Tag: St. Patrick’s Day Jokes

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
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Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig Oraibh! – Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. We hope we can bring you a few smiles with the following jokes.
1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best St. Patrick’s Day
2. An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.” “Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.” The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!” She calls Ireland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way”
3. What do you call a fake stone in #Ireland? …. A sham rock.
4. Son: Dad, I met an Irish girl on St. Patrick’s Day. Dad: Oh, really? Son: No, O’Reilly!
5. An American citizen is vacationing on his own in Ireland. He decides to play a round and is paired with three locals. He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the first tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. He shakes his head, reaches in his pocket, and re-tees another ball. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a mulligan. He pounds one down the center of the fairway. With a big smile, he asks the others, “In the States, we call that a mulligan. What do you call it here in Ireland?” After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies, “Hitting three.”
6. What does a leprechaun say when you tell him Bono is his favorite singer?… You too?
7. What do you call a leprechaun prank?… A saint pat-trick.
8. Who is St. Patrick’s favorite #superhero?… The Green Lantern.
9. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s #Dublin over with laughter!
10. What’s the best position for #leprechauns to play on a #baseball team?… Shortstop.
11. What do you call leprechauns who collect aluminum cans, used newspapers and plastic bottles?… “Wee-cyclers!”
12. What’s the difference between wisdom and luck?… One is clever. The other is clover!
13. On what musical instrument did the showoff musician play his St. Patrick’s Day tunes?… On his brag-pipes. c
14. What’s the perfect St. Patty’s Day breakfast?… Green eggs and ham.
15. Mulligan: Invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more 20-yard grounder.
16. What’s long and green and only shows up once a year?… The St. Patrick’s Day parade.
17. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? …. #Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
18. What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?… A rash of good luck on St. Patrick’s Day.
19. Are people jealous of the #Irish #principals?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
20. Hey @LocalIrishGifts! Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….#Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you were a better principal.
21. Did you hear about the O’Reilly twins and their dad in the St. Patrick’s Day 3 on 3 basketball tournaments? They stunned opponents…. No one had an answer for the pick and pop.
22. Did you hear about the Father and Son team that won the 2 on 2 basketball tournament? …. No one had an answer for the pick and pop. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes) Did you hear about Mr. O’Reilly and his daughter that won the 2 on 2 basketball tournament? …. No one had an answer for the pick and pop
23. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
24. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
25. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have. #StPatricksDay #Jokes
26. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
27. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
28. Are people jealous of the #Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy! #StPatricksDay #Jokes
29. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand! #StPatricksDay #Jokes
30. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. @Redbones Short ribs! #StPatricksDay #Jokes
31. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
32. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
33. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s #Dublin over with laughter!
34. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
35. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
36. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class! #StPatricksDay #Jokes
37. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
38. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus!
39. Are people jealous of the #Irish? … Sure, they’re green with envy! #StPatricksDay #Jokes
40. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an #Irish football player?…. The Halfback of @NotreDame
41. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? ….To keep from falling in the stew!
42. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
43. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
44. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
45. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
46. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green
47. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
48. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
49. Why is a river rich? …. Because it has two banks
50. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant
51. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish! Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
52. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare
53. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
54. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers & not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
55. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet! #StPatricksDay #Jokes
57. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
58. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
59. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
60. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s #Dublin over with laughter!
61. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
62. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
63. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
64. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
65. What would you get if you crossed #Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus! #
66. Are people jealous of the #Irish? … Sure, they’re green with envy! #StPatricksDay #Jokes
67. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an #Irish football player?…. The Halfback of @NotreDame
68. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? ….To keep from falling in the stew!
69. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
70. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
71. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
72. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
73. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock
74. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
75. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
76. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
77. Why is a river rich? …. Because it has two banks
78. #FF @DiscoverIreland Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish! Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy #StPatricksDay!
79. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare
80. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
81. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers & not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get! #StPatricksDay #Jokes
82. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
83. What’s the best position for leprechauns to play on a baseball team?… Shortstop.
84. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish! Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
85. If you don’t love Irish music, U2, The Wolftones, or the Pogues… póg mo thóin!
86. I love Irish music… U2?
87. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
88. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
89. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
90. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus! (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
91. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter! (World Geography Jokes)
92. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
93. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
94. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
95. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
96. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame! (101 Sports Jokes)
97. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? ….To keep from falling in the stew!
98. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
99. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
100. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
101. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
102. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock
103. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green
104. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
105. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
106. Why is a river rich? …. Because it has two banks
107. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant
108. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare. (Animal Jokes)
109. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
110. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
111. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
PG-13
1. What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip.
2. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
3. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
4. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs (Halloween Jokes)
5. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con
February 11, 2018
St. Patrick's Day Knock Knock Jokes
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Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig Oraibh! – Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!
1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
2. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Ireland!… Ireland who? Ireland you money, if you promise to pay me back.
3. Carrot: Knock, knock. Potato: Who’s there? Carrot: Irish stew. Potato: Irish stew, who? Carrot: Irish stew in the name of the law.
Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes
1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
2. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
3. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
4. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
5. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
6. What did the leprechaun do for a living?… He was a short-order cook!
7. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
8. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?… He took a shortcut!
9. What do you call a big Irish spider?… A Paddy long legs.
10. On what musical instrument did the showoff musician play his St. Patrick’s Day tunes?… On his brag-pipes.
11. What’s a leprechaun’s favorite kind of music?…Sham-rock and roll.
12. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
13. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
14. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?… A rash of good luck.
15. What do you call leprechauns who collect aluminum cans, used newspapers and plastic bottles?… “Wee-cyclers!”
16. Daughter: Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick’s Day. Mom: Oh, really?Daughter: No, O’Reilly!
17. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
18. How does every Irish joke start?…By looking over your shoulder.
19. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
20. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered.
21. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers?… Because you don’t want to press your luck.
22. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
23. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
24. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
25. What’s Irish and stays out all night?… Paddy O’furniture!
26. Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
27. What do you get when you do the Irish jig at McDonald’s?… A Shamrock Shake
28. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
29. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus! (Top Christmas Jokes)
30. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
31. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock.
32. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
33. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
34. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
35. Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
36. What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
37. Why don’t women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day?… ‘Cause they don’t want to get a “sham rock”.
38. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
39. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
40. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
41. How can you identify an Irish pirate?… He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
42. What do you call a clumsy Irish dance?… A jig mistake!
43. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day?… Because they’re always wearing green
44. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame!
45. What did the leprechaun say on March 17?… “Irish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”
46. What do you call an Irishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?… A Referee.
47. What is a nuahcerpel?… Leprechaun spelled backwards!
48. What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?… Liam Malone
49. Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?… He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
50. What’s long & green & has a low I.Q.?… a St. Patrick’s Day Parade
51. The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven’t got the joke yet.
52. Where do leprechauns buy their groceries?… Rainbow Foods!
53. What do you call a Cubic Zirconia in Ireland?… A sham rock
PG-13
1. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
2. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs (Top Halloween Jokes)
3. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
4. What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip.
5. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con
6. What’s the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral?… There’s one less drunk.
7. I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home…That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.
8. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?… A bachelor.
9. Irish Blessing – As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Irish One-liners
1. ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
2. ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
3. ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’
4. How do you confuse an Irishman? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick…
5. What do you call an Irishman who has been dead for 50 years?… Peat.
6. Cheers… And may ye be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows yer dead.
7. “Did you know” says Murphy, “there’s twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people?”
8. Irish Scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live!
9. Irish businessmen have their names printed on the front and back of their business card in case someone loses them.
March 15, 2016
St. Patrick's Day Jokes: Top 10 St. Patrick's Day Jokes
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My Town Tutors is making a huge commitment for the 2014 – 2015 school year to be the #1 tutoring resource for parents and teachers in America. Our motto is “Teachers are great tutors!” Parents love the fact that every teacher in our directory is a teacher!
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Learn how to say: Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig Oraibh! – Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! Check out our entire list os St. Patrick's Day Jokes.
1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
2. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
3. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
4. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
5. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
6. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
7. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
8. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
9. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
10. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
11. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
12. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
13. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
14. Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
15. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
16. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
17. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus!
18. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
19. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock.
20. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?…. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
21. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
22. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
23. Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
24. What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
25. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
26. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
27. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
28. How can you identify an Irish pirate?… He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
29. Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?… He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
30. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame!
March 17, 2015
St. Patrick’s Day Jokes: Top 25 St. Patrick’s Day Jokes
My Town Tutors makes it easy for parents to connect with local teachers who tutor & My Town Tutors helps teachers who tutor make up to $5,000 a year for a cost of $12!
My Town Tutors is making a huge commitment for the 2014 – 2015 school year to be the #1 tutoring resource for parents and teachers in America. Our motto is “Teachers are great tutors!” Parents love the fact that every teacher in our directory is a teacher!
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Learn how to say: Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig Oraibh! – Happy Saint Patrick’s Day! Check out our entire list os St. Patrick’s Day Jokes.
1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
2. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
3. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
4. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
5. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
6. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
7. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
8. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
9. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
10. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
11. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
12. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
13. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
14. Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
15. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
16. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
17. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus!
18. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
19. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock.
20. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?…. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
21. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
22. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
23. Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
24. What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
25. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
March 1, 2015
March Jokes: Family Friendly Jokes for March
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1. What did the March say to all the madness?… What’s all that bracket. (March Madness Jokes)
2. Can February March? … No, but April May!
3. Why is everyone so tired on April 1?… Because they’ve just finished a long, 31 day March! (Top Spring Jokes)
4. What can be seen in the middle of the months ‘April’ and ‘March’, that cannot be seen in the beginning or end of either month?… the letter “r.”
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4. Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches long?… Otherwise it would be a foot! (101 Pi Day Jokes)
5. What did one calculus book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems! (101 Pi Day Jokes)
6. What do you call mall friends who love math? alge “bros” (101 Pi Day Jokes)
7. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short. (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
8. Did you hear the joke about the statistician?… Probably. (101 Pi Day Jokes)
9. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day! (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
10. Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8 (ate) 9 (101 Pi Day Jokes)
11. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!” (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
12. What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi! (Top 10 Pi Day Jokes)
13. What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?…Pi in the sky. (Top 10 Pi Day Jokes)
14. 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates! (Top 10 Pi Day Jokes)
15. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck. (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
16. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have. (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
17. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy! (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
18. How do you make a tissue dance?… Put a little boogey in it!
19. Did you hear about the kidnapping?… Probably not, he is still sleeping.
20. What did the math book tell the pencil?…. I have a lot of problems.
21. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?….It let out a little wine!
22. What season is it when you are on a trampoline?… Spring-time! (Top Spring Jokes)
23. Why is the letter “A” like a spring flower?… A bee (B) comes after it! (Top Spring Jokes)
24. What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?… Lily! (Top Spring Jokes)
25. What did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date?… Shore.
26. How do you get a peanut to laugh?… you crack it up!
27. Why did the farmer bury all his money?… to make his soil rich! (Top Spring Jokes)
28. Where can you find an ocean without water?… on a map! (Top Geography Jokes)
29. Where do actors like to camp?… The Hollywoods!
30. What is a robot’s favorite snack?… Computer chips!
31. What do you call a fish with two knees?… A two nee fish!
February 23, 2015
St. Patrick's Day Jokes: Top St. Patrick's Day Jokes
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1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
2. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
3. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
4. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
5. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
6. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
7. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
8. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
9. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
10. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
11. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
12. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
13. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
14. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
15. Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
16. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
17. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus!
18. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
19. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock.
20. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
21. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
22. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
23. Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
24. What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
25. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
26. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
27. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
28. How can you identify an Irish pirate?… He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
29. Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?… He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
30. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame!
PG-13
1. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
2. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs
3. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
4. What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip.
5. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con
Irish On-liners
1. ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
2. ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
3. ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’
4. How do you confuse an Irishman? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick…
5. What do you call an Irishman who hass been dead for 50 years?… Peat.
6. Cheers… And may ye be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows yer dead.
7. “Did you know” says Murphy, “there’s twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people?”
8. Irish Scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live!
9. Irish businessmen have their names printed on the front and back of their business card in case someone looses them.
February 20, 2015
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
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1. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
2. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
3. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
4. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
5. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
6. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
7. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
8. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
9. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs
10. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus!
11. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
12. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame!
13. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
14. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
15. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
16. What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip
17. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
18. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
19. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
20. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock
21. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green
22. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
23. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
24. Why is a river rich? …. Because it has two banks.
25. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
26. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
27. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
28. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
29. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
30. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
31. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con
32. Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
33. What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
34. Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?… He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
35. How can you identify an Irish pirate?… He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
Irish On-liners
1. ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
2. ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
3. ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’
4. How do you confuse an Irishman? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick…
5. What do you call an Irishman who hass been dead for 50yrs?… Peat.
6. Cheers… And may ye be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows yer dead.
7. Did you know says Murphy, there’s twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people?
8. Irish Scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live!
9. Irish businessmen have their names printed on the front and back of their business card in case someone looses them.
March 15, 2014
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
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Check out our entire list of St. Patrick’s Day jokes!
1. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
2. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
3. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
4. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
5. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
6. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
7. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
8. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
9. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs
10. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus!
11. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
12. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame!
13. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
14. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
15. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
16. What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip
17. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
18. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered!
19. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
20. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock
21. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green
22. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
23. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
24. Why is a river rich? …. Because it has two banks.
25. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
26. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
27. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
28. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
29. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
30. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
31. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con
32. Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
33. What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
34. Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?… He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
35. How can you identify an Irish pirate?… He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
Irish On-liners
1. ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
2. ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
3. ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’
4. How do you confuse an Irishman? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick…
5. What do you call an Irishman who hass been dead for 50yrs?… Peat.
6. Cheers… And may ye be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows yer dead.
7. Did you know says Murphy, there’s twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people?
8. Irish Scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live!
9. Irish businessmen have their names printed on the front and back of their business card in case someone looses them.
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March 14, 2014