Elementary School Jokes

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1. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Boo… Boo Who?… Don’t cry! There are many, many more clean funny school jokes for kids.
2. Why did the spring break elementary students miss their flight?… They had no spring in their step.
3. What do you call a Kansas cover band composed of elementary school science teachers?… Baryon my wayward son!
4. Why is 6 afraid of 7?… Because 7 8 (ate) 9. (Elementary Math Jokes)
5. If the #2 pencil is the most popular in schools, why isn’t it #1? (180 School Jokes & Pencil Jokes for Kids)
6. Why was the principal worried?… Because there were too many rulers in school! (Principal Jokes & Principal Jokes for Kids)
7. What did the math book tell the pencil?…. I have a lot of problems. (Elementary Math Jokes)
8. When is the best time for a teacher to go to the dentist?… At tooth-hurty (2:30). (Dentist Jokes)
9. When is the best time for a student to go to the dentist?.. Tooth-hurty-too (2:32). (Dentist Jokes)
10. What flies around the kindergarten room at night?… The alpha-BAT. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z)
11. Why did the M&M go to school?… Because he really wanted to be a Smartie! (Candy Jokes)
12. Why was the biology book in the hospital?… Because it hurt his spine. (Top Biology Jokes)
13. What is a witch’s favorite class?… Spelling (Is Spelling Important? phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid)
14. How do you make a tissue dance?… Put a little boogey in it!
15. Where do you put smart hot dogs?… On honor rolls! (Hot Dog Jokes)
16. National Napping Day: Did you hear about the kidnapping?…. He’s still sleeping!
17. What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?… A teacher says, “Spit out that gum!” and a train says, “Chew! Chew!”
18. What is a math teacher’s favorite sum?… Summer! (Top Summer Jokes & Top Summer Jobs for Teachers)
19. What did the square say to the old circle?… Been around long? (Top Math Jokes & 101 Pi Day Jokes)
20. What does Jack Frost like best about school?… Snow and tell. (Top Winter Jokes)
21. What’s the best place to grow flowers in school?… In the kindergarden. (26 Lessons for the Letter of the Week A- Z)
22. Why are fish so smart?… They live in schools!
23. What is a snake’s favorite class?… Hissss-tory! (Great Lessons for Psychology and U.S. History)
24. Did you hear the joke about the cookie?…. It is crummy.
25. I heard they put a new wing on the school… That is true, but it still won’t fly.
26. Did you hear the joke about the construction project?…. I’m still working on it!
27. What kind of school do you go to if you’re an ice cream man?… Sundae school! (Ice Cream Jokes)
28. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?… Pilgrims! (Top Social Studies Jokes)
29. What kind of school do you go to if you’re a surfer?… Boarding school.
30. National Meatball Day: Where did the spaghetti go to dance?… The meat ball!
31. What kind of bear has no teeth?… A gummy bear!
32. What do you find in an empty nose?…fingerprints! (Top Elementary School Jokes)
33. What is a pirate’s favorite letter?… RRRRR (Top Pirate Jokes)
34. What do you call cheese that is not yours?… Nacho Cheese (Not Choo Cheese)
35. What is the loudest state?… ILL-I-NOISE (Top Geography Jokes)
36. Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?… Because it lost its filling! (Dentist Jokes)
37. Why are bananas good at gymnastics?… They do great banana splits! (Top Gymnastics Jokes)
38. Teacher: Can you tell us where the Declaration of Independence was signed? Student: At the bottom. (American Revolution Jokes)
39. Why wasn’t the geometry teacher at school?… Because she sprained her angle! (Top Geometry Jokes)
40. How can you tell the ocean is friendly?… It waves! (Top Geography Jokes)
41. What’s a southern farmer’s favorite treat?… Cotton candy. (Top 500 U.S Jokes)
42. Why did the student take a ladder to school?… Because he/she was going to high school! (High School Jokes)
43. How did the geography student drown?… His grades were below C-level. (Top Geography Jokes)
44. What do you call a sleeping cow?… a bulldozer! (Animal Jokes)
45. What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter?….Patty!
46. Why did the music teacher need a ladder?… To reach the high notes.
47. PUPIL: “Would you punish me for something I didn’t do?” TEACHER: “Of course not.” PUPIL: “Good, because I haven`t done my homework.”
48. What’s a teacher’s favorite nation?… Expla-nation.
49. Why did the student throw his watch out of the school window?… He wanted to see time fly!
50. Why is a math book always unhappy?… Because it always has lots of problems. (Top Jokes for Math Teachers).
51. Why did the student eat his homework?… Because his teacher said it was a piece of cake.
52. Did I tell you the joke about the ceiling?… Probably not. It’s way over your head.
53. Teacher: Why are you doing your multiplication on the floor? Student: You said we had to do it without tables! (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
54. Why did the students study in the airplane?…. Because they wanted higher grades.
55. Why are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean?… They’re both below C level!
56. Why did the broom get a poor grade in school?… Because it was always sweeping during class!
57. What is a cat’s favorite color crayon?… ”Purr”ple (Crayon Jokes)
58. Why did the crayon cry?… He was feeling blue. (Crayon Jokes)
59. What’s the best day for monkey business?… The first of Ape-ril! (Top April Fool’s Jokes)
60. What kind of chain is edible?…. A food chain! (Top Science Jokes)
61. What monster plays the most April Fool’s jokes?… Prankenstein! (Top Halloween Jokes)
62. Why is everyone so tired on April 1?… Because they’ve just finished a long, 31 day March! (Top Spring Jokes)
63. What kind of snack do you have during a scary movie?…. I scream (ice cream) (Ice Cream Jokes)
64. Can February March? … No, but April May! (Top Spring Jokes)
65. When do monkeys fall from the sky?… During Ape-ril showers! (Top April Fool’s Jokes)
66. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?… Frosted Flakes. (Top Winter Jokes)
67. What did one math book say to the other?… Don’t bother me I’ve got my own problems!
68. Pi Day Jokes: What is a math teacher’s favorite dessert?… Pi!
69. St. Patrick’s Day Jokes: Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? …. Because they’re always a little short.
70. Doctors Day: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctors?… He was feeling crummy. (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
71. National Crayon Day: What do you call a lost crayon?… Strayola.
72. What kind of candy is never on time?… ChocoLATE
73. What is an astronauts favorite chocolate?… A Mars bar! (Top Astronomy Jokes)
74. What kind of candy would a drowning person like to have?… A life saver! (World Oceans Day Jokes)
75. What is a monkey’s favorite cookie?… Chocolate chimp!
76. What candy is only for girls?… HER-SHEy’s Kisses! (Top Valentine’s Day Jokes)
77. What do you get when you dip a kitten in chocolate?… A Kitty Kat bar! (Top Cat Jokes)
78. What kind of hats do they where at the North Pole?…. Ice Caps! (Top Geography Jokes)
79. Did you hear about the dog at the flea circus?… He stole the show! (Dog Jokes)
80. Which are the stronger days of the week?…Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
81. Which runs faster, hot or cold?… Hot. Everyone can catch a cold.
82. What did the flower say to the bike?… Petal!
83. Did people laugh when the lady fell on the ice?… No, but the ice cracked up.
84. How do athletes stay cool during a game?…They sit near the fans!
85. What did the stamp say to the envelope?… Stick with me we’ll go places!
86. How do billboards talk?…. Sign language!
87. What did the water say to the boat?… Nothing, it just waved. (Top Geography Jokes)
88. How do elementary studetns travel?… In mini-vans!
89. What has hands but does not clap…. A clock!
90. What is a rapper’s favorite toy?… a yo – YO!
91. How do you make an egg roll?…. You push it.
92. What did the math book tell the pencil?…. I have a lot of problems. (Pencil Jokes)
93. Why did the tomato turn red?….It saw the salad dressing!
94. What do call of people afraid of Santa Claus?….Claustrophobic! (Christmas Jokes & Christmas Trivia)
95. What did the father buffalo say to his son?….Bye son (bison) (Animal Jokes)
96. What is a pilot’s favorite type of donut?… A plain (plane) donut! (Donut Jokes)
97. Why is it so hot in a football stadium after a game?… All the fans have left!
98. What is a cat’s favorite color?….PUUUUURple (Animal Jokes)
99. What did the girl sea say when the boy sea asked her for a date?… Shore. (Top Geography Jokes)
100. Where do actors like to camp?… The Hollywoods! (Top Geography Jokes)
101. What is a robot’s favorite snack?… Computer chips!
102. What do you call a fish with two knees?… A two nee fish! (Animal Jokes & Biology Jokes)
103. Two wrongs don’t make a right. But what do two WRIGHTS make?… A plane (Orville and Wilbur WRIGHT)!
104. Where can you find an ocean without water?…. on a map! (Top Geography Jokes)
105. What is the only bow that you can’t tie?…Rainbow!
106. What did the bottle of dressing say to the person who opened the refrigerator door?… “SHUT THE DOOR!” I’m dressing!
107. What did the leaves name their sons?… Russell. (Top Fall Jokes)
108. Where do cows go on dates?… MOOOOvies (Animal Jokes)
109. Why do shoemakers go to heaven?…. Because they have good soles!
110. When is a theater clumsy?… When the curtain falls.
111. Why is a traffic light red?… You would be red too if you were changing in front of people all day.
112. Did you hear about the two antennas that got married?… The wedding ceremony wasn’t too good, but the reception was great!

1. SORT:
2. What room is a dead man most afraid of?… The living room!
3. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the party?… He had NO BODY to go with.
4. What did the ocean say to the other ocean?… Nothing. He waved.  (Top Geography Jokes)
5. Why was the strawberry sad?… His mother got into a JAM!
6. What do you call cheese that is not yours?… NACHO cheese!
7. When is the best time to go to the dentist?…2:30 (Tooth Hurty)

1. Where do fish put their money?….. in a river bank!
2. What is the favorite TV show of fish?… Name that TUNA!
3. What did one penny say to the other penny?… Let’s get together and make some (sense) cents!
4. How much did it cost for a pirate to pierce his ears? … a buck an ear (a buccaneer)!
5. Why did the skeleton go to the piano store?…To buy some organs!
6. What section of the paper does a ghost always read?…the HORRORscopes
7. Why did the skeleton hold up the barbecue?… He needed a spare rib.
8. What did one eye say to the other eye?… Something between us smells!
9. What do you call a cow that walks on water?… Holy cow!
10. What is a witch’s favorite class?… Spelling
11. Why did the lettuce beat the carrot in a race?… Because it was a head!
12. What do you call a deer with no eyes?… No-Eye Deer.
13. What do you call a deer with no eyes AND no legs… Still, no eyed deer!
14. What did zero (0) say to eight (8)?… Nice belt
15. Why is six afraid of seven?… Because  7 ATE 9
16. What do you get you drip a piano down a mineshaft?… A flat minor
17. What did one math book say to the other?… You think you’ve got problems.
18. What did one plate say to the other plate?…Lunch (dinner, or breakfast) is on me!
19. Where does Santa keep his money?… In a snow bank!
20. What did one wall say to the other?… Hey, let’s meet in the corner.
21. What is a knight’s favorite fish?… swordfish
22. Why are fish so smart?… They travel in schools!
23. What did the picture say to the wall?… I was framed!
24. Why do fish swim in salt water?… Pepper makes them sneeze.
25. What is a robot’s favorite snack? … Computer chips!
26. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Daisy… Daisy who?… Daisy plays, nights he sleeps!
27. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? … A nervous wreck.
28. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?… He wanted cold hard cash!
29. What is a construction workers favorite bird? … A crane!
30. If two is a pair and three is a crowd, what are four and five?… Nine!
31. Why did the turtle cross the road? … To get to the “Shell” (gas) stations!
32. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? … Because he’s always a little short.
33. Knock knockout?…Who is there?…Irish…Irish who? … Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day! (Top St. Patrick’s Day Jokes)
34. When does “B” come after “U”?… When you disturb its hive.9
35. What is a frog’s favorite drink? … “croak – a – cola”
36. Have you heard the joke about the baseball? … It’ll leave you in stitches. (Top Baseball Jokes)
37. If April showers bring may flowers, what do mayflowers bring? … Pilgrims (Top Thanksgiving Day Jokes)
38. What did one candle say to the other candle? … Are you going out tonight?
39. What did the blanket say to the bed? … Don’t worry. I got you covered.
40. Why did Silly Bill tip toe past the medicine cabinet? … He didn’t want to wake the sleeping pills.
41. What is a pokemon’s favorite dance? … The hokey pokemon
42. What bird can write under water? … A ball-point “pen” quin
43. Have you heard the joke about the sidewalk? … It’ll crack you up!
44. Knock, knock…Who’s there?…Dwayne…Dwayne who? … Dwayne the bathtub, I’m dwowning!
45. Why did the turkey cross the road? … To prove it wasn’t chicken.
46. Knock, knock…Who’s there?…No body… (Don’t say anything)!
47. What kind of witch likes the beach? …  a SAND witch (sandwich)!
48. What do you get if you say “Tornado” ten times backward and forward? … A real tongue-twister!
49. Did you hear the one about the duck who robbed banks? … He was a safe quacker.
50. What kind of key does not open a lock? … a mon – KEY!
51. Why is your nose in the middle of your face? … Because it is the “scenter.” / Center!
52. How do you make a Venetian blind? … Poke him in the eye.
53. What do you call a bird that is sad? … A Blue Bird!
54. What do you call a fish with no I’s? … A Fssssssh!
55. Why did the baseball player get arrested? … Because he stole second base!
56. What was the baby ant so confused? … Because all his uncles were ANTS!
57. Why was the dolphin so sad? … Because he had no PORPOISE in life!
58. What happened when the frog parked illegally? … It was TOAD!!
59. What always falls and never gets hurt?……..rain!
60. I heard they put a new wing on the school….That is true, but it still won’t fly.
61. What do astronauts have for dinner?…Launch meat!
62. What letters are not in the alphabet?…The ones in the mail.
63. Knock Knock!…Who’s there?…Cargo!…Cargo who?…CarGo Beep Beep!
64. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the school dance?… He didn’t have anybody to take. (any BODY) (Top Biology Jokes)
65. How was that Camping Trip?…Intense (in-tents)!
66. Why are Teddy Bears never hungry?…Because they are always stuffed!
67. ALL SET

1. What do you call it when a cat sues another cat? … A Claw suit. (Animal Jokes)
2. Why do fish swim in salt water?… Pepper makes them sneeze. (Animal Jokes)
3. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?… Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bay gulls (bagels)! (Top Geography Jokes)
4. Why did the boy stare at the automobile’s radio?… He wanted to watch a car-tune.
5. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?…They don’t have the guts.
6. Did you hear about the kidnapping?… Probably not, he is still sleeping.
7. What does an envelope say when you lick it?… Nothing. It just shuts up.
8. What is a cat’s favorite dessert?….Pie a la meow’d!!!
9. Why is music like a fish?…. they both have scales!
10. How do hens stay fit?….The “egg-ercise”
11. What kind of cat likes water?….an octopuss!
12. What did the bunny say on January 1st?….Hoppy new year! (New Year’s Day Jokes)
13. What do a chicken and a band have in common?….They both have drum sticks!
14. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?…. It let out a little wine!
15. Where did the spaghetti go to dance?… The Meat Ball!
16. What does a pig put on a cut?… Oinkment
17. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?…. a walkie-talkie
18. What happens when you wear a snowsuit inside?…… It melts! (Top Winter Jokes)
19. Why is a lost Dalmatian easily found?…. Because he is always spotted! (Animal Jokes)
20. What goes tick-tock, woof-woof?…. A watchdog! (Animal Jokes)
21. Why was the annoying exterminator fired?… Because he bugged his boss. (Animal Jokes)
22. How did the soldier fit his tank in his house?… It was a fish tank! (Animal Jokes)
23. What has  wheels and flies?… a garbage truck!
24. Why did the cookie cry?… He was feeling crumby.
25. Why did the computer go to the doctors?… It had a virus.
26. Why do birds fly south in the winter?… Because it’s too far to walk! (Animal Jokes)
27. What kind of pants do ghosts wear?… Boo jeans! (Top Halloween Jokes)
28. What do prisoners use to call each other?… Cell phones.
29. What do you get from a pampered cow?… Spoiled milk.
30. What dog keeps the best time?… A watchdog.
31. What did the dentist give to the marching band?… A TUBA toothpaste (Top Dentist Jokes)

1. Knock knockout?…  Who is there?… Daisy…Daisy who?…Daisy plays, nights he sleeps!
2. What did the older chimney say to the younger chimney?… You’re too little to smoke!
3. Why won’t the elephant use the computer?…. He’s afraid of the mouse!
4. Teacher: I’ve had to send you to the principal every day this week. What do you have to say for yourself? Student: I’m glad it’s Friday!
5. What makes a Cyclops such an effective teacher?… He has only one pupil.
6. Why was school easier for cave people? …  Because there was no history to study!
7. Why do magicians do so well in school?… They’re good at trick questions.
8. Best school book never written: “The Best Subject in School” by Jim Class.
9. Why was the teacher wearing sunglasses to school?… She had bright students!
10. Best back to school book never written: “When Does School Start?” by Wendy Belrings.
11. What kind of school do you go to if you’re a giant?… High school
12. What’s the king of all school supplies?… The ruler.
13. Teacher: Where are the Great Plains located?… Student: At the great airports!
14. What kind of school do you go to if you’re King Arthur?… Knight school.
15. Knock, knock… Who’s there?… Gladys…. Gladys, who?… Gladys the weekend—no homework!
16. Son: Mom, I got a hundred in school today! Mom: That’s great. What in? Son: A 40 in Reading and a 60 in Spelling.
17. What did the dentist give to the high school marching band?… A TUBA toothpaste.
18. When is a door like a bottle?….When the door is ajar.
19. What is the best thing to put into a pie?… A fork!
20. What three candies can you find in every school?… Nerds, DumDums, and smarties.
21. Teachers who take class attendance are absent-minded.
22. Teacher: If I had ten apples in my right hand and nine in my left, what would I have?… Student: Huge hands! (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
23. Teacher: I wish you’d pay a little attention! David: I’m paying as little as I can, teacher.
24. Mom: What did you do at school today? Son: We did a guessing game. Mom: But I thought you were having a math exam. Son: That’s right!
    
    
25. A son came home from his first day of school and his mother asks, “What did you learn today?”  “Not enough,” he replies. “They said I have to go back tomorrow.”
26. What is a chalkboard’s favorite drink?… hot chalk-olate!
27. What do you call a music teacher with problems?… a trebled man.
28. Teacher: What’s the chemical formula for water? Student: H I J K L M N O. Teacher: What are you talking about? Student: Didn’t you say it’s H to O (Top Chemistry Jokes)
29. Why was the book in the hospital?… Because it hurt his spine.
30. Why did the man throw a clock out the window?… He wanted time to fly.
31. Have you heard of the singing group the three dwarves?… Probably not. They are not that big.
32. What happened to the plant in math class?… It grew square roots. (Top Jokes for Math Teachers)
33. What do you call a Stegosaurus with carrots in its ears?… anything you want, it can’t hear you!
34. How do you get a peanut to laugh?…. you crack it up!
35. Why did the farmer bury all his money?…. to make his soil rich!
36. What gets white as it gets dirty?… Chalkboard.
37. Name a bus you can never enter?… A syllabus.
38. Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia?… Because it’s basic material.
39. Teacher: Why are the Middle Ages sometimes called the Dark Ages? Student: Because there were so many knights.
40. What do a chicken and a high school band have in common?….They both have drum sticks!
41. Teacher: You missed school yesterday, didn’t you? Student: Not very much
42. Teacher: I hope I didn’t see you looking at Maria’s exam. Student: I sure hope you didn’t, either!
43. Son: My teacher says I have to write more clearly. Mom: That’s a good idea. Son: No, it’s not. Then she’ll know I can’t spell.
44. Teacher: Why did you eat your homework? Student: Because I don’t have a dog
45. Knock Knock. Who’s there?…Dishes….Dishes who?…Dishes the police, come out with your hands up!!
46. Knock knock…who’s there?…little boy…little boy who?…little boy who can’t reach the doorbell!
47. If you had 13 apples, 12 grapes, 3 pineapples and 3 strawberries, what would you have?… A delicious fruit salad.
48. A man from Los Angeles drove toward New York at 250 miles per hour and a man from New York drove toward Los Angeles at 150 m.p.h. Where did they meet?… In jail
49. Teacher: Can anyone give me a sentence with a direct object? Student: You are pretty. Teacher: What’s the direct object? Student: A good report card.
50. Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning. Class: Hooray! Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon.
51. Why did the boy throw the butter out the window?… to see a butterfly!

PG-13

1. How did the school custodian die?… He kicked the bucket.
2. Why did the cross-eyed teacher lose her job?… Because she couldn’t control her pupils?
3. What do you call a cow with no legs?… Ground beef.
4. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?… He’s all right now.
5. Why was the trashcan sad?… He / she was dumped.
6. What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?…Dam! (Top Geography Jokes)
7. Why does the pirate wear camouflage underwear?… To hide his booty! Why does the pirate wear camouflage underwear?… To hide his booty! (Top Pirate Jokes)
8. What did one cannibal say to other after eating a clown?… Hey! Does this taste FUNNY to you?
9. What did one lamp say to the other lamp?… Hey! You turn me on!
10. What did the man say when he walked into the bar?… Ouch!
11. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?… They’re trying to get away from the noise.
12. What does a skeleton order when he goes to a bar?… A beer and a mop.