Pie Jokes

by | Nov 1, 2019 | Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best pie jokes.
  2. How did the baker describe the pumpkin pie?… It’s gourd-geous. (Pumpkin Jokes & Pie Jokes)
  3. What do you call a pie protesting on Wall Street?… Occu-pie. (New York Jokes)
  4. Mardi Gras Pun: Moon pies put me in a good ala mode! (Ice Cream Jokes & Pie Jokes)
  5. Where does Neil Young put his pie?… On his harvest spoon. (Harvest Moon Jokes)
  6. Pie Puns: I’m gonna ride my pie-cycle around the neighborhood. (Bike Jokes)
  7. How did the apple go to the pie shop?… On a pie-cycle. (Bike Jokes)
  8. What do you call a mud pie on April 22?… An Earth Day cake! (Earth Day Jokes & Cake Jokes)
  9. The mathematician says, “Pi r squared.” The baker replies, “No, pies are round. Cakes are square.” (Pie Jokes & Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)
  10. The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi… is that it never ends.
  11. A statistics professor and a math professor worked together on a cookbook… They called it “Pi A La Mode.”
  12. Pie Puns: Could you sing me a lulla-pie? (Baby Jokes & Pie Jokes)
  13. What’s the best way to celebrate Pi Day?… With a slice of the pi(e).
  14. The first time Snoop Dogg bought a pot pie he was probably very disappointed. (Dog Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)
  15. What did they call the first person to bake a pie?… A pie-oneer.
  16. I was walking home late one night when I saw dozens of giant cupcakes and pies everywhere. It was kind of scary… The streets were oddly desserted. (Cupcake Jokes & Walking Jokes)
  17. What did Obi Wan say to Luke when he tried to eat bantha pie with a spoon?… “Use the FORK, Luke.” (Star Wars Jokes)
  18. How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie?… 3.14159265. (Pi Day Jokes & Chocolate Jokes)
  19. I tried to make a pie with fish innards!… It was cod offal. (Fishing Jokes)
  20. I had a shepherd’s pie for lunch today… He wasn’t happy. (Farming Jokes)
  21. Why did the waitress say when Rick Astley asked to fast track his order of apple pie and vanilla ice cream?… I’m never gonna run around and dessert you.” (Apple Pie Jokes / Music Jokes / Dessert Jokes)
  22. Did Judy Garland ever figure out how much a pie weighs? …Apparently, somewhere over the rainbow you can weigh a pie. (Rainbow Jokes & Wizard of Oz Jokes)
  23. What’s the best thing to put into a pie?… Your teeth! (Dentist Jokes)
  24. What do you call a dessert that flies a plane?… A pie-lot. (Pilot Jokes)
  25. How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie?… 3.14. (Pi Day Jokes)
  26. The local pie shop almost never closes… It’s 22/7. (Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)
  27. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s table was Sir Cumference…. He ate too much pi. (Knight Jokes & Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)
  28. Who led all the apples to the bakery?…The Pie Piper. (Fall Jokes & Apple Pie Jokes)
  29. How far can you recite pi?… Cherry, Apple, Pecan, Blueberry… (Apple Pie Jokes)
  30. A pie walks into a bar. The bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food.” (Beer Jokes)
  31. What snack did the teacher in Maine give her students on the last day of school?…  Whoopie Pi!  (Jokes for the Last Day of School & Maine Jokes)
  32. What is 1.57?… Half a pie. (Pi Day Jokes)
  33. Following a recipe, says I need: apples, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of apples for a pie… (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  34. How would the dessert propose to his girlfriend?… Pie love you berry much. (Marriage Jokes)
  35. What do you call a mud pie on April 22?… An Earth Day cake! (Earth Day Jokes)
  36. What is a great for dessert for Halloween?… Boo-berry pie and I-scream! (Halloween Jokes)
  37. What is a great for dessert for Friday the 13th?… Boo-berry pie and I-scream!
  38. (Friday the 13th Jokes)
  39. What do you call a street full of pies?… A desserted street.
  40. Why is it so difficult to work at an apple pie factory?… Because they have such a high turnover rate! (Apple Pie Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  41. What is a ghosts favorite kind of dessert?… Boo-berry pie! (Ghost Jokes)
  42. Why did the apple pie join the circus?… It loved all the apple-ause. (Apple Pie Jokes)
  43. What do you call a sailor who loots desserts?… A pie-rate. (Pirate Jokes)
  44. What’s the ideal way to serve pi?… A la mode! Anything less is mean. (Pi Day Jokes & Ice Cream Jokes)
  45. What did the pumpkin say after Thanksgiving?… Good-pie everyone. (Thanksgiving Jokes & Pie Jokes)
  46. Remember not to eat too much pi… it will give you a large circumference. (Geometry Jokes for Teachers)
  47. Why did the pie go to a dentist?… Because he needed a filling! (Dentist Jokes)
  48. How do you make a gold pie?… You put 14 carrots on it. (Farming Jokes)
  49. What happened to the snake that ate a whole pie?… It became a pie-thon! (Snake Jokes)
  50. Hole #9 Where do North and South Carolina bakers travel to make cherry pie?… The go to Augusta National Golf Course and set up shop at hole #9, Carolina Cherry. (Pie Jokes / South Carolina Jokes / North Carolina Jokes)
  51. What’s the difference between a worm and an apple?… Have you ever tried worm pie? (Worm Jokes & Apple Jokes)
  52. Got a big decision to make in November… Pumpkin or pecan pie for Thanksgiving? (Pie Jokes & Thanksgiving Jokes)
  53. What did Yoda say when the bakery was out of Pies?… Dough. Or Doughnut. There is no Pie. (Star Wars Jokes) 
  54. Why did the pie cross the road?… Because it was meetin’ potato. (Potato Jokes)
  55. What’s really good on pie and really awful on people?… Crust.
  56. Did you hear of the man who robbed a pie shop?… He was put into custardy. (Police Jokes)
  57. What do you call a baker who invented a new way to bake a pie?… A pie-oneer.
  58. Which pie has the most jam in it?… Cherry Garcia Pie. (365 Music Jokes)
  59. Waiter! Why does my dessert have a shoe print in it?… Sir, you did say “Apple pie and step on it!”(Apple Pie Jokes)
  60. I told the doctor I had a mince pie growing out of my head. He said he had some cream for it. (Doctor Jokes)
  61. Why did the pie cross the road?… Because it was meat & potato. (Potato Jokes)
  62. Why did the other pies stop playing with Pecan Pie during recess?… Because it was nuts.
  63. What do sharks eat for dessert?… Octo-pie. (Shark Jokes & Octopus Jokes)
  64. What did the pie yell when it heard a knock at the bathroom door?… Occu-pied!
  65. Who will you call to bake the tastiest apple pies?… Granny Smith. (Grandparent Jokes)
  66. What was the scarecrow’s contribution to the Thanksgiving dinner pot-luck?… A Straw-berry pie.
  67. Why shouldn’t you eat too much pi?… You’ll end up with a big circumference.
  68. I think my favorite Thanksgiving food is pie… but some people say that’s irrational. (Thanksgiving Jokes & Math Jokes for Teachers)
  69. What kind of pie is Curious George’s favorite?… Banana cream pie. (Banana Jokes)
  70. A billboard advertising a pie shop read… Just 3.14 miles away. (Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)
  71. A girl at the bar sold me a DVD. It had 3.14 stars… I think it was pi-rated. (Movie Jokes & Pirate Jokes)
  72. A slice of apple pie is $2.50 in Jamaica and $3 in the Bahamas… These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. (World Geography Jokes & Apple Pie Jokes)
  73. A food critic was stealing pie-making recipes in the guise of rating and reviewing pies from various bakeries… She was Pie-rating.
  74. How do you cure a person with a pie allergy?… Use an E-pie pen on them. (Doctor Jokes)
  75. Why did the pie cross the road?… It saw a fork up ahead.
  76. My wife sat down with half a pie before dinner. Me: Are you really planning to eat pie before dinner? Her: It’s only half a pie. Me: It’s still irrational. (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  77. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore… When you suddenly squeal ’cause you stepped on an eel that’s a moray! (Moon Jokes & Pizza Jokes)
  78. Did you hear about the sailor who turned into a pumpkin pie?… He’s a squashbuckling pirate! (Farming Jokes / Pirate Jokes / Pumpkin Jokes)
  79. Why did the apple pie turn red?… Because it saw the salad dressing. (Apple Pie Jokes)
  80. What did the key lime pie say to the pecan pie?… You’re Nuts!
  81. I love pie… I could eat it 22/7. (Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)
  82. How can you tell if someone spiked your chocolate pie with alcohol?… The proof is in the pudding. (Dessert Jokes)
  83. Where do you go to weigh a pie?… Somewhere, over the rainbow. (Rainbow Jokes & Wizard of Oz Jokes)
  84. A truck driver stopped at a roadside diner for lunch and ordered a cheeseburger, coffee and a slice of apple pie. As he was about to eat, three bikers walked in. One grabbed the trucker’s cheeseburger and took a huge bite from it. The second one drank the trucker’s coffee, and the third wolfed down his apple pie. The truck driver didn’t say a word as he paid the waitress and left. As the waitress walked up, one of the motorcyclists growled, “He ain’t much of a man, is he?” “He’s not much of a driver, either,” the waitress replied. “He just backed his 18-wheeler over three motorcycles.”
  85. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?… Pi a la mode.
  86. A mathematician walks into a diner. He asks the waitress for pie. She says: “3.14159 26535” (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  87. What do you call a pie protesting on Wall Street?… Occu-pie. (New York Jokes)
  88. Mathematician: “Pi r squared.” Baker: “No, pies are round. Cakes are square.” (Cake Jokes)
  89. What do you get if you chase a pie around the garden?… Puff pastry.
  90. What’s the difference between cake and pie?… πr², cakes are round. (Cake Jokes)
  91. Why does pirate likes to eat pie?… Because PIE RATING is in their job description. (Pirate Jokes)
  92. What is an Australian ghost’s favorite pie?… Boo meringue. (Ghost Jokes)
  93. What did the pie tell his significant other?… I will never dessert you. (Dessert Jokes)
  94. The price of your average meat pie in Nicaragua, Panama, Dominica and Cubais $3. In Mexico, Honduras, Jamaica and Bahamas it lies around $2.79, and the cheapest at $1.79 can be found in Granada and Guatemala… These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
  95. Pie Puns: Pie love you with all of my heart.
  96. Pie Puns: She was really hap-pie today.
  97. Pie Puns: I’m pie-ning for you.
  98. Pie Puns:Y ou’re the apple of my pie.
  99. Pie Puns: Feast your pies on this.
  100. Pie Puns: I only have pies for you.
  101. Pie Puns: I got my pie on you.
  102. Pie Puns: Beauty is in the pie of the beholder.
  103. Pie Puns: Hi, sweetie pie!
  104. Pie Puns: You’re such a cutie pie.
  105. Pie Puns: You occu-pie my thoughts.
  106. Pie Puns: She completed the task to pie-fection.
  107. Pie Puns: Keep your eyes on the pies.
  108. Pie Puns: Good-pie my friends.
  109. Pie Puns: Pie’m all ears.
  110. Pie Puns: I’m gonna ride my pie-cycle around the neighborhood. (Bike Jokes)
  111. Pie Puns: Could you sing me a lulla-pie. (365 Music Jokes)
  112. Pie Puns: Don’t invade my pie-vacy.
  113. Pie Puns: The best pie that money can pie.
  114. Pie Puns: I read my pie-ble (bible) everyday says the pastor.
  115. Pie Puns: Pie-lates – The reason pies can keep in shape.
  116. Pie Puns: S-pie-der – A baked 8 legged creature. (Spider Jokes)
  117. Pie Puns: Pi – A nerdy mathematical dessert that’s round.
  118. Pie Puns: Arrgh, it a swashbuckling pie-rate. (Pirate Jokes)
  119. Pie Puns: Pie-rat – A scurvy little rodent with an eye-patch and a hook. (Pirate Jokes)
  120. What’s the problem eating too much pumpkin pie this time of year?… You’ll get autumn’y ache. (Fall Jokes & Pumpkin Jokes)
  121. What did the pumpkin say to the pie baker?… Use apples instead. (Pumpkin Jokes)
  122. What can a whole apple pie do that half an apple pie can’t do?… It can look round. (Apple Pie Jokes)
  123. I robbed a pastry shop in Lombardy and ended up in custardy. (Police Jokes)
  124. Kids: “There isn’t enough sugar in the pumpkin filling!” Dad: “Hey, cooking is an art, not a science…” “… you can’t calculate pie.” (Math Jokes for Teachers & Dad Jokes)
  125. I dropped my pie on the apartment stairs… Now it’s some where between three and four.
  126. Apple Pie is 3.14 times better than apples by themselves. (Apple Pie Jokes)
  127. What have I named the pie section of my bakery menu?… Treasure Hunter cus its full of Pie-Rates. (Pirate Jokes)
  128. The first time Snoop Dogg bought a pot pie he was probably very disappointed. (Dog Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)
  129. I drive around and sell pies. Key lime for $8 and pecan pie for $10…. Those are the pie rates of the car I be in. (Pirate Jokes)
  130. What’s a pumpkin circumference divided by pumpkin diameter?… Pumpkin pi. (Pumpkin Jokes)
  131. What do you call a ghost of a pie that you can’t throw away because it keeps coming back?… Boo-meringue. (Ghost Jokes)
  132. What do you call a pie without 3.14?… 2.718
  133. Did you know that you can get a slice of lemon pie in Cuba for $1.50 and in Jamaica you can get key lime pie for $1.00? Those are the pie rates of the Carribean.
  134. What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Pi in the sky. (Sun Jokes)
  135. How did the baker describe the pumpkin pie?… It’s gourd-geous. (Pumpkin Jokes)
  136. How did the apple go to the pie shop?… On a pie-cycle. (Bike Jokes)
  137. Pirates of the Caribbean joke A pie in Jamaica is usually 3 dollars. While a pie in the Bahamas is usually 4 dollars. I know because I have always been a fan of the pie rates of the Caribbean.
  138. A politician was crossing a pasture when he stepped into something soft. He immediately stopped and looked down to see his foot completely covered in a large cow-pie. Standing still, he cried out in terror, “Please someone help me, I’m melting!” (Cow Jokes)
  139. What do you get when you eat 3.14 pies?… Fat. You get fat.
  140. Why did the cherry pie and apple pie break up?… They were having crust issues. (Apple Pie Jokes)
  141. What kind of pie did George Washington like most?… Cherry pie! (George Washington Jokes)
  142. What’s kind of dessert is Egyptian pie?… The kind mummy used to make.
  143. What do you get when you cross an apple pie with a Christmas tree?… Pineapple pie.(Christmas Tree Jokes)
  144. A bakery can only calculate the size of circular cakes… if their pie are squared. (Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)
  145. A math professor is trapped on a deserted island with nothing but a pie. He decides to ration the pie so he can survive for a month, and hopefully someone will have come by then. He dies a week later cause he ate all the pie in one day. He should’ve listened to what he told his students “Pi is irrational.” (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  146. How many pies can an explorer eat before they go deaf?… Two: a pie an ear!
  147. Why were the pirates happy when they washed up on shore and saw cakes, pies, and ice cream?… It was a desserted island. (Dessert Jokes& Pirate Jokes)
  148. What do you get when you cross an apple pie with a shellfish?… A crab apple pie. (Apple Pie Jokes)
  149. What do you call a pie that loves to go to the gym?… A buff pastry.
  150. Did you know that Cherry Pie is $15 in Barbados but only $10 in Antigua?… Arrr. Those be the Pie rates of the Caribbean today. (Pirate Jokes)
  151. So I was baking a premade pie and the instructions told me to put it in the oven at 180 degrees. Now I’m left with an upside down pie in an oven. (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  152. I couldn’t find any round pies for Pi Day!… My baker insists pie are squared. (Pi Day Jokes for Teachers)
  153. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about birds?
  154. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good bird knock-knock joke?
  155. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good bird knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  156. Where does Dorothy from OZ weigh a pie?… Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh-a-pie! (Wizard of Oz Jokes)
  157. Why did the apple pie cry?… It’s peelings were hurt! (Pie Jokes)
  158. Which band did the Pie like the most?… S-pie-ce Girls.
  159. The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is that it never ends. (Pi Day Jokes)
  160. What do you get when a bunch of sheep stand in a circle?… Shepherd’s Pi. (Pi Day Jokes)
  161. What did the apple say to the pie baker?… Use cherries instead.
  162. What did the cherry say to the cherry pie?… “You’ve got some crust.”
  163. In Jamaica pies cost $4.76, in the Cuba pies cost $3.89, and in Haiti pies cost $3.23. These are the pie rates of the Caribbean. (Pirate Jokes)
  164. What do you get if you cross a jogger with an apple pie?… Puff pastry
  165. Why did the pie cross the road?… She was meat an potato. (Potato Jokes)
  166. What do you call a fantasy adventure movie about baked goods and a Bengal tiger?… Life of Pie.
  167. What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?… Boo-Berry pie with I-scream! (Halloween Jokes & Friday the 13th Jokes)
  168. What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi! (Pi Day Jokes)
  169. Why did the apple pie cry?… It’s peelings were hurt!
  170. What was Sir Isaac Newton’s favorite dessert?… Apple pi. (Pi Day Jokes)
  171. What do you get when you cross an apple pie with a crustacean?… A crab apple pie. (Apple Pie Jokes)
  172. What is the ideal number of pieces to cut a pie into?… 3.14
  173. What kind of pie has a short temper?… A crab apple pie. (Apple Pie Jokes)
  174. How did the audience cheer the apple pie for its sensational performance?… With apple-ause! (Apple Pie Jokes)
  175. When is an apple pie grouchy?… When it’s made with crab apples! (Apple Pie Jokes)
  176. Why was the cherry pie so happy?… It won first pies in the contest.
  177. What did the mother ghost tell the baby ghost when he ate his pie too fast?… Stop goblin your dessert.
  178. Why did the man eat pecan pie at the bank?… He wanted to eat rich food.
  179. What’s the best thing to put in your pumpkin pie?… Your teeth! (Pumpkin Jokes)
  180. Remember not to eat too much pi—it will give you a large circumference. (Pie Jokes)
  181. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?… A Mince Spy! (Christmas Jokes)
  182. Key lime pie is Barbados costs $3.14 Pecan pie in Jamaica costs $1.59. Those are the Pi Rates of the Caribbean.
  183. A pie costs $2.20 in Jamaica and $1.90 in Cuba. Does anyone else know the pie rates of the Caribbean?
  184. What did the monkey get for Thanksgiving dessert?… A banana cream pie. (Banana Jokes)
  185. Why should we not disturb a fashion designer when they’re eating apple pie and ice cream?… Because they’re a la mode.
  186. What did the man say when he took a bite of sweet potato pie?… Mmmm, this is so yammy.
  187. What did the boy say about his mom’s sweet potato pie?… It’s yamtastic!
  188. I was walking home late one night when I saw dozens of giant cupcakes and pies everywhere. It was kind of scary. …The streets were oddly desserted. (Dessert Jokes)
  189. Why was everyone sad for the Thanksgiving dessert?… It had ex-pie-red!
  190. Chicken pot pie My three favorite things.(Chicken Jokes)
  191. How do you compliment a math nerd?… Just call them a “qt pi.” (Math Jokes for Teachers)
  192. What do you feel after having a lot of tasty pie?… Hap-pie!
  193. What did the scientist use for his pie experiment?… A peach-tree dish.
  194. Name the sailor who loves spinach pie?… Po-pie the Sailor Man!
  195. What was Newton’s most favorite dessert?… An apple pi.
  196. Who was the pie’s favorite pop star?… Pumpkin Pie Spice.
  197. How do you pay your math teacher?… With pi.
  198. What would you gift a math teacher on their birthday?… A 3.14-pound pie.
  199. What do you call a pie ghost that keeps returning?… A boo-meringue.
  200. Why should someone never speak to a pi?… He will go on forever.
  201. What does a butcher do after traveling somewhere over a rainbow?… Weigh a pie! (Rainbow Jokes)
  202. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a Pi Day pie?… Froze-zen pi. (Snowman Jokes & Pie Jokes)
  203. What’s wrong with the equation “pi r squared?”… Pi are round. Cake are square. (Cake Jokes & Pie Jokes)
  204. I want to open a restaurant called Pi… All the food is round, but the pie are square.

101 Pi Day Jokes
Pi Day Jokes (26)




  1. 3.14% of Sailors are PI rates! (Top Pirate Jokes)
  2. What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi! (Find a U.S. math teacher who tutors!)
  3. What is the ideal number of pieces to cut a pie into?… 3.14
  4. Mathematician: “Pi r squared” Baker:” No! Pies are round, cakes are square!
  5. How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie?… 3.14.
  6. In Alaska, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3.00. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. They call it Eskimo pi.
  7. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s was Sir Cumference… He ate too much Pi!
  8. What is the official animal of Pi Day?… the PI – thon!
  9. The worst thing about getting hit in the face with pi is that it never ends.
  10. Never talk to pi. He’ll go on forever.
  11. I just saw the movie American Pi. I gave it a rating of 3.14.
  12. What is 1.57?… Half a pie
  13. What do you get when you cut a jack o’lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi! (Top Halloween Jokes)
  14. What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Moon Pi.
  15. What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Pi in the sky.
  16. What was Sir Isaac Newton’s favorite dessert?… Apple pi!
  17. What do we get when we take the object and order the rim by the diameter?…Pi in the sky by and by.
  18. What do you get if you divide the circumference of a bowl of ice cream by its diameter?… Pi a’la mode.
  19. Come to the nerd side, we have pi!
  20. How far can you recite pi?… Cherry, Apple, Pecan, Blueberry…
  21. What famous private investigator solves math problem?… Magnum PI
  22. What do you get when you take a bovine and divide its circumference by its diameter?… A cow pi.
  23. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identicalrubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything theywant to measure it, and have all the time they need. The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume.The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures. And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.
  24. Albert Einstein‘s birthday was on Pi Day — March 14, 1879. Perhaps he served pie for his birthday instead of cake.
  25. What do you get when you take a native Alaskan and divide its circumference by its diameter?… Eskimo pi.
  26. Several Experts Several experts were all posed the following question: What is pi?
  • The engineer said: “It is approximately 3 and 1/7″
  • The physicist said: “It is 3.14159.”
  • The mathematician thought a bit, and replied “It is equal to pi.”
  • A nutritionist: “Pie is a healthy and delicious dessert!”


Math Riddles (14)

  1. Why should you never mention the number 288 in front of anyone?… Because it is too gross (2 x 144 – two gross).
  2. How is the moon like a dollar?… They both have 4 quarters.
  3. How can you add eight 8′s to get the number 1,000? (only using addition) A: 888 +88 +8 +8 +8 = 1,000
  4. How many eggs can you put in an empty basket? … Only one, after that the basket is not empty.
  5. Where can you buy a ruler that is 3 feet long?… At a yard sale
  6. When things go wrong, what can you always count on?… Your fingers.
  7. What coin doubles in value when half is deducted?… A half dollar.
  8. Why are diapers like 100 dollar bills?… They need to be changed.
  9. What goes up and never comes down?… Your Age
  10. Why is the longest human nose on record only 11 inches long?… Otherwise it would be a foot.
  11. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?… Because you can’t drink and derive…
  12. Why didn’t the quarter roll down the hill with the nickel?… Because it had more cents.
  13. Why is 6 afraid of 7?…  Because 7 8(ate) 9
  14. What is a proof?… One-half percent of alcohol.

Geometry Jokes (33)

  1. What do you call a teapot of boiling water on top of mount everest?… A high-pot-in-use
  2. What do you call a crushed angle?…. A Rectangle (wrecked angle)
  3. What did the baby tree say when it looked in a mirror?… Gee-Om-A-Tree.
  4. What do you get when you cross geometry with McDonalds?… A plane cheeseburger.
  5. Why did I divide sin by tan?… Just cos.
  6. What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?… A line.
  7. Why did the obtuse angle go to the beach?… because it was over 90 degrees.
  8. What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?…
  9. Nothing! You know you can’t cross a scalar and a vector.
  10. What did the acorn say when he grew up?… Gee, I’m A Tree!
  11. Why does nobody talk to circles?… Because there is no point!
  12. What do you call an angle which is adorable?… acute angle
  13. What did the student say when the witch doctor removed his curse?… Hexagon
  14. Who invented the Round Table?… Sir Cumference.
  15. Which triangles are the coldest?… Ice-sosceles triangles.
  16. What do people who whine a lot and 3 points have in common?… They are both coplaners
  17. How many grams of protein are there in that slice of chocolate pie?… 3.142
  18. What kind of tree does a math teacher climb?… Geometry
  19. What do you call people who like tractors?… Protractors
  20. Why were the similar triangles weighing themselves?… They were finding their scale.
  21. Why won’t the circles invite the ellipses over for dinner?… They are too eccentric.
  22. Why did the 30-60-90 triangle marry the 45-45-90 triangle?… They were right for each other.
  23. Why is a geometry book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
  24. Why is Ms. Radian such a good reporter?… She covers the story from every angle.
  25. Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?… His parents wouldn’t cosine
  26. Where do circles, ellipses, hyperbolas and parabolas like to hang out in the summer?… Coney Island.
  27. Why didn’t the chicken cross to the other side of the inequality?… It couldn’t get past the boundary line.
  28. Q: What do you get if you divide the cirucmference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?… Pumpkin Pi
  29. Why was the parent function upset with its child?… It was stretched to its limit.
  30. What is a proof?.. One-half percent of alcohol.
  31. Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
  32. What did one geometry book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
  33. What do you call a broken record?… A Decca-gone


Calculus Jokes (21)

  1. Why do they never serve beer at a math party?… Because you can’t drink and derive…
  2. Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it? It’s too cubed.
  3. What’s the integral of (1/cabin)d(cabin)?… A natural log cabin!
  4. What is the first derivative of a cow?… Prime Rib!
  5. What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?… Zero. Why?
  6. Because all poles are in Eastern Europe!
  7. How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?… “I’ve told you n times, I’ve told you n+1 times…”
  8. What is polite and works for the phone company?… A deferential operator.
  9. Why was the parent function upset with its child?… It was stretched to its limit.
  10. Did you hear the joke about the statistician?… Probably
  11. What wild animal is good at calculus?… The tangent lion.
  12. Why is a calculus book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
  13. Why was the Calculus teacher bad at baseball?… He was better at fitting curves than hitting them.
  14. Why was the function so bent out of shape?… It’s regression model was too tight a fit.
  15. What is the integral of log cabin d cabin?…Log Cabin + sea = houseboat.
  16. Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
  17. What did one calculus book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
  18. What’s yellow and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?… Zorn’s Lemon.
  19. Why did the algebra students throw bottles of hand cream across the classroom?… They were investigating projectile lotion.
  20. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a zebra?…  Elephant zebra sin theta.
  21. Why is it that the more accuracy you demand from an interpolation function, the more expensive it becomes to compute?… That’s the Law of Spline Demand.


Algebra Jokes (22)

  1. Why was the student afraid of the y-intercept?… She thought she’d be stung by the b.
  2. Who invented algebra?… A Clever X-pert.
  3. What do you call mall friends who love math? alge “bros”
  4. Why won’t Goldilocks drink a glass of water with 8 pieces of ice in it?… It’s too cubed.
  5. What do you get when you cross an algebra class with the prom?… The quadratic formal.
  6. What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito?… Nothing! You know you can’t cross a scalar and a vector.
  7. Why is an algebra book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems.
  8. Why do you rarely find mathematicians spending time at the beach?… Because they have sine and cosine to get a tan and don’t need the sun!
  9. What is purple and commutative?… An abelian grape
  10. What shape is usually waiting for you at Stabucks?…  A line.
  11. Why did the relation need a math tutor? … It failed the vertical-line test.
  12. How can a fisherman determine how many fish he needs to catch to make a profit?… By using a cod-ratic inequality.
  13. Why did the imaginary number turn red?… It ran out of i-drops.
  14. What does the little mermaid wear?… An algae-bra.
  15. How does a ghost solve a quadratic equation?… By completing the scare.
  16. What is a proof?… One-half percent of alcohol.
  17. What did algebra math book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
  18. What is the definition of a polar bear?… A rectangular bear after a coordinate transformation
  19. Why did all the apples in the fruit bowl know each other?… They were core-relations.
  20. Why was the matrix arrested?… Illegal entry.
  21. What do you call a rodent with babies?… A quad-rat-ic parent.
  22. What do you get when you cross a linebacker with a computer geek?… A linear programmer.