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Google Search “Valentine’s Day Jokes”
- Do you have a date for Valentines Day?… Yes, February 14th. (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
- What do you call always having a date for New Year’s Eve?… Social Security. (New Year’s Eve Jokes)
- Did Adam and Eve ever have a date?… No, but they had an apple.
- How a does hockey player kiss?… He puckers up. (Hockey Jokes for Kids)
- Where did Black Widow and Spider-Man first meet?… On the web! (Spiderman Jokes)
- Why is Valentine’s Day the best day for a celebration?… Because you can really party hearty! (Biology Jokes)
- What did the pencil say to the paper?… I dot my i’s on you! (Pencil Jokes)
- What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?… Honey! (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
- What kind of ships do pirates have trouble with?… Relationships! (Pirate Jokes)
- What did one oar say to the other?… “Can I interest you in a little row-mance?” (Sports Joke of the Day)
- What did one light bulb say to the other?… I love you a whole watt!
- Why is lettuce the most loving vegetable?… Because it’s all heart. (Biology Jokes)
- What is the name of Dracula’s new girlfriend?… Bloody Mary. (Vampire Jokes & Halloween Jokes)
- What did the Valentine’s Day card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and you’ll go places! (Geography Jokes & Mailman Jokes)
- What did the barista’s Valentine say?… Words cannot espresso my love for you. (Coffee Jokes)
- What did the light bulb say to the switch?… You turn me on.
- “I can’t be your Valentine for medical reasons.”…“Really?”… “Yeah, you make me sick!” (Doctor Jokes)
- What do you call two birds in love?…. Tweethearts! (Bird Jokes)
- What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?… Ughs and kisses! (Caveman Jokes)
- What did one leaf say to another?… I’m falling for you. (Valentine’s Day Jokes & Tree Jokes)
- What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… I’m nuts about you! (Squirrel Jokes for Kids)
- What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine’s Day?… You’re nuts so bad yourself! (Squirrel Jokes for Kids)
- What is the difference between a calendar and single person?… A calendar has a date on Valentine’s day. (Top 10 Jokes for Each Month)
- Why did the couple get hitched on the 24 of December?… So they could have a married Christmas. (Christmas Jokes)
- Did you hear the one about the phoney Cupid?… He was totally bow-gus! (Archery Jokes)
- What did the soft shell taco say when they wanted to cuddle?… Fold me close! (Taco Jokes)
- What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?… They are all better rich! (Chocolate Jokes & Coffee Jokes)
- Do skunks celebrate Valentine’s Day?… Sure, they’re very scent-imental! (Skunk Jokes)
- What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?… I love you a ton! (Elephant Jokes)
- Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Sherwood… Sherwood who?… Sherwood like to be your valentine! (Top Arbor Day Jokes)
- What does a carpet salesman give his wife for Valentine’s Day?… Rugs and kisses!
- What do you call a very small Valentine’s?… A Valentiny!
- What is a vampire’s sweetheart called?… His ghoul-friend.
- What did the drum say to his Valentine?… My heart beats for you! (Top Biology Jokes)
- What did one calculator say to the other?… “How do I love thee? Let me count the ways!” (101 Math Jokes)
- What did the painter say to his Valentine?… I love you with all my art!
- What did the owl say to his Valentine?… Owl be yours! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did the cat say to his Valentine?… You’re purr-fect for me! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- If your aunt ran off to get married, what would you call her?… Antelope. (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did the paper clip say to the magnet?… I find you very attractive.
- Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Olive… Olive who?… Olive you!
- What did the bat say to his girlfriend?…. You’re fun to hang around with. (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did the man with the broken leg say to his nurse?… “I’ve got a crutch on you!”
- Knock knock!…Who’s there?… Howard… Howard who?… Howard you like a big kiss?
- What do single people call Valentine’s Day?… Happy Independence Day (Top 40 4th of July Jokes).
- Why did the kangaroo love the little Australian bear?… Because the bear had many fine koala-ties! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine’s Day?… Cauliflowers!
- What do chocolate, men, and coffee have in common?… They are all better rich! (Coffee Jokes)
- Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Atlas… Atlas who?… Atlas Valentine’s Day is here!
- What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine card?…. A card that says, “I love you drool-ly!” (Top Dog Jokes)
- Why did the boy have his girlfriend put in jail?… She stole his heart.
- What do farmers give their wives on Valentine’s Day?…. Hogs and kisses! (Farming Jokes)
- What did one pickle say to the other?… You mean a great dill to me.
- Knock, knock!… Who’s there?… Jimmy… Jimmy who?… Jimmy a little kiss?
- What did one volcano say to the other?…I lava you.(Top Geography Jokes)
- Why did the cannibal break up with his Valentine?… She didn’t suit his taste!
- What did one light bulb say to the other?… You light up my life!
- How did the telephone propose to his girlfriend?… He gave her a ring.
- What did the iPod say to it`s owner?… You make me so very appy!
- What did the boy sheep say to the girl sheep on Valentine’s Day?… I Love Ewe! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did the girl sheep say back to the boy sheep?… You’re not so baaaa-d yourself! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What happened when the two angels got married?… They lived harpily ever after!
- What did one snake say to the other snake?… Give me a little hug and a hiss, honey. (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine’s Day?… I’m stuck on you!
- What did the boy pig say to the girl pig?… I’m hog wild about you! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did the engine say to the key?… You turn me on!
- What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine`s Day?… Let me call you Tweet heart! (Bird Jokes)
- What did the light bulb say to his Valentine?… I love you watts and watts!
- What did the young maiden say to the handsome archer?… “You make me quiver.” (Archery Jokes)
- What did the train say to his Valentine?… I choo-choo-choose you!
- What did the boy bee say to the girl bee on Valentine’s Day?… You are bee- utiful! Will you bee mine? (Bee Jokes)
- What did the girl bee say to the boy bee on Valentine’s Day?… I love beeing with you, Honey! (Bee Jokes)
- Then there was the guy who promised his girlfriend a diamond for Valentine`s Day. So he took her to a baseball park! (Top Baseball Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
- What did one bell say to the other?… Be my valenchime!
- Do you love me more than you love sleep?… I can`t answer now. It`s time for my nap!
- What did one fir tree say to the other?… Be my valenpine! (Tree Jokes)
- Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?… It was a case of guppy love. (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What would you get if you crossed Cupid with a baseball player?… A glover boy! (Top Baseball Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
- What is the most romantic city in England?… Loverpool! (Top Geography Jokes)
- What happened when the two tennis players met?… It was lob at first sight! (Top Tennis Jokes & Sports Joke of the Day)
- Did you hear about the nearsighted porcupine?… He fell in love with a pin cushion! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did the chef give his wife on Valentine’s Day?… Hugs and quiches.
- What did the bear say to his Valentine?… I love you beary much! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- Why did the boy put candy under his pillow?… Because he wanted sweet dreams. (Candy Jokes)
- What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit on Valentine’s Day?… Somebunny likes you! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did the boy whale say to the girl whale on Valentine’s Day?… Whale you be mine? (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- Knock, Knock… Who’s there?… Pooch… Pooch who?… Pooch your arms around me! (Top Dog Jokes)
- Why do melons have to get married in churches?… Because they cantaloupe!
- Knock knock!… Who’s there? Frank… Frank who? Frank you for being my friend!
- What did the buck say to the doe on Valentine’s Day?…. You’re a dear! (Deer) (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did one piece of string say to the other?… Be my valentwine!
- What did the letter say to the stamp?… You send me.
- Knock, knock…Who’s there?… Luke… Luke who?… Luke, I got a Valentine!
- What did one monster say to the other?… Be my valenslime!
- What did the vacuum cleaner say to the outlet?… I really get a charge out of you!
- What did the rabbit say to his Valentine?… You’re no bunny ’til some bunny loves you! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did the chocolate syrup say to the ice cream?… I’m sweet on you!
- What did the octopus say to his Valentine?… I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand. (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What did the valentine card say to the stamp?… Stick with me and we`ll go places! (Geography Jokes)
- What do you get when dragons kiss?… Third degree burns of the lips!
- What would you get if you crossed Cupid with a meat and vegetable dish?… Stewpid!
- What is the difference between a girl who is sick of her boyfriend and a sailor who falls into the ocean?… One is bored over a man the other is a man overboard. (Ocean Jokes)
- What do squirrels give each other for Valentine’s Day?… Forget-me-nuts. (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What happened to your leg?…I went to a seafood dance on Valentine’s Day and I pulled a mussel! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- What happened when the man fell in love with his garden?… It made him wed his plants!
- What did Frankenstein say to his girlfriend?… “Be my valenstein!” (Halloween
- What happens when you fall in love with a french chef?… You get buttered up. (World Geography Jokes)
- What does a man who loves his car do on February 14?… He gives it a valenshine!
- What happened when the monster kissed his one true love?… He left lip prints on the mirror! (Halloween Jokes)
- What’s the best part about Valentines Day?… The day after when all the chocolate goes on sale. (Chocolate Jokes)
- What is a ram’s favorite song on February 14th?… I only have eyes for ewe, dear, (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy?… It was Valenswine’s Day. (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed, “guess who?”… A divorce lawyer.
- What did the boy candy say to the girl candy?… “It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.” (Candy Jokes)
- Why didn’t Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer’s heart?… Because even Cupid can`t hit a target that small. (Lawyer Jokes)
- What two words have a thousand letters in them?… Post Office!
- Why do valentines have hearts on them?… Because spleens would look pretty gross! (Biology Jokes)
- Why should you send your sweetie a valentine?… Because you always heart the one you love!
- What’s red and white and swims in the ocean?… A valentine cod! (Animal Jokes for Kids)
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: Look at the tag on their shirt and then say: “Oh, I thought you were made in Heaven!”
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.”
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Were your parents thieves?… Because they must have stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.”
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Did it hurt? When you fell down out of heaven.”
- Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “Excuse me, do you have a mobile phone I can use? I told my Mum I’d call her when I fell in love!!!”
Bonus Jokes
- “You donut know how much I love you.” (Donut Jokes)
- Culturally no one in Alaska dates in the winter. When asked why, one Alaskan replied, “We try, but its hard to break the ice.” (Alaska Jokes & Winter Jokes)
- LinkedIn is the worst dating app… All people want to talk about is work and what I plan on doing after graduation. (Graduation Jokes)
- What did the fruit write on his Valentine’s card?… You’re one in a melon! (Watermelon Jokes)
- My girlfriend asked me if hot dogs were good for her diet. I replied, “They’re not the wurst” (Hot Dog Jokes)
- I saw a hot dog vendor today…She was good looking, but I don’t really want a dog. (Hot Dog Jokes)
Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “No wonder the sky is grey today, all the blue is in your eyes.”
Valentine’s Day Pick-up Line: “I lost my phone number, could I borrow yours?”
Why is a bad cup of coffee the end of a marriage?… Because it’s GROUNDS for divorce! (Coffee Jokes)
What did the octopus say to it’s sweetheart?… You octopi my heart. (Octopus Jokes)