NFL Football Jokes

by | Sep 3, 2015 | Education, Find a tutor, Latest News, Moms, Parents, tutoring

Football Jokes

  1. New England Patriots Jokes: Super Bowl LV: Tom Brady is a very polarizing sports figure. On one hand, he has FIVE super bowl rings…. But on the other hand, he has two.
  2. Super Bowl LIX: Washington Jokes: New England: “Hey, Seattle, wanna win the Super Bowl?” Seattle: “No, thanks. We’ll pass.”
  3. American Revolution Jokes: 2026 is the 250th anniversary of America… obviously the New England Patriots were going to win the AFC Championship.
  4. Super Bowl LI: New England Jokes: The last time a group of New Englanders destroyed Atlanta this badly… Sherman marched to the sea!
  5. Seattle Seahawks Jokes: Super Bowl XLIX: With the rematch of the New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks, I was thinking about reliving the final Seahawks offensive play, but… like them I think I will pass.
  6. 3/28 Day: #328Day, the New England holiday celebrating the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history. The Patriots erased 28-3 deficit to beat the Atlanta Falcons 34 – 28 in overtime.
  7. Retirement Jokes: Tom Brady just announced that he was retiring from football for good. That’s a relief… because if he was retiring for evil, then evil would probably win.
  8. Super Bowl LX… New England Patriot Fan: Finally a Super Bowl that matches my shirt size!… Forget that I am dyslexic.
  9. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the franchise that has the most Super Bowl appearances?… New England Patriots (11).
  10. How will Tom Brady feel if the Patriots lose?… Deflated.
  11. Seattle Seahawks Jokes:
  12. Illinois Jokes: What is the difference between a Chicago Bears fan and Marty McFly?… Eventually Marty McFly stopped going back to 1985.
  13. The Washington Commodores… The unofficial NFL football team of the Navy.
  14. Why did the football player go to the bank?… to get his quarter back.
  15. Why can’t the struggling quarterback get into his own driveway?… Someone painted an endzone on it.
  16. How is losing money in a payphone like a football game?… If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!
  17. Did you hear that some NFL football teams don’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  18. What’s the difference between the poor, inconsistent football team and a dollar bill?… You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  19. What does a bad football team and possums have in common?… Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  20. What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?… “Give me my quarterback!”
  21. What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?… ALL the NFL teams not in the Super Bowl.

All NFL Jokes

  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best jokes.
  2. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me when the won their 1st Super Bowl?
  3. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me when the won their last Super Bowl?
  4. What did the. quarterback say after he got sacked by an Indianapolis Colt?… Help – I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up.
  5. Why upsets the coach of the most when he plays the Colts?… Too much horse play on the field.
  6. Why do the draft ballet dancers as their kickers?… They know how to split the uprights!
  7. Gymnastics Jokes: Why do the gymnasts as their kickers?… They know how to split the uprights!
  8. Why did the kicker bring string to the game?… Just in case he needed to tie the score
  9. What runs around Stadium but never moves?… A wall
  10. How do the hire their players?… With two pairs of stilts.
  11. What’s the difference between a running back and a duck?… One goes quick and the other goes quack.
  12. What are successful kickers always trying to do?… Reach goals.
  13. Who did the zombie team play during preseason?… The DEADskins.
  14. How did the quarterback know he was about to get sacked in Chicago?… He heard them BEARING down on him.
  15. What is harder for a receiver to catch the faster he runs?… His breath!
  16. What can players catch at Mile High Stadium?… Bronco-itis
  17. Did you hear about the joke that the quarterback told his receivers?… It went over their heads.
  18. Why can’t quarterback use his phone?… Because he can’t find the receiver.
  19. Where do football players dance?… At a foot ball!
  20. When should football players wear armor?… When they play knight games.
  21. What do you get when you cross the quarterback with a carpet?… A throw rug.
  22. What’s the difference between the and water?… Water runs.
  23. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Hans… Hans who?… Hans to the face is a penalty.
  24. What do New players wear on halloween?… Face Masks!
  25. How do you keep out of your yard?… Put up goal posts.
  26. What do receivers and the Post Office have in common?… Neither is open on Sundays!
  27. What kind of tea do football players drink?… Penaltea
  28. Which player can jump higher than a house?… All of them – houses can’t jump at all.
  29. Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?… They needed a little team spirit.
  30. Why didn’t the dog want to play football for the ?… It was a (Brockton) boxer.
  31. Where is a ghost’s favorite spot on a ?… Under the ghoul posts!
  32. Why did the football quit playing with the ?… It was tired of being kicked around.
  33. Why doesn’t the football team have a website?… They can’t string three W’s together.
  34. What does the quarterback watch on TV to make him feel at home?… The Brady Bunch.
  35. The had to re-sod their field… Even the grass won’t root for them.
  36. What’s the difference between fans and cicadas?… Cicadas are only annoying every few years.
  37. What do fans and horse flies have in common?… They’re both annoying.