Illinois Jokes

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Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Illinois jokes.
What is the loudest state in America?… Ill – i – NOISE!
Movie Jokes & Super Bowl Jokes: What is the difference between a Chicago Bears fan and Marty McFly?… Eventually Marty McFly stopped going back to 1985.
Jimmy Buffett Jokes: What Jimmy Buffett song is on every Champaign, Illinois playlist?… Bubbles Up!
I hear people from Illinois get mad when you pronounce the S… It really ill-annoys them.
Election Jokes: It’s so cold in Illinois this morning…on my way to work I walked past the capitol and the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.
Pope Jokes: Pope Leo XIV is a Chicago Cubs fan… He hates the Cardinals.
Music Jokes: What is the #1 Broadway Musical show for people from Illinois?… Chicago.
Music Jokes: What Beastie Boys CD is a big hit in Illinois?… License to Ill.
Baseball Jokes & The World’s Best Basketball Jokes: Competing investment clubs are opening in Chicago… The Chicago Bears and the Chicago Bulls.
Hot Dog Jokes: Why does a Chicago-style hot dog always lose races?… Because it refuses to ketchup.
American Revolution Jokes: Today’s performance of Hamilton in Chicago was cancelled due to the cold. Once again… Brrr killed Hamilton.
New Years Eve Jokes: What is the best U.S. city to ring in the New Year with a toast?… Champaign, Illinois.
When I was ten, my family moved to Chicago, Illinois… When I was thirteen, I found them.
Chicago Pun: Chicago, I think I’m falling ‘L’ over heels for you!
Chicago Pun: This is my kind of ‘town’, Chi-town!
Chicago Pun: Chicago, ‘L’ yeah!
Chicago Pun: No ‘pier’ pressure, but you need to visit Navy Pier!
Chicago Pun: Feeling ‘sky-high’ at the Willis Tower.
Chicago Pun: Deep-dish pizza – A ‘pie’ for an eye!
Chicago Pun: Hot dogs and sport, that’s what Chicago ‘does’.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the state that is “The Land of Lincoln?”
Chicago Pun: Chi-town? More like ‘Pie-town’ with these pizzas!
Doctor Jokes: What state needs the most doctors?… “ILL” inois.
Illinois has corn, Wisconsin has cheese, what does Michigan have?… Lead poisoning.
You know why you should never hang out with that guy from Chicago?… Illinois you.
What state do librarians hate the most?… Ill – i – NOISE!
College Jokes: Two students were taking Physics at the University of Illinois. They did pretty well on all of the other assessments. Going into the final, they had a solid “A.” These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Physics final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the and party with some friends at the University of Chicago. They had a great time, however, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to campus until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to the for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day for the final. The professor placed them in separate rooms, and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 points. It was something simple. “Cool,” they thought. “This is going to be easy.” They did that problem and then turned the page. They were not prepared, however, for what they saw on this page. It said: (95 Points). Which tire?
What is the favorite drink for people in Illinois (21+) when celebrating?… Champaign (Illinois)
New York Jokes: I use to like Chicago style pizza… Until I tasted New York style pizza Now… I love Chicago style pizza.
Terrific Teacher Jokes: What state do teachers use the most sick days?… “ILL” inois.
World Series Jokes: 2016 World Series: Chicago really is the windy city. After all, they did just win de World Series.
Police Jokes: Why did the police show up at a party in Chicago?… They received an Illinoisey complaint.
College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete for the George Jewitt Trophy?
College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete for the Land of Lincoln Trophy?
Missouri Jokes: Chicago said, “Why are you so sad?” St. Louis replied, “I’m always in a state of Missouri.”
Music Jokes: Is Pope Leo XIV from Chicago the city or the band?
Ever since I moved away from downtown Chicago… …I really feel like I’m out of the Loop.
What do you call a loud person from Chicago?… Illinoisey!
Crayon Jokes: Top Illinois Crayola College: Greenville University.
Music Jokes: What is the Pope Leo XIV’s favorite Bon Jovi song?… Livin’ on a Prayer!
Did you hear about the kidnapping in Chicago yesterday? …Oh don’t worry, he woke up!
Pope Jokes: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you name the current Pope?
Music Jokes: What is the Pope Leo XIV’s favorite Beach Boys song?… God Only Knows.
Pope Jokes: Pope Leo XIV is a Chicago Bulls fan. Fanduel just posted 8:1 odds that he will participate in the running of the bulls during the San Fermin Festival in Pamplona, Spain.
Pope Jokes: With a Pope from Chicago… Now all Eucharist will be “Deep Dish.”
Pope Jokes: New Pope = New Hope! (2025)
Pope Jokes: Did you know the Pope loves Kentucky basketball… He has a connection with their coach. (Mark Pope)
World Series Jokes: I’m glad the Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series… 108 years of hibernation just doesn’t seem healthy.
If Mississippi bought Illinois a New Jersey, what would Delaware?…. Idaho, Alaska!
Doctor Jokes: What state is Chicago in?… ILL.
Baseball Jokes: They won’t be serving beer for the rest of the year at Chicago Cubs baseball games… They lost the opener.
Phil Jackson took the Chicago Bulls on a hike to climb a mountain… He wanted them to have a higher basketball IQ.
Chicago is the cleanest city in the world right now… BECAUSE IT JUST GOT SWEPT!!!!!!!!
Pope Jokes: Who is Pope Leo XIV’s favorite band?… Chicago.
Pope Jokes: From Chicago: “Da Pope.”
What MLB team does gum root for?… The Chicago White Sox who play a Wrigley Field.
Nursing Jokes: What state needs the most nurses?… “ILL” inois.
Baseball Jokes: They’re dying the Chicago River blue in honor of the Cubs win… It’s the first time it will be blue since the French got there.
Pope Jokes: Pope Leo XIV has a degree in mathematics from Villanova. He doesn’t just understand sin. He understands cos. Hopefully… he doesn’t go on a tangent.
What state has the highest absentee rate in students?… “ILL” inois.
Pope Jokes: Why does Pope Leo XIV love math?… Because it had a lot of problems to solve!
Pope Jokes: From St. Louis: Finally a Cardinal that can win.
Why don’t people want to live in Illinois?… ‘Cause of too much noise!
The new Pope has a degree in mathematics from Villanova and is from Chicago… He likes deep dish pi!
New York Jokes: I use to like New York style pizza… Until I tasted Chicago style pizza Now… I love New York style pizza.
I’m so corny, but I love Illinois.
The Willis Tower is so tall, I feel a real lift when I see it.
Don’t be a flat-out boring person, visit the Prairie State!
What did Lake say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved. (15 State Lakes)
What is the tallest building in ?… The Illinois Public Library of course, it has the most stories!
What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The IllinoisState Turnpike!
Where do Illinois fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the State River. (Ten Longest Rivers in Alaska)
What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Illinois River!
What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Illinois River!
What did one Illinois flag say to the other?… Nothing, it just waved!
Illiinois Puns: Chicago is so cool, it’s brrr-eezy
Cornfields in Illinois are a-maize-ing!
he deep-dish pizza here is so good, it’s slice heaven
Driving through Illinois is great, but I have to corn-er carefully
When it comes to puns, Illinois is state-of-the-art.
Illinois summers are hotter than a Chicago-style dog
You can’t visit Illinois without Spring-field-ing happy
You butter believe Illinois has the best corn-y jokes
Chicago’s music scene is so good, it’s jazz-tastic
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the state flower of Illinois?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the state bird of Illinois?
What has a mouth but cannot eat?…. The Illinois River.
The art teacher in Illinois always said, “Draw your own conclusions, but don’t color outside the lines!”
In the news, Illinois had it’s first remote trial via zoom… It looks like things will be settled out of court.
Pope Jokes: How does the Pope Leo XIV like his pizza?… With a lot of holy toppings!
Pope Jokes: Is Popeyes (Pope yes) the official restaurant of Pope Leo XIV?
College Football Jokes: What is a favorite college for a running back in football?… Rush University.
Pope Jokes: What’s the Pope’s favorite social media platform?… Faithbook!
Alaska Jokes: Mississippi lent Illinois her New Jersey. What will Delaware?… Idaho, Alaska.
Why do Illinois students excel in science?… Because they always experiment with their learning!
The chemistry teacher in Chicago had a great reaction to student questions… they always ignited curiosity!
A retired Illinois man was jailed for refusing to nap… …he was resisting a rest.
An Illinois man was arrested for stealing a truck filled with $56,000 worth of Campbell’s soup…. I, for one, hope this guy goes away for ‘Mmm, mmm, good!’
I’m absolutely disgusted with the state my life is in right now. I live in Illinois
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the two senators from Illinois?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the U.S. Representatives from Illinois?
What state has the fewest hours of sleep?… Ill – i – NOISE!
In what state can you NEVER hear a pin drop?… Ill – i – NOISE!
What state has the the loudest middle school students?… ILL-I-NOISE!
What state has the the loudest high school students?… ILL-I-NOISE!
What state has the the loudest elementary school students?… ILL-I-NOISE!
Can you name the capital in Illinois?… “I”
What state has the the loudest elementary school graduations?… ILL-I-NOISE!
Why can’t a man living in New York be buried in Chicago… Because he’s still alive.
The biology class in Illinois was so lively… it really had a cell-ebration going on!
What is the best U.S. city to have a celebration toast?… Champaign, Illinois.
Over the summer, Illinois expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 118°F… NOT cool.
A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Illinois joke. The bartender says, “Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I’m from Illinois. See that guy at the end of the bar? He’s 6-4 and weighs 250 and he’s from Illinois, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He’s 6-6 and weighs 280 and he’s from Illinois, too! Now, do you still want to tell your Illinois joke?” The guy says, “Nah.” To which the bartender smiles and says, “What’s the matter? Are ya chicken?” The guy says, “Nah. I just don’t want to have to explain it three times.”
Did you guys hear about that girl they found murdered in Illinois?… They found her covered in milk with cheerios still in her mouth… They think it was a cereal killer.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the governor from Illinois?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the MLB team from Illinois?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the NFL team from Illinois
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the NHL team from Illinois?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the NBA team from Illinois?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Major League Rugby from Illinois?
Over the winter, Illinois is expected to break the coldest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as -39°F… NOT cool.. FREEZING.
Illinois: America hates us because America ain’t us.
How do you get a man in Illinois to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Illinois.
How many Illinois State University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Illinois Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.”
Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Illinois Resident: “No, not yet.”
Illinois: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters.
Did you hear the joke about the Illinois Mountains?… You won’t get over it.
Did you hear the joke about the Chestnut Mountain?… You won’t get over it. (Illinois Mountains)
Did you hear the joke about Charles Mound?… You won’t get over it. (Illinois Mountains)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe locate Illinois on a map?
Travel Guest Blogs: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe visit Illinois?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe spell Illinois?
What state has the the loudest students?… ILL-I-NOISE!
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 100 Illinois jokes?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 101 Illinois jokes?
Did you hear that Illinois’s sports team doesn’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together.
What does the average Illinois high school student get on his SAT?… Drool.
Why do Illinois students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
Pope Jokes: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you tell me the city and state where the current Pope was born?
Divorced couples in Illinois are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana… The judges have started issuing joint custody.
Why won’t any of Illinois’s bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired.
Why do Illinois golfers always carry around two pairs of pants?… In case he got a hole-in-one
What state recommends that to wear ear plugs?… Ill – i – NOISE!
How many Illionis men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?… You can’t. Nobody in Illinoise has any cents.
In what state does the Mississippi River flow?… Liquid. (10 Longest Illinois Rivers)
Apparently, someone in Chicago gets stabbed every 52 seconds.. poor guy.
Geography Jokes: What Illinois college is a favorite of a geography teacher?…East–West University.
What state has a difficult time having a conversation?…. Ill – i – NOISE!
Geography Jokes: What Illinois college is a favorite of a geography teacher?… Lake Forest College.
Geography Jokes: What Illinois college is a favorite of a geography teacher?… Lakeview College of Nursing.
No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in Illinois to use their turn signal and I haven’t breathed since 2005.
College Football Jokes: What is a favorite college for an offensive coordinator in football?… Rush University.
I have the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from the Miller Park Zoo.
What did Illinois see?… The same thing Arkansas.
How do the zebras at the Phillips Park Zoo play baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out!
What do you call a dishonest cat at the Peoria Zoo?… Lion.
Why can’t Chestnut Mountain and Charles Mound play hide and seek?… Because they like to peak
College Football Jokes: What is a favorite college for a defensive end in football?… Rush University.
Field Trip Jokes: A fifth grade class from Chicago goes on a field trip to a farm. One of the chaperones asks the farmer “Why doesn’t that cow have horns?” The farmer takes off his cap, scratches his head and replies “Well ma’am, there are lots of reasons why an animal doesn’t have horns, some breeds, like the Angus, just don’t grow horns. Some breeds, like the Brahma, are too dangerous with horns so we lop them off. It doesn’t hurt the animal, it’s like cutting your fingernails. But there is a very good reason why that particular animal doesn’t have horns.” “And what would that reason be?” she asked. “Well ma’am, that would be because that animal is a horse.”
Election Jokes: Why did the Harris and Walz hold the 2024 convention in Chicago?… Harris and Walz wanted to make a bunch of Ill – i – NOISE!
Why do Illinois love sunrises?… Because it means the world has one more day to see how great Illinois is.
Election Jokes: What Illinois city do Harris and Walz want to have a toast in on Election Night?… Champaign.
Did you hear about the power outage at Chicago University library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Why do Illinois golfers always carry around two shirts?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
Why do Illinois golfers always carry around two pairs of socks?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the the Major League Soccer team from Illinois?
Why do folks in Illinois to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?… The sign said “17 and under not admitted.”
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Premier Lacrosse League team (PLL) from Illinois?
What is the favorite MLB ball park for gum?… Wrigley Field.
Yes, marijuana is legal in Illinois… now leaf the jokes alone.
Illinois: America hates us because America ain’t us.
I’m not saying Illinois basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game. The rest will dress themselves.
Why did the University of Illinois regents decide to cover Illiinois Stadium in cardboard?… Because the Huskies always look better on paper.
A woman from Illinois who fell in love with the DJ from her first wedding day has married him five years later… she originally asked him three years ago, but he said he wasn’t taking requests just then.
What state has the loudest high school graduations?… ILL-I-NOISE!
Why is a Wabash River rich? …. Because it has two banks. (10 Longest Illinois Rivers)
Why should you never buy golf equipment made in Illinois?… Because Illinois drivers are terrible.
What is an Illinois mountain’s favorite type of candy?… Snow caps.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Illinois?
What state has the loudest college graduations?… ILL-I-NOISE! (Graduation Jokes)
What did one Illinois flag say to the other?… Nothing, it just waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
Speaking of driving… Illinois roads are adventurous because no one knows how to drive.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Illinois knock-knock joke?
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Illinois knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
Hawaii is hosting a party for all the states. Hawaii says, “be there or be square!” Unfortunately, Colorado and Wyoming didn’t attend.
Election Jokes: Why did the Democratic Party hold the 2024 convention in Chicago?… They wanted to make a bunch of Ill – i – NOISE!
Election Jokes: What Illinois city do the democrats want to have a toast in on Election Night?… Champaign.
What is an Illinois clouds favorite drink?… Mountain Dew.
What do you call the 2014 event between two cities that legalized marijuana?… The Super Bowl.
How do you get a man in Illinois to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Illinois.
Illinois: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters.
What’s the difference between an Illinois football player and a dollar?… You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
What’s the one thing that keeps University of Illinois students from graduating?… Going to Class.
Why did the Illiinois football team cross the road… Because it was easier than crossing the goal line.
How do you get a Illinois student laugh all weekend long?… Tell him a joke Monday morning.

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