Missouri Jokes

by | Aug 10, 2026 | Latest News, School Jokes

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  1. August Knock Knock Jokes: Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Missouri jokes.
  2. Missouri’s new travel slogan. Missouri Loves Company
  3. Corn Jokes: What’s the best part about living in Indiana?… All the corny jokes. (Top Corn Producing States)
  4. What’s the most depressing place to live in America?… Missouri.
  5. Why does Missouri share borders with the most amount of States?… Because Missouri loves company.
  6. Did you know only one US president has been born in Missouri?… It’s true, man.
  7. A resident of St. Louis was recently diagnosed with depression… He’s living in Missouri.
  8. A recent study shows that the best place for corporations to do business in the US is St. Louis. As they say, ..Missouri loves companies.
  9. Since I moved to Jefferson City… I’m in state of Missouri.
  10. Did you hear about Missouri’s plan to draw more business in?… The new motto is “Missouri loves companies.”
  11. My company’ss biggest customer is the state of Missouri… I guess it’s safe to say Missouri loves my company.
  12. Illinois Jokes: Chicago said, “Why are you so sad?” St. Louis replied, “I’m always in a state of Missouri.”
  13. Delaware Jokes: Mississippi lent Missouri her New Jersey. What will Delaware?… Idaho, Alaska
  14. What did Missouri see?… Same thing Arkansas.
  15. Here in Missouri. We call it the midwest, but looking at a map you’ll notice that it’s more east than west. It made me wonder why we call it the Midwest, but then I realized that we are mostly a red state, and I can’t imagine those folks wanting to call it the Mideast.
  16. Ever heard of the Missouri Compromise?… It’s when you want to get McDonalds for lunch but your buddy wants Pizza Hut, so you compromise and get both.
  17. My friend and I visited a place you can stand in three states at once: Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri. My friend opened up that she was actually in a fourth state, crippling depression. I said, “I’m so sorry.” – “But you can’t count Missouri twice.”
  18. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the state motto for Missouri?… The official state motto of Missouri is Salus populi suprema lex esto, a Latin phrase meaning “Let the welfare of the people be the supreme law”
  19. The Missouri state legislature is considering a ban on female legislators’ clothing that leaves their arms exposed… I never thought I’d see a Republican state trying to overturn the right to bare arms.
  20. Pope Jokes: From St. Louis: Finally a Cardinal that can win.
  21. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Missouri?
  22. Geography Jokes: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe locate Missourion a map?
  23. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the governor of Missouri?
  24. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe spell Missouri?
  25. Travel Guest Blogs: Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe visit Missouri?
  26. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me if Missouri has an MLB team ?
  27. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me if Missouri has an NFL team?
  28. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me if Missouri has an NHL team?
  29. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me if Missouri has an NBA team?
  30. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me if Missouri has an  Major League Rugby?
  31. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the state flower of Missouri?… The official state flower of Missouri is the white hawthorn blossom (Crataegus),
  32. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the state bird of Missouri?… The official state bird of Missouri is the Eastern Bluebird (Sialia sialis).
  33. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the two senators from Missouri?
  34. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the U.S. Representatives from Missouri?
  35. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 100 Missouri jokes?
  36. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 101 Missouri jokes?
  38. Marriage Jokes: When my wife left me when I was in a terrible state… Missouri.
  39. Marriage Jokes: When my husband left me when I was in a terrible state… Missouri.
  40. What did see Missouri?… Same thing Arkansas.
  41. Election Jokes: It’s so cold in this morning…on my way to work I walked passed the Missouri capitol and the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.
  42. Marriage Jokes & Divorce Jokes: Missouri is leading in rates of both marital infidelity and depression… It’s a sad state of affairs. 
  43. When I was ten, my family moved to Missouri. … When I was thirteen, I found them.
  44. College Jokes: 2 college friends skip studying for Physics final to party. Two students were taking Physics at the University of Missouri. They did pretty well on all of the other assessments. Going into the final, they had a solid “A.” These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the final was on Monday), they decided to go to and party with some friends at Saint Louis University.. They had a great time, however, they overslept all day Sunday and didn’t make it back to campus until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final. They told him that they went up to the for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day for the final. The professor placed them in separate rooms, and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 points. It was something simple. “Cool,” they thought. “This is going to be easy.” They did that problem and then turned the page. They were not prepared, however, for what they saw on this page. It said: (95 Points). Which tire?
  45. Mississippi Jokes: If Mississippi bought a New Jersey for Missouri what would Delaware?…. Idaho, Alaska! 
  46. Missouri: America hates us because America ain’t us.
  47. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Missouri.
  48. Election Jokes: Missouri: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters.
  49. Two Missouri tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always cry “Aye!” and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A rookie crewman asked his boat’s mate, “What do they do that for?” The mate looked surprised and replied, “You mean that you’ve never heard of an aye for an aye and a toot for a toot?”
  50. Labor Day Jokes: Missouri Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Missouri Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.”
  51. Napping Jokes: A retired man from Missouri was jailed for refusing to nap… …he was resisting a rest.
  52. Over the summer, Missouri is expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 118°F… NOT cool.
  53. Over the winter, Missouri is expected to break the coldest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as -40°F… NOT cool.. FREEZING.
  54. Can you name the capitol of Missouri?… “M”
  55. I’m absolutely disgusted with the state my life is in right now. I live in Missouri.
  56. A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Missouri joke. The bartender says, “Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I’m from Missouri. See that guy at the end of the bar? He’s 6-4 and weighs 250 and he’s from Missouri, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He’s 6-6 and weighs 280 and he’s from Missouri, too! Now, do you still want to tell your joke?” The guy says, “Nah.” To which the bartender smiles and says, “What’s the matter? Are ya chicken?” The guy says, “Nah. I just don’t want to have to explain it three times.”
  57. Missouri Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Missouri Resident: “No, not yet.”
  58. What state does the Missouri River flow in?… Liquid. (Missouri Rivers)
  59. What state does the Big Piney River NOT flow in?… Frozen. (Missouri Rivers)
  60. Where do fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Black River. (Missouri Rivers)
  61. What has a mouth but cannot eat?…. the Castor River. (Missouri Rivers)
  62. Why don’t hipsters like the Eleven Point River?… It’s too mainstream. (Missouri Rivers)
  63.  I threw a hipster into the Elk River… Guess whose mainstream now? (Missouri Rivers)
  64. A fully loaded tractor-trailer carrying 80,000 pounds of Tylenol skidded off an icy bridge, and ended up in the mighty             The Missouri River… It caused river failure. (Missouri Rivers)
  65. Covid Jokes: Apparently, someone in gets stabbed every 52 seconds in Missouri… poor guy.
  66. In the news, Missouri had it’s first remote trial via zoom… It looks like things will be settled out of court.
  67. Did you hear the joke about Missouri Mountains?… You won’t get over it. 
  68. A man from Missouri was arrested in for stealing a truck filled with $56,000 worth of Campbell’s soup…. I, for one, hope this guy goes away for ‘Mmm, mmm, good!’
  69. Did you know that students in Missouri can drink in high school?… You can’t really stop them after they turn 21. 
  70. Cereal Jokes: Did you guys hear about that girl they found murdered in Missouri?… They found her covered in milk with cheerios still in her mouth… They think it was a cereal killer.
  71. Missouri Education/Testing scores are the worst in the nation… yep, we’re ranked 53rd.
  72. College Jokes: How many University of Missouri freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  73. How many men from Missouri do you need before you can make change for a dollar?… You can’t. Nobody in. has any cents.
  74. How do you get a man from Missouri to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  75. Did you hear that sports teams from Missouri don’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  76. Why can’t the Missouri mountains play hide and seek?… Because they like to peak.
  77. Music Jokes: A woman from Missouri who fell in love with the DJ from her first wedding day has married him five years later… she originally asked him three years ago, but he said he wasn’t taking requests just then.
  78. Why won’t any of Missouri’s bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired.
  79. Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Missouri library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  80. Golf Jokes: Why do golfers from Missouri always carry around two pairs of pants?… In case he got a hole-in-one
  81. Golf Jokes: Why do golfers from Missouri always carry around two shirts?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  82. Golf Jokes: Why do golfers from Missouri always carry around two pairs of socks?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  83. Golf Jokes: Why should you never buy golf equipment made in Missouri?… Because Missouri drivers are terrible.
  84. Why do people from Missouri love sunrises?… Because it means the world has one more day to see how great. is.
  85. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Missouri Turnpike! 
  86. What is the tallest building in Missouri?… The Missouri Public Library of course, it has the most stories!
  87. Why did Missouri disband its water polo team?… All the horses drowned.
  88. Why is “The Wave” banned in Missouri Stadium?… Two fans drowned last year.
  89. Divorce Jokes: Divorced couples in Missouri are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana… The judges have started issuing joint custody.
  90. What do you call a dishonest cat at the Missouri Zoo?… Lion.
  91. Top Teacher Jokes: The art teacher in Missouri always said, “Draw your own conclusions, but don’t color outside the lines!”
  92. Top Teacher Jokes: Why do students excel in science?… Because they always experiment with their learning!
  93. Top Teacher Jokes: The chemistry teacher in Missouri had a great reaction to student questions… they always ignited curiosity!
  94. Top Teacher Jokes: The biology class in Missouri was so lively… it really had a cell-ebration going on!
  95. College Basketball Jokes: I’m not saying Missouri basketball players are dumb, but the coach is dressing six players for this Saturdays game. The rest will dress themselves
  96. Missouri state motto “Thank God for Mississippi.”
  97. What do you call a Missouri football player with a championship ring?… A Thief.
  98. How do you get a Missouri graduate off your porch?… Pay for the pizza.
  99. What’s the most popular pick up line in Missouri?… Nice tooth!
  100. Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete in the Mayor’s Cup?
  101. Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete for the Tiger–Sooner Peace Pipe?
  102. Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete in the Border War? (Kansas Missouri)
  103. Knock knockout?… Who is there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe name the college football teams that compete in the Battle Line Rivalry?
  105. Covid Jokes: Memorial Day 2020: Not a single person at those Memorial Day swim parties in Missouri was social distancing. They were packed in there, shoulder-to-shoulder, splashing around, making a… …second wave pool.
  106. Missouri Jokes: Delaware said, “Why are you so sad?” St. Louis replied, “I’m always in a state of Missouri.”
  107. What has a mouth but cannot eat?…. The Missouri Rivre.
  108. Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Missouri library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  110. Why do [state]golfers always carry around two pairs of pants?… In case he got a hole-in-one
  111. Why do [state]golfers always carry around two shirts?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  112. Why do [state] golfers always carry around two pairs of socks?… In case he got a hole-in-one.
  113. Why do [state] love sunrises?… Because it means the world has one more day to see how great [state] is.
  114. Did you hear the joke about [state] Mountains?… You won’t get over it. 
  115. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The [state] Turnpike! 
  116. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe the state flower of [state]?
  117. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe the state bird of [state]?
  118. What is the tallest building in [state]?… [state] Public Library of course, it has the most stories!
  119. Why did [state]disband its water polo team?… All the horses drowned.
  120. Where do [state] fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the [state river] River.
  121. Why is “The Wave” banned in [state] Stadium?… Two fans drowned last year.
  122. Tourist: “Have you lived in [state] all your life?” Local: “No, not yet.”
  123. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Local: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.”
  124. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the two senators from [state]?
  125. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the U.S. Representatives from [state]?
  126. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the governor from [state]?
  127. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the MLB team from [state]?
  128. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the NFL team from [state]?
  129. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the NHL team from [state]?
  130. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the NBA team from [state]?
  131. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Major League Rugby from [state]?
  132. What do you call a dishonest cat at the Roger Williams Zoo?… Lion.
  133. The art teacher in Massachusetts always said, “Draw your own conclusions, but don’t color outside the lines!”
  134. Why do [state] students excel in science?… Because they always experiment with their learning!
  135. The chemistry teacher in [state] had a great reaction to student questions… they always ignited curiosity!
  136. The biology class in [state] was so lively… it really had a cell-ebration going on!
  137. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Major League Soccer team from [state]?
  138. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the Premier Lacrosse League (PLL) from [state]?
  139. Why do folks in [state] go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?… The sign said “17 and under not admitted.”
  140. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 100 Missouri jokes?
  141. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe believe we have 101 Missouri jokes?