101 Red Sox Jokes

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Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Boston Red Sox jokes.
Boston Celtics Jokes: The #1 Day in Boston Sports… Marathon Monday… The Red Sox at Fenway… The Celtics and Bruins in the playoffs… and the oldest marathon with the top runners in the world!
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you believe the 2026 Red Sox tied a franchise record 15 consecutive wins. The 1946 Red Sox also accomplished this impressive feat! The longest winning streak in MLB history is 26 consecutive games, set by the New York Giants in 1916.
Sonny Gray makes opposing hitters feel blue.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you believe the 2026 Red Sox had the best month in franchise history in July 2026?… They went 21-4 for an .840 winning percentage.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you name the Red Sox Triple Crown Winners?
- Ted Williams (1942): Batted .356, hit 36 home runs, and drove in 137 runs.
- Ted Williams (1947): Batted .343, hit 32 home runs, and drove in 114 runs.
- Carl Yastrzemski (1967): Batted .326, hit 44 home runs, and drove in 121 runs during Boston’s “Impossible Dream” pennant season.
- Jimmie Foxx (1933): Batted .356, hit 48 home runs, and drove in 163 runs while playing for the Philadelphia Athletics prior to joining Boston. (Note: Foxx won his Triple Crown in 1933 before debuting with the Red Sox in 1936.)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you name the Red Sox Cy Young Winners?
- Jim Lonborg: 1967
- Roger Clemens: 1991, 1987, 1986
- Pedro Martinez: 2000, 1999
- Rick Porcello: 2016
Who was the most annoying Red Sox player of all time?… Johnny Pesky.
Who is a carpenter’s favorite Red Sox player of all-time?… Ted Williams, the Splendid Splinter.
Red Cross… the unofficial sponsor of Curt Schilling’s Bloody Red Sock!
Music Jokes: 2026 Boston Marathon = A Meatloaf Marathon: “Two out of three ain’t bad.” A Celtics playoff win over the 76ers. A Red Sox win over the Detroit Tigers. A Bruins loss to the Sabres.
Patriots’ Day Jokes: Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe you name the Massachusetts holiday that coincides with the Boston Marathon AND the Red Sox have a morning start?
American Revolution Jokes: How did Wally the Green Monster celebrate the 2026 All-Star Game in Philadelphia?… He dressed as Wall Revere!
Sesame Street Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you tell me some nicknames for David Ortiz?… “Big Papi” is by far the most popular, Cookie Monster, Señor Octubre.
Music Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?… Noah… Noah Who?… Noah Kahan was inducted into the Fenway Music Hall of Fame on July 11, 2026, after becoming the first artist to headline four consecutive sold-out shows at Boston’s Fenway Park.
Crayon Jokes: Crayola… the unofficial sponsor of the Green Monster.
What do Ted Williams and a map key have in common?… Both are legends.
Boston Celtics Jokes: If the Boston Celtics were chasing the Boston Red Sox team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05)
What do David Ortiz and a map key have in common?… Both are legends.
Labor Day Jokes: What do the Boston Red Sox and lawn furniture have in common?… They both fold and end up in the cellar after Labor Day!
Hot Dog Jokes: What’s the difference between a Fenway Park hot dog, and a Yankee Stadium hot dog?… You can buy a Fenway Frank in October!
Why did the police officer go to the Fenway Park?… Someone stole second base!
What is the difference between a Boston Red Sox fan and a pot hole?… I would swerve to avoid the pot hole!
Why did Fenway Park build seats over the Green Monster?… So Bucky Dent could find his home run balls.
What’s the difference between dirt and the Boston Red Sox?… Nothing…they both always get swept.
What’s the difference between the Boston Red Sox and the Boston Strangler?… One chokes only in October.
Why doesn’t Connecticut have a professional baseball team?… Because then Massachusetts would want one.
According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives… The other 9 percent are Boston Red Sox fans.
Did you hear the joke about the Boston Red Sox baseball?… It will leave you in stitches!
What is the difference between Rick Porcello and a professional bowler?… A professional bowler knows how to throw a strike.
Boston Red Sox Jokes:
Why is Halloween the Boston Red Sox favorite holiday?… It’s the only thing in October they have to look forward to!
What do the Boston Red Sox and Billy Graham have in common?… They both can make 40,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ.”
Why is Boston’s monster green?… Envy from Yankee wins.
What’s the difference between a Fenway Park hot dog, and a Yankee Stadium hot dog?… You can buy a Yankee Stadium hotdog in October!
What did the Dustin Pedroia’s baseball glove say to the ball?…”Catch ya later!”
Which Boston Red Sox baseball player holds water?… The pitcher.
What is a Boston Red Sox fan’s favorite whine?… “We can’t beat New York.”
What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots?… Cheat-o’s.
Why are some umpires fat?…They always clean their plate!
How do you make a Red Sox fan laugh on Monday?… Tell him a joke on Friday!
Why are spiders good baseball players?… Because they know how to catch flies!
Why are baseball games at night?… Because bats sleep during the day! (Bats at the Beach is a Great Summer Book!)
Did you hear about the Boston Red Sox action figures?… They were recalled for being choking hazards.
What are O.J. Simpson’s favorite baseball teams?… The Red Sox and the Dodgers.
Why are the Boston Red Sox starting pitchers like orphans?… Because they don’t know where home is!
Why did the Post Office recall their latest stamps?… They had pictures of Red Sox players on them and people couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Why do people like driving a car with a Red Sox fan?… Because you can park in the handicap zone!
What do the Red Sox’s stink?… Because they have Stinky Buchholz.
What song do Boston Red Sox fans sing before the bottom of the ninth inning?… Nobody knows. There’s never any of them left.
What is the difference between the Boston Red Sox and a mosquito?… A mosquito stops sucking.
Why does David Ortiz hate Steroids in baseball?… Because his drug of choice is gravy.
What do the Boston Red Sox and possums have in common?… Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
What does the Boston Red Sox manager and Alex Trebek have in common?… Both of there jobs are in Jeopardy.
What is the difference between a Red Sox fan and a baby?… The baby will stop whining after awhile.
Did you hear the Boston Red Sox are moving to the Phillipines?… They are going to be called the Manilla Folders!
What do I have in common with the Boston Red Sox?… This fall, we’ll both be watching the World Series on television.
What do Michael Jackson and the Boston Red Sox infielders have in common?… They both wear one glove for no apparent reason
How many Boston Red Sox does it take to change a tire?… One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up.
What do you call 40 millionaires around a TV watching the World Series?… The Boston Red Sox.
How can you tell if a Red Sox fan just sent you a fax?… There’s a stamp on it!
How do you stop a Boston Red Sox fan from beating his wife at checkers?… Dress her in New York Pinstripes!
You’re trapped in a room with a Lion, a rattlesnake, and a Red Sox fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? Shoot the Red Sox Fan…….Twice!
What does an Boston Red Sox fan do when his team has won the World Series?… He turns off the PlayStation 3.
Did you hear that Bostons’s baseball team doesn’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together.
How many Boston Red Sox fans does it take to change a lightbulb?… None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
What does a Boston Red Sox fan and a bottle of beer have in common?… They’re both empty from the neck up.
Why do Boston Red Sox fans keep their season tickets on their dashboards?… So they can park in handicap spaces.
What do you call a Boston Red Sox in the World Series?… An umpire.
What do you call a Red Sox player with a World Series ring?… A thief.
Why can’t the Boston Red Sox use the internet?… Because they can’t get 3 W’s in a row.
Did you hear that Fenway Park had to be resodded?… Thats really sad when you can’t even get your own grass to root for you!
Can a Boston Red Sox pitcher drive a stick?… Only if they remove the clutch.
My wife was about to put my son in a Red Sox jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store. They put a Red Sox jersey on it and now it sucks again.
Why did the Boston Red Sox fan cross the road…..I was thinking when I accelerated.
Police in Boston responded to a call of a vehicle break-in. The owner of the vehicle said he two tickets to a Red Sox game on his dash and someone busted his window and left two more Red Sox tickets.
Is There Baseball In Heaven? Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90′s, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they’re reminiscing about their long friendship, when the dying man’s friend asks, “Listen, when you die, do me a favor. I want to know if there’s baseball in heaven.” The dying man said, “We’ve been friends for years, this I’ll do for you.” And then he dies. A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend’s voice. The voice says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there’s baseball in heaven.” “What’s the bad news?” “You’re pitching on Wednesday.”
Have you ever seen a line drive?… No but I have seen a baseball park!
“Did you hear the joke about the fast pitch?”… ”Forget it. You just missed it.”
“Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?”… “Forget it. It’s way over your head.”
Why is it so windy at Candlestick Park?… Because of all the Giant Fans!
What’s the difference between a Yankee Stadium hotdog, and a Fenway Park hotdog?… You can buy a Fenway Frank hotdog in October!
Which takes longer to run: from first to second base or from second to third base?… From second to third base, because there is a shortstop in the middle
Bob didn’t believe that Fred’s dog could talk. So Fred asked his dog, “What’s on top of a house?”…“Roof,” the dog barked. Bob wasn’t convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels….“Rough.” He still wasn’t convinced. “O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time?” Fred asked the dog….“Ruth.” With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: “Was it Hank Aaron?”
Where did the baseball player wash his socks?… In the bleachers.
A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. “I’ve figured out your problem,” he told the pitcher. “You always lose control at the same point in every game.” “When is that?” “Right after the national anthem.”
What would you get if you crossed a pitcher and the Invisible Man?… Pitching like no one has ever seen.
Which superhero is the best at baseball?… Batman.
What cartoon character is the best at baseball?… Homer Simpson.
How do baseball players keep in touch?….They touch base every once in a while.
What has 18 legs and catches flies?…A baseball team!
Why do girls like baseball?… It’s the only sport played on a diamond!
“Why do we sing ‘Take Me Out to the Ballgame’ when we’re already there?”
Why are frogs good outfielders?… They never miss a fly.
Why was Cinderella so bad at baseball?…She had a pumpkin for a coach.
What is a baseball player’s favorite thing about going to the park?… The swings!
A book never written: “How to Be a Better Baseball Player” by Ben Schwarmer.
What do you get when you cross a tree (Top 10 Arbor Day Jokes) with a baseball player?… Babe Root.
Why are singers good at baseball?… Because they have perfect pitch!
Do you know what cupcakes & a baseball team have in common?… They both count on the batter!
What do you get when you cross a baseball player with a monster?… a double header! (101 Halloween Jokes)
What are the rules in zebra baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out.
Why was Cinderella kicked off the baseball team?… She ran away from the ball.
What do baseball players use to bake a cake?… Oven MITTS, BUNT pans and BATTER.
A book never written: “The Quickest Baseball Game” by Earl E. Wynn.
Why don’t baseball players join unions?… Because they don’t like to be called out on strikes.
Why is Fenway Park the coolest place to be?… Because it’s full of fans.
How is a baseball like a pancake?… They both need a good batter.
Why did the baseball player shut down his website?… He wasn’t getting any hits!
Son: Dad, what does a ballplayer do when his eyesight starts going bad? Dad: He gets a job as an umpire. (Top 10 Father’s Day Jokes)
Where does a baseball player go when he needs a new uniform?… New Jersey (New Jersey teachers are great tutors!)
Riddle: A man leaves home, makes a left turn, makes another left, then another left turn and goes home again. When he gets home there are two men wearing masks waiting for him. Who are they?… The catcher and the umpire.
Baseball Riddle: “Why is it called the World Series if only North American teams can play?”
Why did the baseball player bring a pacifier to the game?… He wanted to play like the Babe.
Why don’t matches play baseball?… One strike and your out!
Manager: Our new infielder cost $10 million. I call him our “Wonder Player.”… Every time he plays, I wonder why I bothered to get him.
What do baseball players eat on?… Home plates.
What is the difference between a boy who is late for dinner and a baseball hit over the fence?… One runs home and the other is a home run.
Why are baseball players so rich?… Because they play on diamonds!
Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he pitches?… If he raised both legs, he would fall down.
One morning in elementary school, the students were going to a geography class. The teacher wanted to show the students where cities and states are. The teacher asks the class, “Does anyone know where Pittsburgh is?” Billy raises up his hand and says, “Yeah, Pennsylvania!”. The teacher replies, “Very good, Billy!, now can anyone tell me were Detroit is?” Suzy raises her hand and says, “That’s in Michigan!” The teacher again says, “Very good.” Trying to confuse the children, she now asks, “Where’s Kansas City?” Tommy raises his hand and says, “Oh Oh Pick me!!!, I know?” The teacher says, “OK, Tommy where is Kansas City?” “Last place.”
What animal is best at hitting a baseball?… A bat!
Where do coal diggers play baseball?… In the miner (minor) leagues.
How can you pitch a winning baseball game without throwing a ball?… Only throw strikes.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?… The pitcher kept throwing screwballs.
If a basketball team were chasing a baseball team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05)
Where does a catcher sit for dinner?… Behind the plate.
Did you hear the joke about your pitching style?”… ”Never mind. It’s foul.”
Two guys are walking down a street in hell when it begins to snow. One guy looks up at it and says, “Well, it finally happened. The Cubs just won the World Series.”
What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists?… One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.
What goes all the way around a baseball field but never moves?… The fence!
You are locked inside a car with nothing but a baseball bat. How do you get out?… Unlock the door, of course!
Why couldn’t the fans get soda pop at the double header?… Because the home team lost the opener.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?… They don’t know where home is.
There once was a pitcher so bad, the crowd started singing Take Him Out of The Ball Game!
Which baseball manager’s last name is Italian for ‘a long-bladed weapon of war?’ Tommy Lasorda
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Jose… Jose who? Jose can you see be the dawn’s early light.
Why did the baseball team hire a cook?… They needed a good batter.
One hit struck a chicken… Now that was a real “fowl ball!”
What do you get if you cross a lizard with a baseball player?… An outfielder who catches flies with his tongue.
Little League Vampire: Dad, what’s the best way to hold a bat?… Father Vampire: By the wings, son. (Top 10 Father’s Day Jokes)
Why did the Brookside Angels have a ghost on their team? To add a little team spirit. (101 Halloween Jokes)
Where can you find the largest diamond in the world?… On a baseball field.
Why was the mummy sent into the game as a pinch hitter?… Because the manager knew, once he sent the mummy in the game would be all wrapped up.
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, “”Very well, But you realize that we’ve got all the good players, Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and the best coaches.” The devil snickered, “I know, and that’s all right, We’ve got all the umpires.”
Which baseball manager was arrested for arson as a teenager and retains his jailhouse nickname to this day?… Sparky Anderson
Which baseball players is a fruitarian?… Darryl Strawberry
Why did the police arrest the baseball player?… He stole 3rd base!
What do you get when you cross a baseball pitcher with a carpet?… A throw rug.
The pitcher really had good control today… Didn’t miss a bat for three innings!
If brownie mix is on first base, pudding on second, and cookie dough on third base, who is hitting at the plate?… The cake batter.
Knock – knock… Who’s there?… Uriah…Uriah who?… Keep Uriah on the ball.
Knock – knock… Who’s there?… Phillip… Phillip who?… Let’s phillip the bases.
A baseball scout found a remarkable prospect–a horse who was a pretty good fielder and who hit the ball every time he was up at bat. The scout got him a try-out with a big league team. Up at bat, the horse slammed the ball into far left field and stood at the plate, watching it go. “Run!” the manager screamed, “Run!” “Are you kidding?” answered the horse. “If I could run, I’d be in the Kentucky Derby.”
What happens to baseball players who go blind?… They become umpires.
What do Jose Offerman and Michael Jackson have in common?… They both where a glove for no apparent reason.
Why couldn’t Robin play baseball?… He forgot his bat, man.
Why is it always cool at a baseball game?… Because that is where all the fans are!
MLB is deciding whether or not to reinstate Pete Rose in the 2014 season. When asked about it, Rose said, “I hope they do, cause I’ve got $50 riding on it.”
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game. For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands. When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started…….the doctor yelled, “Up Nuts” And the patients complied by standing up. After the anthem …he yelled, “Down Nuts”. And they all sat back down in their seats. After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, “Cheer Nuts”. They all brokeout into applause and cheered. When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, “Booooo Nuts!!!” and they all started booing and cat calling. Thinking things were going very well. The doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge. When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked,” What in the world happened? “The assistant replied, “Well, everything was going just fine till a vendor passed by and yelled PEANUTS!
Why did the vampire strike out?… He used the wrong bat!
How is a baseball like a waffle?… They both need a good batter.
Why is hotter after a baseball game?… All the fans have left.
When should baseball players wear armor?… When they play knight games
When did the baseball team tie up the game?… five to five (4:55) or 10 to 10 (9:50)
Why didn’t the Confederate soldier want to go to the baseball game?… He heard the Yankees were playing. (Top Social Studies Jokes)
When is a baseball player like a spider?… When he catches flies.
Why is a baseball umpire like an angry chicken?… They both have foul mouths!
What is the difference between baseball and law?… In baseball, if you’re caught stealing, you’re out.
A teacher asks her students if they’re Yankees fans. All of the hands go up except for one student. “Okay, Bobby. What team are you a fan of?” ”The Red Sox.”
“Why’s that?” “Well, my parents are both Red Sox fans, so I’m a Red Sox fan too.”
“That’s not a good answer, Bobby. If your parents were both morons, would you be a moron too?”
“No, that would make me a Yankees fan!”
Where is the first baseball game in the Bible?… In the big inning, Eve stole first, Adam stole second. Cain struck out Abel, and the Prodigal Son came home. The Giants and the Angels were rained out.
Three old ladies are at their first baseball game. The friends are drinking a bottle of Jack Daniels and the bottle is now almost gone. What inning is it, and how many are on base… Bottom of the 5th and the bags are loaded.
Why was the mummy sent into the game as the closer?… Because the manager knew, once he sent the mummy in the game would be all wrapped up.
During a baseball game in Redmond, John was Redmond’s lead-off batter. There were no substitutions or changes in the Redmond batting order at all during the nine-inning game. John came to bat in every inning. What is the least number of runs Redmond could have scored?… Zero. In the first inning John and the next two batters walk and the next three strike out. In the second inning, the first three walk again, which brings John back to bat. But each runner is caught off base by the pitcher, so John is back at the plate at the start of the third inning. This pattern is now repeated until the game ends.
A man takes a baseball and throws it as hard as he can. There is nothing in front, behind, or to either side of him, and yet the ball comes back and hits him square in the face. How can this be?… He threw the ball up.
Two baseball teams play a game. The home team ends up winning, but not a single man from either team has touched a base. How can this be?… The teams were all-women.
A man is trapped in a house without windows, doors, or any other way of exiting. The house is collapsing, and the man has only a baseball and a bat. How does he escape the fire?…. He swings at the air three times (‘cause it’s one, two, three strikes and you’re out!).
What are OJ’s favorite baseball teams?… The Red Sox and the Dodgers.
What is the difference between Mel Rojas and UPS?… UPS knows how to throw a strike.
Why do you need to take a baseball player with you when you go camping?… To pitch the tent.
Where is the largest diamond in New York City kept?… In Yankee Stadium.
What is the best advice to give a young baseball player?… If you don’t succeed at first, try second base.
Why was the piano tuner hired to play baseball?… Because he had perfect pitch.
What are the best kind of stockings for baseball players to wear?… Stockings with runs in them.
Why did the Yankees play in Jellystone Park?… Because Yogi wasn’t allowed to leave the park.
What famous Greek might have invented baseball?… Homer.
Two baseball teams played a game. One team won but no man touched base. How could that be?… It was a girls’ baseball team.

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