Constitution Day Jokes

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  1. How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions!
  2. What dance was very popular in 1776?… Indepen-dance!
  3. What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?… A bald beagle!

Presidents Jokes

  1. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
  2. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
  3. How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms
  4. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
  5. Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
  6. What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln
  7. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
  8. Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!”
  9. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
  10. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
  11. Why was Abraham Lincoln barn in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!
  12. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
  13. Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!
  14. Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons.
  15. Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!

 

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