New York Jokes

by | Aug 23, 2019 | Education, Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the BEST jokes about New York in the World. (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
  2. Why did the Harlem Globetrotters have a ghost on their team?… To add a little team spirit.  (365 Basketball Jokes)
  3. A grandfather from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests. He told her rabbi he had two final requests. First, he wanted to be cremated, and second, he wanted her ashes scattered over Yankee Stadium. “Yankee Stadium!” the rabbi exclaimed. “Why Yankee Stadium?” “Then I’ll be sure my son visits me once a week.” (Baseball Jokes & New York Jokes)
  4. Every New Year’s Eve, I look forward to a good show at Time’s Square …… and year after year, they drop the ball. (New Year’s Eve Jokes)
  5. The fireworks display over the Statue of Liberty didn’t go off this year… The press is calling it a monument-al disaster! (New York Jokes & Fireworks Jokes)
  6. Where do New York City middle school students learn their multiplication tables?… Times Square. (New York Jokes & Math Jokes)
  7. Remember Hurricane Sandy that hit New York a couple years ago?… They made a mixed drink after it. It’s pretty much a watered down Manhattan. (Hurricane Jokes)
  8. What’s a #1 blizzard adult drink?… Long Island Iced tea. (Iced Tea Jokes & New York Jokes)
  9. What do you call a pie protesting on Wall Street?… Occu-pie. (Pie Jokes)
  10. What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?… It can’t sit down.
  11. What’s a math teacher’s favorite place in New York?… Times Square. (New York Jokes & Math Jokes for Kids)
  12. I have the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from the Central Park Zoo. (Zoo Jokes)
  13. Where do math teachers like to go on vacation?… Times Square! (Math Jokes)
  14. What do you call a city of 20 million eggs?… New Yolk City! (Egg Jokes)
  15. How do you kill a vampire from New Jersey?.. With a New York steak. (Vampire Jokes)
  16. Where do cows go on vacation?… Moo York. (Cow Jokes)
  17. What state do dogs like?… New Yorkie. (Dog Jokes)
  18. Where do eggs go for summer camp?… New Yolk City! (Summer Camp Jokes & Egg Jokes)
  19. What do Babe Ruth and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Geography Jokes)
  20. What do the New York Yankees and pancakes have in common?… They both need a good batter! (101 Baseball Jokes & Pancake Jokes)
  21. What did the sea say to the Long Island Shore?… Nothing, it just waved!
  22. Where do ghosts like to go swimming?… Lake Erie. (Ghost Jokes & Swimming Jokes)
  23. Why should you never buy golf equipment made in New York… Because New York drivers are terrible. (Golf Jokes & Car Jokes)
  24. What’s the difference between a Syracuse basketball player and a dog?… One dribbles, the other drools. (Dog Jokes)
  26. What is the tallest building in New York?… The New York  Library of course, it has the most stories!
  27. What do you call a dishonest cat at the Staten Island Zoo?… Lion. (Oregon Jokes & Zoo Jokes)
  28. How do the zebras at the Queens Zoo play baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out! (Baseball Jokes)
  29. What did the tourists say when leaving the Statue of Liberty?… Keep it Torch! (4th of July Jokes)
  30. What is the Easter Bunny’s favorite state capital? … Albunny, New York! (Top 50 US State Jokes & New York Jokes)
  31. Where does corn go for vacation?… Lake Earie. (Travel Guest Blogs)
  32. The only people who say “Joizy” are from New York. (New Jersey Jokes)
  33. What do you call an American revolutionary who draws cartoons?…Yankee Doodler. (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  34. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The New York Turnpike!
  35. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Hudson River!
  36. What is a Adirondack Mountains’s favorite type of candy?… Snow caps. (Hiking Jokes & Candy Jokes / New York Mountains)
  37. Over the summer, New York is expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 109°F… NOT cool. (Summer Jokes & Heat Wave Jokes)
  38. Where does ghost corn go to haunt people?… Lake Eerie. (Corn Jokes& Ghost Jokes)
  39. What do Derek Jeter and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Top Geography Jokes)
  40. In what state does the Genesee River flow?… Liquid. (New York Rivers)
  41. Did you hear the joke about Catskills Mountains?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes)
  42. Did you guys hear about that girl they found murdered in New York?… They found her covered in milk with cheerios still in her mouth… They think it was a cereal killer. (Cereal Jokes)
  43. Why do pigs go to New York City?… To see the Big Apple. (Bacon Jokes)
  44. A retired New York man was jailed for refusing to nap… …he was resisting a rest. (Napping Jokes)
  45. What did New York see?… The same thing Arkansas. (Top 50 State Jokes)
  46. Why won’t any of New York bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired. (Bike Jokes)
  47. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: New York. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in New York! (Top Teacher Jokes)
  48. Over the winter, New York is expected to break the coldest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as -53°F… NOT cool.. FREEZING. (Winter Jokes)
  49. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about New York? (Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
  50. What do you call a group of cows that judge a book?… The Moo-York-Times!
  51. Speaking of driving… New York roads are adventurous because no one knows how to drive.
  52. Why can’t Mount Marcy and Blue Mountain play hide and seek?… Because they like to peak. (Oregon Jokes & Ghost Jokes)
  53. Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?…Yes – a building can’t jump at all. (Turkey Jokes)
  54. Why can New York fish measure distances so well?… Because they have their own scales.
  55. Where do you find the Atlantic Ocean without water?… On a map! (Top Geography Jokes)
  56. What do Yogi Bera and a map key have in common?… Both are legends. (Top Geography Jokes)
  57. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good New York knock-knock joke? (June Jokes & Knock Knock Jokes for Kids)
  58. In the news, New York had it’s first remote trial via zoom… It looks like things will be settled out of court. (Lawyer Jokes)
  59. New York has the most lawyers in the USA. New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps in the USA. Why is this so?… New Jersey had first pick. (Lawyer Jokes)
  60. A New York man was arrested for stealing a truck filled with $56,000 worth of Campbell’s soup…. I, for one, hope this guy goes away for ‘Mmm, mmm, good!’
  61. Why is a Nissequogue River rich? …. Because it has two banks.
  62. “I told one player, ‘Son, I can’t understand it with you. Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’” Frank Layden (Grammar Jokes & New York Jokes)
  63. How many New York men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?… You can’t. Nobody in New York has any cents.
  64. New York Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” New York Resident: “No, not yet.”
  65. New York Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” New York Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  66. Where do New York fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Hudson River.
  67. What is a New York cloud’s favorite drink?… Mountain Dew. (Hiking Jokes & Skiing Jokes)
  68. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in New York to use their turn signal and I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  69. New York: America hates us because America ain’t us.
  70. New York We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Election Jokes)
  71. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good New York knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  72. What does the average New York high school student get on his SAT?… Drool. (College Jokes)
  73. Why do New York students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  74. How do you get a man in New York to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  75. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in New York.
  76. How many New York University freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  77. Did you hear about this year’s newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey?… The swim-fast diet. (Swimming Jokes)
  78. If a plane crashed on the border of New York and Connecticut, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Top Geography Jokes)
  79. Who gets travel sick when he tries to destroy New York?…The Green Goblin! (Spiderman Jokes for Kids)
  80. Did you hear about the power outage in the New York library?… Thirty people were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  81. What did the New York flag say to the American flag?… Nothing. It waved! (Top Flag Day Jokes)
  82. If the New York Knicks were chasing the New York Yankees team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05)
  83. Teacher: “More than 200 years ago, our forefathers defeated the British in the Revolutionary War.” Student: “Wow! They must have been pretty strong, four men defeating a whole army!” (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  84. Why does the Phil Simms know all the map symbols?… Because he’s a legend.
  85. What’s in the middle of the (Atlantic) ocean?… Letter E! (Top Geography Jokes)
  86. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Hudson River! (Top Geography Jokes)
  87. If the Brooklyn Nets were chasing the New York Mets team, what time would it be?… Five after nine. (9:05)
  88. If the the New York Yankees were chasing New York Knicks, what time would it be?… Nine after five. (5:09)
  89. If the the New York Mets were chasing Brooklyn Nets, what time would it be?… Nine after five. (5:09)
  90. What was the Yankees favorite food in the Revolutionary War?…Chicken Catch-a-Tory! (Top 4th of July Jokes)
  91. New York has TWO capitals. Can you name them?… “N” and “Y”
  92. What did Lake say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved. (15 Best Lakes in South Carolina)
  93. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The New York Turnpike!
  95. Where do New York elementary school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Elementary School Jokes)
  96. Where do New York middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  97. Where do New York high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  98. Why did the New York teacher jump into the pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  99. Why did the New York teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  100. Why did the New York teacher jump into the ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  101. Why did the New York teacher jump into the river?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)