Doctor Jokes

by | Sep 16, 2025 | Latest News, School Jokes

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Doctor Jokes:

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best doctor jokes.
  2. Looney Tunes Jokes: Bugs Bunny walks into a hospital He asks his doctor “What’s up, doc?” The doctor replies “Your blood pressure, Bugs.” “And if I don’t get it sorted out?” The doctor, visually distraught, answers: “That’s all, folks.”
  3. Sandwich Jokes: Did you hear about the sandwich who went to the doctor?… He went to the mayo clinic.
  4. What job has you asking people to pick their noses?… Plastic surgeon.
  5. Music Jokes: What band is on the top of every cardiologist’s playlist?…Piece of My Heart by Janis Joplin.
  6. Book Jokes: Why did the tutor take his book to the hospital?… Because it had a broken spine.
  7. Navy Jokes: Why did the Navy optometrist set his clock to military time?… To see 20:20.
  8. American Revolution Jokes: Why did John Adams go to the doctor?… He had a bad case of independence-itis.
  9. Labor Day Jokes: Why do the employees get sick on Labor Day Weekend?… Weekend immune system.
  11. What’s the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs?… A doggy roverdose.
  12. Sturgeon Moon Jokes: Do you think a surgeon likes the Sturgeon Full Moon?
  13. Chocolate Chip Cookie Jokes: I ate too much chocolate chip cookie dough and got sick… It was an overdoughse.
  14. What do a call a dog that sneezes?… A-choo-wawa.
  15. Dogs can’t operate MRI machines… but they’re great at running Lab reports.
  16. Flag Day Jokes: Why did the American flag go to the doctor?… Because it had a few stripes.
  17. Hot Dog Jokes: What do you call a dog with a fever?… A hot dog.
  18. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy. 
  19. What is every cardiologist playlist?… Listen to Your Heart by Roxette.
  20. Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and leg in a skiing accident?… He ended up being all right.
  21. What Tom Petty song is on Every cardiologist playlist?… Change of Heart
  22. Change of Heart by Tom Petty… The official song of heart transplants.
  23. What is a chiropractor‘s favorite Bruce Springsteen song?… Backstreets.
  24. What band is on the top of every cardiologist’s playlist?… Heart.
  25. What song is on every cardiologist’s playlist?… Straight From The Heart by Bryan Adams.
  26. I went skiing yesterday. It was fun but I broke my arm… I guess skiing has its downsides.
  27. I recently got very addicted to skiing… My doctor told me I’m going down a slippery slope.
  28. I went to see my doctor today about a problem… I keep #reading Lord of the Rings over &over again… She told me not to worry. It’s just force of #hobbit!
  29. What did the Austrian skier yell when he sprained his ankle?… Alp!
  30. Ski Pun: A novice skier often jumps to contusions.
  32. Doctor! At night in my bed I keep saying lines from The Lord of The Rings That’s ok, you’re just Tolkien in your #sleep.
  33. What do you call a Lord of Rings fan with a sprained ankle?… A hobblit.
  34. Music Jokes:
  35. Hey @theCCR! How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good #constitutions! https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health #doctors #Constitution #ConstitutionDay #sschat #ConstitutionDay2022
  36. Kevin threw one watermelon at Andres, what does Andrew have now?… A concussion. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health #doctors #watermelons
  37. Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my father going to do? https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health #doctors #dads
  38. Hey @AmerMedicalAssn! I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #LaborDay #LaborDay2022#LaborDayWeekend #careers #careeradvice
  39. Hey @Penguin___Lover @NEAQ! What do you give to a #penguin that’s ill?… Some #medical tweetment. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health #doctors #penguins
  40. A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot in the other ear, and a baby pumpkin stuck in one nostril. The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”
  41. Hey @OceanSprayInc! The worst thing about #sea #sickness?… It comes in #waves! https://bit.ly/2MoGnmz #oceans #doctors #health #WorldOceansDay
  42. What’s worse than a #giraffe with a sore throat?… A centipede with athlete’s foot. https://bit.ly/2MoGnmz #doctors #health
  43. Did you hear about the snowboarder who broke his elbow?… It was rather humerus. https://bit.ly/2MoGnmz #doctors #health #snowboarding
  44. Why was the clock rushed to the hospital?… He fell back for an hour. https://bit.ly/2MoGnmz #doctors #health
  45. What do you call a #leprechaun with a sore throat?… A streprechaun! https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health #doctors
  46. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about doctors?
  48. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good doctor knock-knock joke?
  49. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good doctor knock knock jokes? 
  50. #March 6th #NationalOreoCookieDay! Why do @NBA #basketball players love @Oreo cookies?… Because they can dunk them! https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #NBAAllStarWeekend #oreocookieday #NationalOreoDay #NationalOreoCookieDay
  51. Hey @AmerMedicalAssn @MinuteClinic! Did you hear about the #hockey player who became a surgeon?… He specialized in bury-hat-trick #surgery. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health
  52. Hey @AmerMedicalAssn @MinuteClinic! Where does the Cat in the Hat go when he’s sick?… To Dr. Seuss https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #cats #DrSeuss #ReadAcrossAmerica
  53. Hey @drdre @DrSeuss @SpfldMuseums @housetv! I saw a picture online that had Dre, Seuss, and House cropped into the background… Clearly it had been doctored. https://bit.ly/2pYiiZz #DrSeuss #ReadAcrossAmerica
  54. Hey @BBC @bbcdoctorwho What do you call a Dr. Seuss character with a medical degree?… Doctor Who. https://bit.ly/2pYiiZz #DrSeuss #ReadAcrossAmerica #doctors
  55. What do you call it when someone spreads germs all over your pizza?… Little Sneezers.
  56. #RobinHood went to see a doctor… …he was diagnosed with Menintightis.  https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #doctors
  57. Why is #coronavirus like #GroundHogDay?… If you stick your head outside and encounter another person, you get 6 more weeks of #quarantine. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev 
  58. Told the doctor I had a mince pie growing out of my head. He said he had some cream for it. https://bit.ly/2qjpBe #pies
  59. What does Winnie say when he sneezes?… Ahh-ahh-POOH!!!
  60. What do you give a sick bird?… Tweetment. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #twitter #birds
  61. Why do @AmerMedicalAssn Doctors make the best Jedi?… Because a Jedi must have patience. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #Maythe4thBeWithYou #StarWars #StarWarsDay
  62. Where does a #canoe go when it’s sick?… https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #canoes
  63. Hey @AmerMedicalAssn I ate too much cookie dough and got sick… It was an overdoughse. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #cookies
  64. What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?… A rash of good luck on St. Patrick’s Day! https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #doctors #StPatricksDayMy grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. I said, “Who is this guy?” Grandpa: “This is my hip replacement.” https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #grandparents
  65. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy. (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
  66. If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?…Missile Toe! (Christmas Jokes / Christmas Trivia / Sports Jokes A – Z)
  67. What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?… Claustrophobic. (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
  68. When does a doctor get mad?… When he runs out of patients!
  69. Why did the pillow go to the doctor?… He was feeling all stuffed up!
  70. Why did the doctor lose his temper?… Because he didn’t have any patients!
  71. Where does a boat go when it’s sick?… To the dock!
  72. What did on tonsil say to the other tonsil?… Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out!
  73. Did you hear the one about the germ?… Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
  74. Why did the computer go to the doctors?… It had a virus.
  75. What falls but never gets hurt?… The rain! (Spring Jokes)
  76. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?… He was feeling really crumby!
  77. What does a pig put on a cut?… Oinkment
  78. Why was Santa’s little helper sad?… He had low elf esteem! (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)