Lord of the Rings Jokes

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1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Lord of the Rings jokes. 
2. I would tell some good Lord of the Rings jokes… But all the good ones ara-gone! 
3. Marriage Jokes: Lord of the Rings Life Lesson: Man puts ring on finger, slowly goes insane! 
4. Music Jokes: What is Gandalf’s favorite band?… The Eagles!
5. I went to an Apple Store and set up alarms on all of the phones…. I was Lord of the Rings! 
6. California Jokes: Did you know that all of the Hobbit films were recorded in L.A.?… Yeah, you could tell by the Smaug.
7. Movie Jokes: Movie Review for The Lord of the Rings: Group spends nine hours returning jewelry.
8. Psychology Jokes: I was once obsessed with “The Lord of the Rings”. The books, the movies, the collectables, everything… Finally I was able to kick the hobbit. 
9. Hobbits are really good people… they don’t look down on anyone. 
10. Labor Day Jokes: Employee: Gandalf once said ‘A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.’ Boss: You’re still fired! 
11. How did Frodo Baggins know when his neighbor had died?… He read it in the Hobbituary.
12. Movie Jokes: Why did the Lord of the Rings author got kicked out of the movie theater… He was Tolkien all the way through!
13. Black Friday Jokes: What does Gandalf say when he wants to go shopping?… One ring to rule the mall! 
14. The Hobbit pinball machine is AMAZING… It doesn’t accept any coins though, only a Tolkien.
15. I like it when people call me Precious… It has such a nice ring to it!
16. I belong to a Lord of the Rings Society, and we have a secret sign… It is a Tolkien gesture.
17. Movie Jokes: Robert de Niro is playing the lead role in the upcoming movie about “The Lord of the Rings” trilogy. The movie is called “You Tolkien to me?” 
18. Lord of the Rings Jokes: Why was Gandalf hunched over and stressed out?… He was short-staffed! 
19. Marriage Jokes: I’ve been reading ‘Lord Of The Rings’ and apparently, Gollum was once a normal man, but wearing the ring drained him of his youth, energy and any joy in life… Must be the same ring I put on when I got married.
20. Marriage Jokes: Samwise is preparing for his wedding. He gathers his fellow hobbits around and then turns to Pippin. “Pippin, I want you to be my best man.” Pippin is overjoyed, but before he can celebrate, there’s a sound of someone crying, he turns and sees Frodo standing there with teary eyes. “But Sam, what about me?” Frodo sobs. Sam chuckles and says “Don’t be silly, Mister Frodo, you’re the ring bearer!” 
21. Dad Jokes: My dad set up a booth at a Renaissance Fair where people can dress up as Frodo from Lord of the Rings exclusively… It was his Frodo-Booth. 
22. Hey, Gandalf! What’s your favorite kind of insect?… FLY, YOU FOOLS! 
23. Teacher Jokes for August: My teacher must really like Lord of the Rings… Whenever I ask about my grades she just says “You shall not pass!”
24. What do you call a chubby hobbit?… Low Fat. 
25. Wedding Jokes: What was Frodo at Aragorn and Arwen’s wedding?… The Ring-bearer! 
26. A human, an elf and an orc walk into a bar…The Hobbit laughs and walks under it! 
27. Movie Jokes: Do you think Daniel Radcliffe could ever play a hobbit?… No, but Elijah Would! 
28. Boxing Jokes: How did the hobbit ruin the boxing match?… He tried to destroy the ring! 
29. Labor Day Jokes: Why was Gandalf hunched over and stressed out?… He was short-staffed! 
30. Christmas Jokes: I’m going to a Lord of the Rings themed Xmas party… I’m going to eat and be Merry!
31. Christmas Jokes: I’m throwing a hobbit Christmas party… It’s just a little get-together!
32. Tree Jokes: Dancing trees?… Now that’s ENT-ertainment. 
33. Music Jokes: Who is Treebeard’s favorite musician?… John Entwistle.
34. Wedding Jokes: Why did the Best Man go to Mount Doom?… Because he was the Ring-bearer! 
35. Why don’t you ask a hobbit for money?… Because they’re always a little short.
36. Where do Hobbits ride horses?… At the Frodeo. 
37. Which Lord of the Rings character has no toys to play with?… Legoless! 
38. Why are Hobbit doors round?… If you ate seven meals a day you’d need round doors too! 
39. Movie Jokes: What do you call a movie about a gangster hobbit?… Yolo Swaggins and the Fellowship of the Bling. 
40. President Jokes: If Frodo was the President of the Fellowship, what position would Gandalf have?… Chief of Staff. 
41. What do you call a hobbit eating at KFC?… Lord of the Wings.
42. What did Gandalf say when an onion tried to cross the bridge?… You shallot pass! 
43. Why should you try to be nice to a hobbit?… Because he’s got a short temper.
44. Book Jokes: J.R.R. Tolkien and Angela Lansbury have paired up for a middle-earth murder mystery… Mordor She Wrote. 
45. Doctor Jokes: What ward does Sauron visit in the hospital?… The I see you. (ICU). 
46. Book Jokes: What is the best book to read in autumn?… Gourd of the Rings.
47. Marriage Jokes: Why Lord of the Rings is a metaphor for life?… Man puts ring on finger, slowly goes insane!
48. What do you call a Lord of Rings fan with a sprained ankle?… A hobblit.
49. What time did Tolkien finish Lord of the Rings?… At elven o’clock! 
50. I bought myself a 6 ft boomerang with Lord of the Rings characters on it… It’s really hard to Frodo! 
51. How do you cross a troll bridge in Middle Earth?… You use J.R.R. tokens! 
52. In Lord of the Rings, you always have to make reservations at the restaurant… Because one does not simply walk in. 
53. Bird Jokes: What is Gollum’s favorite bird?… A smea-gull. 
54. Movie Jokes: Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel… Old Hobbits Die Hard. 
55. Golf Jokes: What do you call a wizard who can hit a white ball with a club?… Cangolf! 
56. Book Jokes: If Charles Dickens wrote The Lord of the Rings, how would the novel have started?… It was the best of Shires. It was the Worcestershires.
57. Psychology Jokes: Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth. “Why would you ever do such a thing!” He exclaimed. “Well you see Mr Gandalf, after our adventure we haven’t been able to feel the euphoria of being a hero until we tried this wonderful magic crystal,” said Frodo. “That’s it!”, said Gandalf. “I’m opening up a rehabilitation center. When I come back in a year, this had better be cleaned up!” A year passes and Gandalf returns. Alas, the hobbits are strewn about with their spoons and needles. Gandalf scoffs, “Breaking Bad Hobbits is going to be harder than I thought.” 
58. What time did Tolkien finish Lord of the Rings?… At elven o’clock. 
59. What do you call a reference to the Eye of Sauron?… An optical allusion. 
60. What kind of company did Sauron start?… Brick & Mordor. 
61. Music Jokes: Why didn’t they fly the eagles to Mordor?…  Because they were too busy making a new album.
62. Police Jokes: What do you get when you mix Frodo, Bilbo, and a cyborg police officer?… Frobo Cop. 
63. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Frodo… Frodo who?… I’m afraid of what might happen if you never open that door! 
64. I’m throwing a Labor Day hobbit party… It’s just a little get-together! 
65. What would Gandalf have said if The Lord of the Rings played in a supermarket instead of Middle-Earth?… One ring to rule the mall. 
66. Bee Jokes: Nine bees made their way to Mordor… It was the fellowship of the Sting.
67. What do you call a hobbit party?… A little get together.
68. Did you know that they are creating a version of The Lord of the Rings for young children?…  Apparently, they are changing Legolas’ name to ‘Duplolas’ in this version.
69. Geography Jokes: Why didn’t they make Lord Of The Rings in Mexico?… Because Juan does not simply walk into Mordor. 
70. Marriage Jokes: One ring rules your life, it slowly destroys you, and sometimes, death seems easier than continuing on.
71. Bee Jokes: Frodo and Sam were sitting outside, observing an insect. Neither of them were quite sure what kind of insect it was. “Is it a mosquito?” said Frodo, to which Sam replied, “No Mister Frodo, I think it’s some kind of bee?” They then saw Gandalf walking by, and they asked him whether he possibly knew what kind of insect it was. He looked at the insect for only a moment, before replying, “Fly, you fools.” 
72. How do hobbits make sure their clothes dry quickly?…  One rule: to wring them all.
73. What do you call 8 hobbits?… A hobbyte.
74. Astronomy Jokes: What is Saturn’s favorite movie?… Lord of the Rings. 
75. The Lord of the Rings official pinball machine doesn’t take quarters… Only Tolkiens 
76. Would you accept the offer to play Frodo in the Lord of the Rings trilogy?… Because Elijah Wood. 
77. Did you hear about the new Lord of the Rings spin-off?… It’s about a newborn Frodo and you can hear everything he’s thinking. It’s called Look Who’s Tolkien Now. 
78. There is a deleted scene in Lord of the Rings when Bilbo and Frodo run into a long-lost hipster cousin. Douche Baggins. 
79. Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, and Gandalf walk into a bar Gimli and the Hobbits are short enough to walk under it.
80. Psychology Jokes: It’s a hobbit… I watch the Lord of the Rings movie.
81. Music Jokes: For his Eleventy-first birthday, instead of fireworks, Bilbo initially asked Gandalf if he could bring the band that plays Dream Police to perform a concert at the party. This enraged Gandalf however, as Bilbo Baggins took him for some conjurer of Cheap Trick.
82. Tree Jokes: What is a woodchipper called in Lord of the Rings?… An Ent-eater. 
83. Psychology Jokes: What do you call introverted hobbits?… Shyer folk.
84. Book Jokes: What is the Witch-king’s favorite book?… The Grapes of Wraith!
85. Ocean Jokes: What do the Elves call their friends living by the sea?… Watermellons. 
86. Galadriel: This is Nenya, the Ring of Adamant, and I am its keeper. Frodo: What does it do? Galadriel: Nenya business! 
87. Movie Jokes: Orlando Bloom was only paid $175,000 for his role as Legolas in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. One might say he was definitely not an Elf made millionaire.
88. Archery Jokes: The Elves in The Lord of Rings look down upon anyone who is different from them… It’s pretty messed up, they’re so arrow minded.
89. Which Lord of the Rings character loves to lend himself to others?… Boro-mir. 
90. High School Jokes: Where do Orcs go to school?… Uruk-Hai. 
91. What do hobbit homes with no entrances need?… More doors. 
92. Labor Day Jokes: What is an accountant’s favorite Lord of the Rings movie?… The Return of the King.
93. Why did Gimli have to be a part of the Fellowship?… He was the Tolkien minority. 
94. Doctor Jokes: At a hospital, the mother is holding a new born child. Mother: You have my eyes. Father: And my smile. Aragorn: you have my sword. Legolas: And you have my bow. Gimli: And my axe. Nurse: Can we get security in here please, they are back again!
95. Why was Gandalf always smoking that pipe?… Because he had a bad Hobbit!
96. What do you need to play the new Lord of the Rings pinball game?… Tolkiens.
97. Geography Jokes: What do you call a wizard from Uganda?… A uGandalf. 
98. Music Jokes: I want to make a Lord of the Rings themed metal band called Nightmare on Helm’s Deep. 
99. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Nazgul… Nazgul who?… Nazguls don’t but I do. 
100. Why did Gollum leave the room every time Sam and Frodo lit their pipes?… He couldn’t stand being around such filthy habitses. 
101. What do you call a balrog wearing earmuffs?… Anything you want – it can’t hear you! 
102. Pippen: Treebeard, you’re covered in moss, do you like it? Treebeard: Well, it kind of grows on you. 
103. Why can’t you enter Sauron’s lair?… Because there’s always one Mordor. 
104. What’s Frodo short for?… He’s a hobbit. 
105. I would make another Lord of the Rings pun, but… all the good ones Aragorn.
106. Marriage Jokes: Lord of the rings must be about marriage… Because when you put the ring on, you disappear.
107. Labor Day Jokes: Employee: Gandalf once said ‘A wizard is never late, nor is he early, he arrives precisely when he means to.’ Boss: You’re still fired! 
108. What would Gandalf have said if The Lord of the Rings played in a supermarket instead of Middle-Earth?… One ring to rule the mall. 
109. What do you call Frodo Baggins with one leg?… Hoppit. 
110. How do you cross a troll bridge in Middle Earth?… You use J.R.R. tokens. 
111. Why did Sauron buy the sedan instead of the coupe?… More doors.
112. My English teacher used to quote The Lord of the Rings to us… She used to say “you shall not pass.” 
113. Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA… The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring 
114. How many times does an elf laugh at a joke?… One time, when he hears it. How many times does a hobbit laugh at a joke? .. Twice, once when he hears it, once when he finally gets it. How many times does a dwarf laugh at a joke?… Three times. Once when he hears it, once when it’s explained to him, and once when he finally gets it.
115. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Hobbit… Hobbit who?… Hobbit letting me in?
116. Why did Frodo set his phone to vibrate?… He was afraid the ring would give him away.
117. Fishing Jokes: Why can’t Treebeard swim very quickly?… He’s just not a fish ent. 
118. Why do elves wear white?… Because they come from the undy(e)ing lands. 
119. Archery Jokes: A guy walks into a bar and starts pretending to shoot arrows to a few girls. One of those girls smiles and gets closer to talk: “Hey, I saw that you threw me an arrow.” she said while winking at him. “Yes, I guess I did.” came his reply. “Who are you?” she asked. “Cupid throwing love arrows?” “No, I’m Legolas killing orcs!”
120. Music Jokes: Billy Joel is not responsible for mapping the Hobbit homeland… He Didn’t Chart The Shire.
121. Hiking Jokes: What is Sauron’s favorite soda?… Mountain Doom. 
122. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Lord of the Rings jokes.
123. What do you call the wraith king?… A ring leader!
124. Good study hobbits require a frodo-graphic memory.
125. Book Jokes: For my son’s birthday, I got him a copy of “The Lord of the Rings”, but he wasn’t too happy. He thought it was a Tolkien gesture.
126. I hear that Legolas from the Lord of the Rings had an older brother, but he died before Legolas was born. His name was Legofirst.
127. Psychology Jokes: I used to be addicted to Lord of the Rings… But then I kicked the hobbit.
128. So I was watching Lord of the Rings with my dad… When I mentioned Legolas he asks, “so did he lose both his legs?”
129. Movie Jokes: I heard they’re remaking one of the Lord of the Rings movies, but everyone rides around on bicycles instead of horses. They’re calling it The Two Tires.
130. Archery Jokes: What do you call Legolas, RobinHood, and Katniss Everdeen when they’re leaving?… Dep-archers!
131. Marriage Jokes: What do you call a man who has been married and divorced multiple times?… Lord of the Rings. 
132. Marriage Jokes: What do you call a woman who has been married and divorced multiple times?… Lord of the Rings. 
133. Book Jokes: Did you hear that the copies of The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and The Silmarillion are considered one-of-a-kind when sold and traded?… They’re Non-Fungible Tolkiens. 
134. College Jokes: If you see a class being taught by Gandalf, avoid it. Because YOU SHALL NOT PASS! 
135. Why didn’t Rivendell help Gondor?… Elfish reasons. 
136. What did the drunken hobbit say when he bumped into the wizard?… “Saruman, I didn’t see you there!”
137. Tree Jokes: How do you invite an Ent to a party?… You “tree”-t them!
138. How many quarters does it take to play the Lord of the Rings pinball game?… None, it takes Tolkiens!
139. Walking Jokes: I started walking around without any shoes… and it became a sort of hobbit.
140. I did a Lord of the Rings marathon yesterday… I ran 26 miles dressed up as Frodo Baggins!
141. Labor Day Jokes: What do you get when Gandalf and Bilbo are your network engineers?… A Tolkien Ring Network. 
142. Who was the most volatile actor in The Lord of the Rings?… Orlando Boom!
143. A man was watching Lord of the Rings with his girlfriend. When he asked her, “Are you Team Arwen or Team Eowyn?” “Team Arwen, you?” “Not sure, but either way, it’s a wyn-wen situation for Aragorn.”
144. Lego Lord of the Rings was a definitive moment for Tolkien fans… Up to that point they had been Legoless! 
145. What did Gimli say to Legolas when the Uruk-hai marched on Helm’s Deep?… “That’s a LOTR orcs!”
146. Labor Day Jokes: Gandalf was very unhappy at work… He couldn’t find his staff! 
147. What did the drunken little hobbit say when he bumped into the wizard?… Saruman, I didn’t see you standing there!
148. An Elf, a Dwarf, hobbit, and a Wizard walk into a bar. The bartender says, “What is this, a joke?” 
149. What happens when Sam pulls Gandalf’s finger for a second time?… Gandalf released Morwen.
150. Geography Jokes: What do you call a hobbit from the Basque Country?… Bilbao. 
151. Movie Jokes: “Who’s going to agree to play Frodo in the Lord of the Rings movies?”… “Elijah Would.” 
152. The elf in the Fellowship of the Ring must not have had that great of a childhood. Since there’s no plastic in Middle Earth, he was lego-less.
153. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… One Ring… One Ring who?… Wondering when you’re gonna open the door and let me in, it’s cold out here! 
154. Movie Jokes: The best films of all time Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit trilogies… Now that’s what I’m Tolkien about.
155. Psychology Jokes: What’s wrong with staying up late to watch Lord of the Rings movies?… It’s a bad hobbit.
156. A friend told me that the Lord of the Rings was a terrible series I said “You don’t know what you’re Tolkien about.”
157. Book Jokes: Tolkien typed the entire Lord Of The Rings using only two fingers. That must have been Mordor.
158. My wife is the biggest “Lord of the Rings” fan. Every night I hear her Tolkien in her sleep.
159. Why is Gandalf’s cupcake shop so successful?… Because he has a magical staff. 
160. Why can’t you stop making Frodo gnome garden statues?… Because it’s so hobbit forming! 
161. Movie Jokes: Three movies are a bit much for The Hobbit… They seem to be really dragon it out! 
162. In the Lord of the Rings you always have to make reservations at the restaurant… Because one does not simply walk in.
163. Movie Jokes: Why did they come out with a Lord of the Rings movie?…The fans were Baggins for it.
164. Music Jokes: How do you call a Middle-Earth herb that grows on Rivendell rocks?… Elvish Parsley. 
165. Why was Frodo the best burglar?… Because he was always up to Mordor.
166. I would like make another Lord of the Rings joke… but all the best ones Aragorn.
167. What do you call a Hobbit with a healthy appetite?… Lord of the Onion Rings! 
168. Why did the Hobbit set his Iphone to vibrate?… He was afraid the ring would give him away!
169. Why was it so hard to storm Sauron’s lair?… Because no matter how many you opened it, there was always Mor dor!
170. Marriage Jokes: Who did Saruman get married to?… Sarugirl.
171. We think we might name our child Precious… It has such a nice ring to it!
172. Why did Frodo read The Lord of the Rings 1,001 times?… Because it was hobbit-forming!
173. How did the hobbit ruin the wrestling match?… He tried to destroy the ring!
174. Why did Frodo Baggins put his phone on silent?… He was tired of the ring!
175. How many Hobbits does it take to change a lightbulb?… None – there are no lightbulbs in Middle-earth! 
176. What is the difference between Sauron and The Easter Bunny?… Nobody knows, no one has seen either one.
177. Who’s going to agree to play Frodo in the Lord of the Rings movies?… Elijah Would. 
178. The Lord of the Rings must be about marriage… Because when you put the ring on, you disappear.
179. What do you call an elf who tells jokes?… Laugholas!
180. What kind of pictures do Elves take?… Elfies!
181. Have you heard about Aragorn’s father, Arathorn?… He has a prickly personality!
182. Coffee Jokes: What do you call an elf who is a coffee addict?… A Frotho Baggins
183. Who did Saruman marry?… Saruwoman!
184. Ice Cream Jokes: What’s Frodo’s favorite ice cream flavor?… Rocky Road to Mordor!
185. Fishing Jokes: Why did Gollum open a seafood restaurant?… So he could serve his famous catch of the day.
186. What did Pippin say when he was being carried off by the Uruk-hai?… You’re carrying me in an orcward position!
187. Cheese Jokes: What is Barliman Butterbur’s favorite cheese?… Bree!
188. Wait I had a good Lord of the Rings joke but I forgot it, it’ll come back to me… just Gimli a minute.
189. Music Jokes: Why didn’t they fly the eagles to Mordor?… Because they were too busy making a new album.
190. What is a gardener’s least favorite Lord of the Rings book?… The Return of the Kink!
191. Why were the police looking for Sauron?… He was wanted for first degree Mordor! (murder)
192. Why can’t Saruman read his wristwatch?… Because his arm has grown long!
193. How does Sauron get his laundry done?… With a one-ring cycle!
194. Why didn’t Tom Bombadil answer the phone?… Because the Ring had no effect on him!
195. What do you call a group of musical hobbits?… A “band” of Halflings!
196. What do you get when you cross a hobbit with a deer?… Legolamb.
197. How many times do you have to phone Sauron?… Once – it only takes One Ring!
198. How did the trolls find Gimli’s father at night?… He was Glóin in the dark!
199. What did Galadriel say when Frodo offered her the Ring?… I do!
200. What did the Orc say after being shot by an Elf?… Well that was an arrowing experience!
201. What happened when the warg tried to bite Treebeard?… He found his fang gorn!
202. What did Borimir say to the Rolling Stones?… Have you not heard? One does not simply rock into Mordor!
203. What do you call a hobbit party?… A little get together.
204. What did Pippin do when he got drunk?… He became Merry!
205. These jokes are all very ENT-ertaining!
206. My Son asked me if the Santa’s Elves were the same Elves from Lord of the Rings I said grow up Son, you’re 42 years old.
207. What do you call a drunk Wood Elf?… Legless
208. I would make another Lord of the Rings pun, but… all the good ones Aragorn.
209. It’s a hobbit… I watch the Lord of the Rings movie every weekend.
210. One ring rules your life, it slowly destroys you, and sometimes, death seems easier than continuing on.So I was watching Lord of the Rings with my dad… When I mentioned Legolas he asks, “so did he lose both his legs?”
211. My wife is the biggest “Lord of the Rings” fan… Every night I hear her Tolkien in her sleep.
212. What did Frodo say when he saw the elves dancing?… It must be Christmas time.
213. Why is ‘The Lord of the Rings’ so long?… Because no one ever stops Tolkieng.
214. Why should you never call the Nazgûl ‘black riders’?… Because it’s wraith-ist!
215. What do you call a hobbit who’s a fan of soccer?… A Goalum.
216. Why is Bilbo always happy?… Because Gandalf gives him Fellowship.
217. What do you call an orc who can’t stop telling lies?… A Sarumander.
218. Why did the hobbit bring a ladder to the Mines of Moria?… Because he heard the Balrog was a real “downer!”
219. Why don’t the Nazgûl ever get lost?… Because they always follow the “ring” road!
220. Why was Legolas such a good baker?… Because he always used elf-raising flour!
221. Why did Gandalf turn down a job offer?… Because he was looking for more “wizardly” benefits!
222. Why did the dwarf bring a ladder into Mirkwood?… To see what was “branching” out up top!
223. Why did the Ringwraith go to therapy?… To deal with his “ring”xiety!
224. Why did the hobbit start a gardening business?… He had a “green” thumb and a golden “ring!”
225. Why did the Balrog get a job at the bakery?… Because he’s a real “flame” master!
226. How do you organize a space for Ents to relax?… You furnish it with “tree”-cliners!
227. What’s Gollum’s favorite type of music?… “Precious” metal!
228. Why did Gandalf go to therapy?… To learn how to better “cope” with wizards and sorcery!
229. Why was the dwarf always calm under pressure?… Because he had a “mountain” of experience!
230. What’s Gollum’s favorite cereal?… “Ring” Krispies!
231. Why did Aragorn start a garden?… He wanted to be a “ranger” of plants!
232. What did Frodo say when he finished a puzzle?… One piece to rule them all!
233. Why was Legolas a great diplomat?… He had a way of “bow”-ing to all sides!
234. Why did the hobbit get a pet snake?… He wanted to show off his “hob”-bitat!
235. Why did the Nazgûl get kicked out of the party?… They were “ring”-ing the mood down!
236. Why did Gandalf become a gardener?… He had a knack for growing “magic” mushrooms!
237. Why did the orc start a vineyard?… He wanted to make “blood-red” wine!
238. What’s Frodo’s favorite type of bread?… “Ring” rolls!
239. Why did Legolas open a bakery?… He wanted to share his “elf”-made pastries!
240. Why did the Balrog get a job at the circus?… He was a “fire”-breather!
241. What’s Gollum’s favorite school subject?… “Ring”lish!
242. Why did Aragorn bring a ladder to the forest?… To see what was “up” with the trees!
243. Why did the dwarf start a hair salon?… He was a “cut” above the rest!
244. What did Gandalf say when he learned a new spell?… “That’s quite en-“lightening”!
245. Why did Legolas become a motivational speaker?… He always hit the “target!”
246. Why did Frodo go to art school?… He wanted to master the “ring” technique!
247. What’s Aragorn’s favorite dessert?… “Ranger” cookies!
248. Why did the Balrog get a job at the barbecue joint?… He knew how to “heat” things up!
249. Why did Gollum become a therapist?… He was great at helping people find their “precious” feelings!
250. Why did Gandalf start a hair care line?… He knew the secret to “magical” locks!
251. What’s Frodo’s favorite type of coffee?… “Ring”-accino!
252. Why did Aragorn become a doctor?… He wanted to be a “healer” of men!
253. Why did the Balrog take a cooking class?… He wanted to learn how to make “flame”-bé!
254. Why did the hobbit become a tour guide?… He knew all the “ins” and “outs” of Middle-earth!
255. Why did Legolas start a dance studio?… He had the best “moves” in all of Mirkwood.
256. Why did Gandalf start a taxi service?… He always knew the best routes!
257. Why did Frodo start a fashion line?… He had a “ring” for style!
258. Why did the orc become a chef?… He was a “cut”-ting edge cook!
259. Why did the dwarf become a math teacher?… He was a “mine” of knowledge!
260. Why did Legolas start a flower shop?… He had a natural “bloom”ing talent!
261. Why did Gandalf start a candle business?… He was an expert in “en-lightenment!”
262. Why did Aragorn start a shoe store?… He knew the importance of a good “foot”-hold!
263. Why did Frodo become a lifeguard?… He could always use the “ring” for help!
264. Why did the Balrog start a salsa dance class?… He knew how to “spice” things up!
265. Why did the elf refuse to play hide and seek with humans?… Because they always “man”-age to find him!
266. What’s the difference between Arwen and Morwen?… No, seriously, I’m asking.
267. Why did the Hobbit get a job at Burger King?… He wanted to be “Lord of the Onion Rings.”
268. Why did the Dwarves leave Erebor?… They didn’t like the pollution – there was too much Smaug!
269. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Lord of the Rings? 
270. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Lord of the Rings knock-knock joke? 
271. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Lord of the Rings knock knock jokes?
272. Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre?… He was Tolkien all the way through.
273. Who created Scientology in the Middle-Earth?… Elrond Hubbard. 
274. What do you call an Orc on a bike?… A Mordorcyclist. 
275. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Lord of the Rings knock knock jokes?
276. My English teacher used to quote lord of the rings to us… She used to say “you shall not pass.”
277. I did a Lord of the Rings marathon yesterday… I ran 26 miles dressed up as Gandalf!
278. What did Gandalf say to Elrond as he watched him make a basket?… “There Hugo Weaving again.” 
279. I did a Lord of the Rings marathon yesterday…. I ran 26 miles dressed up as Bilbo Baggins!
280. I couldn’t enter Sauron’s lair… there was always one Mordor to go through.
281. What do you call a hobbit that eats junk food?… Lord of the Onion Rings.
282. Why did the hobbit go to McDonalds?… To get a second breakfast.
283. What do you call a dark lord that works at KFC?… Lord of the Wings.
284. What did Frodo say when he saw the trees dancing?… That’s ENT-ertainment!
285. How many quarters does it take to play the new Lord of the Rings arcade game?… None… it only takes Tolkiens!
286. Why are most hobbits great guys?… Because they do not look down on people.
287. Why did Frodo read The Lord of the Rings 50 times?… Because it was hobbit-forming!
288. What did Borimir say to the Rolling Stones?… Have you not heard? One does not simply rock into Mordor!
289. How did the hobbit ruin the wrestling match?… He tried to destroy the ring!
290. How did the hobbit ruin the MMA match?… He tried to destroy the ring!
291. What did Frodo say when he saw the elves dancing?… It must be Christmas time.
292. My wife woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She’s Tolkien in her sleep.
293. Did you hear about the kid who lost his lord of the rings LEGO set?… He was LEGO less.
294. What do you call it when you misplace your Lego Lord of the Rings mini figures?… A Lego Legolas Loss.
295. My husband woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She’s Tolkien in her sleep.
296. My boyfriend woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She’s Tolkien in her sleep.
297. My girlfriend woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She’s Tolkien in her sleep.
298. My son woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She’s Tolkien in her sleep.
299. My daughter woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She’s Tolkien in her sleep.
300. Why is ‘The Lord of the Rings’ so long?… Because no one ever stops Tolkieng.
301. My father woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She’s Tolkien in her sleep.
302. My mother woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She’s Tolkien in her sleep.
303. What’s a leap year baby’s favorite movie?… “The Lord of the Leap Rings!”
304. Doctor! At night in my bed I keep saying lines from The Lord of The Rings That’s ok, you’re just Tolkien in your sleep
305. How did Eowyn show that gosh darn Witch King who she was?… She got rid of that dern helm!
306. My grandmother woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She’s Tolkien in her sleep.
307. My grandfather woke up just now. She is dreaming and muttering about how she wrote the Lord of The Rings trilogy. She’s Tolkien in her sleep.
308. I keep reciting all of Lord of The Rings in bed My wife says I need to do something about Tolkien in my sleep.
309. My math teacher used to quote lord of the rings to us She used to say “you shall not pass.”
310. Did you know The Lord of Rings could have come out a lot earlier?… Only problem was no one knew what the writer was Tolkien about
311. There weren’t a lot of hobbits in the first Lord of the Rings books. They were just Tolkien characters.
312. My Son asked me if the Santa’s Elves were the same Elves from Lord of the Rings I said grow up Son, you’re 42 years old.
313. Went to see my doctor today about a problem. I keep reading Lord of the Rings over and over again She told me not to worry. Its just force of hobbit!
314. How does Shagrat get his shopping home?… In a Gorbag. 
315. Why did Sauron buy Hot Topic?… Because he wanted to be Morgoth. 
316. Boromir: Knock knock. Faramir: Who’s there? Boromir: That’s. Faramir: That’s who? Boromir: That’s love. Faramir: I don’t get it. Boromir: Damn right you don’t! 
317. Your mama is so ugly… she has the breath of an Orc, the face of a Dwarf, and the feet of a Hobbit.
318. There are only two white people in the movie Black Panther. Martin Freeman, and Andy Serkis. They also play roles in Lord of the Rings. That makes them the Tolkien white guys.