101 Presidents’ Day Jokes

by | Feb 16, 2026 | College, Dads, Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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My Town Tutors loves a good laugh. Over the years we have acquired many jokes. Hopefully you find them useful and can have some fun with them

  1. February Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Presidents’ Day jokes.
  2. Presidents’ Day is a sad reminder my wallet is filled with pictures of only the first one.
  3. Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
  4. President Jokes: What flavor gum does the President prefer?…. Governmint.
  5. February Knock Knock Jokes: Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… George Washington… George Washington who?… George Washington who?!! Didn’t you learn anything in history class?!!
  6. President Jokes: Andrew Johnson was the first US leader to ever be impeached… You could say it was unpresidented.
  7. What’s the most popular automobile brand for presidents?… Lincoln.
  8. George Washington Jokes: Teacher: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?” Student: “Because he still had the axe in his hand.” 
  9. JFK Quotes: How did you become a hero?… “It was involuntary. They sank my boat.” John F. Kennedy
  10. What does Donald Trump call kayaks?… Fake canoes.
  11. How many presidential aides does it take to change a light bulb?… None. They’re supposed to keep the President in the dark.
  12. George Washington Jokes: If George Washington were alive today, why couldn’t he throw a silver dollar across the Potomac?… Because a dollar doesn’t go as far as it used to!
  13. Music Jokes: Which rock group has four men who don’t sing?… Mount Rushmore.
  14. “My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.” President Jimmy Carter
  15. Tree Jokes: Which former president planted the most trees?… Wood-row Wilson!
  16. Book Jokes: Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks.
  17. Tea Jokes: What kind of tea did the George Washington thirst for?… Libertea!
  18. George Washington Jokes: How did George Washington describe things?… In general terms.
  19. George Washington Jokes: What would George Washington be if he were alive today?… Really, really, really old.
  20. George Washington Jokes: Who was the funniest person in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette.
  21. Who was the youngest US president?… BABE Lincoln.
  22. Dentist Jokes: What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
  23. George Washington Jokes: What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food?… The fodder of our country!
  24. Nebraska Jokes: What do you call a Nebraskan who hates Democratic Presidents?… A CORNservative.
  25. Christmas Tree Jokes: Which former president planted the most Christmas trees?… Wood-row Wilson!
  26. College Football Jokes: “An atheist is a guy who watches a Notre Dame – SMU football game and doesn’t care who wins.” Dwight Eisenhower
  27. Civil War Jokes: Why aren’t there many Civil War jokes?… People General Lee don’t find them funny…
  28. Civil War Jokes: Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
  29. Maine Jokes: Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport?… Because it’s way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine.
  30. Civil War Jokes: Teacher: “Do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No. I thought he lived in Washington!”
  31. Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden?… He didn’t want any Bushes at the White House.
  32. Civil War Jokes: Knock, knock…. Who’s there?… Abraham Lincoln… Abraham Lincoln who?… Seriously?… You must have done terrible in history class…
  33. Civil War Jokes: Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
  34. Election Jokes: EVICTED FAMILY NEEDS HELP MOVING! MUST BE OUT BY JANUARY 20th! Please send any unneeded moving supplies to: 1600 Pennsylvania Ave NW Washington, DC 20500.
  35. February Jokes: I love February brcasue it contains 2 of my favorite annual events Groundhog Day, and the State Of The Union Address. 1 involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog.
  36. Constitution Jokes:How was George Washington able to be so healthy?… He had a strong constitution.
  37. Which US president was able to clean up government wrongdoing?… WASHington.
  38. Napping Jokes: Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
  39. Have you seen the picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved… It’s completely unprecedented.
  40. Tree Jokes: Why didn’t George Washington’s father yell at him for chopping down the cherry tree?… Because George was still holding the axe…
  41. What’s the difference between a platypus and George Washington?… One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill.
  42. What do George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Christopher Columbus all have in common?… They were all born on holidays.
  43. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon! 
  44. Police Jokes: Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested?… For committing Valley Forgery.  
  45. Mardi Gras Jokes: What do you call a Presidents Day parade with a Mardi Gras theme?… A krewe-sade of presidential masks!
  46. February Knock Knock Jokes: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Presidents’ Day?
  47. February Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Presidents’ Day knock-knock joke?
  48. Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
  49. Baseball Jokes: What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln
  50. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
  51. Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!”
  52. What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
  53. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!
  54. Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin?… Because it was too cold to be born outside!
  55. Barber Jokes: Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard?… He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill.
  56. Hat Jokes: Why did Lincoln wear a tall, black hat?… To keep his head warm!
  57. Election Jokes: Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons.
  58. George Washington Jokes: Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!
  59. George Washington Jokes: American Revolution Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best George Washington jokes.
  60. Election Jokes: “George Washington is the only president who didn’t blame the previous administration for his troubles.” Author Unknown
  61. Army Jokes: What was General Washington’s favorite tree?… The infan-tree.
  62. George Washington Jokes: What did King George think of George Washington?… He thought he was revolting! 
  63. George Washington Jokes: Where did the General Washington put his armies?… In his sleevies
  64. Delaware Jokes: I finally realized why the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware is such a big deal… It depicts the last time someone willingly entered New Jersey.
  65. Delaware Jokes: What did George Washington say when crossing the Delaware?… “Row, row, row your boat… quietly.”
  66. Delaware Jokes: Why was George Washington a great leader?… He always knew how to cross the Delaware without a hitch!
  67. Delaware Jokes: What did Washington say as he crossed the Delaware?… ”Next time I’m going to reserve a seat!”
  68. Delaware Jokes: What did George Washington say when he crossed the Delaware River?… “I’m going to make this crossing great again!”
  69. What’s the problem with political jokes?… They get elected for president.
  70. Labor Day Jokes: Which U.S. president got the job online?… Abraham LinkedIn.
  71. Movie Jokes: Which U.S. president starred in sci-fi movies?… Ronald Ray Gun.
  72. Why was Herbert Hoover the best president?… He gave a dam.
  73. In what state was George Washington born?… Naked and crying, just like the rest of us.
  74. Lord of the Rings Jokes: How did the elves get Bilbo Baggins elected for president?… By using propa-Gandalf.
  75. Movie Jokes: How can you tell the difference between a president and an actor?… One leads the land, while the other lands the lead.
  76. Which president holds the record for the shortest term?… Grover Cleveland. He was the twenty-second president.
  77. What did Franklin D. Roosevelt say after he dropped his pickle?… “I want a new dill.”
  78. What was the one issue the presidential candidate couldn’t overcome?… Gerrymandering was where he drew the line.
  79. Which U.S. presidents were the greenest?… The Bushes.
  80. How are presidents like diapers?… They need to be changed regularly and for the same reason.
  81. Which U.S. president bought the most gasoline?… Millard Fillmore.
  82. Election Jokes: What is the rarest mythical creature?… A presidential candidate who is honest, smart and electable.
  83. Why did the 38th president dine and dash?… He couldn’t a-Ford-it.
  84. Why did no one attend the president’s press conference at midnight?… Biden it was too late.
  85. What is Michelle Obama’s favorite vegetable?… Barackoli.
  86. Dog Jokes: Why weren’t dogs allowed at the White House from 1989 to 1993? …The Secret Service was worried they’d chase the Quayles and pee on the Bushes.
  87. Who is in charge of the kitchen remodel at the White House?… The President’s Cabinet.
  88. Chemistry Jokes: How do you tell the difference between a presidential candidate and a chemistry professor?… Ask them to read this word aloud: unionized.
  89. Why did Barack Obama take all the writing instruments with him when he left the Oval Office? Because Donald Trump was bringing his own Pence.
  90. Music Jokes: What computer code should you use to write a song for a presidential candidate?… The Al Gore rhythm.
  91. What did the President say when he lost his notes before addressing the country?… Nothing. He was speechless.
  92. South Dakota Jokes: What should you do if Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson and Roosevelt all get poison ivy?… Rename it Mount Rashmore.
  93. George Washington Jokes: Which president’s wife had to do the most laundry?… Mrs. Washington.
  94. Cheese Jokes: Why did the president of the cheese company run for president of the United States?… So she could make America grate again.
  95. What would Thomas Jefferson be if he were alive today?… Really, really, really old!
  96. Who was the least guilty American president?… Lincoln. He’s in a cent.
  97. Why did the child decide he wanted to be president?… Because he heard that politics was full of parties.
  98. Barber Jokes: Where does the president get his hair cut?… Budget Cuts.
  99. Did you hear about the guy running for president with no body?… They say he’s ahead in the polls.
  100. Did you know our 13th president was a duck?… They called him Mallard Fillmore.
  101. Why did the quarter run for president?… So he could have a platform based on change.
  102. Basketball Jokes for Presidents’ Day: Son: What was the 37th president’s favorite basketball team?… Dad: The Knicks, son.
  103. Why did the 16th president always wear sunglasses outside?… Because he was always a-blinkin’.
  104. Where did the Founding Fathers sign the Declaration of Independence?… At the bottom.
  105. If we call Joe Biden’s wife the first lady, what do we call his mother?… Joe mama.
  106. How do you make the president laugh?… Challenge him to a poli-tickle debate