Patriots’ Day Jokes

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What dance was very popular in 1776?… Indepen-dance! (Music Jokes)
What did one American flag say to the other flag?….. Nothing. It just waved! (Flag Day Jokes for Kids)
Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.”… Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!”
What was the Patriots’ favorite food in the Revolutionary War? … Chicken Catch-a-Tory!
Did you hear the joke about the Liberty Bell?… Yeah, it cracked me up!
Teacher: “How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country’s flag?” Student: “I guess they took a flag poll!” (Flag Day Jokes)
“Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?”… “On the bottom!”
Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states. (4th of July Jokes)
What did King George think of the American colonists?… He thought they were revolting!
What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?… Liberty! (Iced Tea Jokes)
Do they have a 4th of July in England?… Of course. That’s how they get from the 3rd to the 5th. (4th of July Quiz)
What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?… The Americans licked the British. (Mailman Jokes)
Where did General Washington put his armies?… In his sleevies! (Memorial Day Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
What is Uncle Sam’s favorite snack?… Fire crackers. (Fireworks Jokes)
What ghost haunted King George III?… The spirit of ‘76! (Ghost Jokes)
What was General Washington’s favorite tree?… The infan-tree. (Tree Jokes & Arbor Day Jokes)
Why were the first Americans like ants?… They lived in colonies.
What do you call an AWESOME American drawing by a child?… A Yankee Doodle Dandy! (Art Jokes)
What did the colonists wear to the Boston Tea Party?…Tea-shirts. (Tea Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?… A bald beagle!. (Bird Jokes)
What did George Washington say to his men before they crossed the Delaware?…”Get in the boat, men!” (Top 50 State Jokes)
How did American colonists’ dogs protest against England?… The Boston Flea Party. (Dog Jokes)
What has four legs, a shiny nose, and fought for England?… Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer! (Christmas Trivia & Christmas Jokes)
What did a patriot put on his dry skin?… Revo-lotion!
Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?… Because the horse was too heavy to carry! (Horse Jokes)
What’s red, white and blue?…Our flag, of course. And a sad candy cane! (Christmas Jokes)
What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?… One has a bill on his face; the other has his face on a bill! (Duck Jokes)
Why were the first Pennsylvania settlers like ants?… Because they lived in colonies. (Top 50 State Jokes& Pennsylvania Jokes)
What did Paul Revere say at the end of his historic ride?… I’ve got to get a softer saddle! (Horse Jokes)
What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?… John Hamcock! (Pig Jokes)
What did polly the parrot want for the 4th of July?… A fire cracker. (4th of July Jokes / Bird Jokes / Fireworks Jokes)
What was Thomas Jefferson’s favorite dessert?… Monti jello.
Did you hear about the artist in the Continental Army?… He was a Yankee doodler. (Art Jokes)
Who was the biggest jokester in George Washington’s army?… Laughayette.
Teacher: “True or False? The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. Student: “False. It was written in ink.” (Teacher Jokes / 4th of July Jokes / Pennsylvania Jokes)
What’s red, white, blue and green?… A seasick Uncle Sam. (Ocean Jokes)
Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?… They’re both cracked. (Easter Jokes & Egg Jokes)
What did Washington say as he crossed the Delaware?… ”Next time I’m going to reserve a seat!” (Delaware Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?… A powdered wigwam! (Barber Jokes)
What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler. (Art Jokes)
Great American Political Book Never Written: “How to Become President” by Paul O’Ticks. (Presidents’ Day Jokes)
Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad raised his hand and said, Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states.
Teacher: “How did the Founding Fathers decide on our country’s flag?” Student: “I guess they took a flag poll!” (Flag Day Jokes)
What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?… The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?… The Fodder of Our Country! (Cow Jokes)
My great-grandfather fought with Napoleon, my grandfather fought with the French and my father fought with the Americans…. Your relatives couldn’t get along with anyone, could they? (Grandparent Jokes)
Which colonists told the most jokes?… Punsylvanians! (Top 50 State Jokes)
What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?… Beneduck Arnold. (Duck Jokes)
Teacher: “Who wrote: Oh say, can you see?” Student: “An eye doctor?” (Teacher Jokes & Biology Jokes)
What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic turtle! (Turtle Jokes)
“My brother swallowed a box of firecrackers.” Friend: “Is he all right now?”…. “I don’t know. I haven’t heard the last report.” (Fireworks Jokes)
Why does Uncle Sam wear red, white and blue suspenders?… To hold up his pants. (4th of July Jokes)
What did the little firecracker say to the big firecracker?… Hi, Pop! (Fireworks Jokes & Father’s Day Jokes)
What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1772?… The Boston Flea Party. (Boston Jokes & Dog Jokes)
Why did the British soldiers wear red coat?… So they could hide in the tomatoes.
What’s red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?… A revolutionary warthog!
What’s red, white, blue, and green?… A patriotic pickle. (Pickle Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?… Yankee Poodle. (Bird Jokes & Dog Jokes)
British people say that we as Americans go overboard with the 4th of July. When really the only thing that went overboard was their tea. (Tea Jokes)
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?… A duck family, Because it had a qwack in it! (Duck Jokes)
Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?… At the chopping mall.
What’s big, cracked, and carries your luggage?… The Liberty Bellhop!
What march would you play at a jungle parade?… “Tarzan Stripes Forever”!
What is red, white, blue, and yellow?… A star-spangled banana.
Why did George Washington chop down the cherry tree with his hatchet?… Because his mom wouldn’t let him use the chainsaw.
The Fourth of July weekend was coming up, and the nursery school teacher took the opportunity to tell her class about patriotism. “We live in a great country,” she said. “One of the things we should be happy about is that, in this country, we are all free.” One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said. . . .“I’m not free. I’m four.”
A little boy just couldn’t learn. One day his teacher asked him who signed the Declaration of Independence. He didn’t know. For almost a week she asked him the same question every day, but still he couldn’t come up with the right answer. Finally, in desperation, she called the boy’s father to her office. “Your boy won’t tell me who signed the Declaration of Independence,” she complained. “Come here, son, and sit down,” the dad said to the boy. “Now if you signed that crazy thing, just admit it so we can get out of here!” (Top Teacher Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed Washington’s home with nasty insects?… Mt. Vermin!
What cat said, “The British are coming! The British are coming!”?… Paw Revere. (Cat Jokes)
What do you get when you cross a dinosaur with fireworks?… Dino-mite! (Dinosaur Jokes & Fireworks Jokes)
Why did the British cross the Atlantic?… To get to the other tide! (Ocean Jokes)
Teacher: “Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?” Student: “I think it was Thomas Jeffer’s son.” (Virginia Jokes)
What would you get if you crossed an idiot with Yankee Doodle?… Yankee Doofus!
How is the American flag like Santa Claus?… They both hang out at the pole! (Christmas Trivia & Christmas Jokes)
Teacher: “What do you know that has stars and stripes?” Student: “A movie about a zebra!” (Zebra Jokes)
What are the two main rules in the Army?… 1. The commanding officer is always right. 2. If the commanding officer is not right, see #1.
“If our Founding Fathers wanted us to care about the rest of the world, they wouldn’t have declared their independence from it.” Stephen Colbert
What’s red, white, black and blue?… Uncle Sam falling down the stairs. (4th of July Jokes)
How was Christopher Columbus like ants?… They both established colonies. (Columbus Day Jokes)
Food, Family, Fourth of july, and Fireworks. The four best F words ever! (4th of July Jokes)

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