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- Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best doctor jokes.
- Music Jokes: What band is on the top of every cardiologist’s playlist?…Piece of My Heart by Janis Joplin.
- American Revolution Jokes: Why did John Adams go to the doctor?… He had a bad case of independence-itis.
- Why do the employees get sick on Labor Day Weekend?… Weekend immune system
- What job has you asking people to pick their noses?… Plastic surgeon.
- What’s the medical diagnosis for owning too many dogs?… A doggy roverdose.
- Sturgeon Moon Jokes: Do you think a surgeon likes the Sturgeon Full Moon?
- Chocolate Chip Cookie Jokes: I ate too much chocolate chip cookie dough and got sick… It was an overdoughse.
- What do a call a dog that sneezes?… A-choo-wawa.
- Dogs can’t operate MRI machines… but they’re great at running Lab reports.
- Flag Day Jokes: Why did the American flag go to the doctor?… Because it had a few stripes.
- Hot Dog Jokes: What do you call a dog with a fever?… A hot dog.
- Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy.
- What is every cardiologist playlist?… Listen to Your Heart by Roxette.
- Did you hear about the man who lost his left arm and leg in a skiing accident?… He ended up being all right.
- What Tom Petty song is on Every cardiologist playlist?… Change of Heart
- Change of Heart by Tom Petty… The official song of heart transplants.
- What is a chiropractor‘s favorite Bruce Springsteen song?… Backstreets.
- What band is on the top of every cardiologist’s playlist?… Heart.
- What song is on every cardiologist’s playlist?… Straight From The Heart by Bryan Adams.
- I went skiing yesterday. It was fun but I broke my arm… I guess skiing has its downsides.
- I recently got very addicted to skiing… My doctor told me I’m going down a slippery slope.
- I went to see my doctor today about a problem… I keep #reading Lord of the Rings over &over again… She told me not to worry. It’s just force of #hobbit!
- What did the #Austrian skier yell when he sprained his ankle?… Alp!
- Ski Pun: A novice skier often jumps to contusions.
- #BugsBunny walks into a hospital He asks his doctor “What’s up, doc?” The doctor replies “Your blood pressure, Bugs.” “And if I don’t get it sorted out?” The doctor, visually distraught, answers: “That’s all, folks.”
- Doctor! At night in my bed I keep saying lines from The Lord of The Rings That’s ok, you’re just Tolkien in your #sleep.
- What do you call a Lord of Rings fan with a sprained ankle?… A hobblit.
- Music Jokes:
- Hey @theCCR! How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good #constitutions! https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health #doctors #Constitution #ConstitutionDay #sschat #ConstitutionDay2022
- Kevin threw one watermelon at Andres, what does Andrew have now?… A concussion. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health #doctors #watermelons
- Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”. What’s my father going to do? https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health #doctors #dads
- Hey @AmerMedicalAssn! I studied to become a doctor, but I didn’t have enough patients for the job. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #LaborDay #LaborDay2022#LaborDayWeekend #careers #careeradvice
- Hey @Penguin___Lover @NEAQ! What do you give to a #penguin that’s ill?… Some #medical tweetment. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health #doctors #penguins
- A guy walks into the doctor’s office. A banana stuck in one of his ears, a carrot in the other ear, and a baby pumpkin stuck in one nostril. The man says, “Doc, this is terrible. What’s wrong with me?” The doctor says, “Well, first of all, you need to eat more sensibly.”
- Hey @OceanSprayInc! The worst thing about #sea #sickness?… It comes in #waves! https://bit.ly/2MoGnmz #oceans #doctors #health #WorldOceansDay
- What’s worse than a #giraffe with a sore throat?… A centipede with athlete’s foot. https://bit.ly/2MoGnmz #doctors #health
- Did you hear about the snowboarder who broke his elbow?… It was rather humerus. https://bit.ly/2MoGnmz #doctors #health #snowboarding
- Why was the clock rushed to the hospital?… He fell back for an hour. https://bit.ly/2MoGnmz #doctors #health
- What do you call a #leprechaun with a sore throat?… A streprechaun! https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health #doctors
- Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about doctors?
- Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good doctor knock-knock joke?
- Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good doctor knock knock jokes?
- #March 6th #NationalOreoCookieDay! Why do @NBA #basketball players love @Oreo cookies?… Because they can dunk them! https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #NBAAllStarWeekend #oreocookieday #NationalOreoDay #NationalOreoCookieDay
- Hey @AmerMedicalAssn @MinuteClinic! Did you hear about the #hockey player who became a surgeon?… He specialized in bury-hat-trick #surgery. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #health
- Hey @AmerMedicalAssn @MinuteClinic! Where does the Cat in the Hat go when he’s sick?… To Dr. Seuss https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #cats #DrSeuss #ReadAcrossAmerica
- Hey @drdre @DrSeuss @SpfldMuseums @housetv! I saw a picture online that had Dre, Seuss, and House cropped into the background… Clearly it had been doctored. https://bit.ly/2pYiiZz #DrSeuss #ReadAcrossAmerica
- Hey @BBC @bbcdoctorwho What do you call a Dr. Seuss character with a medical degree?… Doctor Who. https://bit.ly/2pYiiZz #DrSeuss #ReadAcrossAmerica #doctors
- What do you call it when someone spreads germs all over your pizza?… Little Sneezers.
- #RobinHood went to see a doctor… …he was diagnosed with Menintightis. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #doctors
- Why is #coronavirus like #GroundHogDay?… If you stick your head outside and encounter another person, you get 6 more weeks of #quarantine. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev
- Told the doctor I had a mince pie growing out of my head. He said he had some cream for it. https://bit.ly/2qjpBe #pies
- What does Winnie say when he sneezes?… Ahh-ahh-POOH!!!
- What do you give a sick bird?… Tweetment. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #twitter #birds
- Why do @AmerMedicalAssn Doctors make the best Jedi?… Because a Jedi must have patience. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #Maythe4thBeWithYou #StarWars #StarWarsDay
- Where does a #canoe go when it’s sick?… https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #canoes
- Hey @AmerMedicalAssn I ate too much cookie dough and got sick… It was an overdoughse. https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #cookies
- What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?… A rash of good luck on St. Patrick’s Day! https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #doctors #StPatricksDayMy grandpa just walked into my room with a young guy wearing skinny jeans and eating avocado toast. I said, “Who is this guy?” Grandpa: “This is my hip replacement.” https://bit.ly/2qjpBev #grandparents
- Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy. (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
- If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?…Missile Toe! (Christmas Jokes / Christmas Trivia / Sports Jokes A – Z)
- What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?… Claustrophobic. (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
- When does a doctor get mad?… When he runs out of patients!
- Why did the pillow go to the doctor?… He was feeling all stuffed up!
- Why did the doctor lose his temper?… Because he didn’t have any patients!
- Where does a boat go when it’s sick?… To the dock!
- What did on tonsil say to the other tonsil?… Get dressed up, the doctor is taking us out!
- Did you hear the one about the germ?… Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
- Why did the computer go to the doctors?… It had a virus.
- What falls but never gets hurt?… The rain! (Spring Jokes)
- Why did the cookie go to the hospital?… He was feeling really crumby!
- What does a pig put on a cut?… Oinkment
- Why was Santa’s little helper sad?… He had low elf esteem! (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)