Tree Jokes for Kids

by | Jun 19, 2019 | Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

My Town Tutors is a great resource for parents & teachers. Find qualified tutors in your area today!

More Tree Jokes…

  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best jokes about trees.
  2. What is a pirate’s favorite holiday?… AHRRRRR-bor Day! (Pirate Jokes for Kids)
  3. What kind of notebook does a dendrochronologist use?… A tree-ring binder.
  4. What kind of notebook does a Forrest Gump use in school?… A tree-ring binder.
  5. What is Forrest Gump’s favorite holiday?… Arbor Day. (Forrest Gump Jokes)
  6. What’s Forrest Gump’s Password?… 1Forrest1. (Forrest Gump Jokes)
  7. What is a lumberjack’s favorite movie?… Forrest Gump. (Forrest Gump Jokes)
  8. What is the #1 movie for Arbor Day?… Forrest Gump. (Forrest Gump Jokes)
  9. Why was nobody scared of the tree?… His bark was worse than his bite. (Fall Jokes)
  10. How did the tree get a new job?… She had the right qua-leaf-ications. (Labor Day Jokes & Tree Jokes)
  11. What is a mathematician’s favorite type of tree?… A Geometree. (because they have square roots!) (Geometry Jokes)
  12. What do trees write on?… Loose leaf paper.
  13. What is the saddest tree?… The weeping willow. (Psychology Jokes)
  14. When I bought some fruit trees, the nursery owner gave me some insects to help with pollination… They were free bees. (Bee Jokes & Flower Jokes)
  15. What is a tree’s favorite Cape Cod destination?…. Woods Hole. (Cape Cod Jokes)
  16. Where do saplings go to learn?… Elementree school. (Elementary School Jokes)
  17. What is a tree’s least favorite month?… Sep-timber! (Funny Jokes for Each Month)
  18. Since I became a lumberjack I have cut down 2,854 trees… I know this because every time I cut one down I keep a log. (Labor Day Jokes)
  19. Mother to son: I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me! (Biology Jokes for Kids & Mother’s Day Jokes)
  20. Why did the tree get sent to the principal?… For being knotty! (Principal Jokes)
  21. What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time?… Absent without leaf. (Navy Jokes)
  22. Why did no one laugh at the oak tree?… He kept telling acorn-y joke.
  23. What did the Lorax say when the tree fell on him?… “I’m stumped!” (Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  24. What kind of stories do giant sequoia trees tell?… Tall tales. (Tree Jokes)
  25. A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree. Upon arrival, he started to swing at the tree. It shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!” The lumberjack smiled, “and you will dialogue.” (Smile Jokes & Cemetery Jokes)
  26. Tree Pun: “Let’s make like a tree and leave!”
  27. If trees could kill you… They wood. (Police Jokes)
  28. What is the official tree of Pi Day?… A Pi-ne tree. (Pi Jokes & Pi Day Jokes)
  29. Which Canadian city is a tree’s favorite?… Mon “tree” al! (Canada Jokes)
  30. What was General Washington’s favorite tree?… The infan-tree. (American Revolution Jokes & Arbor Day Jokes)
  31. What sound does a tree make?… It barks. (Dog Jokes)
  32. My Dad was a Christmas tree salesman…. Before he started work he always got himself spruced up. (Labor Day Jokes & Christmas Tree Jokes)
  33. What is a tree’s favorite state?… “Oak” lahoma. (Oklahoma Jokes)
  34. What is a tree’s favorite college football team?… “Oak” lahoma. (Oklahoma Jokes)
  35. How do trees calculate square roots… They use log-arithms. (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  36. Do you want a brief explanation of an acorn?… In a nutshell, it’s an oak tree.
  37. Why do trees have so many friends at summer camp?… They branch out. (Summer Camp Jokes)
  38. What’s the best thing to read in the woods?… Poe-tree.
  39. I’m going to go out on a limb and say I be-leaf in you… Have a great fall! (Fall Jokes)
  40. What do lumberjacks shout at the start of fall?… Sep-timberrrrrr! (Fall Jokes)
  41. What do trees wear when it gets cold?… Fir coats.
  42. What do trees say when they get cut down?… I’m stumped.
  43. How many books do you read during fall?… I usually leaf through a couple of them. (Book Jokes & Tree Jokes)
  44. Why did the Lorax go to the doctor?… He had a bad case of tree-morsels. (Doctor Jokes & Dr. Seuss Jokes)
  45. What is a pine tree’s favorite singer?… Spruce Springsteen. (365 Music Jokes)
  46. What is every tree’s favorite shape?… A tree-angle. (Math Jokes for Teachers & Geometry Jokes)
  47. What do trees like to study in school?… Chemistree. (Chemistry Jokes)
  48. If Dr. Seuss became a gardener… he’d probably create a new plant called the “Sneetch-seed Tree.” (Flower Jokes)
  49. I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it… so they gave me the axe. (Labor Day Jokes)
  50. If money really did grow on trees, what would be everyone’s favorite season?… Fall. (Tree Jokes)
  51. Why are tree pruners such nice people?… They’ll always go out on a limb for you.
  52. What is the scariest tree?… BamBOO! (Ghost Jokes)
  53. Who is a lumberjack’s favorite March Madness player?… Kansas guard Nick “Timber” lake.  (Kansas Jokes)
  54. Why did the tree need to take a nap?… For rest. (Napping Jokes)
  55. What type of tree likes to give high fives?… A palm tree!
  56. Why don’t trees travel in groups?… Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
  57. Did you hear the joke about the redwood?… It’s tree-mendous!
  58. Why were lots of people sitting under the tree?… It was poplar.
  59. What’s the best way to make a tree laugh?… Tell it acorn-y joke.
  60. How can you identify a dogwood tree?… By its bark! (Dog Jokes)
  61. My local bank has just put an ATM up a tree… If it proves popular, they’re going to expand it to other branches.
  62. Tree trimmers do such a fantastic job… They should take a bough. (Labor Day Jokes)
  63. If Dr. Seuss was a contractor… he’d specialize in building Truffula Treehouses.
  64. What types of books do pines read?… Poetree books.
  65. Two hunters are lost in the woods. They’ve been lost for a long time and are both starving and are losing hope of surviving. While staggering along, one of the hunters suddenly notices a tree that has thin slices of meat hanging from it. He yells triumphantly to the other hunter as he points at the tree, “Look, we’re saved! There’s a bacon tree!” He starts running for the tree when all of a sudden a group of armed men appear and start shooting at him. The hunter turns right back and yells at his friend “Run! It’s not a bacon tree, it’s a ham bush!”
  66. What tree does bacon grow on?… Porcupine. (Bacon Jokes)
  67. Why is it easy to come up with nicknames for a tree?… Because they stick.
  68. The best student at the corn college is called the a-corn. (College Jokes & Graduation Jokes)
  69. How did Medieval kings send messages in the forest?… Moss code. (Top 50 Coronation Jokes)
  70. How do bees travel to trees?… They take the buzz. (Tree Jokes & Bus Jokes)
  71. What’s the difference between a bunny and a lumberjack?… One chews and hops, the other hews and chops. (Rabbit Jokes)
  72. Never bring a girl named Autumn to the homecoming dance… because she’ll leave you. (Homecoming Jokes)
  73. What band do trees listen to on the 4th of July?… Spruce Springsteen and the Tree Street Band. (Music Jokes & 4th of July Jokes
  74. My business selling palm trees wasn’t a success… People thought I was offering them a shady deal. (Labor Day Jokes)
  75. What did Obi Wan Kenobi say to the tree?… May the Forest be with you. (Star Wars Jokes for Kids)
  76. How does a coniferous tree get ready for the homecoming dance?… They spruce themselves up.
  77. You only have enough time to say one word to Edgar Allan Poe who is about to walk into a tree. What do you say?… Poetry.
  78. What song do trees HATE!… Timber by Pit Bull & Kesha. (Tree Jokes & Music Jokes)
  79. Spring is here, and the trees are getting their foliage back… What a releaf! (Spring Jokes)
  80. Hawaii Puns: Keep palm and carry on. (Hawaii Jokes)
  81. What crime is considered the worst in the kingdom of trees?… Treeson. (Police Jokes)
  82. What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better?… Lemon aid. (Doctor Jokes)
  83. Why couldn’t the apples go to the homecoming dance?… Because only PEARS were allowed!
  84. What’s a skeleton’s favorite plant?… A bone-zai tree. (Skeleton Jokes)
  85. Did you hear the joke about the oak tree?… It’s acorny one!
  86. Why do dogwood trees make good pets?… Because they have a great bark, but wooden bite. (Dog Jokes)
  87. How do two rival forests get along?… They sign a peace tree-ty.
  88. Why do you never want to invite a tree to your house to watch the Grinch?… Because they never leaf when you want them to. (Grinch Jokes)
  89. What’s a tree’s favorite subject in school?… Geometree! (Math Jokes for Teachers & Geometry Jokes)
  90. The teacher asked little Johhny, “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him?” Little Johnny replied, “Because he still had the axe in his hand.” (Presidents Day Jokes & George Washington Jokes)
  91. Would you ever try the acorn diet?… No way! It sounds nuts!
  92. What must trees drink responsibly?… Root beer.
  93. What did the tree do when the bank closed?… It opened its own branch!
  94. What do you call a dead pine tree?… A nevergreen. (Cemetery Jokes)
  95. Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Iva… Iva who?… Iva bunch of leaves to rake this weekend! (Tree Jokes)
  96. Two loggers were arguing about the best way to saw down a tree… There was a lot of back and forth, but they got through it.
  97. Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Olive… Olive who?… Olive looking at the autumn leaves! (Tree Jokes)
  98. When the plums dry on your tree… It’s time to prune.
  99. What did the tree say after he made an offer?… Take it or leaf it.
  100. For her birthday, I took my girlfriend to an orchard we stood there looking at the trees for about an hour… Not the apple watch she wanted apparently… (Birthday Jokes)
  101. What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?… Geometry. (Geometry Jokes & Arbor Day Jokes)
  102. Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Olive… Olive who?… Olive fall! (Tree Jokes)
  103. Why was the cat afraid of the tree?… Because of its bark. (Dog Jokes & Cat Jokes)
  104. What do trees wear when it gets cold?… Fir coats. (Winter Jokes)
  105. What kind of trees do you get when you plant kisses?… Tulips. (Flower Jokes)
  106. What did the single tree say to the tree who stood her up?… You should have put a ring on it.
  107. What gets a year older every time it rings?… A tree. (Birthday Jokes)
  108. Why do trees have so many friends?… They branch out. (Camping Jokes for Kids)
  109. What’s a tree’s favorite dinosaur?… The Tree-Rex. (Dinosaur Jokes)
  110. Why did you give the tree some aspirin?… Because I heard it was a sycamore! (Doctor Jokes)
  111. Two bats are sat in a tree. One of them gets hungry for blood, so he flies out. A short time later he returns with his whole face covered in blood. “Where did you get all that blood?” asked the second bat eagerly. The first bat says, “You see that tree over there?” “No.” “Me neither.”
  112. My new girlfriend and I are moving in together into a tree house… I hope we won’t fall out.
  113. What is a tree’s favorite fruit?… Pine-apple.
  114. What do you call a tree who commits espionage?… A leaves-dropper. (Police Jokes)
  115. What kind of stories do giant sequoia trees tell?… Tall tales. (Book Jokes)
  116. What do you call a really big tree?… Treemendous. (Book Jokes)
  117. What did Frodo say when he saw the trees dancing?… That’s ENT-ertainment! (Tree Jokes & Dance Jokes)
  118. What happened to the wooden car with wooden wheels and a wooden engine?… It wooden go. (Car Jokes)
  119. How did the tree get lost?… It took the wrong root.
  120. What kind of tree is often found in the kitchen?… A pantry!
  121. Why can’t the lonely evergreen stop thinking about high school?… She’s still pining to be one of the poplar kids. (High School Jokes)
  122. When they fell in love, they carved their initials into a tree. When they got married, they added a year. And for each kid, initials and a year. Then finally one day, while camping under the tree, it fell and killed them all. Which goes to show that karma’s a birch.
  123. What is your favorite type of tree?… A pastry! (Dessert Jokes)
  124. Why did the boy climb up the tree with a hockey stick… Cause he wanted to join the maple leafs. (Hockey Jokes & Canada Day Jokes)
  125. What is every single tree’s least favorite month?… SepTIMMMBERRR! (September Jokes)
  126. Why was the weeping willow so sad?… It watched a sappy movie. (Movie Jokes)
  127. What did one leaf say to another?… I’m falling for you. (Valentine’s Day Jokes & Fall Jokes)
  128. Why was the tree arrested?… For shopleafting. (Police Jokes)
  129. What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?… Shiver me timbers! (Pirate Jokes)
  130. How does a coniferous tree get ready for a date?… They spruce themselves up.
  131. Did you hear the joke about tree?… It’ll leaf you laughing! (Fall Jokes for Kids)
  132. What do elephants and trees have in common?… They both have big trunks! (Elephant Jokes)
  133. Why do trees always walk so slowly?… All they can do is lumber around. (Walking Jokes)
  134. Why did the tree fail math?… Because it couldn’t do square roots. (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  135. What was the tree’s favorite thing about Star Trek?… The Captain’s log. (Star Trek Jokes)
  136. What do you call a military tree who doesn’t return on time?… Absent without leaf.
  137. Why do Christmas trees have trouble sewing?… They can’t stop dropping their needles! (Christmas Tree Jokes)
  138. With the severity of the storm last night, I’m really worried about the trees in our garden… Mostly because we didn’t have any before.
  139. What’s an elephant’s favorite part of a tree?… The trunk! (Elephant Jokes)
  140. Who’s going to agree to play Frodo in the Lord of the Rings movies?… Elijah Would. (Movie Jokes & 101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  141. My Dad used to work all day grinding up tree bark and branches… He was always a chipper guy. (Labor Day Jokes)
  142. How do you make a tree taller?… Get a lumber jack.
  143. Why was the pine tree sent to its room?… Because it was being knotty!
  144. What do you call the lowest fruit on a lime tree?… Sublime.
  145. In some conifer forests… You can’t cedar wood for the trees.
  146. Why couldn’t the fig tree get back in shape?… It couldn’t stick to a root-ine.
  147. Why was the tree drooling?… It was a dogwood. (Dog Jokes for Kids)
  148. What falls in autumn?… Leaves! (Fall Jokes & Tree Jokes)
  149. Masters Hole 6: What a favorite golf hole of an arborist?… Juniper. (Masters Golf Jokes)
  150. What did the beaver say to the tree?… “It’s been nice gnawing you!” (Tree Jokes for Kids)
  151. What did the tree say to the bully?… Leaf me alone!
  152. I told my dog to make like a tree… She barked. (Dog Jokes)
  153. What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?… We’ll have six more weeks of splinters! (Groundhog Day Jokes)
  154. What’s a tree’s favorite radio station?… One that plays poplar songs! (365 Music Jokes)
  155. What is a tree’s favorite drink?… Root beer. (Camping Jokes for Kids)
  156. What’s a tree’s favorite dating app?… Timber.
  157. What did the Tree say to the Grass?… Nothing. Trees and Grass don’t talk.
  158. What do you call an oak tree that can’t make it’s mind up?… Undeciduous.
  159. Why isn’t the squirrel hard at work collecting acorns at the oak tree?… She called in sick and went to the beech. (Labor Day Jokes & Beach Jokes)
  160. Why are trees the best networkers?… They’re constantly branching out! (Labor Day Jokes)
  161. How do trees get on the internet?… They log in. (Computer Jokes for Kids)
  162. How does a coniferous tree get ready for a prom?… They spruce themselves up. (Prom Jokes)
  163. Why do some trees hate playing checkers?… Because they are true chess-nuts.
  164. Why did the tree get in trouble at school?… For being knotty!
  165. What did the hurricane say to the palm tree?… Hang onto your leaves, this will be no ordinary breeze. (Hurricane Jokes)
  166. What’s the difference between weather and climate?… You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate.
  167. If you’re in the woods, how can you tell if a tree is a dogwood?… By its bark. (Dog Jokes for Kids)
  168. How do leaves get from place to place?… With autumn-mobiles. (Fall Jokes & Car Jokes)
  169. Why do Platanus occidentalis have to see the doctor more than any other trees?… Because they are sycamore. (Doctor Jokes)
  170. Why don’t trees like jokes?… They are afraid they will get stumped.
  171. What kind of plant grows on your hand?… Palm tree. (Flower Jokes)
  172. Why did the tree get stumped?… It couldn’t get to the root of the problem!
  173. Did you hear about the tree that had to take time off of work in autumn?… It was on paid leaf. (Fall Jokes for Kids)
  174. What happens to trees on Valentine’s Day?… They get sappy! (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  175. Why do trees hate tests?… Because they get stumped by the questions. (Jokes for Teachers)
  176. What did the tree wear to the pool party?… Swimming trunks! (Summer Jokes for Kids & Swimming Jokes)
  177. What did the nut tree say when his wife left him?… I walnut stand for this. (Divorce Jokes)
  178. How do campfires access the internet at summer camp?… They log in. (Computer Jokes)
  179. What do you call a tree that doubts autumn?… Disbe-leaf. (Fall Jokes for Kids)
  180. Winter can be pretty dreary with all the bare trees… so when spring comes it’s such a re-leaf. (Tree Jokes & Winter Jokes)
  181. What type of fish falls from trees?… Jel-leaf-ish. (Ocean Jokes)
  182. What types of books do pines read?… Poetree books. (Book Jokes)
  183. Why do trees hate riddles?… Because it’s too easy to get stumped!
  184. Dancing trees?… Now that’s ENT-ertainment. (Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  185. Masters Hole #2 What do you get if you combine a fashion designer, dog lover, and lumberjack?… Pink Dogwood. (Dog Jokes & Masters Golf Jokes)
  186. When the tree surgeon and his girlfriend broke up, he pined for her for months… Knock on wood, they’ll someday get back together. (Doctor Jokes)
  187. You only have enough time to say one word to Edgar Allan Poe who is about to walk into a tree. What do you say?… Poetry. (Book Jokes)
  188. If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does turkey come from?… A poul-tree! (Turkey Jokes & Tree Jokes)
  189. What does a tree that’s about to fall need?… Lumber support.
  190. How do trees make themselves heard?… Amp-leaf-ication.
  191. What dog do palm trees love?… A Palmeranian. (Dog Jokes)
  192. What’s another name for an artificial Christmas tree?… Faux fir. (Christmas Tree Jokes)
  193. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about trees?
  194. Why didn’t George Washington’s father yell at him for chopping down the cherry tree?… Because George was still holding the axe… (American Revolution Jokes)
  195. Why was the tree arrested?… For shopleafting. (Police Jokes)
  196. How did the apple tree get the job?… It had the right qua-leaf-ications. (Labor Day Jokes)
  198. Why didn’t the dendrochronologist get married?… He only ever dated trees. (Environment Jokes)
  199. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good tree knock-knock joke?
  200. Trees are like dogs. Some shed and some don’t…. Others just bark. (Dog Jokes)
  201. What did the little tree say to the big tree? — Leaf me alone!
  202. Why does a fully decorated Christmas tree weigh less than a non decorated one?… Because it’s lighter. (Christmas Tree Jokes)
  203. What did the dog say when it ran into a tree?… Bark. (Dog Jokes)
  204. Why did the Cat in the Hat run away from the tree?… It was afraid of the bark! (Cat Jokes & Tree Jokes)
  205. What did the tree feel when the gardener gave him some water instead of cutting him down?… Releafed.
  206. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good tree knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  207. What would you say if a tree had spine problems? …That it has Scoli-oak-sis. (Doctor Jokes)
  208. Why do you never want to invite a tree to your party?… Because they never leaf when you want them to.
  209. How do you know when a tree doesn’t know the answer to something?… It shrubs.
  210. Which flowering plant is a champion equestrian?… The horse chestnut. (Horse Jokes & Equestrian Jokes)
  211. What did the beaver say to the maple tree?… It’s been nice gnawing you. (Canada Day Jokes)
  212. Why were so many people sitting under the tree?… It was poplar.
  213. My best friend says I can’t go skateboarding with a broken bone…. But I’m going out on a limb and do it anyway. (Skateboarding Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
  214. What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas?… It took a leaf of absence. (Jokes for Teachers)
  215. While trying a new magic spell, the witch crossed a black cat and an oak tree… The result was a black and white cat-a-log’ue. (Cat Jokes / Witch Jokes / Tree Jokes)
  216. What was wrong with the tree’s car?… It wooden go! (Car Jokes)
  217. Did you hear the one about the oak tree?… It’s a corn-y one!
  218. A snare drum and a crash symbol fell out of a tree… BA-DUM TSSSHH
  219. Why did you plant a board and nails on Arbor Day?… I was trying to grow a tree house!
  220. What happened when the warg tried to bite Treebeard?… He found his fang gorn! (101 Lord of the Rings Jokes)
  221. What do you get when you cross a tree with an artificial waterway?… A root canal. (Dentist Jokes)
  222. What kind of plant grows on your hand?… Palm tree. (Tree Jokes & Biology Jokes)
  223. Why did the leaf go to the doctor?… It was feeling green. (Earth Day & Doctor Jokes)
  224. What did a tree fighting with autumn say?… That’s it, I’m leaving. (Tree Jokes & Boxing Jokes)
  225. What did the tree say after a long winter?… What a re-leaf. (Winter Jokes)
  226. How do you get down from a tree?… You don’t. Down comes from a duck. (Duck Jokes)
  227. Where does Avogadro plant his trees?… moles in the ground. (Mole Day Jokes)
  228. What did the tree say to spring?… What a re-leaf. (Spring Jokes)
  229. What emotion does a tree feel every spring?… Relief. (Spring Jokes)
  230. What do you call a whole day planting trees?… Arbore Day. (Arbor Day Jokes)
  231. What did the beaver say to the tree at the summer camp?… Been nice gnawing you. (Summer Camp Jokes)
  232. What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and a IPad?… A pineapple.
  233. Did you hear about the big corporation that’s making syrup from supposedly contaminated trees?… They maple their brand off the shelves.
  234. Would you ever consider going on the almond tree diet?… No way, that’s just nuts!
  235. What happens when a tree falls into mud?… It leafs an impression.
  236. What did Obi Wan Kenobi say to the tree?… May the Forest be with you. (Star Wars Jokes for Kids)
  237. Where do birch trees keep their valuables?… In a river bank.
  238. What did the tree say to autumn?… Leave me alone.(Fall Jokes for Kids)
  239. Why are trees very forgiving?… Because in the Fall they “Let It Go” and in the Spring they “turn over a new leaf.” (Spring Jokes & Fall Jokes)
  240. What happens to maple trees on Valentine’s Day?… They get sappy. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  241. What do you call the world’s sleepiest tree?… Mesnoozelah! (Napping Jokes)
  242. Why are leaves always involved in risky business?… Because they constantly have to go out on a limb.
  243. Why don’t you ever see hippos hiding in trees?… Because they’re really good at it!
  244. What did the rock say when it rolled into the tree?… Nothing. Rocks don’t talk!
  245. How do you know when a tree has had too much root beer?… He won’t stop texting his ax!
  246. Why do trees make the worst frenemies?… Because they are the best at throwing shade!
  247. What do you get when you cross a tabby cat with a lemon tree?… A sour puss. (Cat Jokes)
  248. Why did the evil queen order her subjects to cut down all the trees in the kingdom?… She was jealous because every one of them had a bigger crown than her.
  249. Why couldn’t the evergreen ever land a date?… It was so busy pining after unavailable trees that it never really branched out.
  250. Did you know that I can cut down a dead tree just by looking at it?… It’s true. I saw it with my own eyes. (Cemetery Jokes)
  251. What type of tree does a Satanist get for Christmas?… A Lucy Fir.
  252. Why do trees make great thieves?… Sticky fingers. (Police Jokes)
  253. Which side of a tree has the most leaves?… The outside.
  254. What tree produces fruit that tastes like chicken?… Poultree. (Chicken Jokes)
  255. What’s big, grey and falls from trees in Autumn?… Eleafant. (Elephant Jokes)
  256. How did the elm tree know the fig tree wasn’t looking for anything serious?… It asked for no twigs attached.
  257. When the moon hits your knees, and you mispronounce trees… Sycamore.
  258. What motorcycle brand do London plane trees ride through the forest?… Treeumph
  259. Did you hear about the elephant that got stuck up a tree last summer?… In order to get down, she had to sit on a branch and wait until fall. (Elephant Jokes)
  260. What’s the same size and shape as a giant sequoia tree, yet weighs nothing?… A giant sequoia tree’s shadow.
  261. Why didn’t the tree hunt?… It was against his beleafs. (Hunting Jokes)
  262. How do trees keep you in suspense?… I’ll tell you tomorrow.
  263. How do bees travel to trees?… They take the buzz. (Bee Jokes)
  264. What is a pine tree’s favorite radio station?… Anything that plays the poplar hits.
  265. What is green, has leaves, and a trunk?… A houseplant going on vacation.
  266. How do trees contact one another?… By teleafone.
  267. How many oranges grow on a tree?… All of them.
  268. How did the idiot get hurt while raking leaves?… Fell out of the tree.
  269. Where can Adansonia trees go for a quick trim?… To the baobarber. (Barber Jokes)
  270. What looks like half a tree?… The other half.
  271. Which side of a cherry tree has the most leaves?… The outside.
  272. What did the little tree say to the rude tree?… Leaf me alone.
  273. How old was the tiny tree?… Near-leaf five.
  274. What do you give to a thirsty tree?… Lemon-aid.
  275. What is a tree’s favorite school subject?…Geometree.
  276. Would you like to read a joke about tree-free paper?… The thing is, it’s tearable.
  277. What looks like half a spruce tree?… The other half.
  278. What do you call nice trees without any teeth?… Sweetgums.
  279. What do vain trees do to get rid of wrinkles?…Get a faceleaft.
  280. Why did the Chesnut tree feel left out?… It never got in on the oak.
  281. What weighs more, a pound of leaves or a pound of logs?… Neither, they both weigh one pound.
  282. Which Canadian city is a favorite vacation spot for American trees?… Montreeal. (Canada Jokes)
  283. What did the Jedi say to the sacred tree?… May the forest be with you.
  284. Why are Tree Huggers bad at playing cards?… They like to avoid the flush.
  285. Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree with his hatchet?… Because his mom wouldn’t let him use the chainsaw. (Memorial Day Jokes)
  286. I have a pet tree… It’s just like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.
  287. What did Betula pendula say to her super-annoying sister?… Leaf me alone, birch!
  288. What did the tree say to the lumberjack?… Leaf me alone!
  289. What did the small palm tree say when it’s big brother was teasing it?… “leaf me alone.”
  290. What do the trees enjoy having as dinner together with their family?… They eat lots of root vegetables and drink root beer.
  291. Why do trees need to take naps at the end of the day?… For rest.
  292. Why should you never invite any tree to your parties?… They don’t ever leaf, even if it’s time to go.
  293. Why did the Christmas tree love to play chess?… Probably because he was a chess-nut.
  294. Why was the pet Dogwood tree better than the pet dog?… Because its bark was quieter.
  295. Why don’t people cut any trees in China?… Because they just chopsticks.
  296. What does the Palm tree say to everyone he meets?… “Let’s be fronds.”
  297. Apples are a lot like oranges They’re both fruit, they both grow on trees and you can’t compare them to each other.
  298. What do you do to get a Christmas tree cut?… You go Christmas chopping!
  299. What do you call a tree that grows meat?… Dmitry.
  300. My Dad was a tree salesman…. Before he started work he always got himself spruced up.
  301. If you’re looking for oranges on an apple tree… You’ll have a fruitless search.
  302. What did the conifer say when he finally got alone with his crush?… It’s just yew and me, baby.
  303. What do chic evergreens wear for cruelty-free fashion?… Faux fir.
  304. How did the pines and firs end their war?… With a tree-ty.
  305. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?… Because they’re so good at it!
  306. Why do you never see a pig in a tree?… Because pigs can’t climb trees.
  307. My son looked up from his homework and asked me, “Dad, what’s an acorn?” I smiled and explained… “Well, in a nutshell, it’s an oak tree!”
  308. How does a coniferous tree get ready for a wedding?… They spruce themselves up. (Wedding Jokes)
  309. Why did the tree worry that he would never get his leaves back after autumn?… He didn’t be-leaf in himself!