Tag: Top 10 Navy Jokes

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1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Navy jokes. 
2. Navy captain: “Change your course, 10 degrees W” Seaman 1st Class: “Change yours 10 degrees E” Navy captain annoyed: “I’m a Navy captain. Change your course.” Seaman 1st Class: “You must change your course, sir.” Navy captain: “I’m an aircraft carrier..” Seaman 1st Class: “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
3. An ensign was standing in line behind a sailor at a vending machine. The ensign asked the sailor if he had change for a dollar. Reaching into his pocket, the sailor replied, “Sure.” The ensign said, “Sailor, don’t you mean yes, sir? Let’s try this again. Do you have change for a dollar?” The sailor replied, “No, sir!”
4. Navy jet pilot: This is it! We’re flying faster than the speed of sound! Copilot: What? 
5. Army Jokes: When I lost my rifle, the army charged me $255.99. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 
6. Working for the Navy pays just enough to stay afloat.
7. Army Jokes: Army soldiers can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the Navy can fathom it. 
8. Pirate Jokes: A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the Navy… But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.  
9. Flag Day Jokes: What is the only question on the entrance exam to the U.S. Navy?… “Oh say, can you sea?”
10. Ocean Jokes: What grades do you need to join the Navy?… 7 C’s. 
11. What do you call a Navy Admiral who gambles, smokes, drinks, and does drugs?… A Vice Admiral.
12. Psychology Jokes: I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite… I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.
13. Subway… The unofficial restaurant of the US Navy.
14. Labor Day Jokes: I thought about joining the Navy to be on a submarine… But I changed my mind, I had a sinking feeling about that career path.
15. Labor Day Jokes: A cool job that sounds lame: Building boats for the Navy… You’d be a subcontractor. 
16. Retirement Jokes: What is the #1 form of transportation for retired Navy members?… The subway!
17. Pirate Jokes: 3.14% of Sailors are Pi Rates. 
18. I wanted to join the Navy… But that ship has sailed… I’ll sea myself out.
19. The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men… They are sending them out to sea. 
20. August Jokes: Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gusta join the Navy. 
21. Swimming Jokes: Why do they actually prefer non-swimmers in the Navy?… They defend their ship with a lot more enthusiasm. 
22. What’s the Navy’s favorite exercise?… Planks.
23. Psychology Jokes: The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds… They will be subma-weiner.
24. Music Jokes: Commodores… The unofficial band of the Navy.
25. Dad Jokes: Dad: You wanna join the Navy? You can’t even swim! Son: No one can fly in the Air Force either. 
26. Ocean Jokes: Why did the Navy ship blush?… Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
27. Grandparent Jokes: My grandfather is always saying that in the old days people could leave their back doors open… Which is probably why his submarine sank. 
28. Crayon Jokes: What color are military submarines?… Deep navy. 
29. Teacher Jokes for July: Why did the sailor go to summer school?… To improve his sea-minus to a sea-plus! 
30. Geography Jokes: I heard France is replacing its aging, deteriorating navy vessels… I guess French ships don’t always last forever.
31. Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the Navy?… The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself! 
32. Movie Jokes: Why was the Navy movie not permitted to be played in theaters?… Due to censor-ship. 
33. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me the highest rank in the Navy? 
34. Star Wars Jokes: Why is there no Jedi navy?… Sailing is a path to the dockside. 
35. Biology Jokes: What did the Barbie factory do when it ran out of belly buttons?… They called the the navel reserve. 
36. What did the sailor say to the other sailor when they had a problem?… We are in the same boat. 
37. Leap Year Jokes: What does a Navy captain do during a Leap Year?… Jump ship. 
38. What’s a sailor’s favorite board game?… Battleship.
39. Movie Jokes: If Harrison Ford’s son were in the Navy, what would be his favorite city?… Indy-Annapolis. 
40. Thanksgiving Jokes: What do you call a group of gravy boats on Thanksgiving?… A Gravy Navy.
41. Movie Jokes: What’s a sailor’s favorite type of movie?… A sea-quel! 
42. What did the Navy say to the coast guards?… “I’ll SEAL you later” 
43. Ocean Jokes: What’s a Navy cook’s favorite spice?… Sea-soning!
44. Psychology Jokes: How do you measure a Navy ship’s happiness?… In nauti-cal smiles.
45. Crayon Jokes: I’ve never understood the Navy’s color being Navy blue… I thought they were the aqua-marines. 
46. Music Jokes: What’s a sailor’s favorite band?… Sub-lime.
47. Swimming Jokes: Navy recruiter: “Do you know how to swim?” Recruit: “Why? Have you run out of ships?” 
48. What do they call cleaners in the Navy?… Scrubmarines.
49. Teacher Jokes for August: Why did the navy ship go to school?… It wanted to learn how to make waves!
50. Super Bowl Jokes: Did you hear about the Super Bowl football player who asked his coach to flood the field so he could go in as a sub? 
51. Black Friday Jokes: Old Neigh-vy… the unofficial story of the Navy.
52. Farming Jokes: Why did the navy sailor start a fruit stand on the ship?… He wanted to sell naval oranges!
53. Movie Jokes: What is a sailor’s favorite movie?… “Sea” biscuit!
54. Geography Jokes: Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the side of their boats?… So when they come back to port they can… Scandinavian.
55. What’s a Navy ship’s favorite drink?… Port wine!
56. Labor Day Jokes: I became a chef after I left the navy… Some would say I am a seasoned veteran.
57. Prom Jokes: What branch of the military should you never ask to the prom?… The NAY vy!
58. Dog Jokes: Which breed of dog is most common in the Navy?… The aircraft terrier.
59. Ice Cream Jokes: Did you know you can’t eat ice cream in the Navy?… Apparently you get arrested for desserting. 
60. How does a Navy Captain convince his sailors to stop going the bathroom off the back of the boat?… He gives them a stern talking to. 
61. Homecoming Jokes: What branch of the military should you never ask to the homecoming dance?… The NAY vy!
62. What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear?… A petticoat!
63. Labor Day Jokes: I’m about to lose my job in the Navy unless I make some drastic changes… I have to take a course in anchor management. 
64. Marriage Jokes: What branch of the military should you never ask to marry you?… The NAY vy!
65. I wanted to join the Navy Seals… But that ship has sailed… I’ll sea myself out.
66. Labor Day Jokes: My mother was scared for me when I joined the Navy. It makes sense, my father was a telegraph operator in the navy and he got lost at C.
67. My neighbor is obsessed with Navy destroyers… He warships them.
68. Biology Jokes: What is a naval destroyer?… A hula hoop with a nail in it.
69. Why did the sailor join the gym?… To get in in shipshape!
70. Why do sailors love word puzzles?… They’re good at crosswords—lots of anchors.
71. College Football Jokes: What separates the Navy fans from the Army football fans?… The wave.
72. Cape Cod Jokes: Falmouth Commodores… The unofficial baseball team of the Navy.
73. What’s a sailor’s favorite type of sandwich?… A Subway sub-marine! 
74. Geometry Jokes: Why do Navy sailors always carry a compass?… So they don’t get into pointless arguments.
75. What military branch is fond of horses?… The Neigh-vy.
76. What do you call a dog who joins the Navy?… A subwoofer.
77. Swimming Jokes: What’s the Navy’s favorite sport?… Dive-ing.
78. Whale Jokes: What’s a sailor’s favorite type of humor?… Whale-y bad puns.
79. Music Jokes: What’s unofficial band of the Navy?… Sub-lime
80. What so you call a snail on a ship?… A Snailer. 
81. Crayon Jokes: What was the dark blue sea lion mistaken for?… A Navy Seal.
82. Dad Jokes: What do you get when you cross a sheep, a warship, and a father?… A fleece navy dad. 
83. Ocean Jokes: Did you know Navy ships run on commercial batteries?… They run on 7 C’s.
84. Why did the sailor join the navy?… Because he wanted to see the sea!
85. Barber Jokes: Why did the Navy captain go to the barber?… To trim his sails.
86. What’s a naval captain’s least favorite door on his ship?…The commode door.
87. Fishing Jokes: What’s a sailor’s favorite meal?… Fish and ships.
88. Barber Jokes: What do sailors use to style their hair?… Sea spray!
89. What’s a Navy captain’s favorite type of joke?… Something knot too complicated.
90. Psychology Jokes: What do you call a worried sailor?… A nervous wreck!
91. What happens when you eat too many Navy beans?… You might end up with a dishonorable discharge.
92. Geography Jokes: Why did the sailor love his new compass?… It gave him direction.
93. NFL Football Jokes: The Washington Commanders… The unofficial NFL football team of the Navy.
94. College Football Jokes: The Vanderbilt Commodores… The unofficial football team of the Navy.
95. College Football Jokes: Who is the favorite mascot of the Navy?… Mr. Commodore of Vanderbilt.
96. Music Jokes: What’s a sailor’s least favorite type of music?… Heavy rock.
97. I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements. So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
98. Bird Jokes: Who’s the head of the penguin navy?… Admiral Byrd!
99. Music Jokes: Why did the submarine join the Navy band?… It wanted to master the bass.
100. How do sailors keep track of their tasks?.. They use a log!
101. A newly commissioned officer with a cigarette dangling from his lips asked aloud,”anybody got a light?:” An NCO said “I got you covered buddy.” “Buddy?” said the officer. “Don’t you see this bar on my uniform. Let’s try this again. DO YOU HAVE A LIGHT?.” The NCO snapped to attention and replied. “SIR, No Sir.”
102. What’s a rubber gasket on an aircraft carrier called?… A Navy seal.
103. Where does the Navy rank amongst the armed forces?… Submarines.
104. Where do U.S. Olympic horses shop?… Old Neigh-vy!
105. Grandparent Jokes: My Papa was a World War 2 Navy veteran and he use to boast about how he saved 300+ sailors from dying from an excruciating death… He shot the cook.
106. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about the Navy?
107. How do sailors communicate underwater?… With a sub text.
108. What’s the hardest part of being a sailor?… The current challenges.
109. Lobster Jokes: Why did the lobster join the Navy?… To become a navy-claw officer!
110. Bastille Day Jokes: In the French Navy, it’s considered unlucky to have the number 5 in a ship’s name… Because all of the ships with that number in their name… cinq.
111. Psychology Jokes: Why is the depression rate so high for US sailors?… Because they have the Navy blues.
112. What does NAVY stand for?… Never Again Volunteer Yourself.
113. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how to join the Navy?
114. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how much money I will make if I join the Navy?
115. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me the different ranks of the Navy?
116. Retirement Jokes: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe retire from the Navy?
117. How do navy ships communicate?… They just give each other a wave!
118. Pope Jokes: A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church when the pastor noticed him. “What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman. “All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked. The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.” The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?”
119. Why don’t naval shipyards have to pay taxes?… Because they are places of warship. 
120. What’s a captain’s favorite drink?… Anything on the rocks.
121. What do you call a forgetful veteran sailor?… A sea-nile old salt.
122. Psychology Jokes: Why did the ship go to therapy?… It had too many pier pressure issues.
123. Fishing Jokes: What do Navy sailors call a lazy fish?… slackerel.
124. What’s the Navy’s motto during tough training?… “Just keel it.”
125. Why do Navy SEALs fall backwards off of their boats?… Because if they fell forwards they’d still be on the boat!
126. What’s the best way to calm a rowdy ship?…Give it a stern talking-to.
127. Ocean Jokes: Why do Navy officers love the ocean?… It’s their wave of life.
128. What do Navy officers use to write letters?… An anchor pen.
129. Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.) And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having “Space Balls” from here on out.
130. Ice Cream Jokes: An ice cream, a creme brulee, and a slice of cheesecake joined the Navy, but they abandoned their fellow sailors on their first deployment… They are wanted for dessertion. 
131. Grandparent Jokes: My grandfather was a baker in the Navy… He went in all buns glazing.
132. What’s a ship’s favorite thing to do at an athletic contest?… The wave.
133. What do you call a Marine who joins the Navy?… A Sub-Marine.
134. Why did the sailor become a baker?… He wanted to make some “sea” biscuits!
135. What’s an officer’s favorite exercise?… The captain’s chair.
136. What’s the captain’s least favorite food?… Leaky soup.
137. Music Jokes: What do you call a group of musical sailors?… The anchor-estra!
138. Ice Cream Jokes: Why did the sailor stuff himself with ice cream?… He was a desserter. 
139. Why did the Navy recruit take a ladder to training?… He wanted to climb the ranks.
140. Why don’t sailors get mad?… They just go with the flow.
141. Music Jokes: What’s a sailor’s favorite type of music?… Nautical notes!
142. What did Galaga aliens and WW2 Navy officers have in common?… Both came in WAVES.
143. Tree Jokes: What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time?… Absent without leaf. 
144. Why do Navy officers never tell jokes during meetings?… They don’t want to go overboard.
145. What do you call an officer with no sense of humor?… Admiral Serious.
146. Movie Jokes: What’s a ship’s favorite movie genre?… Sea-quels.
147. What’s the Navy’s favorite type of bread?… Sub-marinewich.
148. Why did the Navy captain bring a broom to the bridge?… To sweep the deck!
149. Why do officers love sailor puns?…. Because they’re off the charts!
150. Why is France’s navy one of the best in the world?… Because they have the power of french-ship.
151. How does a navy submarine call its friends?… Through its shell phone!
152. Art Jokes: Why was the officer bad at painting?…. He kept going outside the lines!
153. Music Jokes: What do you call a group of navy sailors singing together?… A sea-shanty choir!
154. Ocean Jokes: What did the ocean say to the navy ship?… Nothing, it just waved.
155. Octopus Jokes: Why do sailors never play poker with squids?… They’re too good at hands.
156. Why did the captain fail his cooking class?… He couldn’t stir the ship right!
157. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Navy knock-knock joke?
158. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Navy knock knock jokes?
159. Why are there no knock knock jokes about the American Navy?… Because freedom rings!
160. What’s a sailor’s favorite dance move?… The anchor drop!
161. Biology Jokes: What button does the Naval admiral press to launch the submarine torpedo?… The belly button.
162. What’s a sailor’s favorite social media app?… Sea-gram.
163. What kind of reptile do you bring on an expedition?… A navi-gator.
164. What’s a ship’s favorite dance move?… The wave.
165. Grandparent Jokes: My Granddad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray… He’s now classed as a seasoned veteran.
166. “So, you’re telling me you’re in the Navy yet you don’t know how to swim?” “Buddy, you’re in the air-force. Do you know how to fly?”
167. Why did the crab join the Navy?… To become a navy-claw officer!
168. Pencil Jokes: Why did the Navy sailor bring a pencil to sea?… To draw the line!
169. Why do sailors always win at trivia?… They’re good at navigating tricky questions.
170. Why don’t sailors ever fight during training?… They don’t want to rock the boat.
171. Algebra Jokes: What’s the Navy’s favorite type of math?… Nautical algebra.
172. Pie Jokes: What’s a sailor’s favorite dessert?… Sub-lime pie.
173. Why don’t submarines ever argue?… They keep it subtle.
174. Ocean Jokes: What did the ocean say to the navy ship when it passed by?… “Long time, no sea!”
175. Psychology Jokes: Why did the submarine go to therapy?… It had deep-seated issues.
176. Why did the new recruit bring an anchor to the classroom?… He wanted to feel grounded.
177. Labor Day Jokes: Why did the submarine get a promotion?… It knew how to dive right into problems.
178. Why did the sailor join a dating app?… He was looking for his “sole-mate!”
179. What type of jacket does a Navy officer wear?… A coat of arms!
180. Why do sailors never tell secrets on a ship?… The walls might list.
181. How does the Navy keep their ships so clean?… Lots of hullsome scrubbing.
182. Why don’t sailors gossip?… It’s all below deck.
183. Why don’t Navy officers ever play cards?… They’re afraid of being decked!
184. What’s the ocean’s favorite joke?… Something with depth!
185. Why did the ship never crash?… It had shore protection.
186. Why don’t sailors ever get lost?… They just follow the current!
187. Ocean Jokes: Why did the sailor keep a starfish as a pet?… For some stellar company.
188. Psychology Jokes: Why did the ship take up meditation?… To stay centered.
189. Art Jokes: Why did the Navy send a submarine to art school?… They wanted it to learn how to draw a-buoys.
190. How does a Navy captain like to start a race?… Ready, set, navy-gate!
191. Ocean Jokes: Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the beach?… He wanted to climb aboard the sand-bar.
192. Why did the Navy officer use the stairs instead of the elevator?… He didn’t want to escalate the situation.
193. Why did the sailor go broke?… He kept shelling out cash on vacations.
194. Why did the navy officer wear 3D glasses to work?… He wanted to “sea” the depth of the situation!
195. What do you call a navy ship full of cows?… A dairy frigate!
196. What do you call an aircraft full of cattle?… Total bull ship.
197. Music Jokes: What’s a sailor’s favorite type of music?… R and B, which stands for “Rum and Brandy”!
198. Ocean Jokes: How do submarines stay in shape?… They do a lot of deep sea-kale!
199. Marriage Jokes: How did the navy submarine propose to its partner?… “Let’s dive into marriage!”
200. Psychology Jokes: Why did the sailor go to therapy?… He had too many emotional “berths” to unload!
201. The Russian Navy has announced that it’s commissioning glass-bottom warships… so they can keep an eye on the Russian Air Force.
202. What do you call a Navy cook who’s also a magician?… A soupernatural!
203. Why did the ship refuse to wear a cologne?… It didn’t want to be too fragrant.
204. When I was in the Navy, I was on the deck of a destroyer one day, and I saw the periscope of an enemy submarine surface nearby… So I whipped off my hat and dropped it over the periscope.
205. Music Jokes: Why do sailors make terrible DJs?… They always play the same sea shanties!
206. Art Jokes: Why did the sailor go to art school?… To master the art of knot-tying.
207. Why did the sailor become a gardener?… He wanted to “sea” some growth!
208. Why did the navy recruit join the vegetable garden?… He wanted to be a navy bean!
209. What do you call a military ship that’s great at knitting?… A frigate with fabulous stitches!
210. What do you call a well-dressed sailor?… A natty nautical!
211. How do navy chefs cook their meals?… With a depth charge of flavor!
212. What do you call a fashionable sailor?… A navy seal of approval.
213. Why did the sailor break up with his girlfriend?… She was too nauti-cal for him!
214. Music Jokes: What do you call a sailor who plays the drums?… A maritime percussionist!
215. Why are sailors such great comedians?… They know the secret to a good punchline is all in the “buoyancy!”
216. How do sailors communicate with one another?… They use their sea-phones!
217. Labor Day Jokes: How do navy personnel stay cool in the summer?… They have their own fleet of “FAN-tastic” ships!
218. Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even.
219. Pasta Jokes: What’s a sailor’s favorite type of pasta?… Seashell-eroni!
220. Algebra Jokes: What do you call a navy member who loves math?… An Admiralgebra enthusiast!
221. What do you call a ship that tells jokes?… A comedi-boat!
222. What do you call a navy ship with a sense of humor?… A pun-dit class vessel!
223. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?… Moomorial day.