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Google Search “Nurse Jokes”
- Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best jokes about nurses.
- The nurse walked into the busy doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, the invisible man is here.” The doctor replied, “Sorry, I can’t see him.”
- Why do nurses go to art #school?… In case they have to draw blood.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping at the local middle school?… Probably not, he is still sleeping in the nurse’s office.
- My nurse wasn’t going to celebrate Leap Day… But he decided to jump on the band wagon.
- How do you know if an octopus is alive?… You check its octo-pulse!
- We love @world_midwives @ACNMmidwives @INMO_IRL @MidwivesRCM! What is it called when a #hospital runs out of #maternity #nurses?… A mid-wife crisis! #nursing #moms #dads #babies #midwives
- I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight… to fulfill my fantasy that we have #healthcare. #nursing
- Hey @ANANursingWorld! Why did #middleschool nurse tip toe past the medicine cabinet? … She didn’t want to wake the #sleeping pills. #nursing
- I kept trying to playing hide-and-seek when I was in the #hospital… but the security kept finding me in the #ICU. #nursing
- We love @NEAToday! Where did the #teacher send the Viking when he got sick in class?… To the school #Norse! #nursing #teaching
- We love & support @RedCross! The nurse taking my #blood got annoyed when I told them they were bad at their job, I don’t understand why though, after all they did keep saying: ‘be negative’ #nursing
- After a bad cut, I asked the ER nurse if I could do my own stitches. She said, “Suture self.” #nursing
- We love @APilotsEye! What did the #nurse say to the man who fainted at the airport terminal?… I think you might have a terminal illness. #nursing #pilots
- Did you hear the joke about the germ?… Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around. #nursing #germs
- Hey @JohnsHopkins! Where does the #Easter Bunny study medicine? … John HOPkins. #nursing
- What ‘s the difference between a #nurse and a nun?… A nun only serves one God. #nursing
- We love @ANANursingWorld @menswearhouse! What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?… Get dressed up, the nurse is helping the doctor and taking us out! #nursing
- I studied to become a #nurse… but I didn’t have enough patients for the job. #nursing #careers #careeradvice
- We love @CallTheMidwife1 @CorvetteRacing! I was gonna have a baby at the #hospital downtown but the week I was due, all the nurses quit their job and bought #Corvettes…. I guess they were having a midwife crisis. #nursing #moms #dads #babies #midwives
- #Nurse “You have a cute baby.” #Dad “I bet you say that to all new parents.” #Nurse “No, just to those whose babies really are good-looking.” #Dad “So what do you say to the others?” #Nurse “The baby looks just like you.”
- #ThankYou @NursingTimes! The nurse who can smile when things go wrong…Is probably going off duty. #nursing
- We love @TDBank_US! Doctor to nurse, “How is the child who swallowed a few quarters doing?” Nurse, “No change.” #nursing #NationalNursesDay #NationalNursesDay2022 #doctors #health
- A practical nurse is one who marries a rich, terminally ill patient. #nursing #NationalNursesDay #marriage
- We love @RedCross @ANANursingWorld @WeNurses @NursingTimes! Statistically 9 out of 10 injections are in vein. #nursing
- We love @SertaMattresses! A nurse wakes up her patient and says “Wake up Mrs. Johnson. It’s time to take your #sleeping pills.” #nursing
- Why are #nurses afraid of the outdoors?… Too much poison IV. #nursing #Ivy
- Hey @JohnsHopkins! Phone call with nurse: My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart! Nurse: “Is this her first child?” Me: “No, you idiot!, this is her husband!” #nursing
- Nurse Bumper Sticker: Don’t mess with me – I get paid to poke people with very sharp objects. #nursing #cars
- Never upset a pediatric nurse… They have very little patients. #nursing
- If Jake has 30 chocolate bars, and eats 25, what does he have?… Diabetes….. Jake has #diabetes! #nursing #candy
- We love @JustCoffeeCoop! What did the #coffee addict say to his nurse?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! #nursing
- How do you know when a nurse is having a bad day?… She won’t stop needling people. #nursing
- Why does the infectious disease ward at the hospital have the fastest Wi-Fi?… Because it has all the hot spots. #nursing #computers
- Hey @NursingNow2020 @guitarcenter @GuitarWorld! Patient to nurse, “Will I be able to play the #guitar after this operation?” Nurse, “Yes, of course.” Patient “That’s great because I couldn’t before. #nursing
- Why did the #doctor tell the #nurse to #walk quietly past the #medicine cabinet?… So they wouldn’t wake the #sleeping pills. #nursing
- What do #transplant #nurses #hate?… #rejection! #nursing
- Why did Mr. Peanut go to the hospital?… Because he was a-salted. #nursing #peanuts
- Hey @BarRescue! A priest, rabbi, and minister all had to go to the hospital. Turns out, they got alcohol poisoning from going to the bar so much. #nursing
- Nurse: “Anything else I can get you?” Patient: “A million dollars!” #nursing
- What inspires a nurse to move at the speed of light?… A bed alarm or fresh #coffee in the break room. #nursing
- Nurse: My best friend’s name is Pam. She’s pretty low-key and great to be around. She goes by Loraze Pam, Diaze Pam, or Clonaze Pam. #nursing
- Nurse: You know you’re getting hangry when your patient’s meal tray starts to look appetizing. #nursing
- My younger brother made so many rash decisions he decided to become a #dermatologist. #nursing
- Never try lying to an X-ray technician… They can see right through you. #nursing
- Organ coordinator: Here’s our list of #donor #lungs, #hearts, and #kidneys in alphabetical order. Transplant surgeon: Impressive! It’s very organ-ized. #nursing
- Did you hear about the two #podiatrists who left the practice?… They became arch #enemies. #nursing
- Insuree: What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? Insurer: You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment. #nursing #insurance
- 2 docs & a #HMO manager die & line up at the Pearly Gates.#pediatric surgeon “I saved 100s of #children. IN #psychiatrist “I helped 1,000s of people live better lives.” IN #HMO boss “I helped families w/ cost-effective health care. “OK enter, but only approved for a 3 day stay.”
- #Acupuncture… What’s the point? #nursing
- When you get a bladder infection.. ur-ine trouble. #nursing
- I caught a cold riding on a #carousel… I think there was something going around. #nursing
- Hey @GrammarMonkeys! #PMS jokes are not funny. Period. #nursing
- #Smoking will kill you… #Bacon will kill you… But, smoking bacon will cure it. #nursing
- I had a neck brace fitted years ago… I’ve never looked back since. #nursing
- Hey @FauciFan @NursingNow2020! Who’s idea was it to sing “#HappyBirthday” while washing your hands?… Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a #cake. #nursing #Birthday #Covid
- I got really sick after drinking #milk with cream… My stomach was churning for a while… but now I’m finally feeling #butter. #nursing
- Recent studies show patients who have a cold feel better on #Saturdays and #Sundays… Evidence points to a #weekend immune system. #nursing
- Knock knock… Who’s there?… HIPAA… HIPAA who?… I can’t tell you that. #nursing
- What kept Avogadro in bed for two months?… Moleonucleosis. #nursing #moles #chemistry
- How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?…None. They just have a nursing student do it. #nursing
- Why did the #pillow go to the nurse?… He was feeling all stuffed up! #nursing
- Hey @FauciFan @NursingNow2020! When I went to get my #Covid #vaccinations the young nurse told me they were very nervous as it was their first time. I told them to give it their best shot. #nursing
- What did the nurse say to the patient who swallowed Scrabble tiles?… Don’t worry, you’ll have a vowel movement soon. #nursing #grammar
- Doctor to a nurse, “Did you take this patient’s temperature?” Nurse, “No. Why is it missing?” #nursing
- Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about nursing? #nursing
- Hey @audubonsociety! What do you give a sick bird?… Tweetment. #nursing
- have patience. #nursing #StarWars
- “I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!” #nursing
- Hey @Crayola @RedCross! Why do #nurses carry red #crayons to #work?… In case they have to draw blood. #nursing #artmatters
- Hey @Staples! Why do nurses bring red magic markers into work?… In case they have to draw blood. #nursing
- Top 10 #Baby #jokes for #moms! http://www.mytowntutors.com/baby-jokes/
- Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good nursing knock-knock joke?
- Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good nursing knock knock jokes?
- Hey @Amnesiac_HS @Amnesia_Ibiza I once heard a joke about #amnesia but I forget how it goes. #nursing
- Hey @StarWarsinClass! Why do #nurses make the best #Jedi?… Because a Jedi must
- Hey @American_Heart! When is the worst time to have a #heart attack?… During a game of #charades. #nursing
- I don’t find medical #puns funny anymore since I developed an #irony deficiency. #nursing #irony #grammar
- Where does a canoe go when it’s sick?… To the DOCK!
- What is the opposite of you’re out?… Urine. #nursing
- Patient to nurse, “I feel run down.” Nurse, “ What makes you say that?” Patient, “The tire marks across my legs.” #nursing
- Did you hear about the guy who had his entire left side cut off?… He’s all right now! #nursing
- Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy.
- Why did the leaf go to the doctor?… It was feeling green.
- Sign on the #lawn at a #rehab center…. Keep off the #grass. #nursing
- What is the proper way to use a stress ball? Throw it at the last person who made you mad.What is it called when a hospital runs out of maternity nurses?… A mid-wife crisis! (Mother’s Day Jokes)
- Why do nurses bring red magic markers into work?… In case they have to draw blood.
- How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?…None. They just have a nursing student do it.