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Google Search “101 Covid Jokes”
- Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Covid jokes.
- Spaghetti Jokes: Eminem was the 1st celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus. In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak & arms were heavy. And vomit on his sweater already. Initial testing has revealed it was mom’s spaghetti.
- October Jokes: For their service during the COVID-19 pandemic, we should honor truck drivers with a national holiday on October 4th…. A big 10-4, if you will!
- Has anyone else’s gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?… I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March 2020 and I’ve grown significantly since.
- Knock-Knock!… Go home, you’re supposed to be social distancing.
- Cinco De Mayo Jokes: 2020 was the first Cinco De Mayo in a long time … When Americans try to avoid getting a case of Corona.
- Arizona Jokes: Arizona may have been a COVID 19 hot spot… …but at least it was a dry cough.
- Thinking a mask is going to stop Covid-19 is the same as thinking that your underpants will protect everyone from a fart.
- Army Jokes: Army soldiers can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the Navy can fathom it.
- They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket. They lied… everyone else has clothes on.
- Birthday Jokes: Who’s idea was it to sing “Happy Birthday” while washing your hands?… Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a cake.
- Pizza Jokes: News: Doctors recommend pizza and pancake diet for Covid-19 patients… And all other foods that can fit under the door.
- Pi Day Jokes: It’s only a matter of time before the Pi-variant of the Coronavirus is discovered now… We’ll have come full circle then.
- Dog Jokes: The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear… WHO let the dogs out.
- I know a great joke about Corona Virus… you probably won’t get it though.
- What should you do if you don’t understand a coronavirus joke?… Be patient.
- Cinco De Mayo Jokes: The taco chef hasn’t turned up to work for a week…. He has a bad queso Covid.
- Cinco De Mayo Jokes: Cinco de Mayo was canceled in 2020, so… hold de Mayo!
- Michigan Jokes: People are crazy in Michigan; protesting Covid-19 despite being one of the hardest hit states?… There must be something in the water.
- Super Bowl Jokes: Did you hear about the Corona 2021 Super Bowl ad for their beer…. It’s already gone viral.
- Pasta Jokes: Did you hear about the COVID-19 spreading like crazy in Italy?… Looks like it’s being pasta around.
- Super Bowl Jokes: Corona didn’t need an ad in the Super Bowl for their beer…. It’s already gone viral.
- Covid Jokes:
- Memorial Day 2020: Not a single person at those Memorial Day swim parties in Missouri was social distancing. They were packed in there, shoulder-to-shoulder, splashing around, making a… …second wave pool.
- I never thought the comment “I wouldn’t touch them with a 6-foot pole” would become a national policy, but here we are!
- During 2020 & 2021 with Covid, what happened when the smog lifted over LosvAngeles?… #UCLA.
- If coronavirus isn’t about beer… why do I keep seeing cases of it?
- When I went to get my Covid vaccinations the young nurse told me they were very nervous as it was their first time… I told them to give it their best shot!
- If I get quarantined for two weeks with my wife and I die… I can assure you it was not the virus that killed me.
- I ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was just the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen.
- I would make a COVID-19 joke… but it would be tasteless.
- Wow, it’s August 2020? This year flu by………………………. Covid
- I just heard that the government has made an amendment during lockdown to allow Father Christmas out… It’s called the Santa Clause.
- How do aliens get vaccinated?… With a Space Needle.
- You know what they’re saying about #2020… It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
- So many coronavirus jokes out there… it’s a pundemic.
- My mom always told me I wouldn’t accomplish anything by lying in bed all day. But look at me now, ma! I’m saving the world!
- With Coronavirus a big concern in 2020, what is the #1 side dish for Thanksgiving?… Masked potatoes.
- I went to the chemist today and asked the assistant “what kills the Corona Virus?” She replied to me “Ammonia Cleaner” I said “Oh, I am sorry, I thought you worked here.”
- If there’s a baby boom nine months from now, what will happen in 2033?… There will be a whole bunch of quaranteens.
- Finland just closed its borders. You know what that means… No one will be crossing the finish line.
- I ran out of toilet paper and had to start using old newspapers… Times are rough.
- What types of jokes are allowed during quarantine?… Inside jokes!
- Summer 2020: My dad said everything would be back to normal by June… So I told him yesterday “Julyed!”
- Would you ever play on an anti-vax basketball team even though you are vaccinated?…. I sure would. They never take any shots.
- Given social distancing regulations, a ton of condiment companies are being forced to cancel July 4th campaigns like sponsored concerts, where they planned to hand out signature color sunglasses to attendees. Bad idea… Heinz-Sight 2020
- Nail salons, hair salons, waxing centers and tanning places are closed… It’s about to get ugly out there.
- Covid Lockdown: I’m not talking to myself… I’m having a parent-teacher conference!
- Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe, who?… Canoe tell me how Covid-19 is contracted?
- The anti-vax basketball team lost every game this season…. Apparently they never take any shots.
- What did the barista call her face mask?… A coughy filter.
- Summer 2020: I was 25 when 2020 started… It’s June and I’m 52.
- A man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says “I’ll have a Corona please, hold the virus”
- With all this talk of Corona Virus, the people who make sanitising gel are rubbing their hands together.
- *Breaking News!* – Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stock piled “just in case.”The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
- Since everybody has now started washing their hands, the peanuts at the bar have lost their taste.
- Before Corona Virus I used to cough to cover a fart, now I fart to cover a cough.
- Why do they call it the novel coronavirus? It’s a long story….
- You know what they’re saying about 2020. It went viral faster than anyone thought it would.
- What’s the best way to avoid touching your face? A glass of wine in each hand.
- What’s the difference between COVID-19 and Romeo and Juliet? One’s the coronavirus and the other is a Verona crisis.
- What do you call panic-buying of sausage and cheese in Germany? The wurst-kase scenario.
- Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart. Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough.
- Why don’t chefs find coronavirus jokes funny? They’re in bad taste.
- The grocery stores in France look like tornadoes hit them. All that’s left is de brie.
- I’ll tell you a coronavirus joke now, but you’ll have to wait two weeks to see if you got it.
- Still no toilet paper in the stores. They’re wiped out and you’re %^$T out of luck.
- So many coronavirus jokes out there… it’s a pundemic.
- What did the man say to the bartender? I’ll have a corona, hold the virus.
- Did you hear the joke about Covid? Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around.
- Yeah, I have plans tonight. I’ll probably hit the living room around 8 or 9.
- Why didn’t the sick guy get the joke? It flu over his head.
- 30 days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for March which was infinite.
- You know what they say: feed a cold, starve a fever, drink a corona.
- What did the sick parent make their kids for lunch? Mac and sneeze.
- Where do sick boats go to get healthy? The dock!
- What does eating raw garlic have to do with preventing COVID-19? It helps keep everyone at a safe distance.
- Knock-Knock! Who’s there? Etch. Ech Who? Bless You!
- What did the astronauts say to NASA when they notified them that their mission was complete and they could return to earth? Thanks, but no thanks.
- During the pandemic, it’s important to take after NASA. Give people space.
- Why hasn’t anyone in Antarctica contracted COVID-19? They’re so ice-o-lated.
- What goes great with Corona? Lyme disease.
- What’s the difference between the Alpha and Delta variant? I don’t know; it’s all Greek to me.
- Have scientists determined why cats can catch COVID? It’s still a meow-stery.
- Did you hear that vaccinations are controversial in some communities? It’s a real sticking point.
- What did the virologist say to the public? Probably the opposite of what he’ll tell them next week.
- One horse asks the other if he’s tried Ivermectin. “I haven’t,” he says, “but my neigh-bor has.”
- What are some unexpected consequences of over-the-counter efforts to treat COVID-19? Dirty fish tanks.
- What do all virus jokes have in common? They’re catchy.
- What do you call a coffee filter mask? A coughy filter.
- Going to ask my mom if the offer to slap me into next year still stands.
- Going to ask my dad if the offer to slap me into next year still stands.
- As a result of the World Health Organization recommending lockdowns, people around the U.S. began adopting shelter dogs. WHO let the dogs out.
- What’s the difference between working from home and working in an office? COVID.
- What do you call grabbing your packages from the front porch? The day’s outdoor activities.
- What’s the worst part of homeschooling? You can’t transfer students out of your class.
- Two grandmothers were bragging about their precious darlings. One of them says to the other, “Mine are so good at social distancing, they won’t even call me.”
- My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
- After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this week I discovered that wasn’t the reason.
- If I keep stress-eating at this level, the buttons on my shirt will start socially distancing from each other.
- Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit.
- Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
- Yesterday I ran out of soap and body wash and all I could find was dish detergent. Then it Dawned on me.
- Being quarantined with a talkative child is like having an insane parrot glued to your shoulder.
- The World Health Organization announced that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
- Since we’re all in quarantine I guess we’ll be making only inside jokes from now on.
- I’m not talking to myself, I’m having a parent-teacher conference.
- This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog — we laughed a lot.
- Nothing like relaxing on the couch after a long day of being tense on the couch.
- Pollen still coming out during a global pandemic? Read the room!
- Knock-knock! Who is there? Seriously, don’t touch my door and step back 6 feet.
- Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
- If you bought 144 rolls of toilet paper in preparation for a 14-day quarantine, you probably should have been seeing a doctor long before coronavirus.
- Quarantine has really put a damper on comedy. For months nobody has walked into a bar.
- I thought you had to wear a mask when entering businesses. They kept yelling at me to put on some pants.
- I’ve gained so much weight during lockdown my bathroom scale is telling me that it can only weigh one person at a time.
- How do you socially distance while around family? A high-fiber diet.
- What’s the difference between COVID and politics? Politics doesn’t end after two weeks.
- How does COVID travel? The Batmobile.
- What did one novel coronavirus say to the other? “Oh, the places you’ll see.”
- What’s the best part of teaching your children at home? You can’t be fired for drinking on the job.
- What did the single guy say to the single woman during lockdown? “If COVID doesn’t take you out, can I?”
- What do you call staging a beer in every room of the house? A pub crawl.
- What do you call someone whose life didn’t change after quarantine? An introvert.
- Lockdown means you get to decide each day what outfit you’ll wear in your living room.