February Jokes

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Top 10 February Jokes / February Jokes / Twitter Account of the Day

February 1st, 1234 AD must’ve been the birth of the world’s best drummer… One / two / one two three four! (Music Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)
February 2nd Ground Hog Day: What did the French groundhog see when he woke up?… His château. (World Geography Jokes)
Does anybody know any good Groundhog Day jokes?… I feel like I keep hearing the same ones over and over again. (Ground Hog Day Jokes).
What is a frog’s favorite month?… February. It has a Leap Year. (Leap Year Jokes & Frog Jokes)
Super Bowl Jokes: Super Bowl XLV: Tom Brady is a very polarizing sports figure. On one hand, he has FIVE super bowl rings…. But on the other hand, he has two.
Super Bowl Jokes: What’s the difference between a Super Bowl quarterback and a baby?… One takes the snap, the other takes a nap. (Napping Jokes & Baby Jokes)
February 7th: National Periodic Table Day Jokes: What do trees like to study in school?… Chemistree. (Tree Jokes) (Chemistry Jokes)
Super Bowl Jokes: Tom Brady originally offered that MVP Chevy Colorado to Pete Carroll… …however, Carroll said “I’ll pass.” (Colorado Jokes)
February 9th National Pizza Day Jokes: What’s the difference between a pizza and our pizza jokes?… Our pizza jokes can’t be topped!
February 9th: What do you call a shape born on February 9th?… an asquareius.
Do you have a date for Valentine’s day?… Yes, February 14th.
February 11th Super Bowl Jokes: How is the Super Bowl football coach’s game plan on Groundhog day?… To use the running game of course. He wanted to “ground” it out. (Ground Hog Day Jokes)
I just got a date for Valentine’s Day!… Apparently it’s tomorrow, February 14. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
February 13th: Mardi Gras Jokes: What did one Mardi Gras bead say to the other?… “I think we’re going to get strung along all day.”
February 14th Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes: I just got a text from my girlfriend that said, “I bought you an awesome Valentine’s Day gift! xox” I really hope she spelled “Xbox” wrong.
Ash Wednesday Jokes: Why do Catholics always run marathons the day after Mardi Gras?… Because that’s when they fast!
Me and my childhood crush are marrying next year… Hers is in January and mine in July! (Wedding Jokes & Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
WWII: The USSR’s three greatest generals. What’re the names of the USSR’s three greatest generals?… December, January, and February! (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
February 19th: President’s Day Jokes: I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. The other involves a groundhog. (Ground Hog Day & Presidents’ Day Jokes)
What do you say when someone dies between February 19 and March 20?… Rest in Pisces. (Cemetery Jokes)
February 22nd: I couldn’t wait for Tuesday, February 22, 2022 (2/22/22)… We called it… 2’s day. (Math Jokes for Teachers)
February 22nd: National Margarita Day Jokes: Let’s taco bout how we’re going to shell-ebrate Cinco de Mayo with a few margaritas. (Taco Jokes)
What month is the Jake Paul’s favorite? …. Feb – BRO – ary!
February Full Moon Jokes: Why wasn’t the Snow Moon hungry?… Because it was full! (Astronomy Jokes for Kids)
February Full Moon Jokes: Snow Moon Jokes: Neil Armstrong used to tell really bad jokes about walking on the Moon. When nobody laughed he would follow with, “Ah well. I guess you had to be there.” (Walking Jokes)
What is a frog’s favorite month?… February. It has a Leap Year. (Leap Year Jokes & Frog Jokes)
My wife’s panties are labelled ‘Monday’, ‘Tuesday’, ‘Wednesday’ … My underwear is labelled ‘January’, February’, ‘March’… (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
February 28th: February is ending today, but that’s okay. We’ll March on. (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
February 28th: National Pancake Day Jokes: What did the grandpa pancake say to the grandchild burnt pancake?… I don’t like your flip side. (Grandparent Jokes)
When is the best outfit for February 2nd?… A tu-tu (2/2)
February 29th: We should have February 29th every year?…Statistically it’s the day the fewest people die so why only have it 1/4 of the time? (Math Jokes for Teachers)
Why is Leap Day in February?… Isn’t winter long enough already? (Winter Jokes)
This is the Alaska State Police. Where were you during the night of November 14th to February 26th? (Alaska Jokes & Police Jokes)
Which month do principals complain the least?… February because it has fewer days. (Principal Jokes)
What did the calendar say about February 28th?… “It’s time to take a leap!”
Why did the lion roar on February 29th?… It wanted to make the most of its extra day in the leap-year jungle!
Why don’t people ever plan their weddings on February 29th?… Because it’s bad luck to take a leap of faith!
Why did the calendar break up with February 28th?… Because it found someone who gave it more days!
Why was February so excited every four years?… Because it got an extra day to leap around!
Birthdays are good for your health. Studies have shown that people with more birthdays live longer… Rest In Peace people born on the 29th of February. (Birthday Jokes)
My friend bought tickets for the Super Bowl LVII on February 12th 2023 in Glendale, Arizona not realizing that it is also the day of his marriage. So if someone is interested… The church is in Rochester, the women’s name is Clarissa. (Wedding Jokes & Super Bowl Jokes)
There’s a place where January comes after February and December comes before September… It’s the dictionary! (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month & Grammar Jokes)
What’s for breakfast on really cold days in February?… Frosted Snowflakes. (Cereal Jokes)
If January threw a parade would February March?… No but April May! (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
How many seconds are in a year?… Twelve. January second, February second, March second, etc.
What month is the best for coffee? …. Feb – BREW – ary (Coffee Jokes)
Can February March?… No, but April May! (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
What month is the best month to tell a lie? …. Fib -ruary.
2020 was an interesting leap year… There was 29 days in February, 300 days in March and 5 years in April. (Leap Year Jokes)
What month enjoys a beer the most?…. Feb – BREW – ary! (College Jokes & Beer Jokes)
Which is the month in which women talk the least?… February… because it has the least number of days. (Mom Jokes)
Why is Jack Frost such a great 3-point shooter?… He freezes his followthrough. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
February is like the Tuesdays of months… the worst!
What’s the difference between February 14th and July 4th?… There isn’t any, at least to me, because they’re both Independence Day. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes & 4th of July Jokes)
What is a ghost’s favorite month?… Feb – BOO – uary. (Halloween Jokes & Ghost Jokes)
When’s a frog’s birthday?… February 29th. Leap Day! (Birthday Jokes)
Don’t June know it’s February? (June Jokes)
Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best February jokes. (February Knock Knock Jokes)
Sometimes February feels like it will last forever… But time Marches on. (March Jokes)
Court Hearing in Helsinki: The judge questions the culprit: “Where have you been in the night of the 4th November to 11th February?” (Police Jokes / World Geography Jokes / November Jokes)
Top 10 Leap Year Jokes: What is a Kermit the Frog’s favorite month?… February. It has a Leap Year. (Leap Year Jokes & Frog Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about February? (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month& February Knock Knock Jokes)
What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day?… Hip Hop.
Why do people walk slowly in February?… Because it’s not March.
Every day is Leap day for Odell Beckham Jr.
I’m going to get married on February 29th, so I only have to remember our anniversary once every 4 years.
What do you call a surgery on Leap Day?… A hop-eration.
What do athletes wear on Leap Day?… Jumpsuits.
Where do most people eat on Leap Day?… IHOP. (Pancake Jokes)
What is the official brand of Leap Day?… Jumpman @Jumpman23
What do you tell a hitchhiker on Leap Day?… Hop In.
What do kids play on Leap Day? Hop-scotch
What is a frog’s favorite time of year?… Leap Day.
What does a lawyer do on Leap Day? Jump to conclusions.
My coworker was fired on Leap Day, apparently he picked the wrong time to jump off the deep end. (Labor Day Jokes)
Happy Leap Day! I have an 84-year-old friend who is celebrating his 21st birthday today. He can finally drink alcohol legally!
Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed and Forrest approaches the Gatekeeper. St. Peter says, “Well, Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven.” Forrest responds, “It shor is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.” St. Peter goes on, “Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions: First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God’s first name?” Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up and says, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.” Forrest says, “Well, the first one — which two days in the week begin with the letter “T”? Shucks, that one’s easy. That’d be Today and Tomorrow.” The Saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forrest, that’s not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I’ll give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?” asks St. Peter. “How many seconds in a year?” “Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest, “but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve.” Confounded, St. Peter says, “Twelve? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?” Forrest says “Shucks, there’s gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.. .” “Hold it, ” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where you’re going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind…..but I’ll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let’s go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God’s first name?” “Sure” Forrest replied, “It’s Andy.” Andy?!” exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. “Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?” “Shucks, that was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied. “I learnt it from the song. . . . “ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . . .” St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates and said: “Run Forrest, run.” (Movie Jokes & Forrest Gump Jokes)
Why is February not a leader? It always says “Me two!”
What do kids play on Leap Day?… Hop-scotch.
Why did the sprinter get disqualified on Leap Day?… He tried to jump the gun
What’s the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak?… February 14th. (Valentine’s Day Jokes & Cow Jokes)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good February knock-knock joke? (February Knock Knock Jokes)
Don’t June know it’s February?… I can’t December. (December Jokes)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good February knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
A man walks up to the counter. “Two pairs of underwear please.” The man behind the counter looks at him in disbelief. “Only two pairs of underwear?” “Yup. I wear one while the other is in the wash.” The man behind the counter looks at him in disgust, then rings out his order. A second man walks in. “5 pairs of underwear please.” “Only 5 eh?” “Yeah, I wear one for every weekday, then go commando all the weekend.” The man behind the counter shakes his head. “Well, you’re better then the last guy!” A third man walks in. “7 pairs of underwear please.” “Finally, a man who knows hygiene!” “Yes, I do try. One for every day, and I do my laundry on Sunday.” At the end of the day, a fourth man walks into the underwear store. “12 pairs of underwear please.” “Wow! You must be really clean!” The man smiles. “Yup, that’s me! Err, hang on, let me see if I counted right. January, February, March, April…” (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
2020 had a new calendar out January February Lockdown December. (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month & (Covid Jokes)
My family is full of neat freaks. They have their entire wardrobe planned out for the week. They even labeled their underwear “Monday”, “Tuesday”, “Wednesday”, etc. I decided I wanna do this too to try to be a little neater so I started labeling my underwear, too Right now, I’m wearing February. (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
For those without a date for Valentines Day… I have one for you! It’s February 14th. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
Two men are sitting in a bar ‘Hey, when were you born?’ asks the first man. ‘3rd of February 1961,’ replies the second. ‘Interesting, that’s when I was born too! Where were you born?’ ‘In Seattle.’ ‘That’s weird, I was born in Seattle as well,’ exclaims the first man. ‘Where did you go to school?’> ‘I went to the Abraham Lincoln High School.’ ‘That’s incredible, I went to Lincoln High too!’ A waitress walks by. The first man grabs her arm and says: ‘Hey, listen! This guy and I were born on the same day, in the same city, and we even went to the same school! Isn’t that crazy?’ The waitress just nods and goes back behind the counter. ‘What’s up?’ asks the barman. ‘Eh, not much. The Johnson twins are wasted again…’ (Beer Jokes)
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?… He took a few days off in February thinking nobody would notice.
Birthday The Judge asks the defendant, “When is your birthday Mr. Jones?“ – “February 20th, Your Honor.” – “And what year?” – “Every year, Your Honor” (Birthday Jokes & Lawyer Jokes)
A man starts his new job at an insane asylum: He is given his orientation and at the very end asked if he has any questions. “Yes, how do we know if a patient is ready to leave the asylum?” “Well,” the director says. “We just ask them a simple question and based on their response determine if they need to stay longer.” The director then calls up three patients for a demonstration. He asks the first one, “what’s is 6 times 6?” The patient is shaking and nervously says “1000?” The director shakes his head “no, give this one six more months,” then turns to the next patient. This one jumps up and down and screams “February!” “Oh god no!” Says the director. “Another year for this one!” Finally, he turns to the third patient who looks at him calmly and says “well, the answer is obviously 36.” “Yes!” Exclaims the director. “How did you know that?!” “Easy, I just divided 1000 by February.” (Psychology Jokes)
Emperor Augustus throws down his pen in disgust, exclaiming: “I can’t believe it’s February and I’m still writing B.C. on all of my checks!”
Which month do wives complain the least?… February because it has fewer days.
Which month do teachers complain the least?… February because it has fewer days. (Jokes for Teachers)
Which month do students complain the least?… February because it has fewer days.
Which month do principals complain the least?… February because it has fewer days. (Principal Jokes)
When is the best day to wear a tu-tu?… February 2nd (2/2).
I am giving up drinking alcohol for the month of February. edit: I am giving up. Drinking alcohol for the month of February.

February 2nd: Ground Hog Day Jokes

What do you call Punxsutawney Phil’s laundry?… Hogwash. (Pig Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a puppy?… Ground-dog Day! (Puppy Jokes)
What happened when the groundhog met the dogcatcher?… He became a pound hog! (Dog Jokes)
Why don’t they let Punxsutawney Phil watch TV?… He keeps hogging the remote.
What does Punxsutawney Phil do at a party?… Go hog wild.
What happens if the ground log sees its shadow?… We’ll have six more weeks of splinters! (Tree Jokes)
Why was the groundhog depressed about his den?… He was having a bad lair day! (Psychology Jokes)
What is a groundhog’s favorite color?… Mahogany!
What would you get if you crossed February 2 with a Christmas drink?… Ground Nog Day! (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
February 10th should be National Fart Day. Because it’s 2/10.
What do you call a groundhog that drives recklessly?… A road hog. (Car Jokes)
What do you call a groundhog that plays basketball?… A ball hog. (Basketball Jokes)
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body he’ll be born in February

February 2nd: Top 10 Super Bowl Jokes

What’s the difference between a Super Bowl quarterback and a baby?… One takes the snap, the other takes a nap. (Napping Jokes)
Why did the poor, rookie Super Bowl quarterback have his receivers cross at midfield?… Because he was trying to make ends meet.
What Super Bowl play should you be suspicious of?… The quarterback sneak.
What is Campbell’s favorite athletic event?… The “soup” er Bowl.
Why did the Super Bowl football player go to the bank?… to get his quarter back.
How is losing money in a payphone like the Super Bowl?… If you don’t get the quarter back, you hit the receiver!
What do you call a Super Bowl lineman’s kids?… Chips off the old blocker. (Father’s Day Jokes)
Where do for Super Bowl quarterbacks go when they get old?… Out to pass-ture. (Cow Jokes)
What did the football say to the Super Bowl punter?… “I get a kick out of you.” (College Jokes)
Losing Super Bowl Coach responding to interview question: “What do you think about the execution of your team? Coach Response: I am all in favor of it!”

February 13th: Pancake Day Jokes

Did you hear about the angry pancake?… He just flipped. (Top Psychology Jokes)
What did the young pancake say to the old burnt pancake?… I don’t like your flip side. (Top Grandparents Day Jokes)
What do the New York Yankees and pancakes have in common?… They both need a good batter! (Top Baseball Jokes)
How do you make a pancake smile?… Butter him up. (180 School Jokes)
What’s the best pancake topping?… More pancakes.
How do elves eat their pancakes?… In short stacks. (Top Christmas Jokes)
How do leprechauns eat their pancakes?… In short stacks. (Top St. Patrick Day Jokes)
When the little boy was making pancakes why did the batter run away?… Because it said crack 2 eggs then beat it!
Did you know today is Pancake day, apparently it just creped up on us..
Thin French pancakes give me the crepes.

February 14th: Valentine’s Day Jokes

Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?… Because you can really party hearty!
Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?… No, but they had an apple.
What did one oar say to the other?… “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?”
Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?… Because it’s all heart.
What did the pencil say to the paper?… I dot my i’s on you!
What did the light bulb say to the switch?… You turn me on.
Do you have a date for Valentines Day?… Yes, February 14th.
“I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!”
What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and you’ll go places!
What do Chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?… They are all better rich! (Top Holiday Jokes & Top Coffee Day Jokes)

February 19th: Presidents’ Day Jokes (update) & Election Jokes (Electoral College: Highest to Lowest by State)

Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?…. Because he couldn’t lie.
Did Lincoln know that the North would win the Civil War?… After a while, he took it for Grant-ed!
How did George Washington speak to his army?…. In general terms.
What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character?… George Washingtoon!
Why is Abraham Lincoln like a bloodhound tracking someone?…They’re both on the (s)cent!
What would you get if you crossed the sixteenth president with a famous slugger?…. Babe Lincoln
What do you call George Washington’s false teeth?… Presidentures!
Teacher: “John, do you know Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address?” Student: “No, Miss Frump. I thought he lived in Washington!”
What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell?… Abraham Stinkin
What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?…. Ape Lincoln!

February 29th: Leap Year Jokes:

What do athletes wear on Leap Day?… Jumpsuits.
Where do most people eat on Leap Day?… IHOP.
What kind of music do you listen to on Leap Day?… Hip Hop.
What do the Chinese call the Year of the Frog?… Leap Year.
What do you tell a hitchhiker on Leap Day?… Hop In.
What is a frog’s favorite time of year?… Leap Day.
What do you call a surgery on Leap Day?… A hop-eration.
I wasn’t going to celebrate Leap Day, but I decided to jump on the band wagon.
My coworker was fired on Leap Day, apparently he picked the wrong time to jump off the deep end.
I’m going to get married on February 29th, so I only have to remember our anniversary once every 4 years.

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