Hockey Jokes for Kids

by | May 17, 2019 | Latest News, School Jokes | 0 comments

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“Hockey is one of the most popular sports in schools. The game involves 11 players hitting around a hard, plastic ball using a stick towards the opponent’s goal. Ice hockey is a variation of the game and is more popular in North America than the rest of the world.

  1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! We have the best hockey jokes.
  2. Canada is a country whose main exports are hockey players and cold fronts. Our main imports are baseball players and acid rain. – Pierre Trudeau [former Prime Minister of Canada] (Canada Jokes)
  3. In Canada, the local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires five pages for ice hockey.
  4. What would the greatest hockey player in history be called if he would have chosen not to play hockey?…Wayne Regretzky.
  5. Where does a majority of a hockey player’s salary come from?… The tooth fairy. (Dentist Jokes)
  6. I went to a hockey store and asked an employee if they had any cheap skates… They sent me to the manager’s office. (Labor Day Jokes)
  7. Hockey players are known for their summer teeth… Summer here, summer there. (Dentist Jokes & Summer Jokes for Kids)
  8. Why do hockey rinks have rounded corners?… If they were 90 degrees the ice would melt! (Math Jokes for Kids)
  9. What does the best NHL hockey team get for their end-of-season party?… Stanley Cupcakes. (Cupcake Jokes)
  10. Why do hockey players work in bakeries during the off season?… They’re great at icing the cakes. (Cake Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  11. What did the skeleton drive to the hockey game?… A Zam-bony. (Halloween Jokes for Kids & Skeleton Jokes)
  12. Why did the hockey player go to jail?… Because he shot the puck. (Police Jokes)
  13. What do you call a hockey player in a leaky barn?… Grain Wetzsky. (Farming Jokes)
  14. It is Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right at center ice. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Stanley Cup, and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Stanley Cup we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible. But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, a relative or even a neighbor to take the seat? The man shook his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.” (Grandparent Jokes)
  15. What the best way to get a hockey player into a bank?… Offer free checking.
  16. Hockey players are like goldfish… The way we get their attention is to tap on the glass. (Fish Jokes)
  17. What does a hockey player and a magician have in common?… Both do hat tricks! (Hat Jokes & Magic Jokes)
  18. Do you know what an enforcer does on a hockey team?… Just checking.
  19. My local hockey rink just reported their Zamboni driver has gone missing… They hope he resurfaces soon. (Police Jokes)
  20. Which hockey player is best at forecasting the weather?… “Puck” satawny phil. (Rain Jokes & Groundhog Day Jokes)
  21. Old hockey players never die… they just achieve their final goal! (Grandparent Jokes)
  22. What kind of tea do hockey players drink?… Penal-tea. (Tea Jokes)
  23. Why did the hockey player keep getting talked to by his English teacher?… He kept putting 3 periods at the end of each sentence. (Grammar Jokes)
  24. Who is ZZ Top’s favorite hockey player?… Gordie Howe Howe Howe Howe. (Music Jokes)
  25. What do a bad hockey teams and the Titanic have in common?… They both look good until they hit the ice. (Ocean Jokes)
  26. How a does hockey player kiss?… He puckers up. (Valentine’s Day Jokes for Kids)
  27. What did the hockey goalie say to the puck?… Catch you later.
  28. Hockey players are good at making new friends… They break the ice really quickly.
  29. What did the sea captain say to the hockey player using the row boat?… Bobby Orr. (Ocean Jokes & Fishing Jokes)
  30. What competition do peanuts hockey teams participate in?… The peanut butter cup. (Peanut Butter Jokes & Peanut Jokes)
  31. Which NHL goalie can jump higher than a crossbar?… All of them, a crossbar can’t jump! (Track and Field Jokes for Kids)
  32. New Jersey Jokes: Where is the best place to shop for a hockey shirt?… New Jersey. (Geography Jokes for Kids & Hockey Jokes)(NR)
  33. Why can’t carpenters play hockey?… They always gets nailed to the boards. (Labor Day Jokes)
  34. What do you call a Canadian fight ring?… A hockey game. (Boxing Jokes & Canada Jokes)
  35. What was the skeleton doing at the Canadian hockey game?… Driving the zam – bony. (Skeleton Jokes & Canada Jokes)
  36. Why would you want to marry a hockey goalie?… Because he (or she) is a real keeper! (Funny Valentine’s Day Jokes)
  37. Why do hockey players like most about chess?… When they get to check the king.
  38. Why are New Jersey Devils hockey players so fit?… It’s from all the exorcising. (New Jersey Jokes & Halloween Jokes)
  39. What Boston Bruin would be a great spokesperson for spaghetti?… David Pastrňák. (Spaghetti Jokes & Massachusetts Jokes)
  40. What Boston Bruin would be a great lawyer?… Jeremy Swayman. (Lawyer Jokes & Massachusetts Jokes)
  41. Why couldn’t the Anchorage school district buy enough buses for children?… Because they had to buy the Zambonis first! (Alaska Jokes)
  42. Why do Canadians always beat Germans at hockey?… Canadians bring their ‘eh’ game; Germans bring their wurst. (World Geography Jokes & Canada Day Jokes)
  43. What do you give a hockey player when he demands money?… A check.
  44. What hockey position did the spirit play?… Ghouli. (Ghost Jokes)
  45. I watched hockey before it was cool… They basically were swimming. (Swimming Jokes)
  46. Why can’t dragons play ice hockey?… If they breathe fire, the ice melts. (Dragon Jokes)
  47. Why shouldn’t Canadian hockey players tell jokes on the ice?… Because it might crack up!
  48. What is Frosty the Snowman’s favorite play in hockey?… Icing! (Frosty the Snowman Jokes)
  49. What was the hockey player’s favorite part of his birthday party?… The icing on the cake. (Birthday Jokes & Cake Jokes)
  50. I saw a hockey game in Canada…It was a-moose-ing. (Moose Jokes & Canada Day Jokes)
  51. How many teeth does a hockey player have?… Don’t you mean tooth? (Dentist Jokes)
  52. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?… They hog the puck. (Pig Jokes & Farming Jokes)
  53. I wanted to buy a hockey stadium… But unfortunately my realtor could only give me a ballpark estimate.
  54. What do hockey players drink on hot summer days?… Iced tea. (Iced -Tea Jokes & Summer Jokes)
  55. What does it mean when a ground hog sees a Maple Leaf on February 2nd?… six more weeks of bad hockey! (Ground Hog Day Jokes)
  56. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Noah… Noah, who?… Noah good joke about hockey? (Summer Olympic Knock Knock Jokes)
  57. How do hockey players like to be paid?… With a check.
  58. What does a hockey game and an airboat have in common?… Loud fans. (Ocean Jokes / Plane Jokes / Florida Jokes)
  59. Why was the ghostbuster signed to the hockey team?… He always gets ghouls. (Ghost Jokes)
  60. How do hockey players stay cool?… By sitting next to the fans.
  61. Why can’t hockey players dress up for Halloween?… They always take their face off. (Funny Halloween Jokes)
  62. Which are the best animals at hockey?… A score-pion.
  63. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know how to tell a good hockey knock-knock joke?
  64. Why do hockey players work in bakeries during the off season?… They’re great at icing the cakes. (Cake Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  65. What do angry hockey players say after getting tripped?… That’s it – no more Mr. Ice guy. (Psychology Jokes)
  66. Why are the Buffalo Sabres like grizzly bears?… Every fall they go into hibernation. (Winter Jokes for Kids / Napping Jokes / Bear Jokes)
  67. Why didn’t Jason wear his hockey mask for Halloween?… Because you don’t wear white after Labor Day. (Funny Halloween Jokes & Labor Day Jokes)
  68. Why didn’t the lousy hockey team have a website?… They couldn’t string three W’s together. (Computer Jokes)
  69. Knock Knock… Who’s there?… June… June who?… June know any good hockey knock knock jokes? (June Jokes & Spring Knock Knock Jokes)
  70. Why did the horse back rider show up for hockey tryouts?… He thought they said they were Jockey tryouts. (Horse Jokes)
  71. What’s the difference between a hockey game and a boxing match?… In a hockey game, the fights are real. (Boxing Jokes)
  72. I recently I found out that Stan Lee was an exceptional hockey player… His very first practice and he already had the Stanley Cup. (Stanley Cup Jokes)
  73. What do you call a monkey who wins the Stanley Cup?… A chimpion. (Animal Jokes for Kids & Monkey Jokes)
  74. What is the hardest foot to buy a hockey skate for?… A square foot. (Math Jokes for Kids)
  75. Why did the boy climb up the tree with a hockey stick… Cause he wanted to join the Maple Leafs. (Tree Jokes & Canada Day Jokes)
  76. What did the army captain say to his hockey team?… Forwards… skate! (Memorial Day Jokes & Veterans Day Jokes)
  77. The other day, when I was watching a boxing match on TV, a hockey game broke out! (Boxing Jokes)
  78. Why was there a pig at the hockey game?… He drove the hambony. (Pig Jokes & Farming Jokes)
  79. Why couldn’t the hockey player play in the band?… He broke his trom-bone. (Music Jokes)
  80. Why couldn’t the hockey player listen to music?… Because he broke a record. (Music Jokes)
  81. Which hockey players can’t you trust?… Anyone on the Devils. (New Jersey Jokes & Halloween Jokes)
  82. What is a hockey spectator’s favorite month?… “Fan” uary. (January Jokes)
  83. What does Pooh do when he is on skates and he wants to stop? … He crashes. (Winnie the Pooh Jokes)
  84. What time is it when a hockey team chases a baseball team?… Six after nine. (9:06) (Baseball Jokes)
  85. Why are comedians so good at playing forward?… They’re always prepared with a hockey shtick.
  86. Where is the best place to shop for hockey shirts?… New Jersey. (New Jersey Jokes)
  87. What do you call a grumpy hockey player?… No more, Mr. Ice guy!
  88. Why do NHL players never sweat?… They have too many fans!
  89. Why did the hockey player visit the bank?… He wanted to give out more checks.
  90. How do you know when a hockey player licked a lemon?… He puckers up.
  91. Where is the best place to shop for a hockey shirt?… New Jersey. (Geography Jokes for Kids & Top 50 State Jokes)
  92. Did you hear about the hockey player who became a surgeon?… He specialized in bury-hat-trick surgery. (Doctor Jokes)
  93. Which hockey player has the biggest skates?… The one with the biggest feet. (Biology Jokes)
  94. Why is Cinderella so bad at hockey?… She always loses a skate. (Disney Jokes for Kids & Cinderella Jokes)
  95. Why is Cinderella so bad at hockey?… She had a pumpkin for a coach. (Disney Jokes for Kids & Pumpkin Jokes)
  96. What do you call a person who walks back and forth screaming one minute, then sits down weeping uncontrollably the next?… A hockey coach!
  97. Why is the hockey rink hot after the game?… Because all the fans have left.
  98. Why are scrambled eggs like a losing hockey team?… Because they’ve both been beaten. (Egg jokes)
  99. What do Eskimo hockey players eat?… Ice bergers. (Hamburger Jokes)
  100. What did the zombie do at the hockey rink?… Rode the zombioni. (Halloween Jokes for Kids & Zombie Jokes)
  101. What did the pasta chef ride to the Hockey game?… A zam-roni. (Pasta Jokes)
  102. What can you catch from scared hockey players?… Chicken pucks. (Chicken Jokes)
  103. What award does the best Chinese hockey team win at the end of the season?… The Bruce-Lee Cup. (Karate Jokes)
  104. Where do hockey players go to get another uniform?… New Jersey. (New Jersey Jokes)
  105. Why is the hockey rink hot after the game?… Because all the fans have left.
  106. What do hockey players get in their Christmas stockings?… Silly pucky. (Christmas Jokes)
  107. Why did the hockey player cross the rink?… To get to the other side.
  108. Why do NHL players never sweat?… They have too many fans.
  109. Which hockey player has the biggest helmet?… The one with the biggest head. (Biology Jokes)
  110. Why do NHL players never sweat?… They have too many fans.
  111. My friend and I visited Canada for the first time…We went to a fight, and a hockey game broke out. (World Geography Jokes)
  112. What do you call a Canadian fight ring?… A hockey game. (Canada Day Jokes)
  113. What did the cowboy ride to the Hockey game?… A Zam-pony. (Horse Jokes)
  114. What do a bad hockey team (insert name) and the Titanic have in common?… They both look good until they hit the ice! (Ocean Jokes)
  115. What do Professor Hinkle and a hockey player have in common… The Both love Hat Tricks! (Frosty the Snowman Jokes)
  116. What was the skeleton doing at the hockey game?… Driving the zam – bony.
  117. What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Titanic have in common?… They both look good until they hit the ice.
  118. What do the Toronto Montreal Canadiens and the Titanic have in common?… They both look good until they hit the ice.
  119. What do the Toronto Vancouver Canucks and the Titanic have in common?… They both look good until they hit the ice.
  120. What do the Toronto Ottawa Senators and the Titanic have in common?… They both look good until they hit the ice.
  121. What do the Toronto Winnipeg Jets and the Titanic have in common?… They both look good until they hit the ice.
  122. What do the Canadian National Men’s Hockey and the Titanic have in common?… They both look good until they hit the ice.