Triathlon Jokes

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“Swim 2.4 miles, bike 112 miles, run 26.2 miles- BRAG FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.” – John Collins, IRONMAN Founder

What are the Triathlon distances and order?

Swimming Jokes: Swim 2.4 Miles
Cycling Jokes: Cycling 112 Miles
Marathon Jokes: Marathon 26.2 Miles
Total: 140.6 Miles

October Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best triathlon jokes!
Shark Jokes: A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it would be all come down to who is the better cyclist.
Cycling Jokes: A cyclist shows up at the local race on a new bike. His friends all ask, “Where did you get a new bike?” The cyclist replies, “Well, yesterday I was out running when this absolutely beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want!”
Cycling Jokes: You Know You’re a Triathlete When… The value of your car doubles just by mounting your bicycle on the roof rack.
You Know You’re a Triathlete When…Your weekend family luggage includes wetsuits and multiple specialized running shoes.
How do you know your date with a triathlete is half over?… He says “but enough about me – wanna hear about my bike?”
What is Ironman’s favorite major world sporting event?… The “Ironman” Triathlon!
You Know You’re a Triathlete When…As the saying goes, “Pain is temporary, but your finishing time is posted online forever.”
Swimming Jokes: What would you get if you crossed a triathlete and the Invisible Man?… Swimming, biking, and running like no one has ever seen.
Triathlon Pun: I swim, I bike, I run… I tri to stay sane.
Travel Guest Blogs:,Guest BlogYou Know You’re a Triathlete When … Baggage for any out of town trip includes running gear and goggles.
Halloween Jokes: What did the mummy triathlon coach say at the end of the workout?… “Let’s wrap this up!”
Swimming Jokes: Why did a person do the backstroke at the triathlon?… He just had lunch and didn’t want to swim on a full stomach.
Marriage Jokes: What did the Ironman’s wife say to him?… Nothing, she never saw him!
How do you know if there is a triathlete at your party?… He’ll tell you.
Lawyer Jokes: When is a triathlete like a judge?… When he sits on the bench.
Cinderella Jokes: Why was Cinderella such a bad triathlete?… Her coach was a pumpkin.
Why is a triathlon the coolest place to be?… Because it’s full of fans.
Who is the unofficial sponsor of the oldest Triathlon?… Ironman!
Teacher Jokes for August: Why did the teacher want to be a triathlete and jump into the water?… She wanted to test the water!
What’s the difference between God and an Ironman?… God doesn’t think he’s an Ironman.
Who thinks triathletes are cool?… Other triathletes
Triathletes don’t sweat… we sparkle in three sports.
Life is a triathlon… sometimes you just have to keep going.
Swim, bike, run… repeat… nap.
Triathlons… where pain meets pride.
I wheelie love biking.
My favorite triathlon move?… The snack break.
Swim like fish, bike like wind, run like the Wi-Fi is slow.
Triathletes have a three-step plan: Swim. Bike. Survive.
Life’s better in a wetsuit.
I run because punching people is frowned upon.
Triathlon Pun: Keep calm and tri on.
My sport is called triathlon… but I prefer tri-harder.
I’m a triathlete… I tri everything.
Swim first, then worry later.
Triathlon the only sport that makes sandwiches jealous.
Pedal to the metal or at least to the coffee shop.
Swim, bike, run… then eat all the pizza.
My wetsuit hides my superpowers.
Triathletes are just marathoners with snacks.
Running late counts as cardio… right.
I tri to do everything… except skip dessert.
Swim fast, bike faster, run fastest to the finish line snacks.
Triathlons where just one more mile is a lifestyle.
I cycle because punching people is illegal.
Triathletes… proof humans can survive water, land, and roads.
Swim, bike, run… repeat until confused.
I run marathons from the fridge to the couch.
Life’s short tri hard.
I tri… but gravity disagrees.
Swim, bike, run… then nap like a champion.
Triathletes masters of three sports and one snack stash.
Triathlons where endurance meets insanity.
I tri so hard… even my sneakers are tired.
Swim, bike, run… and call it a day.
Triathletes run on water, wheels, and willpower.
Life is better when you tri something new.
I pedal fast, but only to reach the snacks.
Running late counts as training.
I tri… and the couch wins every time.
Swim fast, bike faster, run fastest to the finish.
Triathlon: the sport of sweat and smiles.
My favorite triathlon move is the nap.
I cycle like the wind… or maybe just the hill.
Life’s a triathlon… but coffee helps me survive.
I swim like a fish, bike like a bird, run like a cheetah.
Triathletes don’t sweat, we sparkle.
Swim first, bike second, run third… snack always.
Triathlon: three sports, one big challenge.
I triathlete, therefore I eat cake.
Pedal hard, but only if it leads to coffee.
My legs are tired, but my heart is happy.
Triathlons teach patience, endurance, and snacking.
Swim, bike, run… then celebrate with pizza.
Life’s short, tri hard.
I tri… but gravity has other plans.
Swim, bike, run… then nap like a champion.
Triathletes are proof humans can survive water, land, and roads.
Triathlon: where speed meets insanity.
I swim, bike, run… and still have time for laughs.
Triathletes: powered by sweat and coffee.
Wetsuits hide my secret powers.
Life’s a triathlon, but I only tri for donuts.
Pedal fast, but only to reach the finish.
Keep calm and tri on.
I swim, bike, run… then nap like a champion.
Life’s better in a wetsuit.
I tri everything, except maybe folding laundry.
Running hills builds character and leg muscles.
Triathletes sparkle when others just sweat.
Life’s a triathlon, so bring your sunscreen.
I swim, bike, run… and still forget my water bottle.
Why did the triathlete bring a snack?… To fuel the swim, bike, and run.
Why did the bike refuse to race?… It was too tired.
Why don’t triathletes ever get lost?… They always follow the course.
Why did the runner carry a map?… In case he got off-track.
Why did the swimmer bring a towel?… To dry off after the splash.
Why did the cyclist take a nap?… To recharge the wheels.
Why did the triathlete cross the road?… To get to the finish line.
Why do triathletes love coffee?… It helps them espresso their speed.
Why did the runner bring shoes to the party?… In case they had to dash.
Why did the triathlete carry water?… To stay hydrated in three sports.
Why did the bike refuse dessert?… It didn’t want to get spoked.
Why did the triathlete swim backwards?… To avoid making a splash.
Why do triathletes love hills?… They like a good challenge.
Why did the runner bring a backpack?… For all the puns he’s carrying.
Why did the triathlete bring a stopwatch?… To beat the clock.
Why did the cyclist bring sunglasses?… To see the light at the end.
Why did the swimmer jump in the lake?… Because it was cool.
Why do triathletes make bad comedians?… Their jokes always run long.
Why did the runner eat pasta?… To fuel the miles ahead.
Why did the bike crash the party?… It wanted to spin the fun.
Why did the triathlete go to the bakery?… To carbo-load.
Why did the swimmer join the band?… To play the current.
Why did the triathlete bring a notebook?… To record every mile.
Why did the cyclist bring a helmet to the meeting?… Safety first in all events.
Why did the runner carry an umbrella?… In case of a sprint storm.
Why did the triathlete wear two watches?… To track double the time.
Why did the swimmer join the choir?… To hit the high notes.
Why did the cyclist eat a sandwich mid-ride?… To avoid a flat day.
What is Ironman’s favorite sport?… A Triathlon!
Why did the runner wear socks on his hands?… He heard it would help with pacing.
Why did the triathlete bring a GPS?… To never lose their course.
Why did the swimmer carry a rubber duck?… For moral support.
Why did the triathlete go to school?… To improve their stamina.
Why did the bike refuse coffee?… It preferred to pedal awake.
Why did the runner hug the finish line?… Because it was emotional.
Why did the triathlete smile at the hill?… They saw it as a challenge, not a threat.
Why did the triathlete bring water?… To stay hydrated.
Why did the bike refuse to race?… It was tired.
Why did the swimmer wear goggles?… To see underwater.
Why did the triathlete bring snacks?… For energy during the race.
Why did the triathlete wear sunscreen?… To avoid sunburn.
Why did the runner eat pasta?… For energy.
Why did the triathlete bring a stopwatch?… To track time.
Why do triathletes make bad speeches?… Their jokes run long.
Why did the runner carry a backpack?… To hold essentials.
Why did the cyclist wear sunglasses?… To see the path.
Why did the triathlete carry a notebook?… To record miles.
Why did the swimmer join the band?… To play with the current.
Why did the runner hug the finish line?… Because it felt good.
Why did the triathlete smile at the hill?… They liked the challenge.
Why did the triathlete bring GPS?… To stay on course.
Why did the triathlete wear two watches?… To track every second.
Why did the runner carry an umbrella?… In case of rain.
Why did the triathlete visit the bakery?… To carbo-load.
Why did the triathlete bring a towel?… To dry off.
Why did the runner run late?… It counts as cardio.
Why did the cyclist pedal fast?… To reach the finish.
Why did the swimmer carry goggles?… To see clearly.
Why did the triathlete eat cake?… Because they tri hard.
Why did the runner carry shoes?… For a quick dash.
Why did the triathlete smile mid-race?… Because it’s fun.
New Jersey Jokes: Where do triathletes go to get a new uniform?… New Jersey.
Marriage Jokes: What did the Ironman’s husband say to her?… Nothing, she never saw her!
What kind of stroke can you use on toast?… BUTTER-fly!
Why did the vegetarians stop swimming?… They didn’t like meets!
What word looks the same backwards and upside down?… Swims.
How do swimmers and triathletes clean themselves?… They wash up on shore!
Why wasn’t the woman afraid when she saw a shark while she was swimming during the triathlon?… Because it was a man-eating shark!
Why can male elephants swim whenever they want?… They always have trunks with them!
What race is never run?… A swimming race.
What kind of fish can’t swim?… A dead one.
What is a polar bear’s favorite stroke?… Blubber-fly!
Triathlon Jokes:
What detergent do swimmers use to wash their wet suit?… Tide!
Did you hear about the slow swimmer?… He could only do the crawl.
Where do ghosts like to go swimming?… Lake Eerie
Where do zombies like to go swimming?… The Dead Sea
What kind of swimmer makes a good gardener?… One with great seed times!
What do a dentist and a swim coach have in common?… They both use drills!
What kind of exercises are best for a swimmer?… Pool-ups!
In which direction does a chicken swim?… Cluck-wise!
Why should you never swim on a full stomach?… Because it’s easier to swim in water!
What kind of dive are infantry men best at?… Cannon-ball
How do people swimming in the ocean say HI to each other?… They Wave!
What stroke do sheep enjoy doing?… The baaaackstroke!
Why won’t they allow elephants in public swimming pools?… Because they might let down their trunks.
If you were swimming in the ocean and a big alligator attacked you, what should you do?… Nothing. There are no alligators in the ocean.
A lemon and an orange were on a high diving board. The orange jumped off. Why didn’t the lemon?… Because it was yellow.
Why shouldn’t you listen to people who have just come out of the swimming pool? … Because they are all wet.
What is the only way a miser will swim?… Freestyle.
Where do race cars go swimming?… In a car pool.
Do you know what is the hardest part of learning to ride a bike?… The pavement.
Why can’t a bicycle stand up on its own?… Because it’s two tired!
What does a bicycle call its dad?… Pop-cycle!
Why are bank tellers not allowed to ride bicycles?… They tend to lose their balance.
What is a ghost-proof bicycle?… One with no spooks in it.
What did the flower say to the bike?… petal.
What do you call an artist who sculpts with bicycle parts?… Cycleangelo
Did you hear about the lunatic who won the Tour De France in one day?… He took the psycho-path.
What do you get if you cross a bike and a flower?… Bicycle petals!
What did the little boy take his bicycle to bed with him?… Because he didn’t want to walk in his sleep.
Why can’t you take a nap during the Tour de France?… Because if you snooze, you loose!
What do you call a bicycle built by a chemist?… Bike-carbonate of soda!
What do you call a bicycle with a bed on top?… bedridden
Why do bicycles fall asleep?… Because they’re tired.
When is a bicycle not a bicycle?… When it turns into a driveway.
How do you know you’ve married a cycling addict?… You laundry has more bike jerseys than clothes.
Why can’t an elephant ride a bicycle?… Because he doesn’t have a thumb to ring the bell.
Why couldn’t Cinderella win the bicycle race?… She has a pumpkin for a coach!
What do you call a professional cyclist who just broke up with his girlfriend?… Homeless
“What do you call a crazy pavement?”… A cycle path.
“Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live.” Mark Twain
A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.
Did you hear about the marathon runner who ran for three hours but only moved two feet?… He only had two feet!
Did you hear about the marathon race between the lettuce and the tomato?… The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!
How do crazy runners go through the forest?… They take the psycho path
Who is the fastest runner of all time?… Adam, because he came first in the human race!
If marathon runners get athlete’s foot what do astronauts get?… Mistletoe?
What do runners do when they forget something?… They jog their memory.
How do you know your a dedicated runner?… When your treadmill has more miles on it than your car.
How do you know when you’ve married a running enthusiast?… When you have more running clothes than regular clothes in your laundry pile.
What do you get when you run in front of a car?… TIRED (NASCAR Jokes)
What do you get when you run behind a car?… EXHAUSTED (NASCAR Jokes)
Why can’t you take a nap during a marathon race?… Because if you snooze, you loose!
What does a runner drink when she is in last place?… Ketchup.
What do you call a competitive runner who just broke up with his girlfriend?… Homeless
What kind of running shoes are made from banana skins?… Slippers.
Honorable Mentions:
If twenty monkeys run after one banana, what time is it?… Twenty after one!
What do you call a free treadmill?… Outside.
Why do dogs run in circles?… Because its hard to run in squares!
Why do marathon runners go jogging early in the morning?… They want to finish before their brain figures out what they’re doing.
Why did the vegetarians stop running cross country?… They didn’t like meets!
What race is never run?… A swimming race.
What do a dentist and a track coach have in common?… They both use drills!
How do you know your date with a triathlete is half over?… She says “but enough about me – wanna hear about my bike?”
How do you know if there is a triathlete at your party?… She’ll tell you.

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