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- Fall Jokes
- 101 September Jokes
- September Knock Knock Jokes:
- September Jokes:
Google Search “September Jokes“
- September 1st Labor Day: Farming Jokes: Happy Labor Day…. Oh wait… we live on a farm. Never mind!
- September 2nd: How many seconds are there in one year?… 12 – January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, and December 2nd.
- Teacher Jokes for September: Labor Day Jokes: I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class.
- September Knock Knock Jokes: Knock, knock… Who is there?… Teddy… Teddy who?… Teddy is the 1st day of school!
- September 5th, 2026: International Bacon Day: Bacon Jokes: What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer’s day?… I’m bacon!
- September 6th Read a Book Day: Book Jokes: What is Alaska’s official state Novel?… “Fifty Shades of Grey.“
- September 7th, 2025 Grandparents Day: Grandparent Jokes: Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma… Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Aunt. Aunt who?… Aunt you glad Grandma’s gone?
- September 7th Full Corn Moon: Why aren’t there many jokes about September Full Moon?… Because they are corny.
- September 8th Star Trek Day: How many ears does Picard have?… Three. A right ear. A left ear. And a final front ear.
- Grandparent Jokes: What do you call having your grandma on speed dial?… Instagram.
- September 11th, 2001: #NEVERFORGET
- Book Jokes: My father gave me a really cheap dictionary for my birthday… I couldn’t find the words to thank him.
- September 13th: National Peanut Day Jokes: Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks?… The Shell station!
- Constitution Jokes: I’m not sure I can tell you word-for-word what the 2nd Amendment is… But I’ll take a shot at it!
- September 15th is National CamouflageDay! We hope we DO NOT SEE anyone celebrating today!
- Constitution Jokes: What did the Constitution say to the Bill of Rights?… “You complete me!”
- September 17th: Constitution Day Jokes: How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions!
- September 18th: Ever since September 18 2020, The American Supreme Court has been Ruthless.
- September 19th: Talk Like a Pirate Day: Top Pirate Jokes: What is a pirate’s favorite letter?…. Most people think it’s the ‘R’rrrr, but really it’s the ‘C’ they love. (26 lessons for the Letter of the Week)
- September 18th: National Cheeseburger Day: Cheeseburger Day Jokes: What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?…. Patty. Sergeant: “Private! I didn’t see you at camouflage training today!” Private: “Thank you, Sir!”
- September 21st: National Pride Day should be September 21. September 22 is the first day of Autumn, and as everyone knows, Pride goes before a Fall.
- 1st Day of Fall:
- Tree Jokes: What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber!
- Knock knock?… Who is there?… Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best September jokes.
- Jokes for the 1st Day of School: Teacher: Everybody hand in your homework, please. Students: Teacher, it’s the first day of school. We didn’t have any homework. Teacher: That’s right, and that’s the last excuse for not doing your homework that I’ll accept for the rest of the year.
- September Knock Knock Jokes: Knock, knock… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Green Day song with September in the title?
- Jokes for the 1st Day of School: Mother: How did you find school on the 1st day today? Daughter: I just got off the bus and there it was!
- Labor Day Jokes: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you tell me the date of Labor Day this year?
- A CNN reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old great grandma “And what do you think is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
- Labor Day Jokes: Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?… It doesn’t work for me!
- I don’t get why we have to know when the fall of Berlin was obviously Berlin has fall every year September to December.
- What comes at the start of September?… The letter S.
- Not sure what you have heard, but it actually only rains twice a year in Seattle. October through May, then June through September.
- Tree Jokes: What is a lumberjack’s favorite month?… Sep-timber!
- Tree Jokes: What is an aborist’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber!
- Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter?… I’m nut telling you. You might spread it!
- September 29th: Top Coffee Jokes: What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?… Java the Hut! (Top Star Wars Jokes) #InternationalCoffeeDay
- What did the tree say to autumn?… Leaf me alone.
- What did the detective in the Arctic say to the suspect? Where were you on the night of September to March?
- Did anyone else know September is deaf awareness month?… I’d never heard of it.
- September is Alzheimer’s Awareness Month… Never forget.
- If you were born in September… your parents started off the new year with a bang
- Why did the boy keep tripping on September 22? Because it was the beginning of fall.
- What do it you call a cold day in September?… Septem-brrrrr.
- What does October have that September do not have?… An extra day.
- What comes at the end of September?… The letter r.
- Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall? To make up for his miserable summer.
- In September, you pick me when I’m good and ready. In October, you cut me intentionally to make me look worse. In November, you trash me like you never knew me. What am I? A Jack-o-Lantern for Halloween
- Pride Month should be celebrated in September. As we know, Pride cometh before the Fall.
- If you have to schedule a meeting with a person or people you do not like, here are some days to tell them, no manner what year…February 30th, April 31st, June 31st, September 31st, November 31st
- What did the leaves say at the end of August?… Rake me up when September ends.
- What did October to say to August?… Wake me up when September ends.
- Now that September has ended, did anyone remember to wake up Green Day?
- What do trees do in September?… Turn over to a new leaf.
- What did September say when June said it was the last day of the month? Don’t July to me.
- Really hate having to wait till September to drive my new car. I shouldn’t have bought an autumnobile.
- Why do birds fly south in September?… Because it is faster than walking.
- It’s September and two geese are chatting in a farmyard. One says to the other, ‘What do you do now that summer is over and you begin to feel lonely?’ The other one replied, ‘Oh, I just have a gander around.’
- The farmer, had so many children that he ran out of names. So he started calling his kids after something around his farm. It was the first day of September and the first day the children had gone to their new school. The teacher greeted the children and asked each child their name. When he got to one of the farmer’s sons, the boy replied, ‘Wagon Wheel.’ The teacher said, ‘I need your real name boy, to which the lad replied, ‘It’s Wagon Wheel, sir…Really.’ The teacher, rather annoyed, rejoined, ‘All right young man, take yourself right down to the Principal’s office this minute.’ The youngster pushed himself out of his chair, turned to his sister and said, ‘C’mon, ‘Chicken Feed’, he ain’t gonna believe you, either.’
- Where is a place where January comes after February and December comes before September. In the dictionary.
- Now that September has ended Did anyone remember to wake up Green Day?
- What comes at the end of September? The letter R!
- Why did the lions get up and leave in September? Because pride goes before a fall.
- So today’s the day those 8-legged Bears wake up from hibernation. When September ends, the OctoBears wake up.
- If you were born in mid September, you’re not a Virgo… You’re a Christmas present!
September 4th: Labor Day: Top Labor Day Jokes: Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?… It doesn’t work for me!
September 10th: Grandparents Day: Grandparents Day Jokes: Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma… Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Aunt. Aunt who?… Aunt you glad Grandma’s gone?
September 13th: National Peanut Day Jokes:
September 17th: Constitution Day: Constitution Day Jokes: How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions!
September 18th: National Cheeseburger Day: Cheeseburger Day Jokes: What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?…. Patty.
September 19th: Talk Like a Pirate Day: Top Pirate Jokes: What is a pirate’s favorite letter?…. Most people think it’s the ‘R’rrrr, but really it’s the ‘C’ they love. (26 lessons for the Letter of the Week)
September 29th: International Coffee Day: Top Coffee Jokes: What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?… Java the Hut! (Top Star Wars Jokes) #InternationalCoffeeDay
Top Labor Day Jokes
A tourist was introduced to a woman in New Mexico, who was said to have a perfect memory. Skeptically, the tourist asked, “What did you have for breakfast on September 10, 1943?” The woman answered, “Eggs.” The man scoffed, “Everyone eats eggs for breakfast. She’s a phony. ” Thirteen years later, the traveller’s train stopped again in the small New Mexico town, and he saw the same woman sitting on the train platform. The tourist went up to her and said jovially, “How!” The woman answered, “Scrambled.”
- Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?… It doesn’t work for me!
- Father: Do you know, most people don’t have to work today, because it’s Labour Day.Son: If people are not working, shouldn’t we call today ‘No-Labour Day?’
- Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?… It works for me!
- One seventh of your life is spent on Monday. However, the only person to get his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
- If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?
- If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend.
- “It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose your own.” Harry S. Truman
- I asked a little girl do you know why we get out of school for Labor Day? She was very enthusiastic to say “It is a time when all the mommys of the world go into labor”
- If today is labor day, how many babies were born?
- My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn’t concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
- Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.
- After that, I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.
- I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.
- I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.
- I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.
- I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
- I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it.
- Then I was a pilot, but tended to wing it, and I didn’t have the right altitude.
- I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job.
- I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn’t stick with it.
- I tried my hand at a professional career in tennis, but it wasn’t my racket. I was too high strung.
- I became a baker, but it wasn’t a cakewalk, and I couldn’t make enough dough. They fired me after I left a cake out in the rain.
- I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.
- I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
- I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn’t fit for the job.
- I thought about being a historian, but I couldn’t see a future in it.
- Next I was an electrician, but I found the work shocking and revolting, so they discharged me.
- I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class.
- I turned to farming, but I wasn’t outstanding in my field.
- I took a job as an elevator operator. The job had its ups and downs, and I got the shaft.
- I sold origami, but the business folded.
- I took a job at UPS, but I couldn’t express myself.
- I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.
- I became a banker, but I lacked interest and maturity, and finally withdrew from the job.
- I was a professional fisherman, but I couldn’t live on my net income.
- I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn’t fit in. They thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.
- I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
- So I’ve retired, and I find I’m a perfect fit for this job!
- Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma… Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Aunt. Aunt who?… Aunt you glad Grandma’s gone?
- What do you call a grandpa whale?… A hunch back whale!
- When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.”
- A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “No,” said another. “He’s just for good luck.” A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”
- When do you know your grandfather is old enough to retire?… Instead of lying about her age she start bragging about it!
- Why do grandparents count pennies?… They are the only ones who have the time.
- Why do Grandparents smile all the time?… Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!
- When is your grandparents bedtime?… Three hours after she falls asleep on the couch.
- After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”
- A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. “We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods.” The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”
- My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo and I said, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.
- A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather’s word processor. She told him she was writing a story. “What’s it about?” he asked. “I don’t know,” she replied. “I can’t read.”
- I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!”
- When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”
- 10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, “Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today.” The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. “That’s interesting.” she said… “How do you make babies?” “It’s simple,” replied the girl. “You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’.” (Top Teacher Jokes)
- Children’s Logic: “Give me a sentence about a public servant,” said a teacher. The small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. “Don’t you know what pregnant means?” she asked. “Sure,” said the young boy confidently. ‘It means carrying a child.”
- Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?” The other says, “I feel just like a newborn baby. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants”
- A kids grandparents visit over the holidays go to church for Christmas Mass. Halfway through the service, the grandpa leans over and whispers in his wife’s ear, “I’ve just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” The Grandma replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
- A Grandfather who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” To which the elderly man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
- A grandfather from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. He told her rabbi he had two final requests. First, he wanted to be cremated, and second, he wanted her ashes scattered over Yankee Stadium. “Yankee Stadium!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Yankee Stadium?” “Then I’ll be sure my son visits me once a week.”
- A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.” The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “It’s his turn with the teeth.”
A Grandparents Ipod
- “I Can’t See Clearly Now” by Johnny Nash “
- “You’re So Varicose Vein” by Carly Simon
- “Talking’ Bout My Medication” by the Who “
- “Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom” by the Commodores
- “How Can You Mend A Broken Hip?” by the Bee Gees
- “These Boots Give Me Arthritis” by Nancy Sinatra
- “I Get By with a Little Help from Depends” by the Beatles
- “Bald Thing” by the Troggs
- “You Can’t Always Pee When You Want” by the Rolling Stones
- “I Heard It through the Grape Nuts” by Marvin Gaye
Grandfather Jokes
- Why do Grandpas smile all the time?… Because they can’t hear a word you’re saying!
- When is your grandpas bedtime?… Three hours after she falls asleep on the couch.
- Why do grandpas count pennies?… They are the only ones who have the time.
- When do you know your grandfather is old enough to retire?… Instead of lying about her age she start bragging about it!
- Two elderly grandparents from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: “I’m 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age. How do you feel?” The other says, “I feel just like a newborn baby. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants”
- A reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old great grandfather: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked. He simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
- A kids grandparents visit over the holidays go to church for Christmas Mass. Halfway through the service, the grandpa leans over and whispers in his wife’s ear, “I’ve just let out a silent fart. What do you think I should do?” The Grandma replies, “Put a new battery in your hearing aid.”
- A Grandfather who had serious hearing problems for a number of years went to the doctor to be fitted for a hearing aid that would return his hearing to 100%. The grandpa went back for further tests a month later and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.” To which the elderly man replied, “Oh, I haven’t told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I’ve changed my will three times!”
- A grandfather from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. He told her rabbi he had two final requests. First, he wanted to be cremated, and second, he wanted her ashes scattered over Yankee Stadium. “Yankee Stadium!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Yankee Stadium?” “Then I’ll be sure my son visits me once a week.”
- A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, until each had half of them. Then he poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, and his wife sat watching, with her hands folded in her lap. The young man decided to ask if they would allow him to purchase another meal for them so that they didn’t have to split theirs. The old gentleman said, “Oh no. We’ve been married 50 years, and everything has always been and will always be shared, 50/50.” The young man then asked the wife if she was going to eat, and she replied, “It’s his turn with the teeth.”
Funny Sayings
- A reporter was interviewing a 103 year-old great grandfather: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 103?” the reporter asked. He simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
- “Never have children, only grandchildren.” Gore Vidal
- “Becoming a grandmother is wonderful. One moment you’re just a mother. The next you are all-wise and prehistoric.“ Pam Brown
- “You’re more trouble than the children are” is the greatest compliment a grandparent can receive.” Gene Perret
- “Grandchildren: the only people who can get more out of you than the IRS.” Gene Perret
- “A grandmother pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.” Erma Bombeck (Top Halloween Jokes)
- “No cowboy was ever faster on the draw than a grandparent pulling a baby picture out of a wallet.” Author Unknown
- “Grandchildren are the dots that connect the lines from generation to generation.” Lois Wyse
- “If I had known how wonderful it would be to have grandchildren, I’d have had them first.” Lois Wyse
- “Elephants and grandchildren never forget.” Andy Rooney
- “To a small child, the perfect granddad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo.” Robert Brault
- “You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your grandmother.” Proverb
- “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She’s ninety-seven now, and we don’t know where the hell she is.” Ellen DeGeneres
- “Two things I dislike about my granddaughter – when she won’t take her afternoon nap, and when she won’t let me take mine.” Gene Perret
- “An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that, and you start to age quickly.” Gene Perret
- “It’s amazing how grandparents seem so young once you become one.” Author Unknown
- “Grandchildren don’t stay young forever, which is good because Pop-pops have only so many horsey rides in them.” Gene Perret
- “When grandparents enter the door, discipline flies out the window.” Ogden Nash
- “My grandkids believe I’m the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too.” Gene Perret
- “My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.” Henry Youngman
- “Do you know why grandchildren are always so full of energy? They suck it out of their grandparents.” Gene Perret
- “I don’t intentionally spoil my grandkids. It’s just that correcting them often takes more energy than I have left.” Gene Perret
- “The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is that they have a common enemy.” Sam Levenson
- “My grandchild has taught me what true love means. It means watching Scooby-Doo cartoons while the basketball game is on another channel.” Gene Perret
- “I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have – if only for self-defense.” Gene Perret
- “On the seventh day God rested. His grandchildren must have been out of town.” Gene Perret
- “Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.” Gene Perret
- “Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old; it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother.” G. Norman Collie
- “A grandmother is a mother who has a second chance.” Author Unknown
- “I like to do nice things for my grandchildren – like buy them those toys I’ve always wanted to play with.” Gene Perret
- “My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew. After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, “You mean you can do all that, but you can’t play my Game Boy?” Unknown
- “I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather – not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” Will Shriner
- She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she’d done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, “But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!” I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye.
- My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”
- My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
- Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don’t get to see him enough to get as smart as him!
- A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. “Oh,” he said, “she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we’re done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”