1,001 Christmas Jokes

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The following is a list of all our Christmas Jokes by category.

Santa Jokes (174) December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Santa jokes.
Sesame Street Jokes: What is Santa’s favorite Sesame Street character?… Cookie Monster. After all, they have a lot in common.
Why wouldn’t you want to get into a fight with Santa?… He has a black belt AND… you will be put on the naughty list.
How much did Santa Claus pay for his sleigh?… Nothing at all. It was on the house.
Cookie Jokes: What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?… Santa’s burps!
Reindeer Jokes: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as she looked up at the sky?… “Looks like rain, dear.”
Cereal Jokes: Why couldn’t Santa have cereal in the morning?… All of his bowls were filled with jelly.
What did Santa say when he returned home after delivering the gifts around the world?… There’s snow place like home.
What nationality is Santa Claus?… North Polish.
Why did Santa sleep in on December 26th?… Be-clause he was tired.
Dog Jokes: What is Santa’s dog’s name?… Santa Paws.
Why is the alphabet in the North Pole different than the normal alphabet?… The North Pole’s alphabet has noel.
Which coffee shop do Santa’s reindeer frequent the most?… Star-bucks.
Where does Santa stay on vacation?… A ho-ho-hotel.
What is Santa’s least favorite insect?… A bah humbug.
What happened when Santa met Mrs. Claus for the first time?… It was love at frost sight.
Why does Santa use the chimney?… Because it soots him.
Where does Santa store his suit?… In a Claus-et.
Which month is the coldest at the North Pole?… Decembrrrrrr.
What did Santa and Mrs. Claus name their daughter?… Mary Christmas.
Which of Santa’s reindeer has the best moves?… Dancer, of course.
What would Santa be called if he went down a chimney with the fire going?… Crisp Kringle.
What do you call Santa when he’s on break?… Santa pause.
What’s Santa’s favorite fast food restaurant?… Wendy’s. He loves a frosty.
Why did Santa go to the podiatrist?… Because he had mistletoes.
What kind of drink does Santa give to naughty girls and boys?… Coke a Coal-a.
Which of Santa’s friends is the most chill?… Jack Frost.
Who’s Santa’s favorite singer?… Elfish Presley.
Why did Santa and Mrs. Claus extend their garden?… They love to hoe hoe hoe.
What smells the most in Santa’s sleigh?… Santa’s nose.
What was Santa’s favorite subject in school?… Chemis-tree!
How do Santa’s clothes stay so clean?… He washes them with (Yule)Tide
What does Santa Claus use to clean his sleigh each year?… Comet.
How can Santa deliver presents during a thunderstorm?… His sleigh is flown by raindeer.
What is Santa’s primary language?… North Polish.
Why does Santa feel indebted to the elves?… Because he’s an elf-made man.
Whenever someone asks Santa for help with their Christmas tree, what does he say?… “Fir sure!
Where does Santa deposit his checks?… At a snowbank.
What do you call an elf who sings?… A wrapper.
What does Santa eat for dinner at the North Pole?… Chill-i.
Why is Santa Claus so bad at spelling?… He thinks there’s Noel.
What do Santa and Mrs. Claus play on game night?… Reindeer games.
What do retired Santa’s elves use to help them walk in the slippery snow?… Candy canes.
Why are elves such great motivational speakers?… They have plenty of elf-confidence.
What happened when Santa spilled ink on his outfit?… He had a blue Christmas.
What’s Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip?… Crisp Pringles!
How do you know when Santa’s around?… You can always sense his presents.
Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas Eve?… He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
Why does Santa Claus use a GPS?… He doesn’t want to be a lost Claus.
What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?… Wrap!
What do Santa’s elves learn in school?… The elf-abet.
What’s the difference between a knight and Santa Claus?… One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh.
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?… Rude-olph.
Who automatically gets added to Santa’s nice list?… Anyone who cleans their chimney.
What breakfast do Santa and his wife like to eat together?… Mistle-toast.
What’s red and white and falls down chimneys?… Santa Klutz!
How does Santa keep from getting COVID each Christmas?… He uses hand Santa-tizer regularly.
What reindeer game do reindeer play at sleepovers?… Truth or deer.
Cookie Jokes: What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?… Santa’s farts!
Why does Santa always enter through the chimney?… Because it soots him.
What’s Santa’s favorite fruit?… (Sugar)plums.
Why do reindeer like Beyoncé so much?… She sleighs.
What do grapes sing at Christmas?… ‘Tis the season to be jelly.
What name does Santa use to check in at hotels on beach vacations?… Sandy Claus.
What did Santa say when he stepped into a big puddle?… It must have reindeer.
What does Rudolph want for Christmas?… A Pony sleigh station.
What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?… You get tinsel-it is.
What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?… The Christmas alphabet has noel.
Why did Santa take a nap?… Be-clause he was tired.
What do a Christmas tree farm and salon have in common?… Trimmings.
How do elves respond when Santa takes attendance?… “Present!”
How do elves respond when the teacher takes attendance?… “Present!”
What is Santa’s cat’s name?… Santa Paws.
What’s Santa’s favorite cereal?… Snow Flakes.
When Santa doesn’t want to do something, what does he say?… “Snow thanks!”
What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?… A cookie sheet!
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?… Ice Crispies.
Who is never hungry at Christmas?… The turkey… he’s always stuffed.
What’s Santa’s favorite fruit?… (Sugar)plums.
What is Santa’s favorite kind of music?… Wrap.
What did Santa say to the Christmas tree?… You need to lighten up.
What do you call Santa’s helpers?… Subordinate Clauses.
What was wrong with the Grinch on Christmas?… He was feeling claus-trophobic.
How does Santa pay for his doctor visits?… With his elf care plan.
What goes “oh-oh-oh?”… Santa walking backward.
What kind of weather is Santa’s favorite?… Sweater weather
What was one of Santa’s helpers called who kept making toys for himself?… S-elf-ish.
What’s Santa’s favorite track and field event?… (North) pole-vaulting.
How did Santa respond when Mrs. Claus told him he had forgotten something from the store?… “But I checked the shopping list twice!”
What is Santa’s favorite show?… Prancing With the Stars.
Who automatically gets added to the naughty list?… A rebel without a clause.
Anytime something happens that Santa can’t believe, what does he say?… “That’s (chest)nuts!”
What does Santa say on the night of Christmas Eve?… “Time to hit the sack!”
Why wouldn’t you want to get into a fight with Santa?… He has a black belt.
Why did Santa Claus join Instagram?… Because he wanted online presents.
When someone delivers a package to Santa, what do they do?… Ring the (jingle) bell.
What’s Santa’s go-to doughnut order?… A jolly-filled doughnut.
What do Santa’s elves use to help them walk in the slippery snow?… Candy canes.
Why was Santa having money problems?… He was nickel-less.
What did Santa buy Mrs. Claus for Christmas?… An elf-cleaning oven.
What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santa on his birthday?… “Freeze a jolly good fellow!”
What does Santa pack when he goes on a tropical getaway?… A red suit.
Why did Santa fail his science class?… He didn’t understand clause and effect.
Why did Santa fail his history class?… He didn’t understand clause and effect.
Why did Santa fail his social studies class?… He didn’t understand clause and effect.
What’s Santa’s favorite kind of roll?… Carols.
Why does Mrs. Claus love the Christmas season?… It makes her feel so Santa-mental.
What’s Santa’s go-to fast food order?… A frosty.
What did the elves call Santa when he accidentally stepped on a bag of cashews?… A nutcracker.
What do a tree farm and salon have in common?… Trimmings.
How does Santa keep from getting sick each Christmas?… He uses hand Santa-tizer regularly.
What did the ocean say when Santa flew over it?… Nothing, it just waved.
What kind of bread did Santa make?… Gingerbread.
Does Santa believe in fate?… Yep, he thinks whatever happens is (orna)meant to be.
What do you call a Santa who doesn’t wear underwear?… St. Knickerless
What do you call a fake Santa?… A faux Claus.
Why do Santa’s reindeer fly on Christmas Eve?… Because it’s too far to walk.
Why don’t Santa’s elves share?… Because they’re elfish.
Where can you find Santa’s reindeer?… It depends on where you left them.
Which candy does Santa Claus love most?… Jolly Ranchers.
What does Santa say on the night of Christmas?… “Time to hit the sack!”
What kind of bread did Santa make during quarantine?… Gingerbread.
Why do Santa’s reindeer fly on Christmas?… Because it’s too far to walk.
Why did Santa Claus join TikTok?… Because he wanted online presents.
December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best North Pole jokes.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe believe we have 101 Santa Jokes!
Why did Santa Claus get a parking ticket on Christmas?… He left his sleigh in a snow parking zone.
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?… A Christmas quacker.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe believe we have this many Santa Jokes?
Grinch Jokes (144) December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the Top 142 Grinch jokes.
December Knock Knock Jokes: Why doesn’t the Grinch like knock knock jokes?… Because there’s always Whos there!
Movie Jokes: The reviews for the new Grinch movie have been bad. 1 reviewer asked theater goers if they would watch The Grinch or a video of a sea sick crocodile. 90% proffered watching the sea sick crocodile.
Movie Jokes: Where does the Grinch go to watch Christmas Movies?… The IMAX!
Music Jokes: What is the Grinch’s least favorite band?… The Who.
Dog Jokes: What one thing became more clear as you got older?… Why the Grinch wanted to live alone with his dog.
Does the Grinch use the metric system?… No, he measures everything in grinches.
How did the Grinch get home from the Christmas party?… He took a Who-ber.
Grammar Jokes: What’s the difference between someone who doesn’t understand figures of speech, and the Grinch?… The first takes things literally. The other takes things, literally!
Math Jokes: How did the Grinch know to average all of the presents he stole, so that each Who in Whoville got the same amount returned to them?… He’s a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
Psychology Jokes: Why was the Grinch afraid of Santa Claus?… He was Claustrophobic.
Lawyer Jokes: Why couldn’t the Grinch steal Christmas?… Because of the Santa clause.
Police Jokes: What do you call the chocolate bars the Grinch stole?… Hot Chocolate.
Egg Jokes: What is the Grinch’s favorite breakfast dish?… Green Eggs and Ham!
Hiking Jokes: How does the Grinch climb Mt. Crumpit?… grinch by grinch.
How fast did the Grinch’s sleigh go?… Max speed!
December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the author of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas?”
Why is the Grinch such a good gardener?… He has a green thumb.
December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the mean, green character who stole Christmas.
Cinco De Mayo Jokes: Why was the Grinch invited to the Cinco de Mayo party?… They thought he was a giant avocado.
Disney Jokes: Who is the Grinch’s favorite character in Snow White?… Grumpy!
Music Jokes: Top classic rock band in Whoville… The Guess Who.
What’s the difference between Batman and the Grinch?… Batman can go into Whoville without Robin!
Police Jokes: What does the Grinch see with?… Burglarize!
Ice Cream Jokes: What does the Grinch eat for dessert?… Heist cream!
Police Jokes: What do people say when they hear the Grinch stealing from them?… Who goes there?
What does the Grinch do after he returns the toys to Whoville?… He carves the Roast Beast.
What is the Grinch’s favorite play?… Green Eggs and Hamlet.
December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the Grinch’s dog?
Christmas Tree Jokes: How does the Grinch measure Christmas Trees?… In grinches.
Crayon Jokes: Why does the Grinch hate Christmas?… Because it makes him green with envy!
Hiking Jokes: How did the city folk in Whoville refer to the Grinch?… As a Hill-Bully.
Music Jokes: Classic Rock band NOT on the Grinch’s playlist… The Guess Who.
Bird Jokes: Why can’t the Grinch get down from Mount Crumpit?… You can only get down from birds!
Lawyer Jokes: Why is the Grinch seeking out a contract lawyer?… To help get rid of the Santa Clauses.
Why is it so hard to miss the Grinch on Christmas?… He has all the presence!
What’s the Grinch’s favorite board game?… Mean-opoly!
December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about the Grinch?
Why did the Grinch not steal any kitchen utensils?… He decided it wasn’t worth the whisk!
What did Mr. Turkey say to the Grinch?… We would like to hire you to steal.
Grinch Pick-up Line: Can I take you out?… It’d really make my heart grow three sizes!
Why did the Grinch go down the chimney?… Because it sooted him!
Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?… To find some Christmas spirit.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me what was the last thing the Grinch took from the house?… The log for their fire!
Grinch Pick-up Line: You’re as irresistible as roast beast on Christmas Day!
Grinch Pun: Call me the Grinch because I’m stealing kisses under the mistletoe.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me what the the Grinch has in his soul?
If someone who hates Christmas is called a Grinch… what do you call someone who hates Valentine’s Day?… Single.
I’m throwing a hobbit party to watch the Grinch… It’s just a little get-together.
Why did the Grinch get a burglar alarm?… Because he needs to get up on time!
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Grinch knock-knock joke?
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me how long has the Grinch hated Christmas?… Fifty-three years.
Where does the Grinch keep his money?… In a snow bank.
I told my wife that I thought that the Grinch’s voice was a little strange… But the wife said “Who?”
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me who gets the first slice of the Roast Beast?… Max.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June.. June Who?… June know the mean, green character who stole Christmas.
How much did the Grinch’s heart grow that day?… 3 sizes!
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me when the Grinch cleaned out the icebox. He even took the last can of what?… Who-hash!
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me how the Grinch makes Max look like a reindeer?
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the mountain where the Grinch lived?
Christmas Eve Jokes: Grinch Pun: That gift really took me by surprise… just like the Grinch on Christmas Eve.
Hiking Jokes: Grinch Pickup Line: Are we at Mount Crumpit?… Because my feelings for you are climbing high!
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the actor who played the Grinch in the 2000 movie?
I’m waiting for Spider Man to come over to watch the Grinch… He said he’s swing by soon.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Grinch knock knock jokes?
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the town the Who’s live in?
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the town the Grinch steals Christmas from?
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me when stealing a Christmas tree, the Grinch was caught in the act by a small Who (not more than two!)…what was her name?… Cindy-Lou Who
Psychology Jokes: Why did the Grinch go to therapy?… He needed help with his inner elf.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me how does the Grinch know that Christmas has come in spite of his interference?… He hears singing.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me where does the Grinch have termites?… In his smile.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me Who voiced the Grinch in the original TV special?… Boris Karloff.
Music Jokes: How did the Grinch know that he hadn’t stopped Christmas?… The Who’s were singing. Without presents at all!
Grinch Pun: Don’t be such a Grinch… spread some Christmas cheer!
Black Friday Jokes: Grinch Pun: Christmas shopping?… It’s all about the “who” in Whoville.
Grinch Pick-up Line: Is your name Cindy Lou Who?… Because you’ve stolen my heart.
Grinch Pick-up Line: My love for you is bigger than the Grinch’s hate for Christmas.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me what the Grinch said when he was taking the Christmas tree?… “Why, my sweet little tot,” the fake Santy Claus lied, “There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side. “So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear. “I’ll fix it up there. Then I’ll bring it back here.”
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me the most likely reason that the Grinch hated Christmas?… (His heart was two sizes too small)
Reindeer Jokes: “If I can’t find a reindeer, I’ll make one instead!” What was the Grinch’s dog’s name?… Max
Hiking Jokes: How does the Grinch measure Christmas Mt. Krumpit?… In grinches.
Knock knock… Who’s there?… That’s right, the who’s are here!
Why was the Grinch so bad at playing Crazy 8’s?… He was green (he never played before).
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the director of the Grinch 2000 movie?
Grinch Pickup Line: You must be the reason my heart grew three sizes today.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me who wrote the book that inspired the Grinch?… Dr. Seuss.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me who does the Grinch dress up as before he steals all of Whoville’s Christmas trees, presents, and food?… Santa Claus.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me how old was Cindy Lou Who?… No more than Two.
Although the Grinch disliked many things about Christmas, what was the one the one thing he liked least of all?… Every Who down in Who-ville would start singing.
Grinch Pickup Line: Let’s make like the Grinch and steal some hearts this season.
Grinch Pun: You’re so sweet… even the Grinch couldn’t resist you.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me Who voiced the Grinch in the original TV special?… Boris Karloff.
Bee Jokes: No one at the Grinch viewing party wanted to hear that bee talk about himself… but he just kept droning on.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me who played Betty Lou in the movie the Grinch Who?… Molly Shannon.
Grinch Pun: If I had a nickel for every time someone said “Bah Humbug,” I’d buy myself something nice.
Grinch Pickup Line: Are you a Christmas gift?… Because you’ve got me all wrapped up.
Grinch Pickup Line:Who needs mistletoe when you’ve got charm like mine?
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me when the Grinch ransacked Who-ville, what was “the first thing to go!”… These stockings!
Why did the elf look so mad?… He had a resting Grinch face.
Grinch Knock Knock Jokes: You’re as cuddly as a cactus… but still my favorite.
Grinch Pun: I’m feeling a bit green around the holidays.
What happened when the Grinch went to the flea circus?… He stole the show!
Grinch Pun:My heart grew three sizes after that compliment.
Grinch Pun:Let’s make this season bright and not just “Grinchy.”
Grinch Pun: I’m dreaming of a green Christmas… no snow allowed!
Grinch Pun: I tried to be festive… but it felt more like a Grinchmas party instead.
Grinch Pun: This year, let’s deck the halls without being too Scrooge-like. Even if you’re grumpy, there’s always room for gingerbread cookies!
What did the Grinch say when he was caught stealing from a French art museum?… I did it for the Monet!
Grinch Pun: When life gives you lemons, turn them into holiday decorations!
Grinch Pun: You’ve got me feeling more festive than Whoville on Christmas morning!
Grinch Pun: If loving you is wrong, then I don’t want to be right—just ask the Grinch!
Grinch Pun: You light up my life brighter than any Who-ville tree could shine.
Grinch Pun: Your smile makes even Mr. Grinch feel warm inside.
Grinch Pun: Just like the Grinch, I’ve been naughty—but only in thoughts of you!
Grinch Pun: My heart races faster than Max chasing after that sleigh when you’re near.
Grinch Pun: Let’s get together and spread some cheer like they do in Whoville!
Grinch Pun: Even if it snows, nothing can chill these feelings I have for you!
Grinch Pun: You’re sweeter than a plate full of Who-pudding!
How does the Grinch descend Mt. Crumpit?… Grinch by grinch.
How does the Grinch complete a marathon?… Grinch by grinch.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me who pulls the Grinch’s sleigh?… The Grinch’s dog, Max.
How did the Grinch get home from the Christmas Eve party?… He took a Who-ber.
Why won’t the circles invite the ellipses over to watch the Grinch?… They are too eccentric!
Grinch Pun: The only thing colder than winter is my attitude toward fruitcake.
How does the Grinch get to Whoville?… Grinch by grinch.
What is the Grinch’s least music rap group?… Who-Tang Clan.
Why do you never want to invite a tree to your house to watch the Grinch?… Because they never leaf when you want them to.
Why does everyone invite ice cream to watch the Grinch?… It’s cool!
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me where the Grinch lives?… (Just North of Who-Ville)
Why was the Grinch invited to the Halloween costume party?… They thought he was a giant avocado.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me how many sizes did the Grinch’s heart grow that day?… Three.
Music Jokes: What is the Grinch’s least favorite rap group?… Who-Tang Clan.
What is the Grinch’s favorite holiday?… Grinchmas!
What is the Grinch’s least favorite music group?… Who-Tang Clan.
Grinch Pun: I’m just a little green with envy for your holiday spirit.
How does the Grinch measure Christmas wreaths?… In grinches.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me what does the Grinch take the last can of?… Who Hash.
Grinch Pun: Every time I hear carolers, I think they should stick to their day jobs!
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me Which TV network originally aired How the Grinch Stole Christmas?… CBS.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me what is the real name of the author who wrote the book?… Dr. Theodore Seuss Geisel
How did the Grinch get home from the New Year’s Eve party?… He took a Who-ber.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me why did Grinch steal any vegetables from Whoville?… Because no one will carrot all if they were gone.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me what’s the Grinch’s favorite song?… Tresspacito!
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me ho was the costume designer for the 2000s movie adaptation?… Rita Ryack.
Knock knock… Who’s there?… That’s right, the who’s are here!
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe believe we have this many Grinch Jokes?
Christmas Tree Jokes: Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Christmas Tree jokes.
Basketball Jokes for Christmas: What is a basketball player’s favorite Christmas song?… “Oh Christmas Three, Oh Christmas Three!”
Music Jokes: What is the #1 requested Christmas Tree song by the Vince Guaraldi Trio?… “O Tannenbaum (O Christmas Tree)”
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?… It needed to be trimmed.
Grinch Jokes: How does the Grinch measure Christmas Trees?… In grinches.
Reindeer Jokes: What do reindeer use to decorate their Christmas trees?… Horn-aments.
Did you hear the joke about the Christmas Tree?… It is really sappy!
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the date of National Christmas Tree Day?
What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?… “Aren’t you tired of hanging around?”
Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?… They are always dropping their needles.
How did the Christmas tree get in trouble?… It was knotty.
My Dad was a Christmas tree salesman…. Before he started work he always got himself spruced up.
What’s another name for an artificial Christmas Tree?… Faux fir.
How do Christmas trees get their email?… They log-on.
Where do young trees learn to become Christmas trees?… In elementree school.
Why are Christmas trees more noticeable on Christmas?… They have more presence.
What month do Christmas trees hate most?… Sep-timber!
How did the two rival Christmas trees get along?… They signed a peace tree-ty.
Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite rock band?… Spruce Springsteen & the Tree Street Band.
What did one Christmas tree decoration say to the other?… Let’s hang out!
Why does a fully decorated Christmas Tree weigh less than a non decorated one?… Because it’s lighter.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Candy.… Candy who?… Candy canes hanging on the Christmas tree.
Why do Christmas trees make such wonderful pets?… They have a great bark, but wooden bite.
How can you identify a Christmas tree?… By its bark!
Which Canadian city is a favorite vacation spot for Christmas trees?… Montreeal.
How can Christmas trees grow so big?… When they get enough rein, deer.
Why did the Christmas tree go to the dentist?… It needed a root canal.
Why don’t Christmas trees every pollute?… They are ever green.
What was the fitness trainer best at during the Christmas season?… Trimming the tree!
How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?… He was hooked on trees his whole life.
Why did the Christmas tree get in trouble with the umpire?… Too much pine tar on his bat!
Why do Christmas Trees have trouble sewing?… They can’t stop dropping their needles!
What did Luke Skywalker say after he planted a Christmas tree farm?… May the forest be with you.
What do a Christmas Tree an out-going president have in common?… Both will be out in January.
Where would you find a Christmas tree?… Between a Christmas two and a Christmas four!
What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?… Ornamints.
What kind of coats do Christmas trees wear?… Fir.
What do you get when you eat Christmas ornaments?… Tinsel-itis!
A book never written: “How to Decorate a Tree” by Orna Ment.
What city did the Christmas tree want to move to?… Garland.
What do they sing to Christmas trees at their retirement parties?… Fir he’s a jolly good fellow, fir he’s a jolly good fellow.
Why didn’t the Christmas tree perform well on it’s algebra test?… It got stumped by the problems.
Which former president planted the most Christmas trees?… Wood-row Wilson!
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Dishes… Dishes who?… Dish is a nice place to put a Christmas tree.
Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?… Because the present’s beneath them.
What happens to Christmas trees on Valentine’s Day?… They get all sappy.
What did one Christmas tree say to the other Christmas tree?… “I wish Christmas would last forever because there would be no Sep-timber!
What was the Christmas tree’s favorite thing about Star Trek?… The Captain’s log.
What was the Christmas tree’s favorite shape?… A treeangle.
What did the Balsam Fir say when he was picked up from the tree farm?… Christmas be my lucky day!
Why did the Christmas tree book an appointment at the hair salon?… For a trim.
What do scientists decorate at Christmas?… A chemis-tree!
Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Pudding… Pudding who?… Pudding up the Christmas tree!
What did Santa say to the elves about their tree-decorating skills?… You need to spruce it up!
Why did the Christmas tree visit the hospital?… Because it was feeling green.
Who’s a Christmas tree’s favorite action-hero actor?… Spruce Willis.
Why did the Christmas tree apply for a new job?… It wanted to branch out.
What did the Christmas tree do after it’s bank closed?… It started his own branch.
Why did the Christmas tree go to decorating school?… So it could spruce up the forest.
How can you get down from a Christmas tree?… You can’t… down comes from ducks.
Why can’t Christmas trees sew?… They always drop their needles.
Why was the Christmas tree’s friend so sad?… It was a weeping willow.
What was the Christmas tree’s favorite subject in high school?… Treegonometree.
What gets one year older when it rings?… A Christmas tree.
What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?… “Quit hanging around.”
What do you call a Christmas tree in a bad mood? A sour-fir. What did the Christmas tree say when it started sound-sleeping?… “I’m pine-ing for rest.”
Why are Christmas trees bad at telling jokes?… Their punchlines fall flat.
Why did the ornament fall off the tree?… It couldn’t hang.
Why did the Christmas tree go to therapy?… It had too many needles on its conscience.
Why was the Christmas tree bad at driving?… It kept barking up the wrong side of the road.
Why did the Christmas tree get promoted?… It had great roots in the company.
How did the Christmas tree do in the talent show?…. It sleighed the audience.
What’s a Christmas tree’s favorite workout?… Plank pose.
How many Christmas trees can you plant in the ground?… All of them.
What do Christmas trees get when they go numb?… Pines and needles!
Why didn’t the Christmas tree perform well on its algebra test?… It got stumped by all the questions!
What do you call cutting down a Christmas tree?… Christmas chopping!
What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?… A pineApple!
What did one Christmas tree say to another?… Lighten up!
Why do Christmas trees make such great receivers in football?… They have sticky fingers.
Which type of Christmas tree is green, has a trunk and leaves?… A Christmas tree going on vacation.
What do ornaments do on Christmas trees…. Not much, they just hang out.
Which month of the year don’t Christmas trees like?… Sep-timber.
How did the boy cut down the Christmas tree without going near it?… He saw it with his own two eyes.
Why was the Christmas tree hosting the awards show?… He really knew how to present.
How are Christmas trees like blockbuster movies?… They both have stars.
What did the Jedi say to the Christmas tree?… May the forest be with you.
What did the beaver say to the Christmas tree?… Been nice gnawing you.
What is the most frustrating thing about being a Christmas tree?… Having so many limbs and not being able to walk.
How can you tell if you have a girl Christmas tree?… Look for the tree skirt.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Angel… Angel who?… Angel on top of my Christmas tree.
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Atch… Atch who?… Bless you – are you allergic to Christmas trees?
How was the Christmas tree like a clumsy seamstress?… They both drop needles.
What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?… Pineapple.
Why are there so many Christmas trees at the North Pole…. BeClaus, why not?
What’s as big as a Christmas tree but is lighter than a feather?… It’s shadow.
How many Christmas trees can you plant on an empty farm?… One, because then the farm isn’t empty anymore.
Why did the Christmas tree go to the doctor?… It was feeling green.
What do Christmas tree’s wear at the pool?… Swim trunks.
How do Christmas trees make their feeling heard?… They O-pine.
Why couldn’t the Christmas tree stand up?… Because a Christmas tree doesn’t have legs.
How many pine cones grow on a Christmas tree?… All of them.
What looks like half a Christmas tree?… The other half.
What do you call it when Christmas tree’s boycott something?… A Christmas tree stand.
Which side of a Christmas tree has the most needles?… The outside.
Why did the boy put ice cream under the Christmas tree?… To go with the pine cones.
Music Jokes: What is the #1 requested Christmas Tree song?… “O Tannenbaum (O Christmas Tree)”
Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite rock singer?… Spruce Springsteen.
What was Santa’s favorite subject at school?… Chemist-tree.
Reindeer Jokes: How do you turn a Christmas tree into a reindeer?… You put on HORNaments!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?… Frostbite.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe believe we have this many Christmas Tree Jokes?
December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Christmas jokes.
Music Jokes: What is the best Christmas present in the world?…. A broken drum, you can’t beat it!
Why does Santa have 3 gardens?… So he can ho-ho-ho!
Psychology Jokes: Why did Santa go to a psychiatrist?… He no longer believed in himself.
The World’s Best Basketball Jokes: What is Santa’s favorite basketball play?… the give and “GO GO GO!”
Grandparent Jokes: My grandparents go to church with me for Christmas Mass. Halfway through the service, Grandpa leans over and whispers Nana “I’ve just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” Nana replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
How does Santa pay the elves?… Jingle bills!
Wizard of Oz Jokes: Who visits the Munchkins on Christmas?… The Wizard of Claus.
Christmas Wreath Jokes: Which famous person do you get when you make a wreath out of $100 bills?… Aretha Franklin.
Basketball Jokes for Christmas: 2024 NBA Finals: What is Derrick White’s favorite Christmas song?… All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.
Jaws Jokes: Who gives sharks presents on Christmas?… Santa Jaws!
Psychology Jokes: What do you call a student who is afraid of Santa Claus?…. Claustrophobic.
Lord of the Rings Jokes: I’m going to a Lord of the Rings themed Xmas party… I’m going to eat and be Merry!
New York Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Irish band that sings the Fairy Tale of New York?… The Pogues.
Teacher Jokes for December: Why did Rudolph get a bad report card?… Because he went down in history.
What is the difference between the alphabet and the Christmas alphabet?…The Christmas alphabet has no L (noel)
Navy Jokes & Dad Jokes: What do you get when you cross a sheep, a warship, and a father?… A fleece navy dad.
Snow Jokes: Where do Santa Claus and the elves keep their money?… In a snow bank.
Lord of the Rings Jokes: I’m throwing a hobbit Christmas party… It’s just a little get-together!
Cookie Jokes: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy.
Snowman Jokes: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?… Frostbite
Cookie Jokes: What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?…A cookie sheet!
If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?… Missile Toe.
Psychology Jokes: What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?… Claustrophobic.
Elves use what kind of money?… Jingle bills!
What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?… Welfy
Reindeer Jokes: Where would a reindeer go to find her lost tail?… ”Re-tail” store.
Reindeer Jokes: Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?… Comet!
Reindeer Jokes: How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?…He looks at his calen-”deer”!
Music Jokes: Which elf was the best singer?… ELFis Presley.
Why the turkey was asked to join the band by elves?… because he had the drum sticks!
Snowman Jokes: What is for lunch on Christmas Day for snowmen?… Icebergers!
Snowman Jokes: How do snowmen travel around?… By icicle!
Snowman Jokes: How does one snowman greet another snowman?…. Ice to meet you.
Snowman Jokes: What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?… Brrrr- itos.
Snowman Jokes: What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?… Cold cash!
Snowman Jokes: Where does a snowman keep his money?… In a snow bank.
Psychology Jokes: What do call a tutor who is afraid of Santa Claus?….Claustrophobic.
Psychology Jokes: What do call a teacher who is afraid of Santa Claus?….Claustrophobic.
Christmas Eve Jokes: What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve?… Halo there!
Police Jokes: If Santa Claus is crossed with a detective then you would get what?… Santa Clues!
Cereal Jokes: What is the snowman’s breakfast?…Frosted flakes!
Snowman Jokes: Where the snowman does dances on?… A snow ball!
Snowman Jokes: What snowmen wear on the Christmas Eve?…Ice caps.
New York Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the New York Christmas song by the Pogues?… The Fairy Tale of New York.
When Santa doesn’t move then what he should be called?… Santa Pause.
World Geography Jokes: How do sheep in Mexico greet Merry Christmas?… Fleece Navidad!
Music Jokes: What kind of music does elves like best?… ”Wrap” music!
How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?… A merry Christmas to ewe.
Christmas Eve Jokes: What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?… Black mail!
How do elves greet each other?… “Small world, isn’t it?”
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the most popular Bruce Springsteen Christmas songs?
What do elves learn in schools?… the “elf”-abet!
World Geography Jokes: What nationality is Santa?… North Polish!
What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?… Crisp Cringle!
Ghost Jokes: What did the ghost say to Santa?… We’ll have a boo Christmas without you!
Cat Jokes: What do you call a cat at the beach during Christmastime?… Sandy Claws!
Cereal Jokes: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?… Snowflakes!
Why was Santa’s little helper sad?… He had low elf esteem!
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?… Ribbon Hood
Christmas Eve Jokes: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?… It’s Christmas, Eve!
December Jokes: What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?… The letter “D!”
Cat Jokes: Who delivers cat’s Christmas presents?… Santa Paws!
Why does Father Christmas go down the chimney?… Because it soots him!
Snowman Jokes: What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?…Chill out.
Teacher Jokes for December: What does Jack Frost like best about school?… Snow and tell.
Reindeer Jokes: Knock, knock…Who’s there?…Olive…Olive, who?…Olive the other reindeer.
Book Jokes: A Christmas book never written: “What Did I Do Wrong THIS Year?” by Kole N. Stocking.
Snowman Jokes: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?… Do you smell carrots?
Snow Jokes: Knock Knock…Who’s there?… Snow… Snow who?… Snow business like show business!
Hockey Jokes: Last Christmas my parents got me a pair of flip flops with matchbox cars glued to the bottom… Cheap Skates.
Brownie Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Bacon… Bacon who?… Bacon brownies for Christmas!
Thanksgiving Jokes: What did the Thanksgiving turkey say to the Christmas ham?… It’s nice to meat you!
Grandparent Jokes: A kids grandparents visit over the holidays go to church for Christmas Mass. Halfway through the service, the grandpa leans over and whispers in his wife’s ear, “I’ve just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” The Grandma replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
Knock Knock…Who’s there?…Avery…Avery who?…Avery merry Christmas!
Knock Knock…Who’s there?…Mary… Mary who?… Mary Christmas!
Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?… Because the angel had said, “No L!”
Labor Day Jokes: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?… You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Reindeer Jokes: What do reindeer say before telling a joke?… This one will sleigh you!
Reindeer Jokes: Why is a reindeer like a gossip?… Because they are both tail bearers!
Reindeer Jokes: Why do reindeer wear fur coats ?… Because they would look silly in plastic macs!
Reindeer Jokes: How do you make a slow reindeer fast?… Don’t feed it!
Reindeer Jokes: Where do you find reindeer?… It depends on where you leave them!
Snowman Jokes: What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?… She gave him the cold shoulder!
What’s an ig?… An eskimo’s home without a loo!
Snow Jokes: What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?… A snowball!
Snowman Jokes: How do you know when there is a snowman in your bed?… You wake up wet!
Snowman Jokes: What do you get if cross a snowman and a shark?… Frost bite!
Cow Jokes: How do you call an Eskimo cow?… An Eskimoo!
Snow Jokes: What’s white and goes up?… A confused snowflake!
What do you get if you cross Santa Claus with a duck?… A Christmas Quacker!
Reindeer Jokes: Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?… Rude-olph!
Cow Jokes: What do cows say at Christmas?… MOOey Christmas!
Christmas Tree Jokes: Why are Christmas trees such bad knitters?… They are always dropping their needles.
Why do mummies like Christmas so much?… Because of all the wrapping!
What goes in a chimney red and comes out of it black?… Santa Claus.
Music Jokes: What do they sing under the ocean during the winter?… Christmas Corals!
How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?… Nothing, it was on the house!
Cookie Jokes: What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?… Santa’s burps!
Cookie Jokes: What is invisible and smells like milk and cookies?… Santa’s farts!
Music Jokes: What Christmas carol is a favorite of parents?… Silent Night.
Snowman Jokes: What do you call a snowman in the summer?… A puddle!
Reindeer Jokes: What does Santa clean his sleigh with?… Comet.
Snowman Jokes: What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?… An ice burger with chili sauce.
Why is Santa so good at karate?… Because he has a black belt!
Why did the candy cane cross the road?… Because it wanted to get a licking!
What kind of bug hates Christmas?… A humbug.
World Geography Jokes: What two countries should the chef use when he’s making Christmas dinner?… Turkey and Greece.
Jaws Jokes: Who gives presents to baby sharks?… Santa Jaws.
What’s white, red and blue at Christmas time?… A sad candy cane!
Doctor Jokes: What do you get when you eat Christmas decorations?… Tinsilitis!
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?… “Looks like rain, dear.”
Christmas Tree Jokes: What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?… “Aren’t you tired of hanging around?”
What did the monkey sing on Christmas day?… Jungle bells, Jungle bells…
What do you call Santa when he goes down a chimney with a fire at the bottom?… Krisp Cringle.
Did you hear about the fire cracker’s Christmas party?… It was a BANG!
Christmas Tree Jokes: What do you get if you cross an apple and a Christmas tree?… Pineapple.
What is the cleanest reindeer called?… Comet.
How do you know when Santa’s in the room?… You can sense his presents.
Christmas Eve Jokes: What comes before Christmas Eve?… Christmas Adam!
Teacher Jokes for December: Why did Jimmy’s grades drop after the holidays?… Because everything was marked down!
Snow Jokes: Knock knock… Who’s there? … Snow… Snow who? …. Snow use. I forgot my name again!
Knock knock…Who’s there?… Irish... Irish who? … Irish you a Merry Christmas!
Knock knock... Who’s there? … Mary and Abbey... Mary and Abbey who? … Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!
Nutcracker Jokes (132) December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best jokes about the Nutcracker.
Tea Jokes: What kind of tea should you drink when watching the Nutcracker?… Chai-kovsksy.
Why did the ballet instructor make her students practice The Nutcracker so often?… To keep them on their toes.
What do you call sheep who perform The Nutcracker?… Baaaah-lerinas.
World Geography Jokes: What is the most painful Russian dance?… Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker.
Marriage Jokes: Well, I guess we are going to see “The Nutcracker” this Christmas!… My in-laws, not the play.
Middle School Jokes The middle school class was going to see the Nutcracker at Wang Center and they asked each individual kid if he or she wanted to go… One girl declined, saying, “I could see my squirrel do it.”
What did the nutcracker say to the chestnut?… “You’re busted.”
What show does a squirrel see on Christmas Day?… The Nutcracker.
Elf Jokes: What did the elves call Santa when he accidentally stepped on a bag of cashews?… A nutcracker.
How do you find a Nutcracker?… Act like a walnut!
101 Elephant Jokes: What are the biggest Nutcrackers?… Elephants!
What did dad say about the nut cracker he got for Christmas?… “This nutcracker’s suite!”
What do you call an automatic Nutcracker?… A squirrel.
What did the pecan say to the Nutcracker?… Nothing… pecans can’t talk!
Where can you find vintage Nutcrackers?… The internut.
Why did the walnut cross the road?… To get away from the Nutcracker.
Donut Jokes: What nut can’t you open with a Nutcracker?… A donut.
Why can’t dogs perform The Nutcracker?… They have two left feet…
December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good nutcracker knock-knock joke?
What ballet are men afraid of?… The Nutcracker.
Who is the nutcracker’s favorite hero?… Captain Crunch.
What’s a squirrel’s favorite Christmas tradition?… The Nutcracker.
What’s a nutcracker’s favorite food?… Crackers. They’re nuts for them.
Why did the nutcracker cross the road?… To get his nuts.
Which ballet is the most uncomfortable for guys to have to sit through?… The Nutcracker.
December Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good nutcracker knock knock jokes?
What did the peanut tell the nutcracker?… “You crack me up.”
What is the worst Christmas present for men?… A nutcracker.
Lobster Jokes: What do you call a lobster with a nutcracker?… A castration crustacean.
Marriage Jokes: Why did the husband buy his wife a nutcracker for Christmas?… He figured after all these years breaking his balls manually she deserves it.
What happens when you kick your cousin in the groin at Christmas?… From then onwards, they will call you, “Nutcracker.”
Karate Jokes: There was a man who became the karate champion on Christmas Day… So he decided to go by the name, “The Nutcracker.”
Why does your mom guard the house?… Because she is a nutcracker.
What do you call a nutcracker whose pants keep falling down?… A buttcracker.
Marriage Jokes: Many years ago, I picked up some walnuts and a nutcracker at Walmart… But enough about where I met my wife.
Marriage Jokes: I went to the nutcracker today… Now I can’t have children.
Marriage Jokes: Well, I guess we are going to see “The Nutcracker” on Saturday!… My mother-in-law, not the play!
Why was the nutcracker good at spelling?… He could break words up.
Why did the nutcracker go camping?… He liked the crackling fire.
Why did the nutcracker go to the doctor?… He felt a little cracked.
Why did the nutcracker go to the therapist?… He felt a little cracked.
What do you call a nutcracker that’s funny?… A crack-up.
Why did the nutcracker join the soldiers?… He already had the uniform.
Why don’t nutcrackers hide?… Because they break too easily.
What snack does a nutcracker love?… Anything crunchy.
Why did the squirrel invite the nutcracker?… To help open hard nuts.
Why was the nutcracker calm?… He could handle pressure.
Why does the nutcracker like Christmas songs?… Because they make him crack a smile.
What movie does a nutcracker love?… “Crack to the Future.”
Why don’t nutcrackers tell secrets?… They always slip out.
Nutcracker Pun: Nutcrackers love football…. especially crack back.
What song do nutcrackers sing at Christmas?… “Crack the Halls.”
Why was the nutcracker a good friend?… He always breaks things down.
What do you call a nutcracker that dances?… A nut-shaker.
Why was the nutcracker the party hero?… He cracked the ice.
Why was the nutcracker good at cards?… He never changed his face.
Why don’t nutcrackers like numbers?… Too much crunching.
What happened when the nutcracker got a raise?… He shell-ebrated.
Why was the nutcracker so serious?… Breaking nuts is hard work.
What do you call a stylish nutcracker?… A sharp cracker.
Why did the nutcracker go to the zoo?… To see elephants eat peanuts.
Why don’t nutcrackers get bored?… They keep cracking things.
What do you call a nutcracker at a comedy show?… A joke-cracker.
Why don’t nutcrackers gossip?… They don’t want to break trust.
What’s a nutcracker’s favorite class?… History. It’s crunch time.
Why did the nutcracker become a detective?… He loved cracking cases.
What do nutcrackers eat for breakfast?… Crunchy cereal.
What’s the nutcracker’s favorite holiday tune?… “Crackin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”
Why did Santa hire the nutcracker?… To deal with tough treats.
What did the nutcracker tell the gingerbread man?… “Don’t worry, I only crack nuts.”
Why was the nutcracker funny at the party?… Because he cracked jokes all night.
Why did the nutcracker sit by the fire?… To stay warm and crack chestnuts.
What did the Christmas tree tell the nutcracker?… “Stop cracking near my roots!”
Why do nutcrackers love stockings?… They’re full of crunchy surprises.
What’s the nutcracker’s favorite holiday movie?… His own “The Nutcracker.”
Why did Rudolph stay away from the nutcracker?… He didn’t want to get cracked up.
How does a nutcracker decorate his house?… With bright, crackling lights.
What did the snowman tell the nutcracker?… “Don’t crack me, I’m fragile!”
Why was the nutcracker busy at dinner?… Too many nuts to open.
What dessert does the nutcracker enjoy?… Fruitcake it’s tough and chewy.
Why does the nutcracker love Christmas morning?… Because the nuts are ready.
How does a nutcracker ring in the New Year?… By cracking at midnight.
What Christmas song does the nutcracker dislike?… “Silent Night”…. he prefers noise.
Why did the nutcracker stand near Santa’s sleigh?… To help open gifts faster.
What drink does the nutcracker love?… Hot cocoa with nuts.
What do nutcrackers call Christmas Eve?… Crunchmas Eve.
Why is a nutcracker a great present?… Because he’s full of bite.
What do nutcrackers hang on their doors?… Nut wreaths.
Why did the nutcracker dance on Christmas?… The music cracked him up.
What cookie does the nutcracker love?… Almond cookies.
What do nutcrackers say instead of “Merry Christmas?”… “Cracky Christmas!”
Why did Santa laugh at the nutcracker?… He split his sides.
What did Mrs. Claus tell the nutcracker?… “You always crack me up.”
Why did the nutcracker go to school?… To learn to crack problems.
What subject does a nutcracker like?… Crunch-math.
What does the nutcracker eat for lunch?… A peanut butter sandwich.
Why was the nutcracker smart?… He always cracked the answer.
Why did the nutcracker major in computer science?… He always cracked the code.
What game does a nutcracker play?… Hide and crack.
Why did the nutcracker bring a ladder?… To grab high nuts.
What did the nutcracker tell the walnut?… “I’ll crack you soon!”
Why don’t nutcrackers get lost?… They follow the crunch.
What toy does a nutcracker like?… Blocks he can snap apart.
What music does a nutcracker like?… Hip-crack.
Why did the nutcracker join soccer?… He wanted to kick with peanuts.
What ice cream does a nutcracker eat?… Rocky Road.
What’s a nutcracker’s favorite animal?… A chipmunk.
What candy does a nutcracker love?… Peanut brittle.
What holiday does a nutcracker love?… Christmas.
Why was the nutcracker laughing?… Because someone told a silly joke.
Nutcracker Pun: My nutcracker never laughs he just cracks up.
Nutcracker Pun: My nutcracker has the hardest job ever.
Nutcracker Pun: A nutcracker’s favorite band is The Crunch Stones.
Nutcracker Pun: Nutcrackers always break the ice at parties.
Nutcracker Pun: Every nut is tough for my nutcracker.
Nutcracker Pun: My nutcracker’s poker face is made of wood.
Nutcracker Pun: Christmas is the nutcracker’s crunch time.
Nutcracker Pun: Being a nutcracker is nuts!
Nutcracker Pun: My nutcracker cracks both jokes and nuts.
Nutcracker Pun: Nutcrackers are pros at working under pressure.
Nutcracker Pun: A nutcracker loves snacks with shells.
Nutcracker Pun: Nutcrackers don’t fight they just crack back.
Nutcracker Pun: Even silent, nutcrackers crack me up.
Nutcracker Pun: Nutcrackers love football…. especially crack back.
Nutcracker Pun: Nutcracker’s rule: no nut too hard.
Nutcracker Pun: My nutcracker never bends, he breaks.
Nutcracker Pun: A nutcracker’s favorite gift is more nuts.
Nutcracker Pun: A nutcracker’s rule: crack first, ask later.
Nutcracker Pun: My nutcracker’s best buddy is a squirrel.
Nutcracker Pun: A nutcracker’s favorite cookie is almond.
Nutcracker Pun: My nutcracker likes Rocky Road ice cream.
Elf Jokes Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best elf jokes.
Music Jokes: What kind of music does elves like best?… ”Wrap” music!
Nutcracker Jokes: What did the elves call Santa when he accidentally stepped on a bag of cashews?… A nutcracker.
My son asked me if the Santa’s elves were the same Elves from Lord of the Rings… I said grow up Son, you’re 42 years old.
Why did the thief rob the Keebler elves?… Because they had a lot of dough.
An Elf, a Dwarf, hobbit, and a Wizard walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?”
Orlando Bloom was only paid $175,000 for his role as Legolas in the Lord of the Rings trilogy… One might say he was definitely not an #Elf made #millionaire.
Why was Santa’s little helper sad?… He had low elf esteem!
Why did the elf do so poorly in school?… He had a short attention span.
How do elves greet each other?… “Small world, isn’t it?”
What kind of music do elves like best?… “Wrap” music!
What’s the first thing elves learn in school?… The “elf”-abet!
What do you call a rich elf?… Welfy.
If there were 11 elves and another one joined them, what would he be?… The twelf.
What do elves play during the summer?… Little League baseball.
What was the elf so quick to anger?… He had a short fuse.
What was the elf’s summer job?… Short order cook.
What are elves good at running?… Small businesses.
Why doesn’t Santa eat junk food?… Because it’s bad for your elf!
Who sings “Blue Christmas” and makes toy guitars?… Elfis!
Why didn’t the elf want to share his toys?… He was too selfish.
What kind of bread do elves make sandwiches with?… Why, shortbread of course!
Santa rides in a sleigh. What do elves ride in?… Mini vans!
Why did the elves spell Christmas N-O-E?… Because Santa had said, “No L!”
Why don’t elves read long books?… They like short stories better!
Why did the elves ask the turkey to join the band?… Because he had the drum sticks!
What did the elf say when he came across another elf while on vacation?… Small world, isn’t it?
What was the elf’s favorite food?… Shrimp.
If athletes get athlete’s foot, what do elves get?… Mistle-toes!
What do elves sing to Santa on cold nights?… Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What’s another name for Santa’s helpers?… Subordinate clauses!
What did the elf get when he crossed a bell with a skunk?… Jingle smells.
What did Santa say to the elf who said he made the worst toys?… Don’t be little yourself.
Why are elves such good house guests?… They only stay for a short time.
What kind of money do elves use?… Jingle bills!
What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer?… “First, YULE LOGon”!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb? … Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other’s shoulders!
What was the elf’s favorite book?… Stuart Little.
Why do elves like dolls?… They can share the clothes.
Where do you find elves?… Usually right around where you left them.
What did the reindeer say to the elf?… Nothing…reindeer can’t talk!
What does Santa use to bake cakes?… Elf-raising flour.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?… To help their elf esteem.
What do you call an elf who won’t share? Elfish.
What make of car do elves drive? Toy-otas.
What is Santa Claus’ tax status? Elf employed
What are elves’ favorite types of photos? Elfies.
Where do elves vote? The North Poll.
Who is Santa’s helpers’ favorite character in Stranger Things? Elelfen.
What’s the first thing elves learn in school? The elf-abet.
Why did the elf sleep in the fireplace? Because he wanted to sleep like a log.
How do elves get to the top floor? They take an elf-avator.
How do elves communicate with one another? Through their elf phones.
What do you get if you cross an elf with a duck? A Christmas quacker.
How did the elf take such good photos of themselves? They had an elfie stick.
Why does Santa have to wear a hard hat in his toy factory? Elf and safety!
What do you call an elf who learns independently? Elf-taught.
What do elf fans of Parks and Recreation love to say? “Treat yo’ elf.”
What’s the best way to gain confidence? To believe in your elf.
What is Santa’s helpers’ favorite song? “Have Your Elf a Merry Little Christmas.”
What did Santa tell his helpers when they listened in on his conversation? “Quit elves-dropping.”
What do vegetarian elves eat? Elfalfa.
Who do elf music fans call the King? Elfis.
What do socialist elves support? Redistribution of welf.
What is Santa’s helpers’ favorite convenience store? 7-Elelfen.
What’s an animal that never forgets Christmas? An elfant.
How do elves keep their breath fresh? Orna-mints.
What’s the difference between an ant and an elf? Very little.
What does an elf use to make Christmas pudding? U-tinsel-s.
What do you call a selfish elf? Myself.
How do elves keep their hands so clean? They use lots of Santa-tiser!
What do you call a Santa’s helper with a rags-to-riches story? Cinderelfa.
How did Santa tell his elves to check their email? “First, yule log on…”
What do Santa’s helpers tell someone who annoys them? “Elf off.”
What do elves say when they make mistakes? “I elfed up.”
What does Santa use after trimming his beard? Elftershave.
What is elves’ favorite sport? Miniature golf.
What do you do if you can’t hire a professional? Do it your elf.
What would upset a normal person but not an elf? Coming up short.
What currency do elves use? Jingle bills.
What do elves say when meeting mutual friends? “Small world!”
What do you call a naughty elf that won’t work? A rebel without a Claus!
What do you call an elf in earmuffs? Anything you like because they can’t hear you.
What does Santa put on his face after shaving? Elftashave.
What did Rudolph say to the elf when they went flying? Hold on for deer life.
Where do elves stay when they’re on vacation? At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
What do you call an elf entrepreneur? A small business owner.
What is the elves’ least favorite Christmas song? “Noelf.”
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes? Their mistletoes.
What’s another name for Santa’s helpers? Subordinate clauses.
What do you call an elf who tells jokes? A real Christmas card.
Where do elves go dancing? Christmas balls.
What do elves use to walk when they hurt their legs? Candy canes.
What do you call an elf who wins the lottery? Welfy.
What do you get when an elf passes gas? Jingle smells.
Where do elves go to get famous? Holly-wood.
Why did the elf cross the road? To get to the north side.
How do elves feel after a long day of work? Elf-hausted.
What’s an elf’s favorite instrument? An elf-ophone.
What does an elf have for breakfast? Frosties!
Why did Santa refuse to buy chips for his helper? Because they’re bad for his elf.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb? Ten: One to change it and nine to stand on one another’s shoulders.
Which elf is the best jazz singer? Elfa Fitzgerald.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it? Shelf it for later.
What is an elf’s favorite lunch? Sandwich wraps.
Why do elves love baseball? Because they’re Little League stars.
What do you call an elf who’s great in the kitchen? A short-order cook.
What do you get when a group of 11 elves adds another? Twelf.
What is an elf’s favorite type of cookie? Shortbread.
Why don’t elves read novels? They prefer short stories.
What do elves sing to Santa Claus when it’s cold? “Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.”
What’s an elf’s favorite dessert? Elf-cream cake.
What do elves use when baking? Elf raising flour.
What’s an elf’s favorite drink? Sprite.
Why did the elf take the day off? He had tinsel-itis!
How did Santa’s helper see the doctor so quickly? He had private elf care.
What do you call an elf who sings? A wrapper.What did the elf use to write on the blackboard? Chalk-olate.
What singer do elves like best? Elf-is Presley.
What is green, white and red all over? An elf with a sunburn!
If humans get athlete’s foot, what do elves get? Mistle-toe.
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