Valentine's Day Jokes

My Town Tutors is a great resource for parents & teachers. Check out our Guest Blogs for Education, Parents, Travel, Tutoring, Sports, Music and College.

Google Search “Valentine’s Day Jokes“

February Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Valentine’s Day jokes.
Valentine’s Day Jokes: What do you call two people who fall in love on Valentine’s Day in South Korea?… Seoul-mates!
Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Cue Cue who?… Cue-pid’s arrow is pointed at you!
Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Row… Row who?… Row-ses are red, chocolates are sweet, this Valentine’s Day can’t be beat!
Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?… No, but they had an apple.
Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Cocoa Cocoa who?… I’m cocoa-nuts for Valentine’s Day chocolates!
What in carnation is this?… A bouquet on Valentine’s Day!
Do you have a date for Valentines Day?… Yes, February 14th.
Basketball Jokes for Valentine’s Day: Basketball Scouting Report on Cupid: Very accurate shooter. DO NOT LEAVE HIM! Takes time to set up for his shot.
Divorce Jokes: Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed, “guess who?”… A divorce lawyer.
Pencil Jokes: What did the pencil say to the paper?… I dot my i’s on you!
Basketball Jokes for Valentine’s Day: What type of shot is a big hit on Valentine’s Day?… A kiss off the glass.
When it comes to finding people to love… I think Cupid just wings it.
I can heart-ly wait for Valentine’s Day!
Did you know that candy hearts have been around since 1901?… I know — it’s heart to believe!
What did the florist say to the man who saw the cost of roses in February?… Are you bouquet sir?
Doctor Jokes: “I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!”
Coffee Jokes: What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?… They are all better rich!
Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?… Because you can really party hearty!
Winter Olympics Jokes: Biathalon Pun: My dating life is like a biathlon… cold, long, and full of missed shots.
I like Valentine’s Day candies a choco-LOT!
Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?… Because it’s all heart.
What did the light bulb say to the switch?… You turn me on.
What is the difference between a calendar and single person?… A calendar has a date on Valentine’s day.
Basketball Jokes for Valentine’s Day: Do you have a date for the basketball game on Valentine’s Day?… I sure do! February 14th.
What do you call two birds in love?…. Tweethearts!
What did one oar say to the other?… Can I interest you in a little row-mance?
Archery Jokes: Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid?… He was totally bow-gus!
February Knock Knock Jokes: Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Sherwood… Sherwood who?… Sherwood like to be your valentine!
Lawyer Jokes: Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart?… Because even Cupid can’t hit a target that small
Baseball Jokes: Then there was the guy who promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine’s Day. So he took her to a baseball park!
What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?… Ughs and kisses!
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?… I find you very attractive.
What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… I’m nuts about you!
What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… You’re nuts so bad yourself!
Biathalon Jokes: Biathalon Pun: I asked my date if they liked biathlon. They said, “I’ll ski you later.”
Friday the 13th Jokes: When Valentine’s Day follows Friday the 13th…. Should we raise a red flag?
What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and you’ll go places!
What did one light bulb say to the other?… I love you a whole watt!
What’s the best part about Valentines Day?… The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale.
Why did the banana go out with the prune for Valentine’s Day?… Because he couldn’t get a date.
Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?… Sure, they’re very scent-imental!
Did you know that candy hearts have been around since 1901?… I know — it’s heart to believe!
Valentine’s Day Jokes:
Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Olive… Olive who?… Olive you!
What do single people call Valentine’s Day?… Happy Independence Day (Top 40 4th of July Jokes).
What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?… I love you a ton!
Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Atlas… Atlas who?… Atlas Valentine’s Day is here!
What did the painter say to his Valentine?… I love you with all my art!
What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day?… Rugs and kisses!
What do you call a very small Valentine’s?… A Valentiny!
What is a vampire’s sweetheart called?… His ghoul-friend.
What did the drum say to his Valentine?… My heart beats for you! (Top Biology Jokes)
What did one calculator say to the other?… “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!” (101 Math Jokes)
Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?… She stole his heart.
Knock knock!…Who’s there?… Howard… Howard who?… Howard you like a big kiss?
What did the owl say to his Valentine?… Owl be yours!
What did the cat say to his Valentine?… You’re purr-fect for me!
What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?… Cauliflowers!
If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?… Antelope.
What did the octopus say to his Valentine?… I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand.
Knock knock… Who’s there?… Donut… Donut who?… Donut ever let me go.
What did the bat say to his girlfriend?…. You’re fun to hang around with.
What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?… “I’ve got a crutch on you!”
Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?… Because the bear had many fine koala-ties!
What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine card?…. A card that says, “I love you drool-ly!” (Top Dog Jokes)
Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?… He fell in love with a pin cushion!
What did the girl bee say to the boy bee on Valentine’s Day?… I love beeing with you, Honey!
What happened when the two angels got married?… They lived harpily ever after!
What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?…. Hogs and kisses!
Did you hear about the two tennis players that fell in love?… It was a courtship.
What did the maple syrup say to the waffle?… “I’m sweet on you.”
What did one spice say to the other on Feb. 14?… Will you be my Valen-thyme?
What’s pink, oinks and shoots arrows on Valentine’s Day?… Cu-pig.
What flowers get the most kisses on Valentine’s Day?… Tulips.
Why couldn’t the computer go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day?… It had a virus.
What did the man say to his banker on February 14?… “You’ve caught my interest.”
Kiss… the unofficial band of Valentine’s Day / New Year’s Eve.
What did one plate say to the other on Valentine’s Day?… Tonight, dinner’s on me.”
What did the romantic sing after she got a paper cut? “I keep bleeding, I keep, keep bleeding love.”
What did one triangle say to the other on Valentine’s Day? “You’re acute.”
Why are my feet cold on Valentines Day? Because you knocked my socks off.
Are you the internet? Because I’m feeling a connection.
Did you hear about the two radios that got married? The reception was amazing.
Why did the dad approve of his daughter’s goalie-boyfriend? He was a real keeper.
What do you call a colorful heart that loves books? Well-red.
How can you save money on Valentine’s gifts? Become single.
Why didn’t the two dogs make serious Valentine’s Day plans? It was just puppy love.
What did the couple say after they were struck by Cupid’s arrow? “Ouch!”
When do bed bugs fall in love? In the spring.
Why are artichokes so beloved? They’re known for their hearts.
What did one piece of toast say to the other? “You’re my butter half!”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Arthur. Arthur who? Arthur any chocolates left for me?
What did the rabbit say to his girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? “Somebunny loves you!”
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Al. Al who? Al be your Valentine if you’ll be mine.
What did the baker say to his sweetheart? “I’m dough-nuts about you!”
What did one pickle say to the other?… You mean a great dill to me.
What happened to your leg?…I went to a seafood dance on Valentine’s Day and I pulled a mussel!
Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Jimmy… Jimmy who?… Jimmy a little kiss?
What did one volcano say to the other?…I lava you.(Top Geography Jokes)
What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?… One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard.
What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?… “Be my valenstein!”
Why did the cannibal break up with his Valentine?… She didn’t suit his taste!
What did one light bulb say to the other?… You light up my life!
What would you get if you crossed Cupid with a baseball player?… A glover boy! (Top Baseball Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
The date on this milk is February 14. Wait… even the milk has a Valentine’s date?
If Q and T were dating… their celebrity couple name would be Cutie.
What did the puzzle say on Valentine’s Day?… You complete me.
What do you write in a slug’s Valentine’s Day card?… Be my Valen-slime!
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?… I find you very attractive.
Why did the husband get his wife a kitten for Valentine’s Day?… He thought it was the purrfect present.
Why didn’t the skeleton want to send any Valentine’s Day cards?… His heart wasn’t in it.
Why did the syrup give the waffle a Valentine’s Day ultimatum?… It was waffling on their relationship status.
What’s Cupid’s favorite band?… Kiss!
How can you get arrested on Valentine’s Day?… For stealing someone’s heart.
Why did you get arrested on purpose on Valentine’s Day?… So I could say I got cuffed.
What did the chemist say to their valentine?… I think of you periodically.
What did the chemistry teacher say to their valentine?… I think of you periodically.
I thought I won the argument with my wife as to how to arrange the furniture. But when I got home the tables were turned.
I once fell in love with someone who only knew 4 vowels… They didn’t know I existed.
What did the calculator say to the pencil?… You can count on me.
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?… He gave her a ring.
What did the closet say to the light bulb?… You light up my world.”
What did the gardener say to their date?… I dig you.
What did the mushroom say to the other mushroom?… love you very mush.
What did the car say to the tire?… Wheel you be my valentine?
How did the squirrel save money for a Valentine’s gift?… It squirreled it away.
What did the fish say to the other fish?… You’re a catch.
What did one watermelon say to the other?… You’re one in a melon!
What did the ghost say to his valentine?… You look so BOOtiful.
If he doesn’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need to let that mango.
“What do you call a Valentine’s Day gift that didn’t arrive time?… Choco-late.
What did one blueberry say to the other on Valentine’s Day?… I love you berry much.
How much candy do you hope to get this Valentine’s Day?… A choco-LOT!
What did one flame say to another on Valentine’s Day?… We’re a perfect match.
Knock knock…. Who’s there?… Don…. Don who?… Don go breaking my heart.
Knock, knock…. Who’s there?… Peas…. Peas who?… Peas be mine!
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Butch, Jimmy and Joe…. Butch, Jimmy, and Joe who?… Butch your arms around me, Jimmy a kiss, and let’s Joe.
Knock, knock…. Who’s there?… Disguise… Disguise who?… Disguise is your boy friend!
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Bea… Bea who?… Bea my Valentine!”
Why do melons have to get married in churches?… Because they cantaloupe!
How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?… He gave her a ring.
What did the iPod say to it`s owner?… You make me so very appy!
Where do you find love in a grocery store?… Aisle B… there for you.
How do you put a flower in the friend zone?… Tell it. You’re my best bud.
What did the salt say to the pepper on Valentine’s Day?… “Oooh baby, baby. Baby, baby.” (That one’s for the dads raised in the ’80s.)
What did the snail say on Valentine’s Day when his call went to voicemail?…. I just crawled to say I love you.
What did the soil say to express its feelings for the rock?… I’d settle for you.
What’s the best Valentine’s Day dinner?… A hearty one.
When should you ask someone out on a coffee date?… When you like them a latte.
Why shouldn’t you trust a pastry chef on Valentine’s Day?… Because they’ll dessert you.
What do you give your valentine in France?… A big quiche.
What do you tell a pig on February 14?… Happy Valen-swine’s Day!
Who always has a date on Valentine’s Day?… A calendar.
What did the tortoise say on Valentine’s Day?… I turt-ally love you.
How did the squirrel get his valentine’s attention?… He acted like a nut.
How do you keep a jewelry store safe on Valentine’s Day?… You locket.
What do you call sweets that can keep a beat?… Candy rappers.
What do you call a romance that starts at the aquarium?… Guppy love.
How do vampires know if they had a successful Valentine’s Day?… If it’s love at first bite.
Why should you date a goalie?… He’s a keeper.
What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?… I Love Ewe!
What did the girl sheep say back to the boy sheep?… You’re not so baaaa-d yourself!
What did one snake say to the other snake?… Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey.
What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?… I’m stuck on you!
What did the boy pig say to the girl pig?… I’m hog wild about you!
What did the engine say to the key?… You turn me on!
Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?… Because he wanted sweet dreams.
What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine`s Day?… Let me call you Tweet heart!
What did the light bulb say to his Valentine?… I love you watts and watts!
What did the train say to his Valentine?… I choo-choo-choose you!
What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?… You are bee- utiful! Will you bee mine?
What’s red and white and swims in the ocean?… A valentine cod!
What did one bell say to the other?… Be my valenchime!
Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: Look at the tag on their shirt and then say: “Oh, I thought you were made in Heaven!”
Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Were your parents thieves?… Because they must have stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.”
Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Did it hurt? When you fell down out of heaven.”
Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Excuse me, do you have a mobile phone I can use? I told my Mum I’d call her when I fell in love!!!”
Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes.”
Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “I lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?”
Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?… It was Valenswine’s Day.
What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?… He gives it a valenshine!
Do you love me more than you love sleep?… I can`t answer now. It’s time for my nap!
What did one fir tree say to the other?… Be my valenpine!
Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?… It was a case of guppy love.
What is the most romantic city in England?… Loverpool! (Top Geography Jokes)
What happened when the two tennis players met?… It was lob at first sight! (Top Tennis Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
What did the chef give his wife on Valentine’s Day?… Hugs and quiches.
What did the bear say to his Valentine?… I love you beary much!
What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit on Valentine’s Day?… Somebunny likes you!
What did the boy whale say to the girl whale on Valentine’s Day?… Whale you be mine?
Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Pooch… Pooch who?… Pooch your arms around me! (Top Dog Jokes)
Knock knock!… Who’s there? Frank… Frank who? Frank you for being my friend!
What did the buck say to the doe on Valentine’s Day?…. You’re a dear! (Deer)
What did one piece of string say to the other?… Be my valentwine!
What did the letter say to the stamp?… You send me.
Knock, knock…Who’s there?… Luke… Luke who?… Luke, I got a Valentine!
What did one monster say to the other?… Be my valenslime!
What did the vacuum cleaner say to the outlet?… I really get a charge out of you!
What did the rabbit say to his Valentine?… You’re no bunny ’til some bunny loves you!
What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?… I’m sweet on you!
What did the valentine card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and we`ll go places!
What do you get when dragons kiss?… Third degree burns of the lips!
What would you get if you crossed Cupid with a meat and vegtable dish?… Stewpid!
What do squirrels give each other for Valentine’s Day?… Forget-me-nuts.
What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?… It made him wed his plants!
What happens when you fall in love with a french chef?… You get buttered up.
What happened when the monster kissed his one true love?… He left lip prints on the mirror!
What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th?… I only have eyes for ewe, dear,
What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?… It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.
What two words have a thousand letters in them?… Post Office!
Why do valentines have hearts on them?… Because spleens would look pretty gross!
Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?… Because you always heart the one you love!

Recent Posts

Archives