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- What’s the 1st thing a sorority girl does on Friday the 13th?… Nothing. She’s the first to go.
- 2025 Preakness Stakes: Who is a an English professor’s favorite race horse of all-time?… Journalism.
- Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gust a to go back to college. It is Labor Day Weekend.
- What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school?… Their masters.
- What did the dog do when he graduated from obedience school?… He had a paw-ty!
- If you see a class being taught by Gandalf, avoid it. Because YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
- Spring Fever: Four college students afflicted with spring fever skipped morning classes. After lunch they reported to the professor that they had a flat tire. Much to their relief she smiled and said, “Well, you missed a test today so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper.” Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down. Then she said: “First Question: Which tire was flat?”
- What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College.
- What singer would have been a great college administrator?… Dean Martin.
- March 1st: I asked my college student when her birthday was and she said March 1st… I have been marching for half an hour now, and she still hasn’t told me.
- Why did the spring break college students miss their flight?… They had no spring in their step.
- What did the M&M go to college?… Because he wanted to be a Smarty. (Top Candy Jokes)
- Do you know why the college football team should change its name to the “Opossums”?… Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road. (Football Jokes)
- Did you hear about the power outage at the college library?… Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
- What did the spring break college student say to his beach buddies?… Seas the day!
- For one reason or another, a group of friends missed an exam in a class they
all had together, they decided to tell the professor they’d been stranded with
a flat tire. When they came in for the make-up exam they were handed out test
booklets and when they opened the booklets the only question was “Which Tire?” - Did you hear about the power outage at the college library?… Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
- Do you know why the college football team should change its name to the “Opossums”?… Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
- Why do college students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
- What do you call a good looking girl on my college’s campus?… A visitor.
- What do you call a good looking boy on my college’s campus?… A visitor.
- What do you call a genius at MSU?… A visitor.
- What do my college’s football team and pot have in common?… They both get smoked in bowls!
- What does the average student at one college get on his SAT?… Drool.
- A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
- In a survey taken several years ago, all incoming freshman at MIT were asked if they expected to graduate in the top half of their class.
Ninety-seven percent responded that they did. - As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in colleges.
- College Student: “I say no to alcohol, it just doesn’t listen.”
- Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
- College Dropout: “I just let my mind wander, and it didn’t come back.”
- College Advice: When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
- Why did the dog go to grad school?… To become a bark-chitect.
- Freshman vs. Seniors
- Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
- Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.
- Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
- Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.
- Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
- Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.
- Freshman: Calls the professor “Teacher.”
- Senior: Calls the professor “Bob.”
- Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
- Senior:
- College Graduates:
- A graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
- A graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
- A graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much it cost?”
- A graduate with a liberal arts degree asks, “Do you want fries with that?”
PG-13
- For one reason or another, a group of friends missed an exam in a class they
all had together, they decided to tell the professor they’d been stranded with
a flat tire. When they came in for the make-up exam they were handed out test
booklets and when they opened the booklets the only question was “Which Tire?”