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Category: Dads

  • Final Four Basketball Jokes: Final 4 Basketball Jokes

    My Town Tutors is a great resource for parents & teachers. Find qualified tutors in your area today!




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    Top Joke Pages

    1. Sports Jokes
    2. 180 School Jokes
    3. Clean Jokes
    4. 365 Family Friendly Jokes

    Top Basketball Jokes! Top March Madness Quotes!
    Coaching Youth Basketball: Tip, Drills, & Ideas

    March Madness Bracket
    March Madness Quotes & March Madness Trivia
     

    1. What did the march say to all the madness?… What’s all that bracket.
    2. Why did the top scorer on the Final Four basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball 20 times!
    3. Sports Reporter: What do you think about the execution of your team? Frustrated March Madness coach: I support that 100%!
    4. What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?… Swiss!!!

     

  • Final Four Basketball Jokes: March Madness Jokes

    My Town Tutors is a great resource for parents & teachers. Find qualified tutors in your area today!




    Please Share!

    Top Joke Pages

    1. Sports Jokes
    2. 180 School Jokes
    3. Clean Jokes
    4. 365 Family Friendly Jokes

    Top Basketball Jokes! Top March Madness Quotes!
    Coaching Youth Basketball: Tip, Drills, & Ideas

    March Madness Bracket
    March Madness Quotes & March Madness Trivia

    1. What did the march say to all the madness?… What’s all that bracket.
    2. Why did the top scorer on the Final Four basketball player go to jail?…  Because he shot the ball 20 times!
    3. Sports Reporter: What do you think about the execution of your team? Frustrated March Madness coach: I support that 100%!
    4. What do you call a piece of cheese that likes to shoot hoops?… Swiss!!!

     

  • Iditarod Jokes: Sled Dog Jokes

    My Town Tutors is making a huge commitment to be the #1 tutoring resource for parents and teachers in America. Our motto is “Teachers are great tutors!” Parents love the fact that every teacher in our directory is a teacher! This summer we are expanding to all 50 states!
    Read an article that explains why My Town Tutors is becoming the #1 resource for tutoring in America!
    Please Share!
    Click here for more ideas on coaching youth basketball.
    Complete list of sports jokes!
    Top 10 Seasonal Jokes!: A GREAT advertising opportunity! 365 Sports Jokes! Top 10 Sports Jokes! Top Sports Jokes of All-Time!

    1. What does a sled dog that was an Iditarod competitor become after it is ten years old?… Eleven years old.
    2. Why did the sled dog in the Iditarod race wear little booties?… Because its kamiks were being repaired!
    3. Where are sled dogs trained?… In the mush-room!
    4. What do sled dogs play with to amuse themselves?… Their “Sony Sleigh Station”.
    5. What do sled dogs say before telling you a joke?… “This one will sleigh you!”
    6. What did the hunter say when the polar bear ate his sled dog?… “Well, doggone!”
    7. What is worse than a sled dog howling at the moon?… A whole team of sled dogs howling at the moon!
    8. How do you make a slow sled dog fast?… Don’t feed it!
    9. Why is it called a “litter” of puppies?… Because they mess up the whole igloo!
    10. How is a sled dog like your nose on a cold day?… They both run!
    11. What do you call a litter of young dogs that have come in out of the snow?… Slush puppies!
    12. Where should you leave your dog team and sled?… At the barking lot!
    13. How did the sled dog make antifreeze?… It ran off with her blanket!
    14. Why aren’t sled dogs good dancers?… Because they have two left feet!
    15. Why did the sled dog run in circles?… It was the watchdog and needed winding.
    16. If your sled dog fell through a hole in the ice, what is the first thing it would do? … Get wet!
    17. Why did the hunter name his sled dog Frost?… Because Frost bites!
    18. What’s a sign that your sled dog may not be an Iditarod winner?… Its collar doubles as its medic alert bracelet.
    19. What time is it when ten sled dogs are chasing a polar bear across the ice?… Ten after one. (1:10)
    20. What is the difference between a sled dog and a mailbox?… You don’t know? No wonder we’re not getting any mail from the Arctic!
    21. What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers on the tundra?… A bud hound!
    22. What did the sled dog take when it was run down?… The description of the snowmobile that hit it!
    23. What is a sled dog’s favorite sport?… Formula 1 drooling!
    24. How many legs to sled dogs have?… Six. Forelegs at the front and two at the back!
    25. How many hairs are in a sled dog’s tail?… None. They’re all on the outside.

    These one are pretty bad!

    1. What do you get if you cross a sled dog and a cheetah?… A dog that chases snowmobiles – and catches them!
    2. What do you do if your sled dogs won’t run?…  Get the AHA (Arctic Husky Association) to make an emergency service call.
    3. What do you do when you park your sled in very cold weather?… Plug in your dogs.
    4. What would you get if you crossed a puffin with a sled dog?… A dog that lays pooched eggs!
    5. How can you tell if you have a stupid sled dog?… It chases parked snowmobiles!
    6. Why did the sled dog cross the snow softly?…Because it just got hit by a snowmobile and couldn’t walk hardly.
    7. What is the difference between Santa Claus and a warm sled dog?… Santa wears a whole suit – a dog just pants! (Top Christmas Jokes)
    8. How long are a sled dog’s legs?… All the way down to the snow. (Or maybe… four feet?)
    9. Why did the sled dog bite the man’s ankle?… Because it was a short dog and couldn’t reach any higher!
    10. Why do sled dogs bury their bones in the ground?… Well, doesn’t everybody put their leftover food in the refrigerator?
    11. Why do sled dogs bury their bones in the ground?… Because they can’t put them in the trees!
    12. Where do sled dogs go when they’ve lost their tails? A: A retail store.
    13. Ten sled dogs shared one umbrella, yet none got wet. Why? A: It wasn’t raining. (There’s no drownpour here – the Arctic is a desert.)
    14. What do you call a sled dog with no legs?… It doesn’t matter what you call it, it still won’t run!
    15. What did one sled dog say to the other while leaving the party in the igloo?… “That was one of the best parties we’ve ever been to… and then you had to go and do that on the floor!”
    16. How can you tell if you have a stupid sled dog?… There’s a long pause after “Bow” while it tries to remember “Wow”.
    17. How can you tell if you have a stupid sled dog?… Buries its tail – wags its bones!
    18. How can you tell if you have a stupid sled dog?… When you give it that canned food from down south – it just eats the meat-by-products part!
    19. What’s a sign that your sled dog may not like you?… You catch it gnawing on your snowmobile’s brake line.
    20. What’s a sign that your sled dog may not like you?… Whenever you’re having a bath, it decides to fetch electric appliances.

  • St. Patrick's Day Jokes: St. Patrick's Day Jokes for Teachers

    My Town Tutors is making a huge commitment to be the #1 tutoring resource for parents and teachers in America. Our motto is “Teachers are great tutors!” Parents love the fact that every teacher in our directory is a teacher! This summer we are expanding to all 50 states!
    Read an article that explains why My Town Tutors is becoming the #1 resource for tutoring in America!
    Please Share!
    Top 10 Teacher Jokes!
    Top 10 Seasonal Jokes!: A GREAT advertising opportunity! 365 Sports Jokes!
    Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig Oraibh! – Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

    1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
    2. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Ireland!… Ireland who? Ireland you money, if you promise to pay me back.
    3. Carrot: Knock, knock. Potato: Who’s there? Carrot: Irish stew. Potato: Irish stew, who? Carrot: Irish stew in the name of the law.

    Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes

    1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
    2. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
    3. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
    4. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
    5. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
    6. What did the leprechaun do for a living?… He was a short-order cook!
    7. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
    8. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?… He took a shortcut!
    9. What do you call a big Irish spider?… A Paddy long legs.
    10. On what musical instrument did the showoff musician play his St. Patrick’s Day tunes?… On his brag-pipes.
    11. What’s a leprechaun’s favorite kind of music?…Sham-rock and roll.
    12. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
    13. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
    14. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?… A rash of good luck.
    15. What do you call leprechauns who collect aluminum cans, used newspapers and plastic bottles?… “Wee-cyclers!”
    16. Daughter: Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick’s Day. Mom: Oh, really?Daughter: No, O’Reilly!
    17. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
    18. How does every Irish joke start?…By looking over your shoulder.
    19. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
    20. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered.
    21. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers?… Because you don’t want to press your luck.
    22. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
    23. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
    24. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
    25. What’s Irish and stays out all night?… Paddy O’furniture!
    26. Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
    27. What do you get when you do the Irish jig at McDonald’s?… A Shamrock Shake
    28. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
    29. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus! (Top Christmas Jokes)
    30. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
    31. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock.
    32. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
    33. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
    34. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
    35. Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
    36. What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
    37. Why don’t women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day?… ‘Cause they don’t want to get a “sham rock”.
    38. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
    39. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
    40. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
    41. How can you identify an Irish pirate?… He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
    42. What do you call a clumsy Irish dance?… A jig mistake!
    43. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day?… Because they’re always wearing green
    44. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame!
    45. What did the leprechaun say on March 17?… “Irish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”
    46. What do you call an Irishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?… A Referee.
    47. What is a nuahcerpel?… Leprechaun spelled backwards!
    48. What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?… Liam Malone
    49. Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?… He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
    50. What’s long & green & has a low I.Q.?… a St. Patrick’s Day Parade
    51. The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven’t got the joke yet.
    52. Where do leprechauns buy their groceries?… Rainbow Foods!
    53. What do you call a Cubic Zirconia in Ireland?… A sham rock

    PG-13

    1. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
    2. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs (Top Halloween Jokes)
    3. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
    4. What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip.
    5. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con
    6. I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home…That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.
    7. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?… A bachelor.
    8. Irish Blessing – As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

    Irish One-liners

    1. ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
    2. ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
    3. ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’
    4. How do you confuse an Irishman? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick…
    5. What do you call an Irishman who has been dead for 50 years?… Peat.
    6. Cheers… And may ye be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows yer dead.
    7. “Did you know” says Murphy, “there’s twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people?”
    8. Irish Scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live!
    9. Irish businessmen have their names printed on the front and back of their business card in case someone loses them.

     

  • St. Patrick's Day Jokes

    My Town Tutors is making a huge commitment to be the #1 tutoring resource for parents and teachers in America. Our motto is “Teachers are great tutors!” Parents love the fact that every teacher in our directory is a teacher! This summer we are expanding to all 50 states!
    Read an article that explains why My Town Tutors is becoming the #1 resource for tutoring in America!
    Please Share!
    TRY THE PI DAY CHALLENGE! IT IS AWESOME!

    Top 10 Seasonal Jokes!: A GREAT advertising opportunity! 365 Sports Jokes!
    Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig Oraibh! – Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

    1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
    2. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Ireland!… Ireland who? Ireland you money, if you promise to pay me back.
    3. Carrot: Knock, knock. Potato: Who’s there? Carrot: Irish stew. Potato: Irish stew, who? Carrot: Irish stew in the name of the law.

    Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes

    1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
    2. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
    3. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
    4. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
    5. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
    6. What did the leprechaun do for a living?… He was a short-order cook!
    7. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
    8. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?… He took a shortcut!
    9. What do you call a big Irish spider?… A Paddy long legs.
    10. On what musical instrument did the showoff musician play his St. Patrick’s Day tunes?… On his brag-pipes.
    11. What’s a leprechaun’s favorite kind of music?…Sham-rock and roll.
    12. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
    13. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
    14. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?… A rash of good luck.
    15. What do you call leprechauns who collect aluminum cans, used newspapers and plastic bottles?… “Wee-cyclers!”
    16. Daughter: Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick’s Day. Mom: Oh, really?Daughter: No, O’Reilly!
    17. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
    18. How does every Irish joke start?…By looking over your shoulder.
    19. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
    20. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered.
    21. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers?… Because you don’t want to press your luck.
    22. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
    23. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
    24. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
    25. What’s Irish and stays out all night?… Paddy O’furniture!
    26. Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
    27. What do you get when you do the Irish jig at McDonald’s?… A Shamrock Shake
    28. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
    29. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus! (Top Christmas Jokes)
    30. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
    31. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock.
    32. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
    33. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
    34. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
    35. Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
    36. What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
    37. Why don’t women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day?… ‘Cause they don’t want to get a “sham rock”.
    38. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
    39. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
    40. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
    41. How can you identify an Irish pirate?… He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
    42. What do you call a clumsy Irish dance?… A jig mistake!
    43. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day?… Because they’re always wearing green
    44. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame!
    45. What did the leprechaun say on March 17?… “Irish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”
    46. What do you call an Irishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?… A Referee.
    47. What is a nuahcerpel?… Leprechaun spelled backwards!
    48. What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?… Liam Malone
    49. Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?… He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
    50. What’s long & green & has a low I.Q.?… a St. Patrick’s Day Parade
    51. The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven’t got the joke yet.
    52. Where do leprechauns buy their groceries?… Rainbow Foods!
    53. What do you call a Cubic Zirconia in Ireland?… A sham rock

    PG-13

    1. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
    2. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs (Top Halloween Jokes)
    3. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
    4. What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip.
    5. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con
    6. What’s the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral?… There’s one less drunk.
    7. I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home…That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.
    8. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?… A bachelor.
    9. Irish Blessing – As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

    Irish One-liners

    1. ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
    2. ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
    3. ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’
    4. How do you confuse an Irishman? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick…
    5. What do you call an Irishman who has been dead for 50 years?… Peat.
    6. Cheers… And may ye be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows yer dead.
    7. “Did you know” says Murphy, “there’s twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people?”
    8. Irish Scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live!
    9. Irish businessmen have their names printed on the front and back of their business card in case someone loses them.

     

  • St. Patrick's Day Knock Knock Jokes

    My Town Tutors is making a huge commitment to be the #1 tutoring resource for parents and teachers in America. Our motto is “Teachers are great tutors!” Parents love the fact that every teacher in our directory is a teacher! This summer we are expanding to all 50 states!
    Read an article that explains why My Town Tutors is becoming the #1 resource for tutoring in America!
    Please Share!
    TRY THE PI DAY CHALLENGE! IT IS AWESOME!

    Top 10 Seasonal Jokes!: A GREAT advertising opportunity! 365 Sports Jokes!

    Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig Oraibh! – Happy Saint Patrick’s Day!

    1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
    2. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Ireland!… Ireland who? Ireland you money, if you promise to pay me back.
    3. Carrot: Knock, knock. Potato: Who’s there? Carrot: Irish stew. Potato: Irish stew, who? Carrot: Irish stew in the name of the law.

    Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes

    1. Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
    2. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
    3. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers? …. Because you don’t want to press your luck.
    4. How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
    5. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter!
    6. What did the leprechaun do for a living?… He was a short-order cook!
    7. Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
    8. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold?… He took a shortcut!
    9. What do you call a big Irish spider?… A Paddy long legs.
    10. On what musical instrument did the showoff musician play his St. Patrick’s Day tunes?… On his brag-pipes.
    11. What’s a leprechaun’s favorite kind of music?…Sham-rock and roll.
    12. Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
    13. What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs!
    14. What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover?… A rash of good luck.
    15. What do you call leprechauns who collect aluminum cans, used newspapers and plastic bottles?… “Wee-cyclers!”
    16. Daughter: Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick’s Day. Mom: Oh, really?Daughter: No, O’Reilly!
    17. What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock
    18. How does every Irish joke start?…By looking over your shoulder.
    19. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy.
    20. Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered.
    21. Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers?… Because you don’t want to press your luck.
    22. “I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!”
    23. How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut!
    24. What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant.
    25. What’s Irish and stays out all night?… Paddy O’furniture!
    26. Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
    27. What do you get when you do the Irish jig at McDonald’s?… A Shamrock Shake
    28. When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry!
    29. What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus! (Top Christmas Jokes)
    30. Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? …. To keep from falling in the stew!
    31. What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock.
    32. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare.
    33. Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get!
    34. What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet!
    35. Where can you always find gold?… In the dictionary!
    36. What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow.
    37. Why don’t women want to get engaged on St Patricks Day?… ‘Cause they don’t want to get a “sham rock”.
    38. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green.
    39. What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot!
    40. Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
    41. How can you identify an Irish pirate?… He’s the one with patches over both eyes.
    42. What do you call a clumsy Irish dance?… A jig mistake!
    43. Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day?… Because they’re always wearing green
    44. What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame!
    45. What did the leprechaun say on March 17?… “Irish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!”
    46. What do you call an Irishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?… A Referee.
    47. What is a nuahcerpel?… Leprechaun spelled backwards!
    48. What do you call an Irish fella trying to break up a fight?… Liam Malone
    49. Did you hear about the Irishman who was tap dancing?… He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink.
    50. What’s long & green & has a low I.Q.?… a St. Patrick’s Day Parade
    51. The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scots as a joke, but the Scots haven’t got the joke yet.
    52. Where do leprechauns buy their groceries?… Rainbow Foods!
    53. What do you call a Cubic Zirconia in Ireland?… A sham rock

    PG-13

    1. Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
    2. What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs (Top Halloween Jokes)
    3. How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
    4. What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip.
    5. What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con
    6. What’s the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral?… There’s one less drunk.
    7. I went out drinking on St Patricks Day, so I took a bus home…That may not be a big deal to you, but I’ve never driven a bus before.
    8. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?… A bachelor.
    9. Irish Blessing – As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.

    Irish One-liners

    1. ‘I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world,’ moaned Betty McGrath. ‘I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off.’
    2. ‘I’d like some nails,’ Mick requested of the ravelling tinker. ‘How long would you like them?’ asked the man. ‘Forever, if that’s all right with you,’ said Mick.
    3. ‘I was going to give him a nasty look but he already had one!’
    4. How do you confuse an Irishman? Put two shovels against a wall, and tell him to take his Pick…
    5. What do you call an Irishman who has been dead for 50 years?… Peat.
    6. Cheers… And may ye be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows yer dead.
    7. “Did you know” says Murphy, “there’s twice as many eyebrows in the world as there are people?”
    8. Irish Scientists have discovered that birthdays are good for you. The more you have the longer you live!
    9. Irish businessmen have their names printed on the front and back of their business card in case someone loses them.


  • One Good Blog is Better Than 10,549 Tweets

    The main goal for any small business is to attract visitors and potential clients to your website. Visitors can learn about your mission. My Town Tutors is a national directory of U.S. teachers who tutor. We believe “Teachers are Great Tutors! We provide an amazing service for parents and teachers.

    Twitter can be a very useful tool to increase traffic and gain followers who like your brand and mission. With twitter the goal should be to make an initial connection that can grow into a strong business relationship.
    Tweets are great, however many more people use the internet to search for information related to your business. We love to laugh at My Town Tutors and take pride in having great school appropriate jokes for all seasons. (180 School Jokes)
    One of the most popular blogs of the year is our 101 Pi Day Jokes that is a great math celebration on March 14th (Top Elementary Math Jokes). This is a great opportunity to attract math lovers. Do all of them need a tutor? No. Are all of them math teachers? No. But there is a good amount of math teachers who Pi Day assignments that will view the website and hopefully want to learn more.
    Traffic:

    • 8,700 visitors: March 1st – March 13th, 2016
    • 1o,549 visitors: March 14th, 2016
    • 44,709 vistors: March 14th, 2015 – March 14th, 2016

    The Pi Day Jokes is listed on the 1st page of a google search. This page is also a great advertising opportunity for a company like IPracticeMath. So this one GREAT blog post attracts visitors and creates advertising revenue that we can count on each year.

  • QUBE Basketball Trainer: 5 Important Tips For "Straight" Shooters

    My Town Tutors is a great resource for parents & teachers. Find qualified tutors in your area today!




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    Coaching Youth Basketball!

    QUBE BASKETBALL TRAINER

    a revolutionary breakthrough in shooting a basketball.

    It’s funny; shooting a basketball seems to be an elusive skill. NOW there is a product to change that: the “QUBE” Basketball Trainer!

    The QUBE is a revolutionary breakthrough in shooting a basketball.  It IS the next big thing!  ou know why? Because it works!! And, here’s how:

    Talk to 10 different experts and you will get 10 different expert opinions on the most important way to shoot a basketball.  Practice, focus, bend your knees, etc…they’re all important but, THE MOST IMPORTANT NON NEGOTIABLE of shooting a basketball is that you must first learn to shoot perfectly straight!  If you miss left or right, your shot is flawed!  When you shoot straight, you can actually miss long or short and the ball still has a chance to go in!

    The QUBE’s patent-pending leveling system teaches you proper hand placement and elbow/wrist alignment which are essential in shooting a ball straight!  Using the QUBE helps you develop proper muscle memory and transitions easily to a real basketball.  Once you master the QUBE, you’ll find that every shot is a straight shot with proper arc…you’ll never miss a shot left or right again (and the results are immediate)!  The other great thing about the QUBE is you can use it at home without a rim.  Just placing it your hands and learning proper positioning is going to help you immediately.

    The obvious question is “why a cube?” The QUBE’s unique shape provides an advantage in terms of teaching players how to shoot.  It teaches the player exactly how to position their hands and how to align their elbow/wrist.  They get that “OH, that’s how you shoot” moment!  And basketball is a lot more fun when you can make shots!

    So, let’s examine 5 ways the QUBE can help your shot:

    1. MOST IMPORTANT – The QUBE teaches you to shoot straight – everything else you do should be geared toward accomplishing that goal.  We’re not talking about shooting the ball which appears to go straight but misses to the left or right of the rim.  We are talking about shooting perfectly straight!  Missing a shot left or right of the rim is not an option!  The QUBE’s unique design instructs the player to have five fingers of their shooting hand on the bottom of the QUBE and five fingers of their guide hand on the side of the QUBE.  This IS the proper way to shoot a basketball and it makes the transition to a real ball a no-brainer.

    2. In order to shoot straight, your elbow/wrist MUST be aligned properly (from 0-5 degrees).  This helps keep the ball from missing left or right.  Additionally, your palm must be level just prior to your wrist snap as you shoot!  As you receive the ball to shoot, your shooting elbow should come in toward your rib cage.  By properly positioning your hands on the QUBE, it’s very simple to make sure your shooting elbow is directly under the QUBE.  If your elbow is flared out, it will cause your shot to be inconsistent.

    3. In order to shoot straight you MUST have proper hand placement AND your guide/balance hand IS VERY important. Learn the proper guide-hand placement and learn how to keep it from interfering with your shot.   Five fingers of the shooting hand MUST BE under the ball and five fingers of the guide hand MUST BE on the side of the ball with your thumb pointing back.  The guide hand is there to help balance, guide and stabilize the ball on your shooting hand.  Remember,  less ball movement in your hand means greater shooting accuracy!  As you shoot, your guide hand will remain perfectly still.

    4. You MUST shoot with proper arc to give your shot the optimal chance of going in! The higher the arc, the larger the target becomes.  In order to shoot properly, you must learn to shoot up (like you’re going up the elevator), not out (like throwing it at the rim).  So…shoot up, not out!

    5. You MUST follow thru properly! Your shooting elbow should finish above eye level to promote proper arc.  Remember, as you shoot, pretend that your shooting hand ‘is going up an elevator’.   Make sure you get full elbow extension before you get off the elevator☺!  In other words, as you shoot, your elbow should be fully extended as your wrist snaps forward…your shooting wrist will snap forward at the same time your shooting elbow locks out…in an upright position.

    To learn more about the QUBE (including our video analysis program) visit our QUBE Basketball channel on YouTube.  The QUBE can be purchased through PayPal –

    Qubebasketballtrainer@gmail.com for $29.  Freight is free in the continental US.  For International Freight prices simply email qubebasketballtrainer@gmail.com with your mailing address.

    Remember this – Amateurs practice until they get it right…Pros practice until it can’t go wrong!

    Charlie Wallace

    (314)210-4815


     

  • Math Jokes for Elementary School

    My Town Tutors is making a huge commitment to be the #1 tutoring resource for parents and teachers in America. Our motto is “Teachers are great tutors!” Parents love the fact that every teacher in our directory is a teacher! This summer we are expanding to all 50 states!
    Read an article that explains why My Town Tutors is becoming the #1 resource for tutoring in America!

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    Math teachers are great tutors! Find one today! Need a tutor? Why not a teacher?

    We are always looking to register qualified math teachers who tutor!

    We have some great SEO advertising opportunities that allow business to connect with a very targeted audience of parents and teachers.  There are some great reasons to sponsor one of the blogs below! The blogs are a great opportunity to connect with others via twitter!

    Top Math Jokes, 101 Pi Day Jokes, & Top Elementary Jokes!

    1. Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8 (ate) 9.
    2. Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You said we had to do it without tables! (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
    3. Why is a math book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems. (Top Jokes for Math Teachers).
    4. Teacher: If you have 5 people and only 4 apples, how would you divide them? Student: I’d ask someone to go get a knife and whoever was stupid enough to go wouldn’t get an apple.
    5. Teacher: If I had ten apples in my right hand and nine in my left, what would I have?… Student: Huge hands! (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
    6. What happened to the plant in math class?… It grew square roots. (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
    7. What did the math classroom have instead of desks?… Times tables.
    8. How did the little kids like learning addition?… They thought it was a real plus.
    9. What did one math book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
    10. How did the math teacher paint a picture?… By the numbers.
    11. How far open were the windows in the math class?… Just a fraction.
    12. If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?… One dollar.
    13. How can you make seven even?… Take away the “s”!
    14. What does the zero say to the the eight?… Nice belt!
    15. How did the student get the answer to ten minus ten?… He zeroed in on it.
    16. 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates! (Pi Day Jokes & Top Pirate Jokes)
    17. What is the official animal of Pi Day?… the PI – thon! (101 Pi Day Jokes)
    18. Where can you buy a ruler that is 3 feet long?… At a yard sale.
    19. Why couldn’t the seven and the ten get married?… They were under eighteen.
    20. How many eggs can you put in an empty basket? … Only one, after that the basket is not empty. (Top Easter Jokes)
    21. Teacher: How much is half of 8? Student: Up and down or across? Teacher: What do you mean ? Student: Well,up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0.
    22. What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds?… A plane cheeseburger.
    23. Why was the math student so bad at decimals?… She couldn’t get the point.
    24. What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?… Geometry. (Top Geometry Jokes)
    25. What would you get if you crossed a dog and a calculator?… A friend you can count on.
    26. What kind of meals do math teachers eat?… Square meals!
    27. What is a mathematician’s favorite dessert?… Pi!
    28. Teacher:: Remember, class, you can’t add apples and oranges. Student: My mother does it all the time. She calls it fruit cocktail.
    29. Why does nobody talk to circles?… Because there is no point! (Top Geometry Jokes)
    30. Why couldn’t the math student get any attention?… He didn’t count.
    31. Teacher: Now class, whatever I ask, I want you to all answer at once. How much is six plus 4? Class: At once!
    32. What do geometry teachers have on their floors?… Area rugs. (Top Geometry Jokes)
    33. What do you have to know to get top grades in geometry?… All the angles! (Top Geometry Jokes)
    34. Which member of royalty is best at math?… The Count. (The Count counts the digits of Pi.)
    35. Teacher: If you eat two thirds of a pie, what do you have left? Student:An angry mother. (Top Mother’s Day Jokes)
    36. Teacher: Let X equal the unknown quantity. Now, if X + 10 = 20, and X – 5 = 5, what is X? Student: As far as I’m concerned, it’s still the unknown quantity.
    37. Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4? Student: That’s not fair; you answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!
    38. Decimals have a point.
    39. How does a mathematician plow his fields?… With a protractor.
    40. How do you plow underground fields?… With a subtractor.
    41. Teacher: If you had two dimes and your brother gave you a nickel, how much money would you have? Student: Twenty cents. Teacher:: You don’t know your mathematics. Student: You don’t know my brother.
    42. Why did the boy eat his math homework?… Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
    43. What did the bee say when it solved the problem?… “Hive got it!”
    44. Teacher: How do you find the square root of 144? Student: I generally ask someone who’s smarter than I am.
    45. What kind of pliers do you use in arithmetic?… Multipliers!
    46. Teacher: What’s 2 and 2? Student: 4. Teacher: That’s good. Student: Good? That’s perfect!
    47. What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?… A line. (Top Geometry Jokes)
    48. What is a smart bird’s favorite type of math?… owl-gebra! (Top Geometry Jokes)
    49. Who invented fractions?… Henry the Eighth!
    50. What do you call an arithmetic teacher who can make numbers disappear?… A mathemagician.
    51. If there are ten cats in a boat and one jumps out, how many are left?… None; they were all copycats!
    52. Why did the two 4’s skip lunch?… They already 8!
    53. Why is a geometry book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems. (Top Geometry Jokes)
    54. Teacher: Can you count from 1 to 20? Student: I’m not sure. How about if I just count from 1 to 10 twice?
    55. Teacher: If you had 36 cents in one pocket and 59 cents in the other pocket, what would you have? Student: Somebody else’s pants.
    56. How are you doing in arithmetic?… I’ve learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me trouble.
    57. What makes arithmetic hard work?… All those numerals you have to carry.
    58. What did the acorn say when he grew up?… Gee, I’m A Tree! (Top Geometry Jokes)
    59. What do you call people who like tractors?… Protractors.
    60. What did the baby tree say when it looked in a mirror?… Gee-Om-A-Tree (Top Geometry Jokes)
    61. How is the moon like a dollar?… They both have 4 quarters. (Full Moon Names)
    62. What goes up and never comes down?… Your Age. (101 Grandparents Quotes)
    63. What was T. rex’s favorite number?… Eight!
    64. What do you call an empty parrot cage?… Polygon.
    65. Why are diapers like 100 dollar bills?… They need to be changed.
    66. When things go wrong, what can you always count on?… Your fingers.
    67. Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches long?… Otherwise it would be a foot.
    68. What do mathematicians eat on Halloween?… Pumpkin Pi. (101 Pi Day Jokes)
    69. Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?… Because it had more cents.
    70. What do you call a crushed angle?…. A Rectangle (wrecked angle). (Top Geometry Jokes)
    71. Why did I divide sin by tan?… Just cos.
    72. Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?… because it was over 90 degrees. (Top Summer Jokes)
    73. What do you call an angle which is adorable?… acute angle.
    74. What do you call male friends who love math?… alge “bros” (Top Algebra Jokes)
    75. What do you call 144 cockroaches?… Gross.
    76. Who invented the Round Table?… Sir Cumference.
    77. Which triangles are the coldest?… Ice-sosceles triangles. (Top Winter Jokes)
    78. What did one geometry book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
    79. What does the little mermaid wear?… An algae-bra. (Top Algebra Jokes)
    80. Did you hear the joke about the statistician?… Probably.
    81. What wild animal is good at calculus?… The tangent lion.
    82. Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?… He was better at fitting curves than hitting them. (Top Baseball Jokes)
    83. Who invented algebra?… A Clever X-pert.
    84. Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?… It’s too cubed.
    85. What do you get when you cross an algebra class with the prom?… The quadratic formal.
    86. Why is an algebra book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
    87. What geometric figure is like a lost parrot?… A polygon!
    88. How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation?… By completing the scare. (Top Halloween Jokes)
    89. Why did the doctor send the expression to a psychiatrist?… Because it wasn’t rational. (Top Psychology Jokes)
    90. Do you know a statistics joke?… Probably, but it’s mean!
    91. What do you call a snake after it drinks three cups of coffee?… A hyper boa.
    92. What is Ho cubed?… HoHoHo (Christmas Trivia & Christmas Jokes)
    93. How can you tell when a factorial is enthusiastic?… It’s always enthusiastic – it has an exclamation point!
    94. Why did the girl wear glasses during math class?… Because it improves di-vison!
    95. Surgeon: Nurse! I have so many patients! Who do I work on first? Nurse: Simple. Use the order of operations.
    96. Teacher: Your behavior reminds me of square root of 2? Student: Why? Teacher:Because its’ completely irrational. (Top Teacher Jokes)
    97. Student: The artist Picasso must have been really good at algebra. Teacher: Why do you say that? Student: He was a famous cubist, so he probably had to do a lot of factoring. (Top Teacher Jokes)
    98. Teacher: Why did your mother and father do your algebra homework? Student: They really understand parent functions. (Top Teacher Jokes)
    99. Why are you drumming on your algebra book with two big sticks?… Because we are studying log rhythms.
    100. How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?… By using a cod-ratic inequality. (Top Summer Jokes & Top Massachusetts Jokes)
    101. A circle is just a round straight line with a hole in the middle.
    102. How do you know that your dentist studied algebra?… She said all that candy gave me exponential decay.
    103. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of Mount Everest?… A high-pot-in-use (Top Geometry Jokes)
    104. Why do plants hate math?… Because it gives them square roots.
    105. Why is a calculus book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems. (Top Calculus Jokes)
    106. How can you make time fly?… Throw a clock out the window!
    107. Without geometry, life is pointless.
    108. Why are misers good math teachers?… They know how to make every penny count!
    109. You don’t know your arithmetic… You don’t know my father!
    110. A daughter stood quietly as her father examined her report card. “What is this 45 in math?” asked her father. “I think that’s the size of the class,” she said quickly!
    111. If I had five coconuts and I gave you three, how many would I have left?… I don’t know. Why not?… In our school we do all our arithmetic in apples and oranges.
    112. If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?… Big hands!
    113. If you got $10 from 10 people, what would you have?… A new bike!
    114. Why was the maths book unhappy?… It had too many problems!
    115. Teacher: If I gave you three rabbits today and five rabbits tomorrow, how many rabbits would you have? Student: Nine. Teacher: That’s not right, you’d have eight. Student: No, Teacher, I’d have nine. I already have one rabbit at home!
    116. Teacher: If you add 3452 and 3096, then divide the answer by 4 and multiply by 6, what would you get? Student: The wrong answer.
    117. “Our teacher has a bad memory. For three days she asked us how much is two and two. We told her it was four. But she still doesn’t know. Today she asked us again!”
    118. What are 12 and 14?… Numbers
    119. Birds on the mountain, Fish in the sea, How you passed math, Is a mystery to me.
    120. Son: I got 100 in school today. Mother: Wonderful. What did you get 100 in? Son: Two things: I got 50 in Spelling and 50 in History. (Top Social Studies Jokes)
    121. Teacher: Take 932 from 1,439. What is the difference? Student: That’s what I say; what’s the difference?
    122. Why is a dog with a lame leg like adding 6 and 7?… He puts down the three and carries the one.
    123. What animal is best at math?… Rabbits; they multiply fastest!
    124. I failed every subject except for algebra…. How did you keep from failing that?… I didn’t take algebra!
    125. Teacher: Did you parents help you with these homework problems? Pupil: No I got them all wrong by myself!
    126. Student: Teacher, I can’t solve this problem. Teacher: Any five year old should be able to solve this one. Student: No wonder I can’t do it then; I’m nearly ten!
    127. Teacher: Today we’re studying percentages. If there are ten questions on a quiz and you get ten correct, what do you get? Student: Accused of cheating.
    128. Why did the multiplication table get in trouble with the girls?… He was a two timer.
    129. What did the math teacher order for dinner?… Cubed steak.
    130. What did the math teacher order for dessert?… Pi.
    131. If a train is traveling in one direction at 50 miles per hour and another train is coming towards it at 25 miles per hour, when will they meet?… Sooner than they want to.
    132. What do you call it when geometry teachers use bad language?… Sphering (swearing).
    133. He said she was average because he was mean.
    134. What has eight legs and eight eyes?… Eight pirates!
    135. There are 10 types of mathematicians. Those who know binary and those who don’t.
    136. Why was the math book sad?… Because it had too many problems!
    137. What snakes are good at doing sums?… Adders.
    138. A woman has seven daughters, and each daughter has a brother. How many children does the woman have all together?… She has eight children!

    More jokes:
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     

  • Teacher Jokes: Pi Day Jokes for Teachers

    The Pi Day Joke blog is being sponsored by IPractice Math.
    IPractice Math is a great resource for parents and teachers! It offers learning topics inAlgebra, Calculus, Decimals, Fractions, and Consumer Math. Teachers and independent learners can register. here to register.


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    Top 10 Teacher Jokes!
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    Check out 441 Jokes for Teachers! & Elementary School Math Jokes!

    Pi Day Jokes (26)




    1. 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates! (Top Pirate Jokes)
    2. What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi! (Find a U.S. math teacher who tutors!)
    3. What is the ideal number of pieces to cut a pie into?… 3.14
    4. Mathematician: “Pi r squared” Baker:” No! Pies are round, cakes are square!
    5. How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie?… 3.14.
    6. In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.
    7. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s was Sir Cumference… He ate too much Pi!
    8. What is the official animal of Pi Day?… the PI – thon!
    9. The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is that it never ends.
    10. Never talk to pi. He’ll go on forever.
    11. I just saw the movie American Pi. I gave it a rating of 3.14.
    12. What is 1.57?… Half a pie
    13. What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi! (Top Halloween Jokes)
    14. What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Moon Pi.
    15. What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Pi in the sky.
    16. What was Sir Isaac Newton’s favorite dessert?… Apple pi!
    17. What do we get when we take the object and order the rim by the diameter?…Pi in the sky by and by.
    18. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?… Pi a’la mode.
    19. Come to the nerd side, we have pi!
    20. How far can you recite pi?… Cherry, Apple, Pecan, Blueberry…
    21. What famous private investigator solves math problem?… Magnum PI
    22. What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?… A cow pi.
    23. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identicalrubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything theywant to measure it, and have all the time they need. The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume.The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures. And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.
    24. Albert Einstein‘s birthday was on Pi Day — March 14, 1879. Perhaps he served pie for his birthday instead of cake.
    25. What do you get when you take a native Alaskan and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Eskimo pi.
    26. Several Experts Several experts were all posed the following question: What is pi?
    • The engineer said: “It is approximately 3 and 1/7″
    • The physicist said: “It is 3.14159.”
    • The mathematician thought a bit, and replied “It is equal to pi.”
    • A nutritionist: “Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!”


    Math Riddles (14)

    1. Why should you never mention the number 288 in front of anyone?… Because it is too gross (2 x 144 – two gross).
    2. How is the moon like a dollar?… They both have 4 quarters.
    3. How can you add eight 8′s to get the number 1,000? (only using addition) A: 888 +88 +8 +8 +8 = 1,000
    4. How many eggs can you put in an empty basket? … Only one, after that the basket is not empty.
    5. Where can you buy a ruler that is 3 feet long?… At a yard sale
    6. When things go wrong, what can you always count on?… Your fingers.
    7. What coin doubles in value when half is deducted?… A half dollar.
    8. Why are diapers like 100 dollar bills?… They need to be changed.
    9. What goes up and never comes down?… Your Age
    10. Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches long?… Otherwise it would be a foot.
    11. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?… Because you can’t drink and derive…
    12. Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?… Because it had more cents.
    13. Why is 6 afraid of 7?…  Because 7 8(ate) 9
    14. What is a proof?… One-half percent of alcohol.

    Geometry Jokes (33)


    1. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?… A high-pot-in-use
    2. What do you call a crushed angle?…. A Rectangle (wrecked angle)
    3. What did the baby tree say when it looked in a mirror?… Gee-Om-A-Tree.
    4. What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds?… A plane cheeseburger.
    5. Why did I divide sin by tan?… Just cos.
    6. What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?… A line.
    7. Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?… because it was over 90 degrees.
    8. What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?…
    9. Nothing! You know you can’t cross a scalar and a vector.
    10. What did the acorn say when he grew up?… Gee, I’m A Tree!
    11. Why does nobody talk to circles?… Because there is no point!
    12. What do you call an angle which is adorable?… acute angle
    13. What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?… Hexagon
    14. Who invented the Round Table?… Sir Cumference.
    15. Which triangles are the coldest?… Ice-sosceles triangles.
    16. What do people who whine a lot and 3 points have in common?… They are both coplaners
    17. How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie?… 3.142
    18. What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?… Geometry
    19. What do you call people who like tractors?… Protractors
    20. Why were the similar triangles weighing themselves?… They were finding their scale.
    21. Why won’t the circles invite the ellipses over for dinner?… They are too eccentric.
    22. Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?… They were right for each other.
    23. Why is a geometry book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
    24. Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter?… She covers the story from every angle.
    25. Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?… His parents wouldn’t cosine
    26. Where do circles, ellipses, hyperbolas and parabolas like to hang out in the summer?… Coney Island.
    27. Why didn’t the chicken cross to the other side of the inequality?… It couldn’t get past the boundary line.
    28. Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi
    29. Why was the parent function upset with its child?… It was stretched to its limit.
    30. What is a proof?.. One-half percent of alcohol.
    31. Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
    32. What did one geometry book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
    33. What do you call a broken record?… A Decca-gone


    Calculus Jokes (21)

    1. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?… Because you can’t drink and derive…
    2. Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it? It’s too cubed.
    3. What’s the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?… A natural log cabin!
    4. What is the first derivative of a cow?… Prime Rib!
    5. What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?… Zero. Why?
    6. Because all poles are in Eastern Europe!
    7. How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?… “I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…”
    8. What is polite and works for the phone company?… A deferential operator.
    9. Why was the parent function upset with its child?… It was stretched to its limit.
    10. Did you hear the joke about the statistician?… Probably
    11. What wild animal is good at calculus?… The tangent lion.
    12. Why is a calculus book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
    13. Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?… He was better at fitting curves than hitting them.
    14. Why was the function so bent out of shape?… It’s regression model was too tight a fit.
    15. What is the integral of log cabin d cabin?…Log Cabin + sea = houseboat.
    16. Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
    17. What did one calculus book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
    18. What’s yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?… Zorn’s Lemon.
    19. Why did the algebra students throw bottles of hand cream across the classroom?… They were investigating projectile lotion.
    20. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra?…  Elephant zebra sin theta.
    21. Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?… That’s the Law of Spline Demand.


    Algebra Jokes (22)

    1. Why was the student afraid of the y-intercept?… She thought she’d be stung by the b.
    2. Who invented algebra?… A Clever X-pert.
    3. What do you call mall friends who love math? alge “bros”
    4. Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?… It’s too cubed.
    5. What do you get when you cross an algebra class with the prom?… The quadratic formal.
    6. What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?… Nothing! You know you can’t cross a scalar and a vector.
    7. Why is an algebra book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
    8. Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
    9. What is purple and commutative?… An abelian grape
    10. What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?…  A line.
    11. Why did the relation need a math tutor? … It failed the vertical-line test.
    12. How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?… By using a cod-ratic inequality.
    13. Why did the imaginary number turn red?… It ran out of i-drops.
    14. What does the little mermaid wear?… An algae-bra.
    15. How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation?… By completing the scare.
    16. What is a proof?… One-half percent of alcohol.
    17. What did algebra math book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
    18. What is the definition of a polar bear?… A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation
    19. Why did all the apples in the fruit bowl know each other?… They were core-relations.
    20. Why was the matrix arrested?… Illegal entry.
    21. What do you call a rodent with babies?… A quad-rat-ic parent.
    22. What do you get when you cross a linebacker with a computer geek?… A linear programmer.