Peanut Jokes

• September Knock Knock Jokes:

Google Search “Peanut Jokes”
 

1. June 1st National Trails Day: I just made a pre-game playlist for basketball. It consists of Peanuts, Eminem, California Raisins and The Cranberries… I call it my Trail Mix. 
2. I once got in a rap battle with a peanut… He was roasted.
3. What kinda fancy footwear does Mr.Peanut wear?… Cashews.
4. Did you hear about that band called Peanut Brittle?… Oh, they broke up…
5. What did the peanut say to the moon? Nothing.. Peanuts don’t speak.
6. A cashew called a peanut fat… the peanut felt insalted
7. Did you hear about the peanut that walked into the police station?… It claims it was a salted.
8. Why did the man with the peanut allergy die in prison?… He was sentenced to the nuthouse.
9. What did Mr. Peanut say to his wife?… Don’t worry, I’ll be back in a JIF.
10. Why did the peanut never come to school?… Because everyone was allergic to him.
11. Why was the peanut afraid to go to Central Park?… It was a salted.
12. I was sitting at the bar arranging peanuts into piles of 1, 3, 5 and 7. The bartender asked me if I was trying to set up some odd joke. I told him “No, but I would have done that in my prime.”
13. Knock knock?… Who’s there?… Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best peanut jokes!
14. Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks?…  The Shell station!
15. Did you hear the joke about the peanut butter?…  I’m nut telling you. You might spread it!
16. Two peanuts were walking down a road… One was a salted (assaulted)
17. What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit?…  An astronut!
18. What kind of socks do you need to plant peanuts?…  Garden hose!
19. Where did the peanuts go to have a few drinks?…  The Snack Bar!
20. How do you catch an elephant?…  Hide in the grass and make a sound like a peanut!
21. What did the peanut say to the elephant?…  Nothing, peanuts can’t talk
22. Why did the peanuts run across the busy road?…  Because they were nuts!
23. What kind of nuts hang?…  wallnuts.
24. What do lawyers put on sandwiches?… Plea-nut butter. 
25. Why are elephants always so broke?… They work for peanuts. 
26. I can’t read Charlie Brown comics anymore… Turns out I’m allergic to peanuts.  
27. What kind of fish do you put on peanut butter sandwich?… A jellyfish. 
28. Did you hear the joke about the #peanut butter?…  I’m nut telling you. You might spread it! 
29. As much as they tried, the ladies couldn’t get Mr. Peanut out onto the dance floor… He was a bit of a wall nut.  
30. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about peanuts? 
31. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good peanut knock-knock joke? 
32. Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good peanuts knock knock jokes? 
33. Where do peanut drivers go to fill their tanks?…  The Shell station!
34. What do you call a peanut in a spacesuit?…  An astronut!   
35. What kind of socks do you need to plant peanuts?…  Garden hose! 
36. Where did the peanuts go to have a few drinks?…  The Snack Bar! 
37. How do you catch an elephant?…  Hide in the grass & make a sound like a peanut!
38. What did the peanut say to the elephant?…  Nothing, peanuts can’t talk 
39. Why did the peanuts run across the busy road?…  Because they were nuts! 
40. What kind of nuts hang?…  wallnuts. 
41. Did you hear the joke about the peanut, pistachio and cashew?… It was nut funny! 
42. Why the motorist spread peanut butter on the road?… So they’d have something to go with the traffic jam! 
43. Why did the squirrel want a pay rise?… They were paid peanuts!
44. What do you call a nut with a hairy lip?… A moustachio! 
45. What do you call a nut stuck to a wall?… A walnut! 
46. Which nut loves chess?… A chess-nut! 
47. What do chipmunks like to watch on TV?… Anything on Nut-flix! 
48. What smells like nuts but is invisible?… A squirrel’s fart! 
49. What’s a peanut’s favorite Shakepeare line?… To be or nut to be! 
50. What noise did the nut make when it sneezed?… CAAAA-SHEW! 
51. Where’s the best place to find out facts about nuts?… he inter-nut! 
52. What’s the most valuable kind of nut?… A cash-ew!
53. How do peanuts say goodbye?… “Shell ya later!”
54. Why don’t peanuts ever tell secrets?… Because they might crack under pressure!
55. What kind of music do peanuts like?… Smooth jazz—or chunky rock!
56. Why was the peanut always picked last?… Because he was a little shellfish.
57. What did the peanut do at the talent show?… He did a little nut-cracking dance!
58. Why did the peanut cross the road?… To prove he wasn’t a chicken legume!
59. How do you make a peanut laugh?… Tell it a salty joke!
60. What’s a peanut’s favorite sport?… Nut-ball!
61. Why did the peanut go to space?… To become an astro-nut!
62. How do peanuts stay in shape?… They do crunches!
63. Why didn’t the peanut go skydiving?… He was afraid of going nuts!
64. What do you call a peanut with a cape?… A supeanut hero!
65. Why was the peanut proud of his report card?… He made all shell-ent grades!
66. What kind of peanut tells the best jokes?… A pun-nut!
67. Why was the peanut sitting alone at lunch?… He needed some personal shell-time.
68. What do you call a sleepy peanut?… A doze-nut.
69. What happened when the peanut ran for mayor?… He got roasted!
70. What do you call a peanut who likes to gossip?… A chat-nut!
71. What’s a peanut’s favorite party trick?… Shell magic!
72. What do peanuts dream about?… A world with no squirrels!
73. Why was the peanut good at math?… He really knew how to count shells!
74. What did the peanut say during the race?… “I’m nuts about winning!”
75. How do peanuts apologize?… “I’m sorry—I cracked under pressure!”
76. What’s a peanut’s favorite holiday ballet?… The Nutcracker!
77. Why do peanuts make great friends?… They’re always there to shell out support!
78. Why did the peanut butter go to therapy?… It couldn’t deal with being spread too thin!
79. Why was the peanut butter always calm?… It knew how to stick to the basics.
80. Why did the sandwich get in trouble?… It was caught spreading peanut butter gossip!
81. What do you call a peanut butter superhero?… Captain Crunchy!
82. What’s peanut butter’s favorite exercise?… Spreading lunges!
83. Why don’t peanut butter and pickles hang out?… Because they’re too different to gel.
84. Why was the peanut butter so popular?… Because it was always smooth!
85. How did the peanut butter become famous?… It had a lot of “spread” appeal!
86. What’s peanut butter’s favorite dance move?… The peanut shuffle!
87. Why did the peanut butter join a band?… It had great jam-ming skills!
88. How do you make a peanut butter laugh?… Tell it a nutty joke!
89. Why was the peanut butter jealous of jelly?… Because jelly always got the sweet compliments.
90. What do peanut butter and glue have in common?… They both stick around!
91. What’s peanut butter’s favorite holiday?… National Sandwich Day!
92. Why don’t peanut butter sandwiches get lost?… Because they always stick together!
93. Why did peanut butter join the debate team?… It loved to spread ideas!
94. What’s peanut butter’s dream job?… A motivational “spread-er.”
95. Why did the peanut butter blush?… Someone said it was smooth!
96. What does peanut butter do before bed?… Puts on its jammies!
97. How does peanut butter stay in shape?… It spreads its workouts over the week!
98. Why did the peanut butter fail its test?… It was stuck on one question!
99. What do you get when you cross peanut butter with comedy?… A nutty punchline!
100. What is a peanut’s favorite movie?… The Nutty Professor.
101. What’s peanut butter’s favorite genre of music?… Smooth jazz!
102. Why did the peanut butter win the race?… Because it was on a roll!
103. What did jelly say to peanut butter at the party?… “Let’s stick together!”
104. Why did the peanut butter and jelly sandwich get promoted?… It always stuck to the job!
105. What’s PB&J’s favorite movie?… The Spreadfather.
106. Why did peanut butter and jelly take the bus?… They didn’t want to loaf around.
107. What’s peanut butter’s favorite kind of jelly?… Grape expectations!
108. Why did jelly get detention?… It couldn’t stay in line—it kept slipping!
109. Why was peanut butter worried about the test?… It didn’t want to get stuck.
110. What do you call a musical PB&J?… A jam session!
111. Why did the sandwich go to therapy?… It felt torn between peanut butter and jelly.
112. What do PB&J do on weekends?… They loaf around together!
113. What’s a PB&J’s favorite dance move?… The spread and slide!
114. Why did PB&J get an award?… For outstanding sandwich performance!
115. What did peanut butter say during the argument?… “Don’t make me lose my spread!”
116. Why don’t PB&J go skydiving?… They’re afraid they might fall apart!
117. Why did jelly dump peanut butter?… It was too clingy.
118. What did the bread say to PB&J?… “You complete me.”
119. Why did peanut butter get jealous?… Jelly started hanging with toast!
120. Why did PB&J get kicked out of the bakery?… For starting a food fight!
121. What kind of phone does PB&J use?… A SmartSpread!
122. What’s a PB&J’s favorite hobby?… Spreading joy!
123. Why didn’t jelly like the joke?… It found it too corny… like peanut butter.
124. Why did the bread sigh?… Because it was always in the middle of their drama!
125. Why did PB&J never go solo?… Because they’re better together!
126. Peanut Pun: I’m kind of a big shell around here.
127. Peanut Pun: You’re driving me nuts — in the best way!
128. Peanut Pun: I’m totally nuts about you.
129. Peanut Pun: Shell yeah, it’s peanut time!
130. Peanut Pun: This plan is totally nuts, and I love it.
131. Peanut Pun: Life’s better when you’re a little nutty.
132. Peanut Pun:I shell not be moved!
133. Peanut Pun: That idea cracked me up—it was nuts!
134. Peanut Pun: Peanut better believe it!
135. Peanut Pun: I’ve got a crunch on you.
136. Peanut Pun:Don’t make me lose my shell.
137. Peanut Pun: That was nut-hing short of amazing.
138. Peanut Pun: I’m nutshelling it for you: you’re awesome.
139. Peanut Pun: This is legume-dary!
140. Peanut Pun: You’re one tough nut to crack.
141. Peanut Pun: Don’t go nuts—just go with the flow.
142. Peanut Pun: Stay calm and eat peanuts.
143. Peanut Pun: I’m going absolutely nuts for this party!
144. Peanut Pun: Pea-nice to meet you!
145. Peanut Pun: You’re the peanut to my butter.
146. Peanut Pun: I can’t help falling in crunch with you.
147. Peanut Pun: Nut today, chaos—nut today.
148. Peanut Pun: That’s nuts and bolts thinking right there!
149. Peanut Pun: I’m nut-orious for my bad jokes.
150. Peanut Pun: Stop being so shellfish!
151. Peanut Pun: You make my heart crack.
152. Peanut Pun: Nut a care in the world!
153. Peanut Pun: Legume me your ears for a second.
154. Peanut Pun: You’re nuts-hing short of perfect.
155. Peanut Butter Puns: You’re the peanut butter to my everything.
156. Peanut Butter Puns: Let’s stick together like peanut butter and toast.
157. Peanut Butter Puns: Life’s smoother with a little peanut butter.
158. Peanut Butter Puns: I’m nuts about you—and I’m not even jelly!
159. Peanut Butter Puns: Spread love like peanut butter.
160. Peanut Butter Puns: Don’t go nuts—just spread calm.
161. Peanut Butter Puns: This friendship is smooth and crunchy!
162. Peanut Butter Puns: Peanut butter: the original stick-up artist.
163. Peanut Butter Puns: You’re totally butter than the rest.
164. Peanut Butter Puns: Stay smooth and spread kindness.
165. Peanut Butter Puns: I’m spreading good vibes, peanut butter style.
166. Peanut Butter Puns: This day is nuts—in the tastiest way!
167. Peanut Butter Puns: Feeling a little spread too thin today.
168. Peanut Butter Puns: Peanut butter is my jam (sorry, jelly).
169. Peanut Butter Puns: I butter not run out of peanut butter.
170. Peanut Butter Puns: You spread joy wherever you go!
171. Peanut Butter Puns: You’re my main spread.
172. Peanut Butter Puns: Crunch time?
173. Peanut Butter Puns: Peanut butter’s got your back.
174. Peanut Butter Puns: Too much peanut butter?
175. Peanut Butter Puns: That’s nuts!
176. Peanut Butter Puns: I’m stuck on you—like peanut butter on the roof of my mouth.
177. Peanut Butter Puns: Peanut butter is proof that simple things stick around.
178. Peanut Butter Puns: Spread happiness, not just peanut butter.
179. Peanut Butter Puns: That idea? Totally spread-tacular!
180. Peanut Butter Puns: I’m in a jam, but peanut butter makes it better.
181. Peanut Butter Puns: Smooth operator? Nah, I’m a peanut butter spreader!
182. Peanut Butter Puns:
183. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: We stick together like PB&J.
184. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: Our bond is smoother than peanut butter.
185. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: You’re my jelly-mate for life.
186. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: You spread joy like jelly on toast.
187. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: Without you, I’m just half a sandwich.
188. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: Let’s toast to our perfect pairing!
189. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: Together, we’re the ultimate lunchbox legends.
190. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: Life’s butter with you by my side.
191. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: You’re jelly-tastic and I’m nuttily in love!
192. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: Being with you just feels right—like PB&J on warm bread.
193. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: When we’re together, it’s always snack time.
194. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: We make every day a little tastier.
195. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: You’re the grape-est person I know. I’ve got a spread-ing feeling you’re the one.
196. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: Our love story is totally sandwich-worthy.
197. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: You’re the only jelly that sticks in my heart.
198. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: This love? It’s deliciously sticky.
199. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: I’m nuts about you—and not afraid to admit it.
200. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: You make even my crusty days better.
201. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: I can’t spread the word enough: I adore you!
202. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: You make my heart feel like a full lunchbox.
203. Peanut Butter And Jelly Puns: We go together like… well, you know.