U.S. History Jokes for Teachers

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What might an older candidate need if elected?… Presidentures! (Top President’s Day Jokes)
What is the most popular college during election season?… The Electoral College. (Electoral College from Highest to Lowest)
How did George Washington speak to during his 1st presidential campaign?…. In general terms. (Top George Washington Quotes)
Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed! (Top Civil War Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon! (Top President’s Day Jokes)
Why did they call Lincoln “Honest Abe”?… Because that’s what it said on all his campaign buttons. (Top Civil War Jokes)
Was General Washington a handsome man?… Yes, he was George-eous!!

What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?… A high-pot-in-use. (Top Math Jokes of All-Time & World Geography Jokes)
How did Christopher Columbus finance his way to the new land?… With his Discover card! (Top Columbus Day Jokes)
If Mississippi bought Virginia a New Jersey, what would Delaware?…. Idaho, Alaska! (U.S. Teachers are Great Tutors! & Top 10 U.S. States Jokes)
What did the puny rock say to the big muscle rock?… I wish I were boulder!
What do John Wayne and a map key have in common?… Both are legends.
What is smarter, longitude or latitude?…Longitude, because it has 360 degrees.
What always sits in the corner but can move all round the world?… A stamp.
“Old geographers never die, they just become legends.” (Top Social Studies Jokes)
Why was longitude boiling mad?… Because it was 360 degrees.
What do you call a map guide to Alcatraz?… A con-tour map. (Top 10 U.S. States Jokes)

What dance was very popular in 1776?… Indepen-dance! (4th of July Jokes)
What did one American flag say to the other flag?….. Nothing. It just waved! (Flag Day Jokes)
Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!”
What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War? … Chicken Catch-a-Tory!
Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?… Yeah, it cracked me up! (4th of July Jokes)
“Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”… “On the bottom!” (4th of July Jokes)
What did King George think of the American colonists?… He thought they were revolting! (4th of July Jokes)
What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?… Liberty! (4th of July Jokes)
Do they have a 4th of July in England?… Of course. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th. (4th of July Quiz)
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?… The Americans licked the British.

Why didn’t the Confederate soldier want to go to the baseball game?… He heard the Yankees were playing. (Top Baseball Jokes)
The tourist: ”Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?” Be a “Teacher Ranger” at Gettysburg National Military Park
What did one Union flag say to the other flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
What did one Confederate flag say to the other flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
What did the Confederate flag say to the Union flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
Who rode a dog and was a confederate general during the American Civil War?… Robert E Flea!
Where did the General Lee put his armies?… In his sleeveis. (get it his sleeves)?
Where did the General Grant put his armies?… In his sleeveis. (get it his sleeves)?
Never take a victory for Grant-ed.
Teacher: Abraham Lincoln had to walk 8 miles to so school. Student: He should have gotten up earlier and taken the bus like everyone else. (Top School Jokes)

Tag: U.S. History Jokes for Teachers