Top 50 Coast Guard Jokes

by | Nov 6, 2025 | College, Dads, Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best CoastGuard jokes.
  2. Pumpkin Jokes: What branch of the military do pumpkins join?… The coast gourd.
  3. Pirate Jokes: A lot of people assume pirates prefer to be in the Coast Guard… But actually they prefer the arrrrrrrrmy.  
  4. Pumpkin Jokes: Which pumpkins can swim the best?… The coast gourd.
  5. Why did the Coast Guard bring a pencil to the party?… To draw some attention!
  6. What’s the Coast Guard’s favorite type of music?… Anything with good “current!”
  7. Why did the Coast Guard take up knitting?… To keep the crew in “stitches!”
  8. How do Coast Guard officers stay calm in emergencies?… They just go with the flow!
  9. Why did the sailor bring a ladder to the dock?… To climb the ranks faster!
  10. What’s a Coast Guard’s favorite lunch?… A sandwich with a side of “sail-slaw!”
  11. Why doesn’t the Coast Guard like telling secrets?… Loose lips sink ships!
  12. How does the Coast Guard throw a party?… They go overboard!
  13. What do you call a Coast Guard recruit who loves comedy?… A deckhand with punchlines!
  14. Why did the ocean wave at the Coast Guard?… It was just being shore-friendly!
  15. Why did the sailor refuse to play cards?… He was afraid of deck stacking!
  16. What’s a Coast Guard’s favorite type of dog?… A sea-bark, of course!
  17. Why did the ship bring a pencil to the ocean?… To draw some waves!
  18. How do Coast Guards stay so calm?… They just go with the buoyancy!
  19. What did the lifebuoy say to the drowning sailor?… “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered!”
  20. Why don’t ships ever get lost?… They always follow their compass-ion!
  21. Why did the Coast Guard bring a ladder?… To reach new depths!
  22. What’s a Coast Guard’s favorite workout?… Keeping their ship in tip-top shape!
  23. Why did the Coast Guard boat blush?… It saw the ocean’s bottom!
  24. Why are there no knock knock jokes about the U.S. Coast Guard?… Because freedom rings!
  25. Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?… Because freedom rings!
  26. What did the Navy say to the CoastGuard?… “I’ll SEAL you later.”
  27. I became a #chef after I left the Coast Guard… Some would say I am a seasoned veteran.
  28. A distress call comes in to Pierre at the Maine Coast Guard: “Mayday! Mayday. We’re 12 miles out on a capsized boat.” “No can do” Pierre said, “We’ve got all we can do searching for regular-sized boats.”
  29. Why couldn’t the Coast Guard save the hippie?… He was too far out man!
  30. What’s the difference between a beach and a tarot deck?… One has coast guards, the other has ghost cards.
  31. Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the Coast Guard?… The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!
  32. The other day I was fishing for compliments… The coast guard told me I was VERY good at violating provincial hunting and fishing laws
  33. A ship radios the German coast guard Ship: Help we are sinking! German coast guard: wot are you sinking about?
  34. A small boy was staring at the names on the wall of an old church when the pastor noticed him. “What are you looking at?” asked the clergyman. “All those names. Who are they?” the boy asked. The pastor nodded, and said, “They are the reason we have Memorial Day. They are those who died in the service.” The little boy considered that, then asked quietly, “The 9 o’clock service or the 11 o’clock?”
  35. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?… Moomorial day.
  36. Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even. (Zombie Jokes)
  37. Knock, knock?… Who is there?… August… #August Who?… A gusta join the #CoastGuard. https://bit.ly/3A3Ep2u 
  38. Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard jet pilot: This is it! We’re flying faster than the speed of sound! Copilot: What?
  39. Army Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard soldiers can’t comprehend the 6-foot social distancing requirement… But everyone in the navy can fathom it.
  40. What did the Navy say to the Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard?… “I’ll SEAL you later.”
  41. I became a chef after I left the Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard.. Some would say I am a seasoned veteran.
  42. The navy / Coast Guard is beginning to recruit blind men… They are sending them out to sea.
  43. Have you heard about the karate champion who joined the Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard?… The first time he saluted, he nearly killed himself!
  44. A cool job that sounds lame: Building boats for the navy /Coast gaurd… You’d be a subcontractor. (Labor Day Jokes)
  45. Dad: You wanna join the navy? You can’t even swim! Son: no one can fly in the Air Force either. (Dad Jokes)
  46. I’m about to lose my job in the Navy Cost Guard unless I make some drastic changes… I have to take a course in anchor management. (Labor Day Jokes & Psychology Jokes)
  47. What happens when you eat too many Navy Navy / Air Force / Marine / Space Force / Coast Guard beans?… You might end up with a dishonorable discharge.
  48. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Navy knock-knock joke?
  49. Did you know Navy Coast Guard ships run on commercial batteries?… They run on 7 C’s.
  50. Each branch has a military ball (Navy Ball, Army Ball, etc.) And it warms my heart to know that one branch will be having “Space Balls” from here on out.
  51. Who’s the head of the penguin navy?… Admiral Byrd!
  52. Why are there no knock knock jokes about America?… Because freedom rings!
  53. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?… Moomorial day.
  54. Who won the zombie war?…Nobody, it was dead even.
  55. What did Galaga aliens and WW2 Navy Coast Guard officers have in common?… Both came in WAVES
  56. The Coast Guard recently changed their minimum height requirements to 6′. That way if the boat sinks everyone can just walk to shore.
  57. What did the Massachsuetts Coast Guard say to the three captured whales?… Whale, whale, whale.