Fourth of July Jokes: Top 4th of July Jokes

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Check out our list of 365 Family Friendly JokesTop 10 Sports Jokes, and the list of the World’s Best Top 10 Jokes! We are always looking for sponsors who want to connect with parents and teachers (5 reasons to sponsor a blog).

School Jokes: 1,000+ Clean Jokes

Top Summer Jokes

  1. What dance was very popular in 1776?… Indepen-dance!
  2. What did one American flag say to the other flag?….. Nothing. It just waved!
  3. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!”
  4. What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War? Chicken Catch-a-Tory!
  5. How is a healthy person like the United States?… They both have good constitutions!
  6. Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?… Yeah, it cracked me up!
  7. “Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”… “On the bottom!”
  8. What did King George think of the American colonists?… He thought they were revolting!
  9. What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?… Liberty!
  10. Do they have a 4th of July in England?… Of course. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th. (4th of July Quiz)
  11. What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?… The Americans licked the British.
  12. Where did General Washington put his armies?… In his sleevies!
  13. What is Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?Fire crackers.
  14. What ghost haunted King George III?… The spirit of ‘76!
  15. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?… The infan-tree.
  16. Why were the first Americans like ants?… They lived in colonies.
  17. What did one firecracker say to the other firecracker?… My pop’s bigger than your pop.(Top Father’s Day Jokes)
  18. What do you call an AWESOME American drawing by a child?… A Yankee Doodle Dandy!
  19. What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts.
  20. What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?… A bald beagle!
  21. Best War of 1812 Book Never Written:… “The Star- Spangled Banner” by Jose Kanusee.
  22. What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?…Get in the boat, men!”
  23. How did American colonists’ dogs protest against England?… The Boston Flea Party.
  24. What did a patriot put on his dry skin?… Revo-lotion!
  25. Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?… Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
  26. Best American Battle Book Never Written: “American Victories” by Norman D. Beech.
  27. What’s red, white and blue?… Our flag, of course. And a sad candy cane!
  28. A Great American Book Never Written: “The Parts of the National Anthem” by Homer D. Brave.
  29. Teacher: Johnny, what are the last words of “The Star-Spangled Banner”?… Student:“Play ball”?
  30. Why does the Statue of Liberty stand in New York Harbor?… Because she can’t sit down.
  31. What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?… One has a bill on his face; the other has his face on a bill!
  32. Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants?… Because they lived in colonies.
  33. What did Paul Revere say at the end of his historic ride?… I’ve got to get a softer saddle!
  34. What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?… John Hamcock!
  35. What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?… A fire cracker
  36. What was Thomas Jefferson’s favorite dessert?… Monti jello
  37. Did you hear about the artist in the Continental Army?… He was a Yankee doodler
  38. Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette
  39. What’s red, white, black and blue?… Uncle Sam falling down the stairs.
  40. Why did the duck say, “Bang”?… He was a fire-quacker.
  41. Teacher: “True or False? The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. Student: “False. It was written in ink.” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  42. What’s red, white, blue and green? A seasick Uncle Sam
  43. Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?… They’re both cracked. (Top 10 Easter Jokes)
  44. What did the visitor say as he left the Statue of Liberty?… ”Keep in torch!”
  45. What did Washington say as he crossed the Delaware?… ”Next time I’m going to reserve a seat!”
  46. An Immigration Book Never Written: “Coming to America” by Anita Greencard.
  47. What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?… A powdered wigwam!
  48. How was the at the Fourth of July picnic?… The hot dogs were bad, but the brats were the wurst!
  49. What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler.
  50. Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks. (Top Presidents’ Day Jokes)
  51. Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.  Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.
  52. Teacher: “How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country’s flag?” Student: “I guess they took a flag poll!”
  53. What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?… The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
  54. What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?… The Fodder of Our Country!
  55. My great-grandfather fought with Napoleon, my grandfather fought with the French and my father fought with the Americans…. Your relatives couldn’t get along with anyone, could they?
  56. Which colonists told the most jokes?… Punsylvanians!
  57. What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?… Beneduck Arnold.
  58. Teacher: “Who wrote: Oh say, can you see?”
    Student: “An eye doctor?” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  59. What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic turtle!
  60. “My brother swallowed a box of firecrackers.” Friend: “Is he all right now?”…. “I don’t know. I haven’t heard the last report.”
  61. Why does Uncle Sam wear red, white and blue suspenders?… To hold up his pants.
  62. Food, Family, Fourth of july, and Fireworks. The four best F words ever!
  63. Which famous person do you get when you make a wreath out of $100 bills?… Aretha Franklin
  64. What did the little firecracker say to the big firecracker?… Hi, Pop!
  65. What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772?… The Boston Flea Party.
  66. Why did the British soldiers wear red coat?… So they could hide in the tomatoes.
  67. What’s red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?… A revolutionary warthog!
  68. What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic pickle.
  69. What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?… Yankee Poodle
  70. British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July.When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea.
  71. Who gave the liberty Bell to Philadelphia?… A duck family, Because it had a qwack in it!
  72. Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?… At the chopping mall.
  73. What’s big, cracked, and carries your luggage?… The Liberty Bellhop!
  74. What march would you play at a jungle parade?… “Tarzan Stripes Forever”!
  75. What is red, white, blue, and yellow?… A star-spangled banana.
  76. Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree with his hatchet?… Because his mom wouldn’t let him use the chainsaw.
  77. The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.” One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .“I’m not free. I’m four.”
  78. A little boy just couldn’t learn. One day his teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence. He didn’t know. For almost a week she asked him the same question every day, but still he couldn’t come up with the right answer. Finally, in desperation, she called the boy’s father to her office. “Your boy won’t tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence,” she complained. “Come here, son, and sit down,” the dad said to the boy. “Now if you signed that crazy thing, just admit it so we can get out of here!” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  79. What would you get if you crossed Washington’s home with nasty insects?… Mt. Vermin!
  80. What cat said, “The British are coming! The British are coming!”?… Paw Revere.
  81. What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?… Dino-mite!
  82. Why did the British cross the Atlantic?… To get to the other tide!
  83. Teacher: “Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?”
    Student: “I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.” (Top Teacher Jokes)
  84. What would you get if you crossed an idiot with Yankee Doodle?… Yankee Doofus!
  85. What has four legs, a shiny nose, and fought for England?… Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer! (Christmas TriviaChristmas Jokes)
  86. How is the American flag like Santa Claus?… They both hang out at the pole! (Christmas TriviaChristmas Jokes)
  87. Teacher: “What do you know that has stars and stripes?” Student: “A movie about a zebra!”(Top Teacher Jokes)
  88. What would you get if you crossed a famous march tune with a monster and his friends?… “Stars and Twerps Forever”!
  89. What would you get if you crossed the Stars and Stripes with a cookie?… A Flag Newton!
  90. What’s the difference between June 14 and a day when a monster cooks?… One’s a flag day and the other’s a gag day!
  91. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?… It can’t sit down.
  92. What are the two main rules in the Army? 1. The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1
  93. “If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.” Stephen Colbert

 

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