Nursing Jokes

by | Dec 30, 2025 | Uncategorized

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Nursing Jokes:

  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best jokes about nurses.
  2. Illinois Jokes: What state needs the most nurses?… “ILL” inois.
  3. Leap Year Jokes: My nurse wasn’t going to celebrate Leap Day… But he decided to jump on the band wagon. 
  4. Octopus Jokes: How do you know if an octopus is alive?… You check its octo-pulse! 
  5. Doctor Jokes: The nurse walked into the busy doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, the invisible man is here.” The doctor replied, “Sorry, I can’t see him.” 
  6. Middle School Jokes: Did you hear about the kidnapping at the local middle school?… Probably not, he is still sleeping in the nurse’s office. 
  7. We love @Crayola @RedCross! Why do #nurses go to #art #school?… In case they have to draw blood.
  8. We love @world_midwives @ACNMmidwives @INMO_IRL @MidwivesRCM! What is it called when a #hospital runs out of #maternity #nurses?… A mid-wife crisis! 
  9. I asked my wife to dress up as a nurse tonight… to fulfill my fantasy that we have #healthcare. 
  10. Hey @ANANursingWorld! Why did #middleschool nurse tip toe past the medicine cabinet? … She didn’t want to wake the #sleeping pills.  #nursing #ThankYouNurses #NursesWeek
  11. I kept trying to playing hide-and-seek when I was in the #hospital… but the security kept finding me in the #ICU. 
  12. We love @NEAToday! Where did the #teacher send the Viking when he got sick in class?… To the school #Norse! 
  13. We love & support @RedCross! The nurse taking my #blood got annoyed when I told them they were bad at their job, I don’t understand why though, after all they did keep saying: ‘be negative’ 
  14. After a bad cut, I asked the ER nurse if I could do my own stitches. She said, “Suture self.” 
  15. We love @APilotsEye! What did the #nurse say to the man who fainted at the airport terminal?… I think you might have a terminal illness. 
  16. Did you hear the joke about the germ?… Never mind, I don’t want to spread it around. 
  17. Hey @JohnsHopkins! Where does the #Easter Bunny study medicine? … John HOPkins. 
  18. What ‘s the difference between a #nurse and a nun?… A nun only serves one God. 
  19. We love @ANANursingWorld @menswearhouse! What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?… Get dressed up, the nurse is helping the doctor and taking us out! 
  20. I studied to become a #nurse… but I didn’t have enough patients for the job. 
  21. We love @CallTheMidwife1 @CorvetteRacing! I was gonna have a baby at the #hospital downtown but the week I was due, all the nurses quit their job and bought #Corvettes…. I guess they were having a midwife crisis. 
  22. #Nurse “You have a cute baby.” #Dad “I bet you say that to all new parents.” #Nurse “No, just to those whose babies really are good-looking.” #Dad “So what do you say to the others?” #Nurse “The baby looks just like you.” 
  23. #ThankYou @NursingTimes! The nurse who can smile when things go wrong…Is probably going off duty. 
  24. We love @TDBank_US! Doctor to nurse, “How is the child who swallowed a few quarters doing?” Nurse, “No change.” 
  25. A practical nurse is one who marries a rich, terminally ill patient. 
  26. We love @RedCross @ANANursingWorld @WeNurses @NursingTimes! Statistically 9 out of 10 injections are in vein. 
  27. We love @SertaMattresses! A nurse wakes up her patient and says “Wake up Mrs. Johnson. It’s time to take your #sleeping pills.” 
  28. Why are #nurses afraid of the outdoors?… Too much poison IV.  #nursing #ThankYouNurses #Ivy
  29. Hey @JohnsHopkins! Phone call with nurse: My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart! Nurse: “Is this her first child?” Me: “No, you idiot!, this is her husband!” 
  30. Nurse Bumper Sticker: Don’t mess with me – I get paid to poke people with very sharp objects. 
  31. Never upset a pediatric nurse… They have very little patients.  #nursing #ThankYouNurses  
  32. If Jake has 30 chocolate bars, and eats 25, what does he have?… Diabetes….. Jake has #diabetes! 
  33. We love @JustCoffeeCoop! What did the #coffee addict say to his nurse?…I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it! 
  34. How do you know when a nurse is having a bad day?… She won’t stop needling people. 
  35. Why does the infectious disease ward at the hospital have the fastest Wi-Fi?… Because it has all the hot spots. 
  36. Hey @NursingNow2020 @guitarcenter @GuitarWorld! Patient to nurse, “Will I be able to play the #guitar after this operation?” Nurse, “Yes, of course.” Patient “That’s great because I couldn’t before. 
  37. Why did the #doctor tell the #nurse to #walk quietly past the #medicine cabinet?… So they wouldn’t wake the #sleeping pills. 
  38. What do #transplant #nurses #hate?… #rejection! 
  39. Why did Mr. Peanut go to the hospital?… Because he was a-salted. 
  40. Hey @BarRescue! A priest, rabbi, and minister all had to go to the hospital. Turns out, they got alcohol poisoning from going to the bar so much. 
  41. Nurse: “Anything else I can get you?” Patient: “A million dollars!” 
  42. What inspires a nurse to move at the speed of light?… A bed alarm or fresh #coffee in the break room. 
  43. Nurse: My best friend’s name is Pam. She’s pretty low-key and great to be around. She goes by Loraze Pam, Diaze Pam, or Clonaze Pam. 
  44. Nurse: You know you’re getting hangry when your patient’s meal tray starts to look appetizing. 
  45. My younger brother made so many rash decisions he decided to become a #dermatologist. 
  46. Never try lying to an X-ray technician… They can see right through you. 
  47. Organ coordinator: Here’s our list of #donor #lungs, #hearts, and #kidneys in alphabetical order. Transplant surgeon: Impressive! It’s very organ-ized.  #nursing
  48. Did you hear about the two #podiatrists who left the practice?… They became arch #enemies. 
  49. Insuree: What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine? Insurer: You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment. 
  50. 2 docs & a #HMO manager die & line up at the Pearly Gates.#pediatric surgeon “I saved 100s of #children. IN #psychiatrist “I helped 1,000s of people live better lives.” IN #HMO boss “I helped families w/ cost-effective health care. “OK enter, but only approved for a 3 day stay.”
  51. #Acupuncture… What’s the point? 
  52. When you get a bladder infection.. ur-ine trouble. 
  53. I caught a cold riding on a #carousel… I think there was something going around. 
  54. Hey @GrammarMonkeys! #PMS jokes are not funny. Period.  #nursing #ThankYouNurses 
  55. #Smoking will kill you… #Bacon will kill you… But, smoking bacon will cure it. 
  56. I had a neck brace fitted years ago… I’ve never looked back since. 
  57. Hey @FauciFan @NursingNow2020! Who’s idea was it to sing “#HappyBirthday” while washing your hands?… Now every time I go to the bathroom, my kids expect me to walk out with a #cake. 
  58. I got really sick after drinking #milk with cream… My stomach was churning for a while… but now I’m finally feeling #butter. 
  59. Recent studies show patients who have a cold feel better on #Saturdays and #Sundays… Evidence points to a #weekend immune system. 
  60. Knock knock… Who’s there?… HIPAA… HIPAA who?… I can’t tell you that. 
  61. What kept Avogadro in bed for two months?… Moleonucleosis. 
  62. How many nurses does it take to screw in a light bulb?…None. They just have a nursing student do it. 
  63. Why did the #pillow go to the nurse?… He was feeling all stuffed up! 
  64. Hey @FauciFan @NursingNow2020! When I went to get my #Covid #vaccinations the young nurse told me they were very nervous as it was their first time. I told them to give it their best shot. 
  65. What did the nurse say to the patient who swallowed Scrabble tiles?… Don’t worry, you’ll have a vowel movement soon.  
  66. Doctor to a nurse, “Did you take this patient’s temperature?” Nurse, “No. Why is it missing?” 
  67. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about nursing? 
  68. Hey @audubonsociety! What do you give a sick bird?… Tweetment.  #nursing #ThankYouNurses
  69. have patience. 
  70. “I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!” 
  71. Hey @Crayola @RedCross! Why do #nurses carry red #crayons to #work?… In case they have to draw blood.
  72. Hey @Staples! Why do nurses bring red magic markers into work?… In case they have to draw blood. 
  73. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good nursing knock-knock joke?
  74. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good nursing knock knock jokes?
  75. Hey @Amnesiac_HS @Amnesia_Ibiza I once heard a joke about #amnesia but I forget how it goes. 
  76. Hey @StarWarsinClass! Why do #nurses make the best #Jedi?… Because a Jedi must 
  77. Hey @American_Heart! When is the worst time to have a #heart attack?… During a game of #charades. 
  78. I don’t find medical #puns funny anymore since I developed an #irony deficiency. 
  79. Where does a canoe go when it’s sick?… To the DOCK!
  80. What is the opposite of you’re out?… Urine. 
  81. Patient to nurse, “I feel run down.” Nurse, “ What makes you say that?” Patient, “The tire marks across my legs.” 
  82. Did you hear about the guy who had his entire left side cut off?… He’s all right now! 
  83. Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy.
  84. Why did the leaf go to the doctor?… It was feeling green.
  85. Sign on the #lawn at a #rehab center…. Keep off the #grass. 
  86. What is the proper way to use a stress ball? Throw it at the last person who made you mad.