Texas Jokes

by | Dec 29, 2025 | College, Dads, Latest News | 0 comments

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  1. Texas Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Texas jokes.
  2. Election Jokes: Why was the delegation from the Dallas Dyslexic Republican Association turned away from the Republican National Convention?… Their placard read: ‘We love Taxes.’
  3. What is the Texas state slogan?… Oils Well that ends well.
  4. What’s a Texan’s favorite salad dressing?… Ranch!
  5. Music Jokes: What Beyonce song is on every Texas music playlist?… Texas Hold ‘Em.
  6. Pie Jokes: What did the Texan say every time he ordered apple pie at a restaurant?… Remember the à la mode!
  7. Cow Jokes: The waitress brought me the wrong order at Texas Road House, and I told her it was a Miss Steak. She shook her head, sighed, and told me, “Steak jokes are a rare, medium, and well done.”
  8. Everything’s bigger in Texas… including the punchlines!
  9. Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me who sponsors the Cotton Bowl?
  10. Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe tell me where the Cotton Bowl is played?
  11. Divorce Jokes: I have so many failed marriages. The one good thing…. All my ex’s live in Texas.
  12. Oklahoma Jokes: My friend asked me what I thought about the state North of Texas… I told him it’s OK!
  13. Geography Jokes: Where in America should you go to feel good about yourself and life?… Fort Worth, Texas!
  14. Dog Jokes: Why did the cowboy adopt a dachshund?… He wanted to get a long little doggie!
  15. Cow Jokes: What does a Texas Rancher call his cow with no legs?… Ground beef!
  16. President Jokes: Who were the greenest presidents?… The Bushes.
  17. Who is the greenest governor of Texas?… Bush.
  18. Hurricane Jokes: Texas refuses to remove its statues… Hurricane volunteers to help. 
  19. Where can you message people while driving?… Text-us.
  20. What has a mouth but cannot eat?…. Rio Grande. (10 Longest Rivers in Texas)
  21. Alaska Jokes: How do you tick off a Texan obsessed with being the biggest?… Slice Alaska in two, and watch ’em drop to third.
  22. Texas Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the state flower of Texas?
  23. Texas Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the state bird of Texas?
  24. Texas: We’re in Houston, so don’t call us… Just Texas!
  25. What did the big yellow rose of Texas say to the little yellow rose of Texas?… “Hi, bud!”
  26. I just bought an art piece featuring several Pikachus playing Texas Hold’em… It’s called Pokermon. 
  27. March Madness Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name site of the 2025 Final Four? (San Antonio, Texas)
  28. Can you name the capital of Texas?… “T”
  29. What do you call a Texan bandit who loves BBQ?… The Brisket Bandito.
  30. Why don’t Texans like small talk?… Because if it isn’t a tall tale, it isn’t worth telling.
  31. March Madness Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the 2025 teams that advanced to Final Four in San Antonio, Texas?? (#1 Duke, #1 Florida,
  32. Golf Jokes: Why do Texas golfers always carry around two pairs of pants?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  33. What does a fish from Texas say when he sees his friend?… “Chowdy!”
  34. College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe believe it was 70 years between outright titles for Teas Tech Football? (1967 – 2025). (Border Conference 1955 – Big 12 2025)
  35. Why don’t Texans ever tell secrets?… Because in Texas, everything’s out in the open — including our BBQ recipes!
  36. Texas Knock Knock Jokes: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Texas?
  37. Why do Texans drive so fast?… Because it takes half a day just to get anywhere!
  38. Texas Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Texas knock-knock joke?
  39. Farming Jokes: Why did the Texas farmer win an award?… He was outstanding in his field!
  40. Texans don’t do breakfast… we do brunch with a side of BBQ!
  41. Texas Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Texas knock knock jokes?
  42. Why don’t Texans complain about the heat?… Because it’s a perfect excuse for another cold one.
  43. Why shouldn’t people from Texas be allowed to drive?… Because they’re always Texan and driving.
  44. Why is Texas called the Lone Star State?… Because that’s the highest rating it could get.
  45. What did Lake Texoma say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved.
  46. College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the teams in the College Football Red River Rivalry?
  47. Election Jokes: It’s so cold in this morning…on my way to work I walked past the capitol and the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.
  48. When I was ten, my family moved to. . … When I was thirteen, I found them.
  49. College Jokes: 2 college friends skip studying for Physics final to party. Two students were taking Physics at . They did pretty well on all of the other assessments. Going into the final, they had a solid “A.” These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the final was on Monday), they decided to go to and party with some friends at. . They had a great time, however, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to campus until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to the for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day for the final. The professor placed them in separate rooms, and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 points. It was something simple. “Cool,” they thought. “This is going to be easy.” They did that problem and then turned the page. They were not prepared, however, for what they saw on this page. It said: (95 Points). Which tire?
  50. I’m absolutely disgusted with the state my life is in right now. I live in Texas.
  51. A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good joke. The bartender says, “Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I’m from . See that guy at the end of the bar? He’s 6-4 and weighs 250 and he’s from , too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He’s 6-6 and weighs 280 and he’s from , too! Now, do you still want to tell your joke?” The guy says, “Nah.” To which the bartender smiles and says, “What’s the matter? Are ya chicken?” The guy says, “Nah. I just don’t want to have to explain it three times.”
  52. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Texas Resident: “No, not yet.”
  53. What state does the Red River Of The South flow in?… Liquid. (The 10 Longest Rivers Of Texas)
  54. What state does the Brazos River River NOT flow in?… Frozen. (The 10 Longest Rivers Of Texas)
  55. Where do fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Pecos River. (The 10 Longest Rivers Of Texas)
  56. What has a mouth but cannot eat?…. The Colorado River. (The 10 Longest Rivers Of Texas)
  57. Why don’t hipsters like the Trinity River?… It’s too mainstream. (The 10 Longest Rivers Of Texas)
  58. I threw a hipster into the Sabine River… Guess whose mainstream now? (The 10 Longest Rivers Of Texas)
  59. A fully loaded tractor-trailer carrying 80,000 pounds of Tylenol skidded off an icy bridge, and ended up in the mighty Rio Grande… It caused river failure. (The 10 Longest Rivers Of Texas)
  60. Covid Jokes: Apparently, someone in Texas gets stabbed every 52 seconds in .. poor guy.
  61. In the news, Texas had it’s first remote trial via zoom… It looks like things will be settled out of court.
  62. A man from Texas was arrested in for stealing a truck filled with $56,000 worth of Campbell’s soup…. I, for one, hope this guy goes away for ‘Mmm, mmm, good!’
  63. Did you know that students in Texas can drink in high school?… You can’t really stop them after they turn 21. 
  64. Cereal Jokes: Did you guys hear about that girl they found murdered in Texas?… They found her covered in milk with cheerios still in her mouth… They think it was a cereal killer.
  65. Texas Education/Testing scores are the worst in the nation… yep, we’re ranked 53rd.
  66. College Jokes: How many University of Texas freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  67. Texas is the only place where you can get a sunburn and frostbite in the same week!
  68. What’s Texas’ favorite season?… Summer, even if it lasts all year.
  69. What’s a Texan’s favorite time of day?… High noon — guns out, sun out.
  70. What’s a Texan’s favorite drink?… High noons.
  71. Why do Texans love sunrises?… Because it means the world has one more day to see how great Texas is.
  72. Why do Texans carry pocket knives?… Because you never know when you’ll need to slice a brisket.
  73. How do you tell if someone is from Texas?… They’ll tell you so you won’t have to.
  74. How many Texans does it take to change a lightbulb?… Just one, but they’ll tell you how they did it bigger and better than anyone else.
  75. Why did the Texan go to art school?… To learn how to draw a crowd!
  76. In Texas, we don’t do small talk… we do large conversations!
  77. What do you call a bear with a Texas accent?… A Tex-bear!
  78. What did the Texan say to the space alien?… “Welcome to Earth, y’all!”
  79. Why did the Texan bring a ladder to the bar?… He heard the drinks were on the house!
  80. Cow Jokes: How does a Texan order a steak?… Rare — because they like their cows to still be mooing.
  81. Texas: America hates us because America ain’t us.
  82. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Texas.
  83. Election Jokes: Texas: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters.
  84. Two Texas tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always cry “Aye!” and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A rookie crewman asked his boat’s mate, “What do they do that for?” The mate looked surprised and replied, “You mean that you’ve never heard of an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?”
  85. Labor Day Jokes: Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.”
  86. Napping Jokes: A retired man from Texas was jailed for refusing to nap… …he was resisting a rest.
  87. Over the summer, Texas is expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 118°F… NOT cool.
  88. Over the winter, Texas is expected to break the coldest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as -39°F… NOT cool.. FREEZING.
  89. Cow Jokes: What do you call a Texas cow that can play the guitar?… A moosician!
  90. Why don’t Texans play hide and seek?… Because good luck hiding with a hat that big!
  91. Why do Texans love cowboy boots?… Because flip-flops just don’t say “Don’t mess with Texas.”
  92. Why did the Texas musician break up with their guitar?… It just wasn’t country enough!
  93. Why don’t Texans ever argue?… Because they settle their beef on a grill.
  94. How do you know the state bird of Texas is the mosquito?… Try standing outside at night.
  95. Cow Jokes: Why do Texans like their steaks rare?… Because they like a little bit of a fight left in it.
  96. How do you recognize a Texan at the beach?… They’re the ones in cowboy hats and boots.
  97. Why do Texans love space?… Because it’s just one more thing that’s bigger in Texas.
  98. How do Texans make sure they don’t get lost?… They follow the BBQ smoke.
  99. How do you know someone is from Texas?… Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
  100. New York Jokes: What do you call a Texan lost in New York?… Overdressed.
  101. What’s a Texan’s favorite romantic gesture?… Bringing home a bouquet of ribs.
  102. Why are Texan cookouts so epic?… Because Texans don’t grill, they have full-on barbecues.
  103. Astronomy Jokes: Why did the Texan get a new belt buckle?… Because his old one was only visible from space, not the whole galaxy.
  104. How do you keep a Texan occupied for hours?… Tell them there’s free BBQ down the road — but don’t say where.
  105. How can you spot a tourist in Texas?… They’re the only ones wearing sunscreen.
  106. Why do Texans bring a rope everywhere?… Never know when you’ll need to lasso up some trouble.
  107. Why don’t Texans need alarm clocks?… Because a rooster’s crow at sunrise and the scent of BBQ does the job.
  108. Mississippi Jokes: If Mississippi bought a New Jersey for Texas, what would Delaware?…. Idaho, Alaska! 
  109. Why don’t Texans need hot tubs?… Because their pools are already warm enough.
  110. What do Texans use to measure temperature?… Barbecue degrees.
  111. Why don’t Texans play hide and seek?… Because there’s no hiding in 100-degree weather.
  112. Why don’t Texans ever travel light?… Because everything they own has to be bigger and better!
  113. Why did the Texan take an umbrella to the desert?… To keep the brisket dry!
  114. What do you call a Texas snowman?… A puddle.
  115. Boston Celtics Jokes: 2024 NBA Finals: Boston Celtics: Hey Kyrie…. BYE rie!
  116. Cow Jokes: Why do Texas cows wear bells?… Because their horns don’t work!
  117. In Texas, a traffic jam is just a long line of pickup trucks waiting for BBQ!
  118. Why do Texans wear big hats?… Because the shade has to be as big as the sun.
  119. How does a Texan cool off?… They stand in the shade of their hat.
  120. What’s a Texan’s favorite winter activity?… Waiting for it to end.
  121. Why did the Texan put on sunscreen at night?… To be ready for the morning heat.
  122. How does a Texan survive summer?… They don’t, they just endure it.
  123. Why did the Texan sit in a tree during a rainstorm?… He heard there was a chance of “fowl” weather.
  124. What did Texas see. ?… Same thing Arkansas.
  125. Why do Texans wear boots in the summer?… Because they’re not afraid of the heat!
  126. How do you tell if a Texan is cold?… They’re wearing two hats.
  127. Astronomy Jokes: In Texas, we don’t need GPS… we have the stars to guide us!
  128. Why did the Texan wear a jacket?… Because it was below 85 degrees.
  129. How do Texans deal with mosquitoes?… With a little slap and a lot of sass.
  130. Why don’t Texans play hide and seek?… Because good luck hiding when everyone knows you’re a mile away!
  131. College Football Jokes: Saturday December 20th, 2025: Are U serious?… #10 Miami beat #7 Texas Tech and the 12th man 10 – 3?
  132. College Football Jokes: Saturday December 20th, 2025: Are U serious?… Did you see the goal line hit in the final minute of the #10 Miami upset of #7 Texas Tech and the 12th man 10 – 3?
  133. College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete for the Saddle Trophy?
  134. College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete for the Golden Hat in the Red River Rivalry game?
  135. College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete in the Bluebonnet Battle?
  136. College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete in the Southwest Classic?
  137. College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete in the Battle of I-10?
  138. College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete in the Battle of the Brazos?
  139. College Football Jokes: Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete in the Battle for the Iron Skillet?
  140. Did you hear about the power outage at the Texas Tech University library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  141. When it rains in Texas, we just call it a “light drizzle” and keep the BBQ going!
  142. Texans can’t get lost… they just take the scenic route to their destination!
  143. What do you get when you cross a Texas ranger and a cowboy?… A lawman who can lasso your heart!
  144. What’s a Texan’s favorite instrument?… The barbecue pit!
  145. Why do Texas golfers always carry around two shirts?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  146. Why do Texas golfers always carry around two pairs of socks?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  147. Why did the Texan sit on his clock?… He wanted to be on time!
  148. What has a mouth but cannot eat?…. Rio Grande (10 Longest Rivers in Texas)
  149. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 100 Texas jokes?
  150. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 101 Texas jokes?
  151. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best  jokes.
  152. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the state motto for ?
  153. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about ?
  154. Geography Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe locate on a map?
  155. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the governor of ?
  156. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe spell ?
  157. Travel Guest Blogs: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe visit ?
  158. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me if has an MLB team ?
  159. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me if has an NFL team?
  160. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me if has an NHL team?
  161. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me if has an NBA team?
  162. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me if has an  Major League Rugby?
  163. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the state flower of ?
  164. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the state bird of ?
  165. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the two senators from ?
  166. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the U.S. Representatives from ?
  167. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 100 jokes?
  168. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 101 jokes?
  169. Can you name the capitol of ?… “R” and “I”
  170. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Texas shore?… Nothing, it just waved!
  171. How many men from Texas do you need before you can make change for a dollar?… You can’t. Nobody in. has any cents.
  172. How do you get a man from Texas in to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  173. Did you hear that sports teams from Texas don’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  174. Why can’t Texas mountains play hide and seek?… Because they like to peak.
  175. Music Jokes: A woman from Texas who fell in love with the DJ from her first wedding day has married him five years later… she originally asked him three years ago, but he said he wasn’t taking requests just then.
  176. Hello from the otter side.
  177. Why won’t any of Texas’s bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired.
  178. Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Texas library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  179. Golf Jokes: Why should you never buy golf equipment made in ?… Because Texas drivers are terrible.
  180. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Texas Turnpike! 
  181. What is the tallest building in Texas?… The Texas Public Library of course, it has the most stories!
  182. Why did Texas disband its water polo team?… All the horses drowned.
  183. Why is “The Wave” banned in Texas Stadium?… Two fans drowned last year.
  184. Divorce Jokes: Divorced couples in Texas are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana… The judges have started issuing joint custody.
  185. What do you call a dishonest cat at the Texas Zoo?… Lion.
  186. Top Teacher Jokes: The Texas art teacher in always said, “Draw your own conclusions, but don’t color outside the lines!”
  187. Top Teacher Jokes: Why do Texas students excel in science?… Because they always experiment with their learning!
  188. Top Teacher Jokes: The Texas chemistry teacher in had a great reaction to student questions… they always ignited curiosity!
  189. Top Teacher Jokes: The Texas biology class in was so lively… it really had a cell-ebration going on!
  190. College Basketball Jokes: I’m not saying Texas basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game. The rest will dress themselves
  191. Texas State Motto: “Thank God for Mississippi.”
  192. What do you call a Texas Tech football player with a championship ring?… A Thief.
  193. How do you get a Texas graduate off your porch?… Pay for the pizza.
  194. What’s the most popular pick up line in Texas?… Nice tooth!
  195. I have so many failed relationships. The one good thing…. All my ex’s live in Texas.
  196. Texas Jokes:

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