
  22. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
  23. Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
  24. What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
  25. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
  26. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
  27. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
  28. How can you identify an Irish pirate?… He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
  29. Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?… He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
  30. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame!

PG-13

  1. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
  2. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs
  3. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
  4. What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip.
  5. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con

Irish On-liners

  1. ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
  2. ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
  3. ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’
  4. How do you confuse an Irishman? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick…
  5. What do you call an Irishman who hass been dead for 50 years?… Peat.
  6. Cheers… And may ye be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows yer dead.
  7. “Did you know” says Murphy, “there’s twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people?”
  8. Irish Scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live!
  9. Irish businessmen have their names printed on the front and back of their business card in case someone looses them.

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