Joke of the Day: 365 Family-friendly Jokes

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Over the years we have collected some great jokes. We have decided to share 365 Jokes – one Joke for every day of the year. It is a work in progress so please bear with us. We are starting the year on August 15th and will try to have seasonal appropriate jokes. (Jokes by the Month)

Many of the Jokes are taken from out Top 10 Jokes blog!

Most popular jokes pages: Tutoring Jokes, Pi Day Jokes, Chemistry Jokes, 180 School Jokes!

Top Seasonal Jokes!

Great Advertising Opportunities ALL YEAR! Starting at $10 per month!

June Jokes

  1. Why is a traffic light red?…You would be red too if you were changing in front of people all day. (180 School Jokes)
  2. Knock knock!… Who’s there?… Doughnut. Doughnut Who?… Doughnut forget to hire a tutor to avoid the Summer Slide(Donut Day Jokes)
  3. What is a pilot’s favorite type of donut?…. A plain (plane) donut! (Donut Day Jokes)
  4. What did the dentist give to the marching band?…A TUBA toothpaste (180 School Jokes)
  5. What did the bottle of dressing say to the person who opened the refrigerator door?…“SHUT THE DOOR!” I’m dressing! (180 School Jokes)
  6. Did I tell you the joke about the ceiling?… Oh forget it. It’s over your head. (180 School Jokes)
  7. What did the Pacific Ocean say to the Atlantic Ocean?… Nothing, it just waved!(World Oceans Day)
  8. Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?… He didn’t have a leg to stand on! (World Oceans Day)
  9. Two wrongs don’t make a right. But what do two WRIGHTS make?…A plane (Orville and Wilbur WRIGHT)! (180 School Jokes)
  10. What do you call cheese that is not yours?…NACHO cheese!
  11. Where does a fish go to borrow money?… The loan shark!
  12. What did on flag say to the other flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Flag Day Jokes)
  13. Best War of 1812 Book Never Written:… “The Star- Spangled Banner” by Jose Kanusee. (Flag Day Jokes)
  14. Teacher: Johnny, what are the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner”?… Student: “Play ball”? (Flag Day Jokes)
  15. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave. (Flag Day Jokes)
  16. What did the Buffalo say to his son?… Bye-son (Top 10 Father’s Day Jokes)
  17. What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice?A POPsicle! (Top 10 Father’s Day Jokes)
  18. A Father’s Day book never written: “Fatherly Advice” by Buck L. Upson.(Top 10 Father’s Day Jokes)
  19. Why do fathers who golf take an extra pair of socks?…In case they get a hole in one! (Top 10 Father’s Day Jokes)
  20. Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached?…Science student:When my father sees my report card! (Top 10 Father’s Day Jokes)
  21. Son: For $20, I’ll be good… Dad: Oh, yeah?  When I was your age, I was good for nothing. (Top 10 Father’s Day Jokes)
  22. Dad: You’ll never amount to anything because you procrastinate… Son: Oh yeah? Just you wait! (Top 10 Father’s Day Jokes)
  23. What is a @NCTM math teacher’s favorite sum?… Summer! (Top Summer Jokes)
  24. Why do bananas use sunscreen?… Because they peel. (Top Summer Jokes)
  25. Where do sharks go on summer vacation?… Finland! (Top Summer Jokes)
  26. What did the pig say at the beach on a hot summer’s day?… I’m bacon! (Top Summer Jokes)
  27. Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?…Yeah, it cracked me up! (Top 10 4th of July Jokes)
  28. What did King George think of the American colonists?…He thought they were revolting! (Top 10 4th of July Jokes)
  29. Do they have a 4th of July in England?… Yes. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th. (Top 10 4th of July Jokes4th of July Quiz)
  30. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?… Get in the boat, men!” (Top 10 4th of July Jokes4th of July Quiz)
  31. What do you call an AWESOME American drawing by a child?… A Yankee Doodle Dandy! (Top 40 4th of July Jokes)

July Jokes (Great July Advertising Opportunities)

  1. Top Summer Jokes
  2. Top Summer Jokes
  3. Top Summer Jokes
  4. Top Summer Jokes
  5. Top Summer Jokes
  6. Top Summer Jokes
  7. Top Summer Jokes (Top Twin Day Jokes)
  8. Top Summer Jokes
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  10. Top Summer Jokes
  11. Top Summer Jokes
  12. Did you hear the joke about the baseball?… It will leave you in stitches! (All-Star Baseball Game Jokes)
  13. Where were the first French Fries made?… In Greece! (National French Fry Day Jokes)
  14. Did you see the movie about the hot dog?… It was an Oscar Wiener. (National Hot Dog Day Jokes)
  15. Why do mother kangaroos hate rainy days?… Because their kids have to play inside! Top Summer Jokes
  16. Two wrongs don’t make a right. But what do two WRIGHTS make?…A plane (Orville and Wilbur WRIGHT)! (180 School Jokes)
  17. Why was the strawberry sad?…His mother got into a JAM!
  18. What do you call cheese that is not yours?…NACHO cheese!
  19. Teacher: Everybody hand in your homework, please. Students: Teacher, it’s the first day of school. We didn’t have any homework. Teacher: That’s right, and that’s the last excuse for not doing your homework that I’ll accept for the rest of the year.
  20. Student: The first day of school is always special to me. It’s the only day of the year when I’m not behind in my homework.
  21. Mother: How did you find school on the 1st day today? Daughter: I just got off the bus and there it was!
  22. A book never written: “When Does School Start?” by Wendy Belrings.
    The first day of school is exciting, but so is riding a roller coaster, and I wouldn’t want to do that for nine months in a row either.
  23. Teacher: What would happen if you took the school bus home? Student: The police would make you bring it back!
  24. Teacher: What’s big and yellow and comes in the morning to brighten a mother’s day? Student: The school bus!
  25. Knock Knock… Who’s there!… B-4!… B-4 who?… B-4 you go to school, do your homework!
  26. Teacher: I see you missed the first day of school. Student: Yes, but I didn’t miss it much.
  27. The first day of school wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t followed by the second day of school, and the third day of school, and then the fourth day of school.
  28. Knock Knock!… Who’s there?… Dewey….Dewey who?… Dewey have to go to school today?
  29. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Gladys… Gladys, who?… Gladys the 1st day of school — no homework!
  30. Knock Knock… Who’s there!… B-2! B-2 who?…. B-2 school on time!
  31. What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?… Geometry. (Top Math Jokes)
  32. Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8 (ate) 9! (Top Math Jokes)
  33. Son: Today my teacher yelled at me for something I didn’t do. Mom: What was that? Son: My homework!
  34. What school supply is always tired?… A knapsack!
    What is white when it’s dirty and black when it’s clean?… A blackboard!
  35. Son: Hey, Mom, I got a hundred in school today! Mom: That’s great. What in?Son: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.

August

Top Back to School Jokes

 

 

September

  1. What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
  2. I thought about being a historian, but I couldn’t see a future in it. (Top Social Studies Jokes)
  3. What is a snake’s favorite class?… Hissss-tory! (Great Lessons for Psychology and U.S. History)
  4. Did you hear the joke about Labor Day?… It doesn’t work for me! (Top Labor Day Jokes)
  5. I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind. (Top Labor Day Jokes)
  6. If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station? (Top Labor Day Jokes)
  7. If today is labor day, how many babies were born? (Top Labor Day Jokes)
  8. I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class.(Top Teacher Jokes)
  9. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma… Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Grandma. Knock! Knock!… Who’s there?… Aunt. Aunt who?… Aunt you glad Grandma’s gone? (Top Grandparents Day Jokes)
  10. Why did the New England Patriots go to federal court (and not the bank)?… to get the quarter back. (Top Football Jokes)
  11. Why did the football player go to the bank?… to get his quarter back. (Top Football Jokes)
  12. What do you call a grandpa whale?… A hunch back whale! (Top Grandparents Day Jokes)
  13. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, “I’m not sure.” “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised “Mine says I’m 4 to 6.” (Top Grandparents Day Jokes)
  14. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?… The alpha-BAT. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z Top Elementary School Jokes)
  15. What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?… In the kindergarden. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- ZTop Elementary School Jokes)
  16. What is a witch’s favorite class?… Spelling (Is Spelling Important? phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid)
  17. How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions! (Top Constitution Day JokesTop Constitution Day Websites)
  18. Where did the one legged pirate go for breakfast?… IHOP (101 Pirate Day Jokes)
  19. What is a pirate’s favorite letter?…. Most people think it’s the ‘R’rrrr, but really it’s the ‘C’ they love. (26 lessons for the Letter of the WeekTop 10 Talk Like a Pirate Day Jokes)
  20. How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?… If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver! (Top Football Jokes)
  21. Did you hear that some NFL football teams don’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together. (Top Football Jokes)
  22. What does a bad football team and possums have in common?… Both play dead at home and get killed on the road! (Top Football Jokes)
  23. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?… To make up for his miserable summer. (Top Summer JokesTop Fall Jokes)
  24. What did the tree say to autumn?… Leave me alone. (Top 10 Fall Jokes)
  25. What did one leaf say to another?… I’m falling for you. (Top Valentines Day Jokes)
  26. How do you fix a broken pumpkin?… With a pumpkin patch. (Top Halloween Jokes)
  27. What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber!
  28. What did one leaf say to another?… I’m falling for you. (Top Valentines Day Jokes)
  29. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?… Squash. (Top Fall Jokes)
  30. Why did summer catch autumn?… Because autumn had a fall.
  31. What’s the ratio of a pumpkin’s circumference to its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi (101 Pi Day Jokes)

October

  1. What do you give to a pumpkin who is trying to quit smoking?… A pumpkin patch! (Top Fall Jokes)
  2. Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you smile alone. (Top World Smile Day Jokes)
  3. Why didn’t Dracula have any friends?…He was a pain in the neck!
  4. Where did Columbus first land in America?… On his feet! (Top Columbus Day Jokes)
  5. Columbus’ Father: I don’t care what you’ve discovered, Christopher. You could have written. (Top Columbus Day Jokes)
  6. The teacher stood at the front of the room. “Does anybody know what this Monday is?” About half of the students raised their hands. The teacher pointed to one of them. “It’s Columbus Day!” he crowed. The teacher smiled. “It is. Does anybody know why we celebrate it?” This time, only one student raised her hand. “It’s the day the Indians discovered Columbus!” (Top Columbus Day Jokes)
  7. How was Columbus’s ship like an avid shopper?… They’re both driven by sales! (Top Columbus Day Jokes)
  8. The teacher was telling the story of Christopher Columbus and how many thought that the world was flat. Then she had mentioned that the world was really round and… got interrupted… “Miss Smith, the world is square, not round,” said Johnny. “No, it’s round Johnny. Who told you it was square?” replied the teacher. “My older brother. He claims he’s been to all 4 corners of the earth.” (Top Geography Jokes)
  9. What happened when Columbus was shot at by an Indian?… He had an arrow miss. (Top Columbus Day Jokes)
  10. What’s the difference between one of Columbus’s sailors and a monster?… One left his Spain behind and the other left his brain behind! (Top Halloween Jokes)
  11. What did one mole say to the other?… We make great chemistry together. Chemistry teachers are great tutors! (Top Mole Day Jokes)
  12. What would you get if you crossed Columbus Day with Halloween?… Ghoulumbus Day! (Top Halloween Jokes)
  13. How much does Avogadro exaggerate?… He makes mountains out of mole hills. Chemistry teachers are great tutors! (Top Mole Day Jokes)
  14. Why is it bad to tell mole jokes?… It’s mole-itically incorrect. Chemistry teachers are great tutors! (Top Mole Day Jokes)
  15. What did Avogadro get when he mixed ice cream, chocolate syrup, and milk together?… A chocolate Moledt
  16. What kind of fruit did Avogadro eat in the summer?… Watermolens. Chemistry teachers are great tutors! (Top Mole Day Jokes)
  17. How many guacs are in a bowl of guacamole?… Avocados number! Chemistry teachers are great tutors! (Top Mole Day Jokes)
  18. If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see?… A mole of molasses! Chemistry teachers are great tutors! (Top Mole Day Jokes)
  19. What element do moles love to study in chemistry?… Molybdenum. Chemistry teachers are great tutors! (Top Mole Day Jokes)
  20. Avogadro loved to watch MASH. Which character did he like most?… Father Molecahy Chemistry teachers are great tutors! (Top Mole Day Jokes)
  21. How do you say goodbye to a vampire?… So long sucker!
  22. Where does a vampire keep his money?…In a blood bank.
  23. Why did Avogadro stop going to a chiropractor on October 24th?… He was only tense to the 23rd!
  24. What kind of dog does a vampire have?…A bloodhound.
  25. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?… “Long time no see.”
  26. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?…Frostbite.
  27. What do you call ghosts that ring doorbells?…Dead ringers.
  28. What does a ghost keep in its stable?…Nightmares.
  29. What did the pumpkin need for its boo boo?…A pumpkin patch
  30. What do you call a skeleton that lies on its grave?…Lazy bones!
  31. What did one casket say to the other casket?…”Is that you coffin?” (coughing)

Bonus Halloween Jokes!

  1. What kind of streets do zombies live on?… Dead-ends.
  2. What do you call a mummy eating in bed?…A crummy mummy.
  3. When do vampires like horse racing?…When it’s neck and neck!
  4. Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even.
  5. Why is it hard for a ghost to tell a lie?…Because you can see right through him.
  6. What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?… Rap music.
  7. What school subject is a witch good at?…Spelling.
  8. What did the ghost teacher say to her class?…”Watch the board and I’ll go through it again.”
  9. How do you make a skeleton laugh?…Tickle its funnybone!

What pants do ghosts wear?…BOO jeans.
What kind of boat do werewolves like?…blood vessels
Why didn’t the skeleton want to go to the dance?…Because he had no body to go with.
What key opens a Haunted House?… A spooKEY!
Why don’t mummies take vacations?…They’re afraid they’ll relax and unwind.
What monster wears the most clothes?…A werewolf!
Why did the Cyclops close his school?…Because he only had one pupil.
How was Frankenstien’s birth?…Shocking.
What do you read on Halloween?…BOO-ks
How do you make a skeleton laugh?…Tickle its funnybone!
Knock knock…Who’s there?…Orange…Orange who?…Orange you glad it’s Halloween?

November

  1. What do you find in an empty nose?…fingerprints
  2. What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?….Patty
  3. Why are bananas good at gymnastics… They do great banana splits!
  4. What kind of music did the Pilgrims listen to?…Plymouth Rock! (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  5. Sister: Mom wants you to help us fix Thanksgiving dinner.
    Brother: Why? Is it broken? (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  6. What sound does a turkey’s phone make?…Wing! Wing! (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  7. What sound does a limping turkey make?…“Wobble, wobble!” (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  8. Why can’t you take a turkey to church?…Because they use such FOWL language. (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  9. Why did they let the turkey join the band?…Because he had the drumsticks. (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  10. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?…The infan-tree! (Top 40 4th of July JokesTop Arbor Day Jokes)
  11. Where did the General put his armies?… In his sleevies. (get it his sleeves)? (Top Veterans Day Jokes)
  12. Why does Freddy Krueger wear a hat?… He ran out of scare spray. (Top Friday the 13th Jokes)
  13. What’s Jason Voorhees favorite desert?… I-Scream! (Top Friday the 13th Jokes)
  14. What do you call a map guide to Alcatraz?… A con-tour map. (Top Geography Jokes)
  15. What do John Wayne and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Top Geography Jokes)
  16. Why do paper maps never win at poker?… Because they always fold. (Top Geography Jokes)
  17. What did the turkey say to the computer?…“Google, google, google.” (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
  18. What are unhappy cranberries called?…Blueberries!
  19. Why was longitude boiling mad?…Because it was 360 degrees. (Geography Awareness WeekTop Geography Jokes)
  20. Why are maps like fish?….Both have scales. (Geography Awareness WeekTop Geography Jokes)
  21. What is smarter, longitude or latitude?…Longitude, because it has 360 degrees (Geography Awareness WeekTop Geography Jokes)
  22. What do geographers grow in their gardens?…Compass roses. (Geography Awareness WeekTop Geography Jokes )
  23. Why didn’t the map projection finish his speech?…He was interrupted. (Geography Awareness WeekTop Geography Jokes)
  24. What country does a pirate love to sail his ship to?…AARRRGHentina! (Geography Awareness WeekTop Geography Jokes)
  25. How can you tell that compasses and scales are intelligent?…Because they’re all graduated. (Geography Awareness WeekTop Geography Jokes & Top Pirate Jokes)
  26. If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?… Pilgrims (The Mayflower Ship)
  27. What do Black Friday shoppers and the Thanksgiving turkey have in common?… They know what it’s like to be jammed into a small place and stuffed! (Top Black Friday Jokes)
  28. What’s the best part about Black Friday?… Resting on Saturday. (Top Black Friday Jokes)
  29. Why do they call the day after Thanksgiving “Black Friday”?… It matches the mood of all those unhappy shoppers. (Top Black Friday Jokes)
  30. Where would a reindeer go to find her lost tail?…”Re-tail” store. (Top Christmas Jokes)
  31. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?… Frostbite. (Top Christmas Jokes & Top Winter Jokes)

Bonus jokes

  1. What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?…The letter “g”!
  2. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?…He was feeling crummy.
  3. Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving?… The turkey because he’s already stuffed!
  4. What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son?…If your grandpa could see you now, he’d turn over in his gravy!

December

  1. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?… So he can ho-ho-ho! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  2. What is the best Christmas present in the world?….A broken drum, you can’t beat it! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  3. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?… Nothing, it was on the house! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  4. What is the difference between the alphabet and the Christmas alphabet?…The Christmas alphabet has no L (noel)! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  5. What nationality is Santa?… North Polish! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  6. Which of Santa’s reindeer has bad manners?… Rude-olph! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  7. Knock Knock…Who’s there?…Mary… Mary who?… Mary Christmas! (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  8. Where do Santa Claus and the elves keep their money?… In a snow bank. (Top Christmas JokesTop Winter Jokes)
  9. Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?… To get to the Dark Side. (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  10. When did Anakin’s Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?… In the Sith Grade. (Elementary teachers are great tutors!)
  11. What did the sweet potato say to Luke Skywalker?… I Yam your father! (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  12. How do Ewoks communicate over long distances?… With Ewokie Talkies (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  13. Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such?… At the Darth Maul, of course. (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  14. What do Gungans put things in?… Jar Jars. (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  15. What do you call 5 siths piled on top of a lightsaber?… A Sith-Kabob! (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  16. Why do Doctors make the best Jedi?… Because a Jedi must have patience. (Star Wars: The Force Awakens Jokes)
  17. What did the ghost say to Santa?… We’ll have a boo Christmas without you!
  18. What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when she looked in the sky?… “Looks like rain, dear.”
  19. Knock knockWho’s there?… Irish... Irish who? … Irish you a Merry Christmas!
  20. Knock, knock…Who’s there?…Olive…Olive, who?…Olive the other reindeer.
  21. What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?… Claustrophobic.
  22. Why is Santa so good at karate?… Because he has a black belt!
  23. Which reindeer has the cleanest antlers?… Comet!
  24. What did the big angel say to the little angel on Christmas Eve?…Halo there!
  25. If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?…Missile Toe
  26. What kind of money do Santa and the elves use in the North Pole?…Cold cash!
  27. What do reindeer say before telling a joke?… This one will sleigh you!
  28. How do you make a slow reindeer fast?… Don’t feed it!
  29. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?… Because of all the wrapping!
  30. What kind of bug hates Christmas?… A humbug.
  31. What does a vampire sing on New Year’s Eve?… Auld FANG syne (Top New Years Eve Jokes)

Bonus Jokes

  1. Why was Santa’s little helper sad?… He had low elf esteem! (Top Psychology Jokes)
  2. What kind of music does elves like best?…”Wrap” music!
  3. What do elves learn in schools?… the “elf”-abet!

January Jokes

February Jokes

March Jokes

April Jokes

May Jokes

  1. What did the sweet potato say to Luke Skywalker? I Yam your father! (May the 4th be With you Jokes)
  2. Why did the M&M go to school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie!(Teacher Appreciation Day Quotes, K-12 Jokes, & 180 School Jokes)
  3. Why did the angry Jedi cross the road?… To get to the Dark Side. (Top 10 Star Wars Jokes)
  4. When did Anakin’s Jedi masters know he was leaning towards the dark side?… In the Sith Grade. (May the 4th be With you JokesElementary teachers are great tutors!)
  5. What do you call cheese that is not yours?… NA Cho cheese (Cinco De Mayo Jokes)
  6. What did the mother rope say to her child?…“Don’t be knotty.” (Mothers’ Day Jokes)
  7. What did the digital clock say to its mother?… “Look, Ma! No hands!” (Mothers’ Day Jokes)
  8. What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?… It’s time to go to sweep!(Mothers’ Day Jokes)
  9. Larry’s mother had four children. Three were named North, South and West. What was her other child’s name? … Larry. (Mothers’ Day Jokes)
  10. A police recruit was asked during the exam, ‘What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?’ He answered, ‘Call for backup.’ (Mothers’ Day Jokes)
  11. What did the mother bullet say to the daddy bullet?… “We’re gonna have a BB!”(Mothers’ Day Jokes)
  12. Sunday school teacher: Tell me, do you say prayers before eating?… Student: No, ma’am, I don’t have to. My mom’s a good cook. (Mothers’ Day Jokes)
  13. FRIDAY THE 13TH: What’s Jason Voorhees favorite dessert?… I-Scream! (Top Friday the 13th Jokes)
  14. Mother to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me! (Mothers’ Day Jokes)
  15. How come the mother needle got mad at the baby needle?… It was way past its threadtime! (Mothers’ Day Jokes)
  16. If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflowers bring?… Pilgrims.
  17. Why do fish swim in salt water?…. Pepper makes them sneeze.
  18. Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?… They’re both below C level!
  19. Why are the Middle Ages sometimes called the Dark Ages? … Because there were so many knights.
  20. Why can’t you trust an atom?… They make up everything (Top Physics Jokes)
  21. What do physicists enjoy doing the most at sporting events?… The Wave (Top Physics Jokes)
  22. Where do cows go on dates?…MOOOOvies
  23. What happened to the plant in math class?… It grew square roots.
  24. What kind of pants do ghosts wear?… Boo jeans! (180 School Jokes)
  25. What do prisoners use to call each other?… Cell phones. (180 School Jokes)
  26. What do you get from a pampered cow?… Spoiled milk. (180 School Jokes)
  27. What did the dentist give to the marching band?…A TUBA toothpaste (180 School Jokes)
  28. What did the bottle of dressing say to the person who opened the refrigerator door?…“SHUT THE DOOR!” I’m dressing! (180 School Jokes)
  29. Why is a traffic light red?…You would be red too if you were changing in front of people all day. (180 School Jokes)
  30. Did I tell you the joke about the ceiling?… Oh forget it. It’s over your head. (180 School Jokes)
  31. What did the ocean say to the other ocean?… Nothing. He waved. (180 School Jokes)

bonus jokes

  1. Where does Princess Leia go shopping for clothing and such?… At the Darth Maul, of course. (Top 10 Star Wars Jokes)
  2. What did the rancor say after he ate a Wookiee?… Chewie! (Top 10 Star Wars Jokes)
  3. What is a jedi’s favorite toy?… A yo-yoda (Top 10 Star Wars Jokes)
  4. What do you call a pirate droid?… Argh2-D2 (Teach Like a Pirate is a great book for teachers!(Top 10 Star Wars Jokes)

 

    January

    1. What does the Easter Bunny say on New Year’s Day?…. Hoppy New Year! (Top New Years Day Jokes)
    2. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have 364 more jokes! A joke for every day of the year!
    3. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy. (Top 10 Winter Jokes)
    4. How do snowmen travel around?… By icicle! (Top 10 Winter Jokes)
    5. Where the snowman does dances on?… A snow ball! (Top 10 Winter Jokes)
    6. What does Jack Frost like best about school?… Snow and tell. (Top 10 Winter Jokes)
    7. What do snowmen like to do on the weekend?… Chill out.
    8. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?… Frostbite (Top 10 Winter Jokes)
    9. How does one snowman greet another snowman?…. Ice to meet you. (Top 10 Winter Jokes)
    10. What is the favorite Mexican food of snowman?… Brrrr- itos. (Top 10 Winter Jokes)
    11. What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?… Cold cash!
    12. Where does a snowman keep his money?… In a snow bank.
    13. What is the snowman’s breakfast?… Frosted flakes! (Top 10 Winter Jokes)
    14. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?… Snowflakes! (Top 10 Winter Jokes)
    15. What did one snowman say to the other snowman?… Do you smell carrots?
    16. What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?… She gave him the cold shoulder!
    17. Where do seals go to see movies?… The dive-in!
    18. What did the big furry hat say to the warm woolly scarf?… “You hang around while I go on a head.”
    19. Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?… They’re both below C level! (Top Geography Jokes)
    20. What do you find in an empty nose?…fingerprints
    21. If you live in an igloo, what’s the worst thing about global warming?… No privacy!
    22. Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Snow… Snow who?… Snowbody!
    23. Why did the farmer wear one boot to town?… Because he heard there would be a 50% chance of snow!
    24. What do you call a slow skier?… A slopepoke!
    25. What do you call a sleeping cow?… a bulldozer!
    26. How do Eskimos make their beds?… With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
    27. What’s a good winter tip?… Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
    28. What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?… A snowball!
    29. What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?….Patty
    30. What did the square say to the old circle?… Been around long?
    31. Why is music like a fish?…. they both have scales! (Top Fishing Jokes)

    February

    1. What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?… He became a pound hog!(Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
    2. What do you call Punxsutawney Phil’s laundry?… Hogwash. (Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
    3. What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?… We’ll have six more weeks of splinters! (Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
    4. What is a groundhog’s favorite book?… Holes (Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
    5. What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a Christmas drink?… Ground Nog Day! (Top 10 Ground Hog Day Jokes)
    6. What does a bad football team and possums have in common?… Both play dead at home and get killed on the road! (Top 10 Superbowl Jokes)
    7. Did you hear that some NFL football teams don’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together. (Top 10 Superbowl Jokes)
    8. What’s the difference between a quarterback and a baby?… One takes the snap, the other takes a nap. (Top 10 Superbowl Jokes)
    9. How do you make an egg roll?….You push it.
    10. What kind of stories are told by basketball players?…. Tall Tales. (Top Basketball Jokes)
    11. What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… I’m nuts about you! (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
    12. What did the paper clip say to the magnet?… I find you very attractive. (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
    13. What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?… Ughs and kisses! (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
    14. What do you call two birds in love?…. Tweethearts!
    15. What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?… I’m stuck on you! (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
    16. What do you call a very small Valentine’s?… A Valentiny! (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
    17. What did the bear say to his Valentine?… I love you beary much! (Top 25 Valentine’s Day Jokes)
    18. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln! (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
    19. Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
    20. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie. (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
    21. What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures! (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
    22. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon! (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
    23. How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms! (Top 10 Presidents’ Day Jokes)
    24. How do billboards talk?….Sign language!
    25. Why did the tomato turn red?….It saw the salad dressing!
    26. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?….It let out a little wine!
    27. I wasn’t going to celebrate Leap Day, but I decided to jump on the band wagon.(Top 10 Leap Day Jokes)
    28. What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day?… Hip Hop. (Top 10 Leap Day Jokes)
    29. Where do most people eat on Leap Day?… IHOP. (Top 10 Leap Day Jokes)

    March

    1. Why doesn’t the Grinch like knock knock jokes?… Because there’s always Whos there! (Top Dr. Seuss JokesTop Dr. Seuss Quotes, & Dr. Seuss Trivia)
    2. What is Sam-I-am’s middle name?… “I” (Top Dr. Seuss JokesTop Dr. Seuss Quotes, & Dr. Seuss Trivia)
    3. What did one book say to the other one?… I just wanted to see if we are on the same page. (World Book Day Jokes)
    4. A word in this sentence is misspelled. What word is it?… Misspelled. (Top Grammar Day Jokes)
    5. What Dr. Suess baseball book was never published?… “The Cat at Bat!” (Top Baseball Jokes, Top Dr. Seuss JokesTop Dr. Seuss Quotes, & Dr. Seuss Trivia)
    6. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s was Sir Cumference… He ate too much Pi! (101 Pi Day Jokes)
    7. Did you hear about the angry pancake?… He just flipped. (National Pancake Day Jokes)
    8. What do the New York Yankees and pancakes have in common?… They both need a good batter! (Top Baseball JokesNational Pancake Day Jokes)
    9. What is the official animal of Pi Day?… the PI – thon! (101 Pi Day Jokes)
    10. Why are diapers like 100 dollar bills?… They need to be changed. (101 Pi Day Jokes)
    11. Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches long?… Otherwise it would be a foot! (101 Pi Day Jokes)
    12. What did one calculus book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems! (101 Pi Day Jokes)
    13. What do you call mall friends who love math? alge “bros” (101 Pi Day Jokes)
    14. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short. (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
    15. Did you hear the joke about the statistician?… Probably. (101 Pi Day Jokes)
    16. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day! (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
    17. Why is 6 afraid of 7?…  Because 7 8 (ate) 9 (101 Pi Day Jokes)
    18. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!” (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
    19. What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi! (Top 10 Pi Day Jokes)
    20. What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?…Pi in the sky. (Top 10 Pi Day Jokes)
    21. 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates! (Top 10 Pi Day Jokes)
    22. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck. (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
    23. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have. (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
    24. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy! (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
    25. Why is everyone so tired on April 1?… Because they’ve just finished a long, 31 day March! (Top Spring Jokes)
    26. What’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite restaurant?… IHOP (Top 10 Easter Jokes)
    27. Why shouldn’t you tell an Easter egg a good joke? … It might crack up! (Top 10 Easter Jokes)
    28. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?… A receding “hareline.” (Top 10 Easter Jokes)
    29. Where does the Easter Bunny go when he needs a new tail?… To a re-tail store!(Top 10 Easter Jokes)
    30. What season is it when you are on a trampoline?… Spring-time! (Top Spring Jokes)
    31. What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?… Lily! (Top Spring Jokes)

    April Jokes

    1. Do you know all about April 1st?… Yes, I’m fooly aware of it! (Top April Fool’s Day Jokes)
    2. Why is everyone so tired on April 1?… Because they’ve just finished a long, 31 day March! (Top Spring Jokes)
    3. If April showers bring May flowers, what do Mayflower’s bring?… Pilgrims (Top Thanksgiving Day JokesTop Social Studies Jokes)
    4. When do monkeys fall from the sky?… During Ape-ril showers! (Top Spring Jokes)
    5. Why did the top scorer on the Final Four basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball 20 times! (March Madness Jokes)
    6. Sports Reporter: What do you think about the execution of your team? Frustrated March Madness coach: I support that 100%! (March Madness Jokes)
    7. What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?… Swiss!!! (March Madness Jokes)
    8. When do monkeys fall from the sky?… During Ape-ril showers! (Top Spring Jokes)
    9. How do trees get on the internet?… They log in. (Top Earth Day Jokes)
    10. “I have an obsession with wind farms.” “Really?” “Yes. I’m a huge fan.”(Top Earth Day Jokes)
    11. What did one lightening bolt say to the other lightening bolt?… You’re shocking!(Top Earth Day Jokes)
    12. How can you tell the ocean is friendly?… It waves. (Top Earth Day Jokes)
    13. What’s a tornado’s favorite game?… Twister! (Top Earth Day Jokes)
    14. How do hurricanes see?… With one eye! (Top Earth Day Jokes)
    15. What does a cloud wear under his pants?… Thunderwear! (Top Earth Day Jokes)
    16. What kind of bow can’t be tied?… A rainbow! (Top Earth Day Jokes)
    17. What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber! (Top Earth Day Jokes)
    18. What did Obi Wan Kenobi say to the tree?… May the Forest be with you. (Top Earth Day Jokes)
    19. Did you hear about the Boston Marathon runner who ran for three hours but only moved two feet?… He only had two feet! (Boston Marathon Jokes)
    20. What do Boston Marathon runners do when they forget something?… They jog their memory. (Psychology Memory LessonsBoston Marathon Jokes)
    21. Did you hear about the Boston Marathon race between the lettuce and the tomato?… The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”! (Boston Marathon Jokes)
    22. How do crazy Boston Marathon runners go through the forest?… They take the psycho path.(Top Psychology JokesPsychology Lessons)
    23. Why did the leaf go to the doctor?… It was feeling green! (Top Earth Day Jokes)
    24. What did the tree wear to the pool party?… Swimming trunks! (Top Earth Day Jokes)
    25. Did you hear the one about the redwood?… It’s tree-mendous! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
    26. Why was the pine tree sent to its room?… Because it was being knotty! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
    27. What did the tree wear to the pool party?… Swimming trunks! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
    28. Why was the tree drooling?… It was a dogwood. (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
    29. Did you hear the one about the oak tree?… It’s acorny one! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
    30. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?….It let out a little wine!

     

    BONUS JOKES

    1. Where did the spaghetti go to dance?….The Meat Ball!
    2. When is a door like a bottle?….When the door is ajar
    3. What does a pig put on a cut?….Oinkment
    4. Why is a lost Dalmatian easily found?….Because he is always spotted!
    5. What did the math book tell the pencil?….I have a lot of problems.
    6. What do prisoners use to call each other?… Cell phones. (180 School Jokes)
    7. What do you get from a pampered cow?… Spoiled milk. (180 School Jokes)
    8. How do you make a tissue dance?… Put a little boogey in it!
    9. Did you hear about the kidnapping?… Probably not, he is still sleeping.
    10. What did the math book tell the pencil?…. I have a lot of problems.
    11. Why is the letter “A” like a spring flower?… A bee (B) comes after it! (Top Spring Jokes)

     

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