St. Patrick’s Day Jokes

More St. Patrick’s Day Jokes…

Happy St. Patrick’s Day. We hope we can bring you a few smiles with the following jokes.

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Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best St. Patrick’s Day! (St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
An Irish dad calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing.” “Dad, what are you talking about?” the son screams. “We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer,” the father says. “We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.” The son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like heck they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!” She calls Ireland immediately, and screams at her father, “You are NOT getting divorced. Don’t do a single thing until I get there. I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. “Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way” (Marriage Jokes / Christmas Jokes / Divorce Jokes)
What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? …. A sham rock. (Geology Jokes)
Son: Dad, I met an Irish girl on St. Patrick’s Day. Dad: Oh, really? Son: No, O’Reilly! (Dad Jokes)
What does a leprechaun say when you tell him Bono is his favorite singer?… You too? (Music Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)
What do you call a leprechaun prank?… A saint pat-trick. (Leprechaun Jokes)
Who is St. Patrick’s favorite superhero?… The Green Lantern. (Super Hero Jokes)
How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time? …. He’s Dublin over with laughter! (World Geography Jokes)
What did the leprechaun say on March 17?… “Irish you a Happy St. Patrick’s Day!” (Leprechaun Jokes)
What’s the best position for leprechauns to play on a baseball team?… Shortstop. (Leprechaun Jokes & Baseball Jokes)
What do you call leprechauns who collect aluminum cans, used newspapers and plastic bottles?… “Wee-cyclers!” (Leprechaun Jokes)
What’s the difference between wisdom and luck?… One is clever. The other is clover
On what musical instrument did the showoff musician play his St. Patrick’s Day tunes?… On his brag-pipes. (Music Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)
What’s the perfect St. Patty’s Day breakfast?… Green eggs and ham. (Dr. Seuss Jokes & Egg Jokes)
Mulligan: Invented by an Irishman who wanted to hit one more 20-yard grounder. (Golf Jokes)
What’s long and green and only shows up once a year?… The St. Patrick’s Day parade.
What does an Irishman get after eating Italian lasagna?… Gaelic breath! (Pasta Jokes)
An American citizen is vacationing on his own in Ireland. He decides to play a round and is paired with three locals. He takes a few practice swings, steps up to the first tee, and proceeds to hook the ball out of bounds. He shakes his head, reaches in his pocket, and re-tees another ball. He tells his playing partners that he is taking a mulligan. He pounds one down the center of the fairway. With a big smile, he asks the others, “In the States, we call that a mulligan. What do you call it here in Ireland?” After a moment of silence, one of the locals replies, “Hitting three.” (Golf Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patrick’s Day? …. St. O’Claus! (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
What do you call a leprechaun with a sore throat?… A streprechaun. (Leprechaun Jokes & Doctor Jokes)
How do you pay for soft drinks on Saint Patty’s Day?… With soda bread. (Bread Jokes
What do leprechauns barbecue on St. Patrick’s Day?… Short ribs. (Leprechaun Jokes)
What do you get when two leprechauns have a conversation?… A lot of small talk.
Are people jealous of the Irish principals?… Sure, they’re green with envy! (Principal Jokes)
Why don’t you iron 4-Leaf clovers?… Because you don’t want to press your luck.
What is a leprechaun’s favorite type of music?… Sham-rock ‘n’ roll. (Music Jokes & 365 Music Jokes)
Did you hear about the O’Reilly twins and their dad in the St. Patrick’s Day 3 on 3 basketball tournaments? They stunned opponents…. No one had an answer for the pick and pop. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
How did the Irish Jig get started?… Too much water to drink and not enough restrooms
How can you spot a jealous shamrock?… It will be green with envy.
Why is a River Liffey rich? …. Because it has two banks.
What do you call Dwayne Johnson’s stunt double?… The Sham-Rock! (Geology Jokes)
“I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.” ….”Oh, really?” …. “No, O’Reilly!” (Marriage Jokes)
Knock Knock …. Who’s there? ….Irish!… Irish Who? …. Irish you were a better principal. (Principal Jokes)
Why can’t Irish golfers ever end a game?… They refuse to leave the green. (Golf Jokes)
Why are leprechauns so hard to get along with? …. Because they’re very short-tempered! (Leprechaun Jokes)
What should you say to someone running a St. Patty’s Day road race?… Irish you luck. (Marathon Jokes)
What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?… Rick O’Shay.
Knock. Knock… Who’s there?… Warren… Warren who?… Warren any green today? It’s St. Patrick’s Day! (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
What do ghosts drink on St. Patrick’s Day?… BOOs. (Beer Jokes & Ghost Jokes)
Why are so many leprechauns gardeners?… Because they have green thumbs. (Flower Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Ireland… Ireland you money if you promise to pay me back. (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
What’s the name of a popular Irish dance move?… The shamrock shake. (365 Music Jokes)
Which dog breed should you invite to your St. Patrick’s Day party?… An Irish Setter. (Dog Jokes)
Where do leprechauns buy their groceries?… Rainbow Foods! (Leprechaun Jokes)
Potato: Knock, knock… Carrot: Who’s there?… Potato: Irish stew… Carrot: Irish stew, who? Potato: Irish stew in the name of the law. (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes & Police Jokes)
Where do Notre Dame fans sit to watch games during March Madness?… Paddy O’Furniture.
What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green? …. A Jolly Green Giant. (Leprechaun Jokes)
What’s a leprechaun’s favorite dessert?… A shamrock shake.
What scares Irish kids when they go to summer camp?… Paddy long legs. (Spider Jokes & St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
Why did the leprechaun go outside?… To sit on his paddy-o. (Leprechaun Jokes)
What did the leprechaun say when the video game ended?… Game clover! (Leprechaun Jokes)
What does a leprechaun call a man wearing green?… A green giant. (Leprechaun Jokes)
How did the leprechaun go to the moon?… In a sham-rocket. (Leprechaun Jokes & Full Moon Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Saint… Saint who?… Saint no time for questions, open the door! (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Clover…. Clover who?… Clover here and I’ll tell you. (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
What do you call a leprechaun’s vacation home?… A lepre-condo. (Leprechaun Jokes & Travel Guest Blogs)
How did the leprechaun win the race?… He took a shortcut. (Leprechaun Jokes & Track and Field Jokes)
What do you get when you cross a four-leaf clover with poison ivy?… A rash of good luck on St. Patrick’s Day. (Doctor Jokes)
What does Ireland have more of than any other country?… Irishmen.
What’s Dwayne Johnson’s Irish nickname?… The Sham-Rock.
When does Valentine’s Day come after Saint Patrick’s Day?… In the dictionary. (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
When is an Irish Potato not an Irish Potato? …. When it’s a FRENCH fry! (Potato Jokes & Fast Food Jokes)
What did the leprechaun put in the vending machine?… A lepre-coin. (Leprechaun Jokes)
What do you call environmentally conscious leprechauns?… Wee-cyclers. (Leprechaun Jokes & Earth Day Jokes)
What is Irish and left on the lawn?… Paddy O’Furniture.
Why are leprechauns so concerned about global warming?… They’re really into green living. (Leprechaun Jokes & Earth Day Jokes)
What do you call a fake Irish diamond?… A shamrock.
What job did the leprechaun have at the restaurant?… He was the short-order cook.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Pat… Pat who?… Pat on your coat—we’re going to the St. Patty’s Day parade. (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
What do you call a bad Irish dance?… A jig mistake.
Why do leprechauns hate running?… They’d rather jig than jog. (Leprechaun Jokes & Track and Field Jokes)
When does a leprechaun cross the street?… When it turns green. (Leprechaun Jokes)
What would St. Patrick order to drink at a Chinese restaurant?… Green tea.
What type of spells do Irish witches cast?… Lucky charms. (Witch Jokes)
Why do leprechauns prefer dollar bills to coins?… Because they’re green.
What did the Irish potato say to his sweetheart?… I only have eyes for you. (Potato Jokes)
Why does the River Shannon have so much money in it?… Because it has two banks.
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Boy… Boy who?… Boy do I love a St. Patty’s Day parade! (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
How do leprechauns celebrate St. Patrick’s Day?… By holding a lepreconcert. (365 Music Jokes)
How does a leprechaun work out?… By pushing his luck. (Leprechaun Jokes)
Why did the leprechaun climb over the rainbow?… To get to the other side.(Rainbow Jokes & Leprechaun Jokes)
What did the Irish referee say at the end of the soccer match?… Game clover. (Soccer Jokes)
What did the Irish referee say at the end of the rugby match?… Game clover. (Rugby Jokes)
Knock, knock…. Who’s there?… Irish…. Irish I could find a four-leaf clover. (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
Where would you find a leprechaun baseball team?… In a little league. (Leprechaun Jokes & Baseball Jokes)
What’s big and purple and lies next to Ireland?… Grape Britain. (World Geography Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Leper… Leper who?… Lepon con and I’m here to pinch you. (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
How old are leprechauns?… So old that they can remember when rainbows were black and white. (Leprechaun Jokes)
Why do leprechauns dislike leftovers?… They prefer left-clovers. (Leprechaun Jokes)
What type of bow cannot be tied?… A rainbow. (Rainbow Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a frog?… A little man having a hopping good time. (Leprechaun Jokes & Frog Jokes)
What’s green and sings?… Elvis Parsley. (365 Music Jokes)
What do you get when you do the Irish jig at McDonald’s?… A Shamrock shake. (Fast Food Jokes)
What did St. Patrick say to the snakes?… He told them to hiss off. (Snake Jokes)
What do you call a leprechaun who gets sent to jail?… A lepre-con. (Leprechaun Jokes & Police Jokes)
What does it mean if you find a four-leaf clover?… That you have too much time on your hands. (Daylight Savings Jokes)
What’s a leprechaun’s favorite cereal?… Lucky Charms. (Leprechaun Jokes & Cereal Jokes)
Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?… It was too far to walk. (Walking Jokes)
How do leprechauns eat pancakes?… In short stacks. (Pancake Jokes)
What’s Irish and stays out all night?…Paddy O’Furniture.
What was the shark’s favorite James Joyce novel?… FINnegan’s wake! (Shark Jokes & Book Jokes)
What do you call an Irish spider?… Paddy long legs. (Spider Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Erin… Erin who?… Erin as fast as I could, but I couldn’t catch the leprechaun. (Track and Field Jokes)
What do leprechauns love to barbecue? …. Short ribs! (Leprechaun Jokes)
Are people jealous of the Irish?… Sure, they’re green with envy!
How did the leprechaun beat the Irishman to the pot of gold? …. He took a shortcut! (Leprechaun Jokes)
Who is a leprechaun’s favorite superhero?… The Green Lantern. (Super Hero Jokes & Leprechaun Jokes)
Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short. (Leprechaun Jokes)
Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about St. Patrick’s Day? (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
Irish Lobsters: The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, a Claddaghduff, Ireland man answered his door to find a grim-faced Constable & one waiting in the front yard.”We’re sorry, Mr. O’Flynn, but we have some information about your dear wife, Maureen” said one of the officers.””Tell me! Did you find her?” Michael Patrick O’Flynn asked.The constables looked at each other and one said,”We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?”Fearing the worst, Mr. O’Flynn said, “Give me the bad news first.”The constable said, “I’m sorry to tell you, sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife’s body in the bay.””Lord sufferin’ Jesus and Holy Mother of God!” exclaimed O’Flynn. Swallowing hard, he asked, “What could possibly be the good news?”The constable continued, “When we pulled the late, departed poor Maureen up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven’t seen lobsters like that since the 1960’s, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch.”Stunned, Mr. O’ Flynn demanded, “Glory be to God, if that’s the good news, then what’s the really great news?”The constable replied, “We’re gonna pull her up again tomorrow. (Lobster Jokes)
Did you hear about the Father and Son team that won the 2 on 2 basketball tournament? …. No one had an answer for the pick and pop. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good St. Patrick’s Day knock-knock joke? (St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
Do leprechauns make good secretaries? …. Sure, they’re great at shorthand!
Leprechaun Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed Quasimodo with an Irish football player?…. The Halfback of Notre Dame! (101 Sports Jokes)
Daughter: Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick’s Day. Mom: Oh, really? Daughter: No, O’Reilly! (Mom Jokes)
What happens if you fall in the Irish Sea on St. Patrick’s Day?… You get wet! (Ocean Jokes & World Geography Jokes)
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good St. Patrick’s Day knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
What would a leprechaun order to drink at a Chinese restaurant?… Green tea. (Leprechaun Jokes)
What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland?… Everyone got seat belts on back there? (Car Jokes)
Why do frogs like St. Patrick’s Day? …. Because they’re always wearing green. (Frog Jokes)
How is a best friend like a 4-leaf clover?…. Because they are hard to find and lucky to have.
Knock Knock… Who’s there?… Irish… Irish who?… Irish you a Happy 4th of July! (4th of July Knock Knock Jokes)
Knock knock…Who’s there?… Irish... Irish who?… Irish you a Merry Christmas! (Christmas Knock Knock Jokes & St. Patrick’s Day Knock Knock Jokes)
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day?… ‘Cause real rocks are too heavy! (Geology Jokes)
Why did the leprechaun stand on the potato? ….To keep from falling in the stew! (Potato Jokes)
Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?… Airplanes weren’t invented yet. (Plane Jokes & Snake Jokes)
What does it mean when you find a horseshoe? …. Some poor horse is going barefoot! (Horse Jokes)
Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? …. He couldn’t afford plane fare. (Plane Jokes & Snake Jokes)
Why do leprechauns hide behind 4-leafclovers and not 3-leafclovers? …. They need all the luck they can get! (Leprechaun Jokes)
What happens when a leprechaun falls into a river? …. He gets wet! (Leprechaun Jokes)
Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick’s Day? …. Regular rocks are too heavy. (Geology Jokes)
What do you get when you cross a pillowcase with a stone? …. A sham rock. (Geology Jokes)
What do you call a leprechaun who broke the law?… A lepre-con! (Leprechaun Jokes & Police Jokes)
What’s big and purple and lies next to Ireland?… No clue… Grape Britain!
Have you ever heard of the 6-leaf clover? …. I haven’t either!
Why shouldn’t you borrow money from a leprechaun?… Because they’re always a little short. (Leprechaun Jokes)
Child: Mom, I met an Irish boy on St. Patrick’s Day. Parent: Oh, really? Child: No, O’Reilly! (Mom Jokes)
What did one Irish ghost say to the other?… Top O’ the moaning to ya.
What do you call a frog that jumped into a pot of gold?… a leap-rechaun. (Leprechaun Jokes & Frog Jokes)
What did the giant say to the leprechaun?… Look up! (Leprechaun Jokes)
You know you overdid it on St. Patrick’s Day when you think you’re kissing the Blarney Stone and then it kisses back. (Geology Jokes)
What are the best shoes to wear on St. Patrick’s Day?… Lepre-converse.
Why do Irish people recycle?… They like to go green!
How should you buy drinks on St. Patrick’s Day?… With soda bread. (Bread Jokes)
Kiss me, I’m Pirish!
Did you hear about Mr. O’Reilly and his daughter that won the 2 on 2 basketball tournament? …. No one had an answer for the pick and pop. (World’s Best Basketball Jokes)
Who was Cinderella’s date on St. Patrick’s Day?… Pinch Charming.
How do you pay for your green beer on St. Patrick’s Day?… With a lepre-coin.
What does the leprechaun order at a coffee shop?… Green tea.
Cinco de Mayo: The only holiday where we celebrate binge drinking and cultural stereotypes… besides Saint Patrick’s Day. (Cinco De Mayo Jokes)
What is the only distinguishing factor between St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo?… Nothing, Cinco de Mayo is just spicy St. Patrick’s Day.
What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Cinco De Mayo?… On Cinco De Mayo, not everybody pretends to be Mexican.
What’s the only major difference between Cinco de Mayo and Saint Patrick’s day?… Nobody wants to pretend to be a Mexican for a day.

PG-13

What is Irish diplomacy? …. It’s the ability to tell a man to go to hell. So that he will look forward to making the trip.
Why do leprechauns have pots o’gold? …. They like to “go” first class!
How did the Irish Jig get started? … Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!
What do ghosts drink on St Patrick’s Day? …. BOOs (Halloween Jokes)
What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? …. A leper con

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