Armed Forces Jokes

by | May 16, 2026 | Dads, Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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  1. Navy Jokes: Navy captain: “Change your course, 10 degrees W” Seaman 1st Class: “Change yours 10 degrees E” Navy captain annoyed: “I’m a Navy captain. Change your course.” Seaman 1st Class: “You must change your course, sir.” Navy captain: “I’m an aircraft carrier..” Seaman 1st Class: “I’m a lighthouse. Your call.”
  2. Navy jet pilot: This is it! We’re flying faster than the speed of sound! Copilot: What? 
  3. Army Jokes: When I lost my rifle, the army charged me $255.99. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 
  4. Labor Day Jokes: Working for the Navy pays just enough to stay afloat.
  5. Army Jokes: Army soldiers can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the Navy can fathom it. 
  6. Flag Day Jokes: What is the only question on the entrance exam to the U.S. Navy?… “Oh say, can you sea?”
  7. Ocean Jokes: What grades do you need to join the Navy?… 7 C’s. 
  8. Pirate Jokes: A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the Navy… But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.  
  9. An ensign was standing in line behind a sailor at a vending machine. The ensign asked the sailor if he had change for a dollar. Reaching into his pocket, the sailor replied, “Sure.” The ensign said, “Sailor, don’t you mean yes, sir? Let’s try this again. Do you have change for a dollar?” The sailor replied, “No, sir!”
  10. Psychology Jokes: I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite… I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.
  11. Subway… The unofficial restaurant of the US Navy.
  12. Massachusetts Jokes:Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe name the oldest commissioned ship in the Navy? (USS Constitution)
  13. What do you call a Navy Admiral who gambles, smokes, drinks, and does drugs?… A Vice Admiral.
  14. Basketball Jokes for Veterans Day & United States Naval Academy Basketball Jokes: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe name the NBA basketball player who went to the Naval Academy and is nicknamed The Admiral? (David Robinson)
  15. Basketball Jokes for Veterans Day: Why did David Robinson get arrested on Veterans Day?… He shot the basketball.
  16. Black Friday Jokes: Old Neigh-vy… the unofficial Black Friday store of the Navy.
  17. Basketball Jokes for Veterans Day: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me the nickname of David Robinson who played for the Naval Academy?
  18. Labor Day Jokes: A cool job that sounds lame: Building boats for the Navy… You’d be a subcontractor. 
  19. Pirate Jokes: 3.14% of Sailors are Pi Rates. 
  20. Swimming Jokes: Why do they actually prefer non-swimmers in the Navy?… They defend their ship with a lot more enthusiasm. 
  21. Army Jokes: American Revolution Jokes: What was General Washington’s favorite tree?… The infan-tree.
  22. American Revolution Jokes: Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette.
  23. Civil War Jokes: Civil War jokes?… I don’t General Lee like them.
  24. Civil War Jokes: I, General Lee, believe Civil War jokes are in bad taste.
  25. Why does the military plant trees every year?… to grow the infant tree.
  26. Why didn’t the officer respond when asked how he got his start in the military?… It was private.
  27. What do you call a shipment full of military-issued T. rexes?… Small arms.
  28. What separates the Navy fans from the Army football fans?… The wave.
  29. Tea Jokes: Why did the British army wear red coats?… So they could blend in with their tea stains!
  30. Tea Jokes: The British army loved tea… but they couldn’t handle our revolu-tea-on!
  31. What are the two main rules in the Army?… 1. The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1.
  32. How do different military branches use stars?… The Army sleeps under the stars. The Navy navigates by the stars. The Air Force chooses hotels by the stars.
  33. Some soldiers love camouflage uniforms… But I don’t see the appeal.
  34. The Continental Army didn’t need Wi-Fi—they had great connections with France.
  35. Why did George Washington’s troops go to the forest?… To have a tree-mendous victory.
  36. Why did the American soldiers bring their own snacks to battle during the American Revolution?… Because they didn’t want to go “continental” breakfast!
  37. How is Tigger like a sergeant in the army?… They both wear stripes. 
  38. Why was George Washington such a good general?… He never lost his head in battle—literally or figuratively!
  39. This is how the military works : First you got the Air Force that flys in and bombs the hill. Next are the Marines who charge the hill and kill anything that moves. After that the Army comes in puts up the flag and stands there like they’ve done something special. All the while, the Navy sits back and rules the world.
  40. A recruiter asks an octopus if he wants to join the Army… The octopus says no thanks I’m army enough as it is.
  41. Air Force Jokes Looney Tunes Jokes: Where did Bugs Bunny learn to fly?… The hare force.
  42. Pi Day Jokes: How are mathematicians like the Air Force?… They both use pi-lots.
  43. Air Force Fact: The only time you can have too much fuel is when you’re on fire.
  44. Air Force pilot: This is it! We’re flying faster than the speed of sound! Copilot: What?
  45. An Airman and a Marine walk into the restroom at the same time. The Airman finishes up and heads out. When the Marine is finished, he washes his hands and then catches up to the Airman. “Hey, buddy. In the Marines, they teach us to wash our hands after we take a leak.” The airman responds, “In the Air Force, they teach us not to pee on our hands.” 
  46. A US Air Force drill instructor stood in front of his new recruits. “Recruit Bains!” He yelled. “Where did you enlist?” “In California, sir,” Bains replied. “There was an Air Force recruiting station next to a Navy recruiting station.” “Then why,” the D.I. asked, “Did you choose the Air Force?” “Because, sir,” Bains answered. “What goes up must come down, but what goes down doesn’t always come back up.”
  47. There’s an Air Force guy driving from Wagga to Richmond, and an Army guy driving from Richmond to Wagga. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head on and both cars go flying off in different directions. The Air Force guy manages to climb out of his car and surveys the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says,”Man, I am really lucky to be alive!” Likewise the Army guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, “I can’t believe I survived this wreck!” The Army guy walks over to the Air Force guy and says, “Hey man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of archrivals” The Air Force guy thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I’m gonna see what else survived this wreck” So the Air Force guy pops open his boot and finds a full, unopened bottle of Jack Daniels. He says to the Army guy, “I think this is another sign from God that we should toast to our new found understanding and friendship” The Army guy replies, “You’re damn right!” and he grabs the bottle and starts sucking down Jack Daniels. After putting away nearly half the bottle the Army guy hands it back to the Air Force guy and says, “Your turn!” The Air Force guy twists the cap back on the bottle and says, “Nahh, I think I’ll wait for the cops to show up.”
  48. How do different military branches use stars?… The Army sleeps under the stars. The Navy navigates by the stars. The Air Force chooses hotels by the stars.
  49. Did you hear that the Air Force just bought a bunch of copies of The Little Mermaid on DVD? They must be preparing for an Ariel assault.
  50. Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?… The Air Force; they’re US AF
  51. On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
  52. A military function is being held where all officers of the Army, Navy and the Air force are present. The Army and Navy officers were describing the Air force as the Cinderella of the military. To this, the Air force officer replied” I don’t know a lot about Cinderella except the fact that she had two ugly sisters.”
  53. This is how the military works : First you got the Air Force that flys in and bombs the hill. Next are the Marines who charge the hill and kill anything that moves. After that the Army comes in puts up the flag and stands there like they’ve done something special. All the while, the Navy sits back and rules the world.
  54. A mother traveled across the country to watch her only son get married and graduate from the air force on the exact same day. “Thank you for coming,” the son said. “It means so much.” “Of course I’d be here,” the mother replied. “It’s not every day a mom watches her son get his wings and have them clipped all in one day.”
  55. The entire Dutch air force was disabled this week… The pilot was sick.
  56. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, “What time is it?” The tower responded, “Who is calling?” The aircraft replied, “What difference does it make?” The tower replied, “It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o’clock. If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it’s Thursday afternoon.”
  57. Dad Jokes: Dad: You wanna join the Navy? You can’t even swim! Son: No one can fly in the Air Force either.
  58. Air Force One now gets a new Code name!… The COVID Express!
  59. My grandfather was in the air force in the Second World War, surviving over 30 combat missions in hostile airspace. He was by far the worst pilot of the entire Kamikaze corps.
  60. The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves, is that, they don’t speak the same language. For instance, take the simple phrase – Secure the building. The Army would post guards around the place. The Navy would turn out the lights and lock the doors. The Marines would kill everyone inside and set up headquarters. The Air Force would take out a five year lease with an option to buy.
  61. Marine Jokes I tried out for the Marines but fell just short of their requirements. So they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine.
  62. Geography Jokes: Where do Marines go for a romantic getaway?… Parris … Island.
  63. Why did the old Marine bring a whistle?… To keep order during applause. 
  64. Why did the Marine bring popcorn?… To enjoy the marching movies in real life. 
  65. Why did the Marine bring coffee to the Veterans Day ceremony?… To salute with energy.
  66. I went to a football game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the Marine veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, “You know, technically, national anthems are just… country music.” 
  67. Pie Jokes: What’s a Marine veteran’s favorite dessert?… Semper pie. 
  68. Pie Jokes: What’s a Marine’s favorite dessert?… Semper pie. 
  69. A Marine survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. What type of veteran is he?… A seasoned veteran. 
  70. Why did the Marine veteran bring tissues to the parade?… Even warriors tear up sometimes. 
  71. Why are sharks so patriotic?… They are marine fish.
  72. Marines can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the Navy can fathom it. 
  73. Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the Marines?… The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!
  74. This is how the military works : First you got the Air Force that flys in and bombs the hill. Next are the Marines who charge the hill and kill anything that moves. After that the Army comes in puts up the flag and stands there like they’ve done something special. All the while, the Navy sits back and rules the world.
  75. My grandfather was a baker in the Marines… He went in all buns glazing.
  76. Knock, knock?… Who is there?… #August… August Who?… A gusta join the #Marines.
  77. My Granddad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray… He’s now classed as a seasoned veteran.
  78. Sergeant: “Private! I didn’t see you at camouflage training today!” Private: “Thank you, Sir!”
  79. What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time?… Absent without leaf.
  80. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how to join the Marines?
  81. Space Force Jokes What do you call an NCO in the Space Force?… A stargeant.
  82. Labor Day Jokes: So I decided to join the space force today… I immediately got promoted because I have apparently been a space cadet for most of my life. 
  83. Looney Tunes Jokes: Why does America need a Space Force?… In case we get into a Space Jam!
  84. I can at least tell you how Space Force organizes a party… They planet. 
  85. Space Force Commander: This is it! We’re flying faster than the speed of sound! Copilot: What? 
  86. What sound does a space turkey make?… Hubble, Hubble, Hubble.
  87. Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.) And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having “Space Balls” from here on out.
  88. Working for the Space Force pays just enough to stay afloat.
  89. Navy Jokes: Space Force members can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the Navy can fathom it. 
  90. Nobody even noticed that Thailand announced they were starting a Space Force too…. Who’s really worried about Thai fighters anyway?
  91. Maybe Space Force is part of Trump’s plan to find… Universal healthcare. 
  92. With this new Space Force being established… I’ve already been hearing that enlistment bonuses are going to be astronomical. 
  93. I’m not sure if the US should build a space force… The costs could skyrocket. 
  94. With the new Space Force I heard America was building their very own Death Star…and the rebels are going to pay for it 
  95. Did you hear about the new Space Force uniform?… It’s just a regular uniform with the belt buckle a few inches lower to account for the moon’s gravity. 
  96. The Air Force chose their hotel based on the number of stars, but the Space Force just wants a planet with some decent atmosphere. 
  97. August Jokes: Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… August Who?… A gusta join the Space Force. 
  98. This is how the military works : First you got the Air Force that flys in and bombs the hill. Next are the Marines who charge the hill and kill anything that moves. After that the Army comes in puts up the flag and stands there like they’ve done something special. All the while, the Navy sits back and rules the world.
  99. A Space Force recruiter told a new recruit, “Our fitness test is just different.” The recruit asked, “How so?” The recruiter replied, “You just have to be able to lift your own weight… in zero-g”. 
  100. The Space Force is getting new uniforms. They were thinking about making them look like Stormtroopers, but decided it would be bad for morale if nobody could hit anything. 
  101. Coast Guard Jokes: Pumpkin Jokes: What branch of the military do pumpkins join?… The coast gourd.
  102. Pirate Jokes: A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the Coast Guard… But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.  
  103. Pumpkin Jokes: Which pumpkins can swim the best?… The coast gourd.
  104. Why did the Coast Guard bring a pencil to the party?… To draw some attention!
  105. What’s the Coast Guard’s favorite type of music?… Anything with good “current!”
  106. Why did the Coast Guard take up knitting?… To keep the crew in “stitches!”
  107. How do Coast Guard officers stay calm in emergencies?… They just go with the flow!
  108. Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the dock?… To climb the ranks faster!
  109. What’s a Coast Guard’s favorite lunch?… A sandwich with a side of “sail-slaw!”
  110. Why doesn’t the Coast Guard like telling secrets?… Loose lips sink ships!
  111. How does the Coast Guard throw a party?… They go overboard!
  112. What do you call a Coast Guard recruit who loves comedy?… A deckhand with punchlines!
  113. Why did the ocean wave at the Coast Guard?… It was just being shore-friendly!
  114. Why did the sailor refuse to play cards?… He was afraid of deck stacking!
  115. What’s a Coast Guard’s favorite type of dog?… A sea-bark, of course!
  116. Why did the ship bring a pencil to the ocean?… To draw some waves!
  117. How do Coast Guards stay so calm?… They just go with the buoyancy!
  118. What did the lifebuoy say to the drowning sailor?… “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!”
  119. Why don’t ships ever get lost?… They always follow their compass-ion!
  120. Why did the Coast Guard bring a ladder?… To reach new depths!