New Hampshire Jokes

by | Feb 11, 2020 | Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

My Town Tutors is a great resource for parents & teachers. Find qualified tutors in your area today!

Google Search “New Hampshire Jokes”

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best New Hampshire jokes in the world. (Knock Knock Jokes)
  2. The state motto is “Live Free or Die,” which appears on license plates made by prisoners. —Jon Stewart on The Daily Show
  3. New Hampshire: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother! (Skiing Jokes)
  4. I’m absolutely disgusted with the state my life is in right now. I live in New Hampshire.
  5. Did you hear the joke about the White Mountains?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes)
  6. The Patriots aren’t going to the Super Bowl this year… I’m deflated. (Super Bowl Jokes)
  7. A retired New Hampshire man was jailed for refusing to nap… He was resisting a rest. (Napping Jokes)
  8. How did you find the weather on your New Hampshire vacation?… I just went outside and there it was.
  9. New Hampshire: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Election Jokes)
  10. New Hampshire: America hates us because America ain’t us.
  11. What does a University of New Hampshire grad call a Dartmouth grad in 5 years?… Boss!
  12. What is the tallest building in New Hampshire?… New Hampshire State Public of course, it has the most stories!
  13. New Hampshire: Go Away And Leave Us Alone
  14. A New Hampshire man walks into a library. (That’s the whole joke)
  15. New Hampshire is a joke that writes itself.
  16. A New Hampshire man home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, “Hurry on over here. My house is on fire!” “OK,” replied the fireman, “how do we get there?” “Say, don’t you still have them big red trucks?” (Fireman Jokes)
  17. Why do folks in New Hampshire go to the movie theater in groups of 18 or more?… because 17 and under not admitted. (Movie Jokes)
  18. Over the summer, New Hampshire is expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 122°F… NOT cool. (Summer Jokes & Heat Wave Jokes)
  19. Speaking of driving… New Hampshire roads are adventurous because no one knows how to drive.
  20. Over the winter, New Hampshireis expected to break the coldest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as -67°F… NOT cool.. FREEZING. (Winter Jokes)
  21. Why is a Saco River rich? …. Because it has two banks.
  22. In what state does the Saco River flow?… Liquid. 
  23. A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good New Hampshire joke. The bartender says, “Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I’m from New Hampshire. See that guy at the end of the bar? He’s 6-4 and weighs 250 and he’s from New Hampshire, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He’s 6-6 and weighs 280 and he’s from New Hampshire, too! Now, do you still want to tell your New Hampshire joke?” The guy says, “Nah.” To which the bartender smiles and says, “What’s the matter? Are ya chicken?” The guy says, “Nah. I just don’t want to have to explain it three times.”
  24. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in New Hampshire.
  25. What do you call road kill in New Hampshire?… Breakfast.
  26. How many New Hampshire men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?… You can’t. Nobody in New Hampshire has any cents.
  27. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The New Hampshire Turnpike!
  28. Where do a fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Saco River. (Ten Longest Rivers in New Hampshire)
  29. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” New Hampshire Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  30. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in New Hampshire to use their turn signal… I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  31. New Hampshire has TWO capitals. Can you name them?… “N” and “H”
  32. New Hampshire Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” New Hampshire Resident: “No, not yet.”
  33. Divorced couples in New Hampshire are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana… The judges have started issuing joint custody. (Divorce Jokes)
  34. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the two senators from New Hampshire? 
  35. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the governor of New Hampshire?
  36. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the representatives from New Hampshire?  
  37. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe visit New Hampshire?  
  38. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Saco River! (Ten Longest Rivers in New Hampshire)
  39. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Saco River! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  40. If a plane crashed on the borders New Hampshire and Vermont, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  41. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: New Hampshire. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in ! (Teacher Jokes)
  42. “Because I wasn’t born in New England, I realize I’ll never be a native. But since my three children were born in New Hampshire, aren’t they natives?”
  43. What does the average New Hampshire high school student get on his SAT?… Drool. (College Jokes)
  44. Why do New Hampshire students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  45. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in New Hampshire to use their turn signal and I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  46. A 5th grader from New Hampshire and a 5th grader from New York City got into a fight. Who won?… The 5th grader from New Hampshire, because he’s 18 years old.
  47. A woman from New Hampshirewho fell in love with the DJ from her first wedding day has married him five years later… she originally asked him three years ago, but he said he wasn’t taking requests just then. (Marriage Jokes)
  48. Where do middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  49. Where do high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  50. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about New Hampshire?
  51. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good New Hampshire knock-knock joke?
  52. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good New Hampshire knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  53. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the capital of New Hampshire? (State Capitals)
  54. What are the preferred pronouns in New Hampshire?… He/Haw.
  55. A New Hampshire man was arrested for stealing a truck filled with $56,000 worth of Campbell’s soup…. I, for one, hope this guy goes away for ‘Mmm, mmm, good!’
  56. If a plane crashed on the borders of New Hampshire and Vermont, where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids & Plane Jokes)
  57. A couple in New Hampshire had a baby… Now their population is 17! (Baby Jokes)
  58. Did you guys hear about that girl they found murdered in New Hampshire?… They found her covered in milk with cheerios still in her mouth… They think it was a cereal killer. (Cereal Jokes)
  59. What runs but never goes out of breath?… Saco River. (10 Longest Rivers in New Hampshire)
  60. A cowboy and his blind horse: A man is casually crossing New Hampshire when his horse died all of the sudden. The nearest town was three days walk. So, he started to walk. 3 days later he ends up in this quiet ‘ol town but nobody had a horse for sale. So he commenced to walking to the closest town which was a two days journey. Unfortunately, nobody in that town had a horse for sale, however, he did come across this stable where the fellow runnin’ it mentioned his brother in a nearby Town had a horse for sale. He commenced to walk to this next town and 2 DAYS LATER found the guy’s brother. “I talked to your brother two days walk from here and he says you might have a horse to sell me.” “Yes I do have a horse for sale,” He replied, “But he don’t look so good.” “I don’t care. I’ll take him anyways. I’ve been walking for damn near a week now. I’m tired and I need a horse.” So he gets on the horse and the horse takes off and bumps into a tree and stops. “Heyyy, something’s wrong with this horse. I think he’s blind. YOU SOLD ME A BLIND HORSE MISTER!” “I told you Sir, THE HORSE DON’T LOOK SO GOOD!”
  61. What is a New Hampshire cloud’s favorite drink?… Mountain Dew. (Hiking Jokes & Skiing Jokes)
  62. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe spell New Hampshire? 
  63. Why did the University of New Hampshire regents decide to cover Wildcat Stadium in cardboard?… Because the Wildcats always look better on paper.
  64. Why is “The Wave” banned in Wildcat Stadium?… Two UNH fans drowned last year.
  65. Why can’t New Hampshire mountains and play hide and seek?… Because they like to peak.
  66. How do the zebras at the New Hampshire Zoo play baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out! (Baseball Jokes)
  67. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the most populated city in New Hampshire?  
  68. How do you get a New Hampsire Wildcats fan to laugh all weekend long?… Tell him a joke Monday morning.
  69. What separates a good hockey team from a great hockey team?… The New Hampshire-Maine border.
  70. Did you hear about the power outage at the Southern New Hampshire University library?… Thirty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
  71. Did you hear about the fire in University of New Hampshire’s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?… The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.
  72. What’s the one thing that keeps Wildcats hockey players from graduating?… Going to Class.
  73. Did you hear the joke about the Mount Washington?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes)
  74. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the least populated city in New Hampshire?  
  75. What’s the difference between Durham and yogurt?… Yogurt has an active living culture.
  76. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the highest mountain in New Hampshire? (Hiking Jokes)  
  77. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the longest river in New Hampshire?  
  78. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the colleges and universities in New Hampshire? (Top U.S. Colleges)
  79. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe you tell me the cost of the University of New Hampshire? (Top U.S. Colleges)
  80. What did the New Hampshire flag say to the American flag?… Nothing. It waved!
  81. Why should the University of New Hampshire change the team name to the opossums?…  Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
  82. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe give me the name of a great restaurant New Hampshire?   
  83. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me the cost of living New Hampshire?  
  84. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe tell me some good lakes in New Hampshire? 
  85. Knock knock… Who’s there?… Canoe… Canoe who?… Canoe name the University of New Hampshire’s mascot? (College Mascots)
  86. Why should you never buy golf equipment made in New Hampshire?… Because New Hampshiredrivers are terrible. (Golf Jokes & Car Jokes)
  87. I have the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from the New Hampshire Zoo. (Zoo Jokes)
  88. How do the zebras at the New Hampshire Zoo play baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out! (Baseball Jokes)
  89. What do you call a dishonest cat at the New Hampshire Zoo?… Lion. (Oregon Jokes & Zoo Jokes)
  90. Why won’t any of New Hampshires bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired. (Bike Jokes)
  91. What is a New Hampshire mountain’s favorite type of candy?… Snow caps. (Hiking Jokes & Candy Jokes)
  92. Hawaii is hosting a party for all the states. Hawaii says, “be there or be square!” Unfortunately, Colorado and Wyoming didn’t attend. (Hawaii Jokes & Colorado Jokes)
  93. What did New Hampshire see?… The same thing Arkansas. (Top 50 State Jokes)
  94. In the news, New Hampshire had it’s first remote trial via zoom… It looks like things will be settled out of court. (Lawyer Jokes)
  95. How do you get a man in New Hampshire to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  96. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in New Hampshire.
  97. How many University of New Hampshire freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  98. A man dies at the New Hampshire and Massachusetts border… He had to have four coroners. (Cemetery Jokes & Top 10 Jokes for Each State)
  99. What do you call the 2014 event between two cities that legalized marijuana?… The Super Bowl.
  100. Yes, marijuana is legal in New Hampshire… now leaf the jokes alone.
  101. How do you get a man in New Hampshire to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  102. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in New Hampshire.
  103. Whats the difference between University of New Hampshire and cheerios?… Nothing. They both belong in a bowl.
  104. What did Lake Winnipesaukee say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved. (12 Best Lakes in New Hampshire)
  105. What is the tallest building in?… the New Hampshire Public Library of course, it has the most stories! (Library Jokes)
  106. If a plane crashed on the borders of Massachusetts and New Hampshire where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  107. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: New Hampshire. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in New Hampshire! (Teacher Jokes)
  108. Did you hear the joke about the White Mountains?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes)
  109. Montana, where the elevation is usually a bigger number than the town’s population. (Hiking Jokes)”
  110. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Resident: “No, not yet.”
  111. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  112. Why did the [state] teacher jump into the pool?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  113. Why did the [state] teacher jump into the lake?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  114. Why did the [state] teacher jump into the ocean?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Ocean Jokes)
  115. Why did the [state] teacher jump into the river?… She wanted to test the water! (Teacher Jokes & Swimming Jokes for Kids)
  116. What did [state] see?… the same thing Arkansas.
  117. What did the California flag say to the American flag?… Nothing. It waved!
  118. Hawaii is hosting a party for all the states. Hawaii says, “be there or be square!” Unfortunately, Colorado and Wyoming didn’t attend. (Wyoming Jokes & Colorado Jokes)