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Google Search “Top 50 Psychology Jokes”
- Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best psychology jokes.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? (Pavlov’s Dog Experiment: Amazing Nobel Prize Psychology Lesson!)
- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing and mean your mother.
- Johnny paid his way through college by waitering in a restaurant. “What’s the usual tip?” asked a customer. “Well,” said Johnny, “this is my first day, but the other guys said that, if I got five dollars out of you, I’d be doing great.” “Is that so?” growled the customer. “In that case, here’s twenty dollars.” “Thanks. I’ll put it in my college fund,” Johnny said. “By the way, what are you studying?” asked the customer. “Applied psychology.”
- Dog #1: Does the name Pavlov ring a bell? Dog #2: No but it makes my mouth water.
- One behaviorist meets another one on the street. He says, “Hi. How am I feeling today?”
- Thanksgiving Jokes: Why did the corn go to therapy?… It had too many ears listening in.
- Thanksgiving Jokes: Why did the mashed potatoes go to therapy?… Too many mixed feelings.
- What are unhappy cranberries called?… Blueberries!
- Skiing Jokes: A psychotherapist returned from a conference in the Rocky mountains, where the delegates spent more time on the icy ski slopes than attending lectures and seminars. When she got back, her husband asked her, “So, how did it go?” “Fine,” she replied, “but I’ve never seen so many Freudians slips.”
- What did the hippocampus say when it retired?… “Thanks for the memories.”
- What’s the difference between a psychologist and a magician?… A magician pulls. rabbits out of hats, whereas a psychologist pulls habits out of rats.
- Why did the can crusher quit this job?… It was soda pressing.
- Barber Jokes: Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?… Classical conditioning.
- What do you call a large dog that meditates?… Aware wolf.
- What do you call it when a stressed dog goes shopping?… Re-tail therapy.
- Alaska Jokes: Why did the glacier in Alaska go to therapy?… It had a meltdown.
- Pavlov’s dog to his lady friend: “See that! Every time I salivate, Pavlov smiles and scribbles something in his notebook.”
- Receptionist to psychologist: “Doctor, there’s a patient here who thinks he’s invisible.” “Tell him I can’t see him right now.”
- Dog Jokes: How did the little Scottish puppy feel when he saw a monster?… Terrier-fied!
- Music Jokes: What Jimmy Buffett song is on every psychiatrist’s playlist?… Fruitcakes.
- Patient: “Doctor, I feel as though nobody understands me.”… Psychologist: “What do you mean by that?”
- Watermelon Jokes & Dog Jokes: What do you call a dog that herds watermelons?… A Melon Collie.
- Music Jokes: What song is on every psychiatrist’s playlist?… Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne.
- Music Jokes: What song is on every psychiatrist’s playlist?… Crazy by Seal.
- What profession truly enjoys fruitcakes?… Psychiatrists. (Top Psychology Jokes: Looking for a sponsor)
- Why was Pavlov’s dog’s hair so soft?… Classical conditioning.
- Why did King George III go to therapy?… He had a tax-ing problem.
- How many psychotherapists does it take to change a light bulb?… Just one, so long as the light bulb “wants” to change.
- How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?… Just one, but it’ll need nine more sessions.
- Dog Jokes: Why were the fleas depressed?… Their whole town was going to the dogs.
- What do you call sad coffee?… Despresso. (Top Coffee Day Jokes)
- The US Navy will start to equip all their subs with emotional support dogs. After a lot study, they decided on Dachshunds… They will be subma-weiners.
- “After 12 years of therapy, my psychotherapist said something that brought tears to my eyes.” “What did he say?” “”No hablo inglés.””
- Why did the ship go to therapy?… It had too many pier pressure issues.
- The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and had proceeded to give an oral quiz to the freshman class. Speaking specifically about manic depression, the instructor asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?” A young man in the rear of the room raised his hand and answered, “A basketball coach?” (Top Basketball Jokes)
- Music Jokes: What band is on every psychiatrist’s playlist… Lunatic Fringe by Red Rider.
- Music Jokes: What band is on every psychiatrist’s playlist… Crazy Town.
- Cheese Jokes: Why does cheese look normal?… Because everyone else on the plate is crackers.
- Music Jokes: What Prince sone is on every psychiatrist’s playlist… Let’s Go Crazy.
- Why is psychotherapy a lot quicker for men than for women?… Because when it comes to going back to childhood, men are already there.
- Dog Jokes: What did the therapy dog say to her client?… “That’s ruff.”
- At a job interview for a new receptionist: “I see you used to be employed by a psychologist. Why did you leave?””Well, I just couldn’t win. If I was late to work, I was hostile; if I was early, I was anxious; and if I was on time, I was obsessional.” (Top Summer Jobs for Teachers)
- How many psychotherapists does it take to change a lightbulb?… Well, how many do you think it takes?
- What do you call a snowman who loves the Summer Solstice?… A melt-down waiting to happen!
- Tea Jokes: Why did the British soldiers go to therapy?… They couldn’t handle the constant “tea”-sing from the American patriots!
- I’m going to join the Navy purely out of spite… I’m longing to become a Petty Officer.
- Cheese Jokes: What do you call cheese that is acting crazy?… A basket queso.