Illinois Jokes

by | Oct 3, 2025 | Latest News, School Jokes

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Illinois jokes.
  2. What is the loudest state in America?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  3. World Series Jokes: I’m glad the Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series… 108 years of hibernation just doesn’t seem healthy.
  4. Field Trip Jokes: A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip to a farm. One of the chaperones asks the farmer “Why doesn’t that cow have horns?” The farmer takes off his cap, scratches his head and replies “Well ma’am, there are lots of reasons why an animal doesn’t have horns, some breeds, like the Angus, just don’t grow horns. Some breeds, like the Brahma, are too dangerous with horns so we lop them off. It doesn’t hurt the animal, it’s like cutting your fingernails. But there is a very good reason why that particular animal doesn’t have horns.” “And what would that reason be?” she asked. “Well ma’am, that would be because that animal is a horse.”
  5. What is the best U.S. city to have a celebration toast?… Champaign, Illinois.
  6. 2024 Election Jokes: Why did the Harris and Walz hold the 2024 convention in Chicago?… Harris and Walz wanted to make a bunch of Ill – i – NOISE!
  7. 2024 Election Jokes:
  8. 2024 Election Jokes: What Illinois city do Harris and Walz want to have a toast in on Election Night?… Champaign.
  9. What state recommends that to wear ear plugs?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  10. What state do librarians hate the most?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  11. What state has the the loudest students?… ILL-I-NOISE! (Top U.S. State Jokes & Illinois Jokes)
  12. Phil Jackson took the Chicago Bulls on a hike to climb a mountain… He wanted them to have a higher basketball IQ. (NBA Basketball Jokes)
  13. What MLB team does gum root for?… The Chicago White Sox who play a Wrigley Field. (Gum Jokes & Illinois Baseball Jokes)
  14. What is the favorite MLB ball park for gum?… Wrigley Field. (Gum Jokes & Baseball Jokes)
  15. I have the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from the Miller Park Zoo. (Zoo Jokes)
  16. How do the zebras at the Phillips Park Zoo play baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out! (Baseball Jokes)
  17. What do you call a dishonest cat at the Peoria Zoo?… Lion. (Zoo Jokes)
  18. What is the favorite drink for people in Illinois (21+) when celebrating?… Champaign (Illinois)
  19. What state has the loudest high school graduations?… ILL-I-NOISE! (Graduation Jokes)
  20. What state has a difficult time having a conversation?…. Ill – i – NOISE!
  21. Why should you never buy golf equipment made in Illinois?… Because Illinois drivers are terrible. (Golf Jokes & Car Jokes)
  22. A woman from Illinois who fell in love with the DJ from her first wedding day has married him five years later… she originally asked him three years ago, but he said he wasn’t taking requests just then. (Marriage Jokes)
  23. In what state does the Mississippi River flow?… Liquid. (10 Longest Illinois Rivers)
  24. What is a mountain’s favorite type of candy?… Snow caps. (Illinois Moutains / Hiking Jokes / Candy Jokes)
  25. Over the summer, Illinois expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 118°F… NOT cool. (Summer Jokes & Heat Wave Jokes)
  26. Why is a Wabash River rich? …. Because it has two banks. (10 Longest Illinois Rivers)
  27. Over the winter, Illinois is expected to break the coldest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as -39°F… NOT cool.. FREEZING. (Winter Jokes)
  28. Why won’t any of Illionos’s bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired. (Bike Jokes)
  29. Phil Jackson took the Chicago Bulls on a hike to climb a mountain… He wanted them to have a higher basketball IQ. (NBA Basketball Jokes)
  30. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Illinois?
  31. What state has the loudest college graduations?… ILL-I-NOISE! (Graduation Jokes)
  32. What did one Illinois flag say to the other?… Nothing, it just waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
  33. Speaking of driving… Illinois roads are adventurous because no one knows how to drive.
  34. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Illinois knock-knock joke?
  35. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Illinois knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  36. Hawaii is hosting a party for all the states. Hawaii says, “be there or be square!” Unfortunately, Colorado and Wyoming didn’t attend. (Hawaii Jokes & Colorado Jokes)
  37. What did Illinois see?… The same thing Arkansas. (Top 50 State Jokes)
  38. In the news, Illinois had it’s first remote trial via zoom… It looks like things will be settled out of court. (Lawyer Jokes)
  39. An Illinois man was arrested for stealing a truck filled with $56,000 worth of Campbell’s soup…. I, for one, hope this guy goes away for ‘Mmm, mmm, good!’
  40. Why can’t Williams Hill and Bald Knob play hide and seek?… Because they like to peak. (Illinois Moutains)
  41. How many Illionis men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?… You can’t. Nobody in Florida has any cents.
  42. 2024 Election Jokes: Why did the Democratic Party hold the 2024 convention in Chicago?… They wanted to make a bunch of Ill – i – NOISE!
  43. 2024 Election Jokes: What Illinois city do the democrats want to have a toast in on Election Night?… Champaign.
  44. Did you guys hear about that girl they found murdered in Illinois?… They found her covered in milk with cheerios still in her mouth… They think it was a cereal killer. (Cereal Jokes)
  45. What is an Illinois clouds favorite drink?… Mountain Dew. (Hiking Jokes & Skiing Jokes)
  46. A retired Illinois man was jailed for refusing to nap… …he was resisting a rest. (Napping Jokes)
  47. What does the average Illinois high school student get on his SAT?… Drool. (College Jokes)
  48. Why do FIllinoisstudents have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  49. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in Florida to use their turn signal and I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  50. Florida: America hates us because America ain’t us.
  51. Florida: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Election Jokes)
  52. How do you get a man in Floridian to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  53. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Florida.
  54. How many Florida State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  55. Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother! (Skiing Jokes)
  56. A man dies at the Arizona, Colorado, New Mexico, and Utah border… He had to have four coroners. (Cemetery Jokes & Top 10 Jokes for Each State)
  57. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Colorado Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  58. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in Colorado to use their turn signal… I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  59. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Colorado Resident: “No, not yet.”
  60. Divorced couples in Colorado are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana… The judges have started issuing joint custody. (Divorce Jokes)
  61. Upon hearing that my donor is in Eugene, I proceeded to inform my wife that, “My heart is in Oregon.” She replied, “I know what a heart is!”
  62. What do you call the 2014 event between two cities that legalized marijuana?… The Super Bowl.
  63. Yes, marijuana is legal in Colorado… now leaf the jokes alone.
  64. Colorado: America hates us because America ain’t us.
  65. How do you get a man in Colorado to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  66. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Colorado.
  67. Colorado: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Election Jokes)
  68. The only difference between Florida and an oven is that an oven doesn’t produce serial killers.
  69. I went to Florida yesterday and a cop asked me if I have a criminal record… I said “No, is that still required?”
  70. What does the average Florida State University student get on his SAT?… Drool.
  71. I’m absolutely disgusted with the state my life is in right now Florida. I live in Florida
  72. A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Alabama joke. The bartender says, “Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I’m from Alabama. See that guy at the end of the bar? He’s 6-4 and weighs 250 and he’s from Alabama, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He’s 6-6 and weighs 280 and he’s from Alabama,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Alabama joke?” The guy says, “Nah.” To which the bartender smiles and says, “What’s the matter? Are ya chicken?” The guy says, “Nah. I just don’t want to have to explain it three times.”
  73. What state has the fewest hours of sleep?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  74. In what state can you NEVER hear a pin drop?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  75. Why don’t people want to live in Illinois?… ‘Cause of too much noise!
  76. What state has the the loudest middle school students?… ILL-I-NOISE! (Top U.S. State Jokes & Illinois Jokes)
  77. What state has the the loudest high school students?… ILL-I-NOISE! (Top U.S. State Jokes & Illinois Jokes)
  78. What state has the the loudest elementary school students?… ILL-I-NOISE! (Top U.S. State Jokes & Illinois Jokes)
  79. Can you name the capital in ?… “”
  80. What state has the the loudest elementary school graduations?… ILL-I-NOISE! 
  81. What did Lake say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved. (15 State Lakes)
    What is the tallest building in ?… The Public Library of course, it has the most stories!
    What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The State Turnpike!
    Where do fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the State River. (Ten Longest Rivers in Alaska)
    What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The State River!
    What runs but never goes out of breath?… The State River!What is the loudest state in America?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  82. What is the favorite drink for people in Illinois (21+) when celebrating?… Champaign (Illinois)
  83. What state recommends that to wear ear plugs?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  84. What did one Illinois flag say to the other?… Nothing, it just waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
  85. What is the best U.S. city to have a celebration toast?… Champaign, Illinois.
  86. What state has a difficult time having a conversation?…. Ill – i – NOISE!
  87. What state do librarians hate the most?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  88. What state has the fewest libraries?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  89. What state has the fewest hours of sleep?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  90. In what state can you NEVER hear a pin drop?… Ill – i – NOISE!
  91. Why don’t people want to live in Illinois?… ‘Cause of too much noise!