Chicago Bears Jokes

by | Oct 23, 2026 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

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Google Search “Chicago Bears Jokes”

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Chicago Bears jokes.
  2. A GREAT name for an NFL running back… D’Andre Swift.
  3. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe Who?… Canoe believe Cairo Santos drilled the 58-yarder late in the fourth quarter to help seal a 30-21 victory for Chicago at Soldier Field.
  4. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Candy… Candy Who?… Candy tell me how many Super Bowl Championships the Chicago Bears have won?
  5. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Candy… Candy Who?… Candy tell me what year the Chicago Bears won the Super Bowl?
  6. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Candy… Candy Who?… Candy tell me the name of the quarterback who won the Super Bowl for the Chicago Bears?
  7. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Candy… Candy Who?… Candy tell me the name of the coach who won the Super Bowl for the Chicago Bears?
  8. How many Chicago Bears does it take to win a Super Bowl?… Only one, Walter Payton, and he’s no longer here.
  9. How do you become the coach of the Chicago Bears?… Be sly as a Fox.
  10. Want to hear a Bears joke?… Jay Cutler!
  11. Did you hear about the joke that Jay Cutler told his receivers?… It went over their heads.
  12. Why can’t Jay Cutler use the phone anymore?… Because he can’t find the receiver.
  13. What’s the difference between Marty Mcfly and the Chicago bears fans?… At least Marty stops going back to 1985.
  14. What does BEARS stand for?… Been Enduring A Rebuilding Season.
  15. What do the Bears call the 2 Minute Drill?… Peanut Cutler Jeffery Time.
  16. How many Bears fans does it take to change a light bulb?… None they are happy living in Green Bay’s shadow!
  17. What do the Chicago Bears and a Chick-Fil-A manager have in common?… Neither one shows up for work on Sunday.
  18. Did you hear about the Chicago Bears action figures?… They were recalled for being choking hazards.
  19. What does Caleb Williams eat before games?… Energy Bears.
  20. How do you know when the Bears secondary is drunk?… They keep getting flagged for “Pabst Interference.”
  21. What do the Chicago Bears and the mailman have in common?,,, Neither deliver on Sunday.
  22. What did the Bears fan say after his team won the Super Bowl?… “Dammit mom, why’d you wake me up? I was having an amazing dream!”
  23. How are the Bears like my neighbors? … They can’t pick up a single yard!
  24. What do the Bears and the Post Office have in common?… Neither deliver on Sundays!
  25. Why is Jay Cutler like a grizzly bear?… Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  26. Why is the Chicago Bears QB like a grizzly bear?… Every fall he goes into hibernation.
  27. How do you know the Illinois State Police are seriously enforcing the Speed Limits into Chicago. For the first offense, they give you two Chicago Bears tickets. If you get stopped a second time, they make you use them.
  28. What do you call an Chicago Bear with a Super Bowl ring?… A thief.
  29. What’s the difference between the Chicago Bears and a dollar bill?… You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.
  30. What do the Chicago Bears and possums have in common?… Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!
  31. What is the difference between a Bears fan and a baby?… The baby will stop whining after awhile.
  32. How many Chicago Bears does it take to change a tire?… One, unless it’s a blowout, in which case they all show up
  33. What do you call 53 millionaires around a TV watching the Super Bowl?… The Chicago Bears.
  34. What do the Chicago Bears and Billy Graham have in common? They both can make 70,000 people stand up and yell “Jesus Christ.”
  35. How do you keep an Chicago Bears out of your yard?… Put up goal posts.
  36. Why are so many Chicago Bears players claiming they have the Swine Flu? So They don’t have to touch the pigskin!
  37. What is a Chicago Bears fan’s favorite whine? “We can’t beat Green Bay.”
  38. What does an Chicago Bears fan do when his team has won the Super Bowl?… He turns off the PlayStation.
  39. What do you call an Chicago Bear in the Super Bowl?… A referee.
  40. What’s the best way to teach your dog to roll over and play dead?… Have him watch a couple Chicago Bears games.
  41. Did you hear that Chicago’s football team doesn’t have a website?… They can’t string three “Ws” together.
  42. How many Chicago Bears fans does it take to change a lightbulb?… None. Lava lamps don’t burn out man!
  43. What does a Chicago Bears fan and a bottle of beer have in common? They’re both empty from the neck up.
  44. Where do you go in Chicago in case of a tornado?… Soldier Field they never get a touchdown there!
  45. What’s the difference between the Chicago Bears and a pinball machine? The pinball machine scores more points.
  46. Why are Chicago Bears jokes getting dumber and dumber?? Because Bears fans have started to make them up themselves.
  47. What’s the difference between Chicago Bears fans and mosquitoes?… Mosquitoes are only annoying in the summer.
  48. Did you hear that Soldier Field had to be resodded?… Thats really sad when you cant even get your own grass to root for you!
  49. Why does the Bears secondary get failing grades? For missing assignments.
  50. My wife was about to put my son in a Chicago Bears jersey, but I reminded her it was a choking hazard.
  51. The only thing worse than a Chicago Bears fan is a Bears quarterback.
  52. Are you scared of catching the flu? Just hang in the Bears end zone, they don’t catch anything there.
  53. Son: What’s a touchdown? Dad: I’m not sure son, we’re Chicago Bears fans.
  54. According to a new poll 91 percent of people are satisfied with their lives. The other 9 percent are Chicago Bears fans.
  55. I won my fantasy league 3 years in a row because “Winning Is My Forte”.
  56. I took my broken vacuum cleaner back to the store. They put a Bears jersey on it and now it sucks again.
  57. I heard they are making a sequel to the “Bad News Bears”, Except its about the Chicago Bears and it’s called “The Redzone Rejects”.
  58. Why did the Chicago Bears fan cross the road…..I was thinking when I accelerated.
  59. I put a Bears logo on an airplane and now it can’t touchdown.
  60. Chicago Bears fans don’t always eat pastries, but when they do it’s usually a turnover.
  61. When Aaron Rodgers returned home he said “The Bears broke my collarbone, and I broke their playoff dreams.
  62. Want to know what’s so strange about Chicago? What? Chicago Cubs do not grow up to be Chicago Bears!
  63. The “Double Doink” joke refers to Chicago Bears kicker Cody Parkey missing a 43-yard game-winning field goal attempt on January 6, 2019, during the NFC Wild Card playoff game against the Philadelphia Eagles