Maine Jokes

by | Mar 15, 2020 | Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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  1. Knock knock?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best Maine jokes.
  2. Lobster Pun: Someone drove through Portland looking for lobster but couldn’t find any. It’s upsetting… lobster is supposed to be a Maine attraction. (Maine Jokes)
  3. The Patriots aren’t going to the Super Bowl this year… I’m deflated. (Super Bowl Jokes)
  4. Which state loves spring the most?… May-ne. (Spring Jokes)
  5. People from Maine are so self-centered… All their T-Shirts and mugs say “I ❤️ ME”! (Psychology Jokes)
  6. Maine Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Maine Native: “No, not yet.”
  7. Where do U.S. Olympic horses get their hair done?… Maine. (Summer Olympic Jokes & Barber Jokes)
  8. Today I stopped at this roadside stand that said “Lobster Tails: $2”.So I paid my $2 and the guy said, “Once upon a time there was this lobster… (Book Jokes & Lobster Jokes)
  9. What do you call a Maine bear caught in the rain?… A drizzly bear. (Bear Jokes for Kids & Rain Jokes)
  10. Are there several ways to abbreviate Maine?… Or is it just me. (Grammar Jokes)
  11. What happened when a Maine fisherman was late to work?… She lobster job. (Lobster Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  12. There are no hipster lobsters……In a Maine stream! (Lobster Jokes)
  13. I have the heart of a lion… And a lifetime ban from York’s Wild Kingdom. (Zoo Jokes)
  14. Why won’t any of Maine’s bicycles stand up by themselves?… They are two tired. (Bike Jokes)
  15. How do the zebras at the Maine Wildlife Park play baseball?… Three stripes and you’re out! (Baseball Jokes)
  16. What do you call a dishonest cat at York’s Wild Kingdom.?… Lion. (Zoo Jokes)
  17. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about Maine?
  18. Why should you never buy golf equipment made in Maine?… Because New Jersey drivers are terrible. (Golf Jokes & Car Jokes)
  19. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good Maine knock-knock joke?
  20. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good Maine knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  21. What separates a good hockey team from a great hockey team?… The New Hampshire-Maine border.
  23. In what state does the Penobscot River flow?… Liquid. (Maine Rivers)
  24. What is a Maine mountain’s favorite type of candy?… Snow caps. (Hiking Jokes & Candy Jokes)
  25. Over the summer, Maine is expected to break the hottest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as 106°F… NOT cool. (Summer Jokes & Heat Wave Jokes)
  26. Speaking of driving… Maine roads are adventurous because no one knows how to drive.
  27. Over the winter, Maine is expected to break the coldest temperatures ever recorded in its entire history, some places as hot as -51°F… NOT cool.. FREEZING. (Winter Jokes)
  28. Why is a Kennebec River rich? …. Because it has two banks.
  29. What did Maine see?… The same thing Arkansas. (Top 50 State Jokes)
  30. In the news, Maine had it’s first remote trial via zoom… It looks like things will be settled out of court. (Lawyer Jokes)
  31. What is a car salesman’s favorite mountain?… Cadillac Mountain. (Car Jokes)
  32. A Maine man was arrested for stealing a truck filled with $56,000 worth of Campbell’s soup…. I, for one, hope this guy goes away for ‘Mmm, mmm, good!’
  33. Why can’t Bigelow Mountain and Cadillac Mountain play hide and seek?… Because they like to peak. (Maine Mountains) 
  34. How many Maine men do you need before you can make change for a dollar?… You can’t. Nobody in Florida has any cents.
  35. Did you guys hear about that girl they found murdered in Maine?… They found her covered in milk with cheerios still in her mouth… They think it was a cereal killer. (Cereal Jokes)
  36. What is a Maine cloud’s favorite drink?… Mountain Dew. (Hiking Jokes & Skiing Jokes)
  37. A retired Maine man was jailed for refusing to nap… …he was resisting a rest. (Napping Jokes)
  38. What does the average Maine high school student get on his SAT?… Drool. (College Jokes)
  39. Why do Maine students have TGIF on their shoes?… Toes Go In First!
  40. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in Maine to use their turn signal and I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  41. Maine: America hates us because America ain’t us.
  42. Maine: We’re not sure who is dumber – the politicians or the voters. (Election Jokes)
  43. How do you get a man in Maine to do sit-ups?… Put the remote control between his toes.
  44. Nightmares in other states are just visions of what’s really going on in Maine.
  45. How many University of Maine freshman does it take to change a light bulb?… None, it’s a sophomore course.
  46. Maine: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother! (Skiing Jokes)
  47. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Maine Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  48. No, really. I’ve been holding my breath for someone in Maine to use their turn signal… I haven’t breathed since 2005. (Car Jokes)
  49. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Colorado Resident: “No, not yet.”
  50. Divorced couples in Maine are having trouble deciding who gets the Marijuana… The judges have started issuing joint custody. (Divorce Jokes)
  51. What do you call the 2014 event between two cities that legalized marijuana?… The Super Bowl.
  52. Yes, marijuana is legal in Maine… now leaf the jokes alone.
  53. I went to Maine yesterday and a cop asked me if I have a criminal record… I said “No, is that still required?”
  54. What does the average University of Maine student get on his SAT?… Drool.
  55. I’m absolutely disgusted with the state my life is in right now… Maine. I live in Maine.
  56. A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Maine joke. The bartender says, “Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I’m from Maine. See that guy at the end of the bar? He’s 6-4 and weighs 250 and he’s from Maine, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He’s 6-6 and weighs 280 and he’s from Maine,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Maine joke?” The guy says, “Nah.” To which the bartender smiles and says, “What’s the matter? Are ya chicken?” The guy says, “Nah. I just don’t want to have to explain it three times.”
  57. A Maine mane came home and found his house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted, “Hurry on over here. My house is on fire!” “OK,” replied the fireman, “how do we get there?” “Say, don’t you still have them big red trucks?”
  58. Why did the Maine lobster blush?… It saw the Atlantic Ocean’s bottom. (Ocean Jokes for Kids & Summer Jokes for Kids)
  59. Why don’t Maine lobsters share?… They’re shellfish. (Lobster Jokes)
  60. How does a lobster answer the phone?… Shello? (Lobster Jokes)
  61. I was a Maine lobsterman, but I couldn’t live on my net income. (Labor Day Jokes)
  62. Did you hear the joke about Mount Katahdin?… You won’t get over it. (Hiking Jokes)
  63. Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport?… Because it’s way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine. (President’s Day Jokes)
  64. What treat do math teachers in Maine bring to the first day of class?…  Whoopie Pi’s. (Pi Day Jokes)
  65. My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish. You might say a New England clam chowed her.
  66. Our sailing trip in Maine was going great… until we were capsized by Augusta wind. (Sailing Jokes)
  67. A distress call comes in to Pierre at the Maine coast guard: “mayday mayday. We’re 12 miles out on a capsized boat.” “no can do” Pierre said, “We’ve got all we can do searching for regular-sized boats.” (Sailing Jokes)
  68. I’ve read my first Stephen King novel… IT was a Maine event.
  69. Maine: We’re Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster. (Lobster Jokes)
  70. Where do Maine fish keep their money?… In the riverbanks of the Saco River. (Ten Longest Rivers in Maine)
  71. What is a lion’s favorite state?… Maine. (Lion Jokes & Animal Jokes)
  72. Where do horses get their hair done?… Maine. (Kentucky Derby Jokes & Horse Jokes)
  73. For Sale Maine: You can spit on Canada from here. (World Geography Jokes)
  74. Maine Political Campaign Slogan: “Let’s Keep the Maine Thing The Main Thing. (Election Jokes)
  75. What is the nautical chart of the Atlantic Ocean’s best pitch?… The depth curve. (Baseball Jokes)
  76. What did the Atlantic Ocean say to the Maine shore?… Nothing, it just waved! (Ocean Jokes for Kids)
  77. What did Moosehead Lake say to the shore?… Nothing, it waved.  (15 Best Lakes in Maine)
  78. What sort of pudding roams wild in the Maine woods?… Moose. (Moose Jokes & Animal Jokes)
  79. What is a horse’s favorite state?… Maine. (Horse Jokes)
  80. Why were Missouri and Maine admitted as states at the same time?… Because Missouri loves company. (Missouri Jokes)
  81. What is a Maine lobster’s favorite shot in tennis?… The “lob” of course! (Sports Jokes for Kids)
  82. If you cross a telephone and a lobster what will you get?… Snappy talk.
  83. What did one horse Kentucky Derby horse say to the other horse?… The pace is familiar but I can’t remember the mane. (Kentucky Derby Jokes)
  84. Do you know you can’t hang a man with a wooden leg in Maine?… You have to use a rope.
  85. Why were Missouri and Maine admitted as states at the same time?… Because Maine loves company.
  86. What is the capital of Maine?… “M.”
  87. What is the tallest building in Maine?… The Portland Public Library of course, it has the most stories! (Library Jokes)
  88. What goes hundreds of miles and never moves?… The Maine Turnpike! (Car Jokes)
  89. What has a mouth but can’t eat?… The Saint John River!
  90. What runs but never goes out of breath?… The Kennebec River! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  91. If a plane crashed on the borders New Hampshire and Maine of where would they bury the survivors?… You wouldn’t bury them anywhere because survivors are the people who lived! (Geography Jokes for Kids)
  92. Teacher: Where were you born? Student: Maine. Teacher: Which part? Student: What do you mean, ‘which part’? My whole body was born in ! (Teacher Jokes)
  93. Tourist: “Lived in this town all your life?” Resident: “No, not yet.”
  94. Tourist: “Nice little town — so old and quaint. Must be a lot of odd characters around here, though, right?” Resident: “Oh yes, quite a few. You see ’em around. But they’re mostly gone after Labor Day.” (Labor Day Jokes & Travel Blogs)
  95. Where do [state] elementary school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Elementary School Jokes)
  96. Where do [state] middle school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (Middle School Jokes)
  97. Where do [state] high school sports teams buy their uniforms?… New Jersey? (High School Jokes)
  98. Waiter, waiter, this lobster’s only got one claw. It must have been in a fight, sir. Then bring me the winner. (Boxing Jokes)
  99. There are no hipster lobsters… …In a Maine stream.
  100. What do you call a Mexican that lives in Maine?… An L.L. Beaner
  101. What’s the difference between a northern Maine woman and a moose?… ’bout 50 pounds and a flannel shirt. (Moose Jokes)
  102. It’s spring in New England, so I bought a high quality bug zapper to help deal with all those pests, and I woke up to protests outside my house. #BlackFliesMatter
  103. Where do Kentucky Derby horses get their hair done?… Maine. (Maine Jokes)