New England Patriots Jokes

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1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best New England Patriots jokes.
2. Massachusetts Jokes: The New England Patriots… The official NFL team of the American Revolution.
3. Super Bowl LX Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Candy… Candy Who?… Candy the New England Patriots repeat at AFC Champions?
4. Super Bowl LV: Tom Brady is a very polarizing sports figure. On one hand, he has FIVE super bowl rings…. But on the other hand, he has two.
5. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me who is singing this year’s national anthem?… Charlie Puth.
6. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me Ann Michael Maye’s nickname?… “Queen of the North.”
7. Super Bowl LX Jokes: Can you believe that BOTH Bill Belichick AND Tom Brady were not selected for the Football Hall of Fame… That is an absolute Hall of Shame!
8. Looney Tunes Jokes: Bugs Bunny may have been a less controversial than Bad Bunny the Apple Music Super Bowl Halftime Show.
9. Super Bowl LIX: Washington Jokes: New England: “Hey, Seattle, wanna win the Super Bowl?” Seattle: “No, thanks. We’ll pass.”
10. Who made the play the broke Seattle’s hearts in Super Bowl XLIX… The Butler did it!
11. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the name of the mascot for the New England Patriots?… Pat Patriot.
12. Super Bowl XLIX: With the rematch of the New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks, I was thinking about watching Do Your Job Bill Belichick and the Super Bowl XLIX Patriots. I asked my friend from Seattle to watch but… like the Seahawks, he said, I think I will pass.
13. It was a pretty A-MAYE-ZING night for the Patriots at the NFL Honors… Mike Vrabel was selected as the Coach of the Year. Josh McDaniels was selected as the Assistant Coach of the Year AND Adam Vinatieri Jr. was selected to be inducted in the Football Hall of Fame.
14. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe what a great job Coach Mike Vrabel did on just one season with the New England Patriots?
15. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Super Bowl MVPS from the New England Patriots?…
16. Who are the Muppets pulling for in Super Bowl LX?… The New England Patriots. They love the corner #0 Christian “GONZO” Gonzalez.
17. Super Bowl LX Jokes: A New England first-grade teacher can’t believe her student isn’t hyped up about the Super Bowl. “It’s a huge event. Why aren’t you excited?” “Because I’m not a football fan. My parents love basketball, so I do too,” says the student. “Well, that’s a lousy reason,” says the teacher. “What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?” “Then I’d be a football fan.” (Jokes for Teachers & Basketball Jokes)
18. American Revolution Jokes: 2026 is the 250th anniversary of America… obviously the New England Patriots were going to win the AFC Championship.
19. Super Bowl LI: New England Jokes: The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly… Sherman marched to the sea!
20. Seattle Seahawks Jokes: Super Bowl XLIX: With the rematch of the New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks, I was thinking about reliving the final Seahawks offensive play, but… like them I think I will pass.
21. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the franchise that has the most Super Bowl appearances?… New England Patriots (12).
22. New England Patriots Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me what team has won the most Super Bowls?… New England Patriots & Pittsburgh Steelers have won 6 Super Bowls
23. New England Patriots Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me how many times the New England Patriots have won the Super Bowl?… 6.
24. New England Patriots Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me how many times the New England Patriots have reached the Super Bowl?… 12.
25. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe the amazing jacket worn by Ann Michael Maye?
26. 3/28 Day: #328Day, the New England holiday celebrating the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. The Patriots erased 28-3 deficit to beat the Atlanta Falcons 34 – 28 in overtime.
27. Retirement Jokes: Tom Brady just announced that he was retiring from football for good. That’s a relief… because if he was retiring for evil, then evil would probably win.
28. Super Bowl LX… New England Patriot Fan: Finally a Super Bowl that matches my shirt size!… Forget that I am dyslexic.
29. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me how many Super Bowl’s Coach Mike Vrabel was as a player for the Patriots?…
30. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe neither coach or quarterback has won a Super Bowl?
31. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the franchise that has the most Super Bowl appearances?… New England Patriots (12).
32. Super Bowl LX Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the motto of the Super Bowl LX New England Patriots?… “We all we got, we all we need.”
33. New England Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe the Patriots were 4 – 13 the year before they went to Super Bowl LX?
34. New England Patriots Fans: “They hate us… Cuz they ain’t us!”
35. How will Tom Brady feel if the Patriots lose?… Deflated.
36. North Carolina Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe Bill Belichick did not get into the football Hall of Fame on the 1st ballot?
37. North Carolina Jokes: Bill Belichick’s nickname when named head coach of UNC… Chapel Bill.
39. Super Bowl LX: What do Seinfeld fans and New England Patriots fans have in common?… They both love the Drake.
40. AFC Championship: When New England Patriot Christian Gonzalez intercepted Jarrett Stidham’s pass… the Denver Broncos chance of going to the Super Bowl went GONZO!
41. New England Jokes: Super Bowl LI: You know, I don’t find the Super Bowl LI win all that historic… After all, this isn’t the first time Atlanta was burned by the North.
42. Music Jokes: What was the Red Hot Chili Peppers favorite play in the AFC Championship game?… The New England Patriot’s FLEA flicker pass.
43. Super Bowl LX Jokes: The Patriots are going to the Super Bowl this year… I’m NOT deflated.
44. Music Jokes: Super Bowl LIII Halftime: At halftime it’s Maroon 5 Patriots 3 Rams 0.
45. Super Bowl XLIX: What are the Seahawk’s fans two most hated TV shows?… The Brady Bunch and Malcolm in the Middle!
46. Super Bowl Knock Knock Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you name the two teams who are playing in Super Bowl LX?… (New England Patriot and Seattle Seahawks).
47. What’s the difference between Super Bowl quarterback Drake Maye and a baby?… One takes the snap, the other takes a nap.
48. New England Jokes: Tom Brady retired, but he does so as the GOAT, with 7 Super Bowls, but more importantly, he’s 5x better than Nickelback.… He’s a quarterback.
49. California Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe 13-year-old Drake Maye attended Super Bowl L in Santa Clara, California?… The Denver Broncos defeated the Carolina Panthers 24 – 10.
50. American Revolution Jokes: The Chiefs’ defense isn’t doing well against the Patriots’ offense… Reminds me of colonial times.
51. AFC Championship: Fantasy Football: Denver Broncos fans thinking their team could beat the New England Patriots with Jarrett Stidham and go on to the Super Bowl.
52. Pizza Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the pizza company had Tom Brady in for Super Bowl LX?… Pizza HUT!
53. Divisional Round: Fantasy football…. Houston Texans fans thinking you can go into the Razor, Gillette Stadium, in the snow and beat the New England Patriots.
54. Pirate Jokes: Who is a pirate’s favorite New England Patriots Super Bowl LV receiver?… Kayshon “Pirate’s” Boutte.
55. Super Bowl LII: When it comes to trick plays, you have to hand it to Tom Brady… Literally. He can’t catch.
56. New England Jokes: The clutch running of New England’s quarterback MAYE have been the difference in the AFC Championship game.
57. January 25th, 2026: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe the weather at Mile High Stadium for the AFC Championship?
58. January 25th, 2026: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe imagine if the Patriots hosted the AFC Championship with Winter Storm Fern dropping 17 inches of snow in Foxboro?
59. Super Bowl XX: Illinois Jokes: What is the difference between a Chicago Bears fan and Marty McFly?… Eventually Marty McFly stopped going back to 1985.
60. Mole Day Jokes: Who is a mole’s favorite New England Patriots Super Bowl LV receiver?… Stefon Diggs.
61. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Can you tell me where I can buy Love the Drake Lager?… Stellwagen Beer Company Marshfield, Massachusetts.
62. Super Bowl LIII: I guess the Rams ended the Super Bowl the way they ended the season… 13-3.
63. Math Jokes: New England Crazy 8s: 8 head coaches have made the Super Bowl in their 1st year AND 8 2nd year QBs have made the Super Bowl.
64. What are the two popular shows with New England Patriots’s fans?… The Brady Bunch and Malcolm in the Middle!
65. Why did Adam Vinatieri bring string to the game?… Just in case he needed to tie the score
66. Super Bowl XLIX: What do the Patriots and Measles have in common?… They both got to go to Disneyland, because some idiot decided to pass on something
67. AFC Championship: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you name the New England Patriot legend who presented the Lamar Hunt Trophy to the Patriots for winning the AFC championship?… Adam Vinatieri.
68. January 25th, 2026: AFC Championship: It is Maye Day at Mile High Stadium!
69. AFC Championship: On paper, Drake Maye be a better QB Bo Nix’s backup, Jarrett Stidham.
70. New England Jokes: Milton, Massachusetts love Milton Williams.
71. Milton’s Men’s Clothing store should hire New England Patriot Milton Williams as a spokesperson.
72. American Revolution Jokes: Super Bowl LII I’m relieved the Patriots lost… No patriot I know would ever beat an eagle.
73. The weather in New England meant they had to delay the victory parade for the Patriots… They must feel really deflated.
74. AFC Championship: Drake Maye have lucked out with the injury to Bo Nix.
75. New England Jokes: Patriots fans are being charged more money for Super Bowl tickets… It’s because of inflation.
76. California Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the date of Super Bowl XL?… Super Bowl LX will be played on February 8, 2026.
77. California Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the location of Super Bowl XL?… Super Bowl LX will be played at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, California.
78. New England Jokes: Wild Card Weekend 2026: What do Seinfeld fans and New England Patriots fans have in common?… They both love the Drake.
79. Houston…. We have a problem… It is Maye Day in New England!
80. AFC Championship: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you name the two teams in the 2026 AFC Championship?… (New England Patriots at the Denver Broncos.)
81. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you believe Jarrett Stidham used to play for the New England Patriots?
82. Super Bowl LX Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you tell me the pizza company had Tom Brady in for Super Bowl LX?… Pizza HUT!
83. Colorado Jokes: With the injury to Bo Nix… I guess you can nix the idea that the Denver Broncos will win the LX Super Bowl.
84. Marriage Jokes:Why do Patriots fans make the best spouses?… Because they don’t mind if you cheat.
85. Tom Brady’s so old… He won his first Super bowl in standard definition.
86. AFC Championship: What is the #1 selling soda at Mile High Stadium… Orange Crush.
87. Super Bowl LX will be played at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara, California… are our Super Bowl jokes wearing thin?
88. The Patriots aren’t going to the Super Bowl this year… I’m deflated.
89. How many Patriots fans does it take to change a lightbulb?… None. They just talk about how good the old one was.
90. Georgia Jokes: The Patriots are true gentlemen…. They let the Falcons finish their game before they started theirs.
91. Psychology Jokes: Why is Tom Brady always so optimistic?… He sees the football as half full.
92. Music Jokes: Was nice to see the Rams and Patriots make it to the Maroon 5 concert last night.
93. Dad already knows who will win the Super Bowl LX… The team with the most points.
94. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Super Bowl XL jokes.
95. What’s the best part about dating a Patriots fan?… They don’t care if you cheat.
96. What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?… Cheat-o’s.
97. Tom Brady told me he’s on a diet. Well, he didn’t actually say diet. He said Sundays are his cheat day, but I can read between the lines.
98. Labor Day Jokes: Why is Tom Brady against raising the federal minimum wage?… He doesn’t want things to get too inflated.
99. Retirement Jokes: News Report: Tom Brady to retire. Fans hoping for one more season reportedly deflated by the news.
100. Tom Brady asked me if I could help him after his house’s air conditioning system broke… I declined because I’m not a big fan.
101. Election Jokes: Which presidential candidate does Tom Brady support?… Whichever can reduce inflation.
102. How are New England Patriots opponents like lazy neighbors?… They rarely pick up a yard.
103. Tom Brady said he refuses to invest in bitcoin… Turns out he’s afraid of inflation.
104. Corn Jokes: How much does Tom Brady pay for corn?… A buccaneer.
105. Divorce Jokes: What do Gisele, Eli Manning, and Nick Foles all have in common?… All three managed to take a ring from Tom Brady.
106. Why did Dont’a Hightower go to the bank?… To get a quarter back.
107. Election Jokes: Donald Trump says that he plans to reduce inflation. Shortly after, Tom Brady announced his intent to vote for Trump.
108. Super Bowl XXXVI (2002): I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!… Don’t worry; so did the Falcons. (Patriots 20, St. Louis Rams 17)
109. Super Bowl XXXVIII (2004): I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!… Don’t worry; so did the Panthers. (Patriots 32, Carolina Panthers 29)
110. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Hanna… Hanna who?… John “Hog Hannah is one of the best offensive lineman to play for the Patriots!
111. Super Bowl XXXIX (2005): I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!… Don’t worry; so did the Eagles. (Patriots 24, Philadelphia Eagles 21)
112. Super Bowl XLIX (2015): I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!… Don’t worry; so did the Seahawks.(Patriots 28, Seattle Seahawks 24)
113. Super Bowl LI (2017): I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!… Don’t worry; so did the Falcons. (Patriots 34, Atlanta Falcons 28 (OT))
114. Super Bowl LIII (2019): I totally forgot the Super Bowl was tonight!… Don’t worry; so did the Rams.
115. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the Super Bowl XXXVI (2002) MVP?… Tom Brady.
116. What kind of pastry did Devin Mcourty eat most?… Turnovers!
117. Who is a gardener’s favorite all-time Patriot?… Trey Flowers.
118. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the Super Bowl XXXVIII (2004) MVP?… Tom Brady.
119. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the Super Bowl XXXIX (2005) MVP?… Deion Branch.
120. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the Super Bowl LI (2017) MVP?… Tom Brady.
121. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the Super Bowl XLIX (2015) MVP?… Tom Brady.
122. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the Super Bowl LI (2017) MVP?… Tom Brady.
123. What’s the hardest thing about being a Patriots quarterback?… The ground.
124. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the Super Bowl LIII (2019) MVP?… Julian Edelman
125. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me how many Super Bowls Tom Brady has won?
126. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Hanna… Hanna who?… Hanna ball off to me Tom Brady!
127. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me how many Super Bowls Tom Brady has won with the Patriots?
128. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me how many Super Bowls the Patriots have won?
129. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me when the Patriots won their 1st Super Bowl?
130. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me when the Patriots won their last Super Bowl?
131. What did the Patriots quarterback say after he got sacked by an Indianapolis Colt?… Help – I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
132. Why upsets Bill Belichick most when he plays the Colts?… Too much horse play on the field.
133. Why do the New England Patriots draft ballet dancers as their kickers?… They know how to split the uprights!
134. Why do the New England Patriots gymnasts as their kickers?… They know how to split the uprights!
135. Why did Stephen Gostkowski bring string to the game?… Just in case he needed to tie the score
136. What runs around Gillette Stadium but never moves?… A wall
137. Why was Sony Michel nicknamed “Bad News?”… Everyone knows that bad news travels fast.
138. How do the Patriots hire their players?… With two pairs of stilts.
139. What’s the difference between Sony Michel and a duck?… One goes quick and the other goes quack.
140. What are successful New England Patriots kickers always trying to do?… Reach goals.
141. Who did the New England Patriots zombie team play during preseason?… The DEADskins.
142. How did Tom Brady (New England Patriots quarterback) know he was about to get sacked in Chicago?… He heard them BEARING down on him.
143. What is harder for a New England Patriots receiver to catch the faster he runs?… His breath!
144. What can New England Patriots players catch at Mile High Stadium?… Bronco-itis
145. Did you hear about the joke that Tom Brady told his receivers?… It went over their heads.
146. Why can’t Tom Brady use his phone?… Because he can’t find the receiver.
147. Where do New England Patriots football players dance?… At a foot ball!
148. When should New England Patriots football players wear armor?… When they play knight games.
149. What do you get when you cross Tom Brady with a carpet?… A throw rug.
150. What’s the difference between the New England Patriots and water?… A: Water runs.
151. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Hans… Hans who?… Hans to the face is a penalty.
152. What do the New England Patriots players wear on halloween?… Face Masks!
153. How do you keep the New England Patriots out of your yard?… Put up goal posts.
154. What do the New England Patriots receivers and the Post Office have in common?… Neither is open on Sundays!
155. What kind of tea do New England Patriots football players drink?… Penaltea
156. Which Partiots player can jump higher than a house?… All of them – houses can’t jump at all.
157. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the New England Patriots football team?… They needed a little team spirit.
158. Why didn’t the dog want to play football for the New England Patriots ?… It was a (Brockton) boxer.
159. Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a Gillette Stadium?… Under the ghoul posts!
160. Why did the football quit playing with the New England Patriots ?… It was tired of being kicked around.
161. Why doesn’t the New England Patriots football team have a website?… They can’t string three W’s together.
162. What does the Patriots quarterback watch on TV to make him feel at home?… The Brady Bunch.
163. Music Jokes: Super Bowl LX: Bad Bunny….gonna make made money performing the Apple Music Super Bowl LX Halftime Show.
164. How did Tom Brady get $2?… He gets a buck n ear.
165. Super Bowl XLV: “I told him, we are not discussing changing our city’s name until he brings home that Lombardi Trophy. So Tom and I will have that discussion in due time. Yes, we will talk about that, changing ‘Tampa,’ since we are becoming a title town, to ‘Tompa Bay.’ We’ll have those discussions.” Tampa Mayor Jane Castor
166. The Patriots had to re-sod their field… Even the grass won’t root for them.
167. What’s the difference between Patriots fans and cicadas?… Cicadas are only annoying every few years.
168. New England Jokes: Dad, how do you win a Super Bowl without cheating?… I don’t know son, we are Patriots fans.
169. What do Patriots fans and horse flies have in common?… They’re both annoying.
170. What does patriots stand for… Pay All The Refs In Order To Succeed.